Interesting read: People who stick to the wrong horse for too long !

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horse.love92

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Yes , you see it all the time .
Someone goes and buys a horse that once they bring it home they realise that the horse doesn't suit them , they stick to it though and carry on riding it . Falling off, loosing their confidence and becoming more and more nervous until they start making excuses . Excuses for the horses behaviour and excuses not to ride !

Deep down they know the horse isn't right for them but they keep at it for far too long until one day something clicks and makes them wake up .... Here is my story ....

I have owned youngsters and other horses for 15 years. Three years ago now my Warmblood was diagnosed with navicular , a collapsed heel and arthritis , I decided to give him away as a companion and sell my lovely first pony ( who was worth quite a bit ) of 14 years together so I could buy myself a new horse.

So .... Weeks later I found him , a 15hh welsh D , he was placid , 5 years old and described as safe in every way . I bought him home , and as soon as I saw my friends they said "oh no not a welsh !" I thought nothing of it .
Anyway took him for his first hack , he was pretty good , did what I asked ( we were in company ) . But as months went by he was not such a happy hacker , he was nervous on his own , absolutely terrified of cows and I mean terrified ! He was not my dream pony as I imagined . He would behave as though he was a stallion towards other horses and pull me around with all his strength .
By the time he turned 7 it really was getting too much for me , he jumped a barbed wire fence to get away from cows up the road from us , he spooked randomly at anything and everything , he would try to attack the other horses on the yard . The final straw came when he tried to attack other horses at another yard , I couldn't bond with this horse !
I started making excuses not to ride him , if I ever rode him I would be nervous as to what he would do next , it was not enjoyable at all.

You may be thinking now it was my riding that made him this way . Well no it wasn't , when I had him from the start I was one of the most confident riders out . I would ride anything without a care in the world ! But as he got worse yes he took my confidence , he would rear , buck and refuse to go forward then bolt !

Finally , I decided . Enough was enough he was to be sold as a competition horse . I worked on him a lot with his jumping and flat work . Fantastic jumper never stopped at anything !
A little boy bought him who went on to win many comps .

Yes , I bought a new youngster ! I was determined I would not let my previous horse put me off having a young horse again .

As soon as I saw Joey I knew there was something different about him , as soon as I sat on him I knew I could trust him , he instantly gave me confidence. He came home with me the next day.
So I have had Joey for 6 months now , he is my world ! I can do anything on him , he loves cows , we ride alongside the train every weekend , we go on 20 mile rides alone together and I use him to nanny the less confident horses . He is an absolute dream in every way and better still he has given me back every bit of confidence my previous horse took !
I'm so glad I made the decision to sell my previous horse , the best decision I ever made.

I'm sorry this story is long but I feel it's a great read for anyone who is sticking with their horse who they just can't bond with .

Don't be ashamed, it doesn't make you a failure in anyway .

Joey and I , hehe :D

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I could have written the bit about the welshe. I too bought a five year old sect D who had done a bit of everything, got him home and he too was a nervous wreck when out hacking. he likes cows though.:) Over five years on and I still have him, just can't bring myself to part with him as I wouldn't want him just to be sold on and on due to his sometimes strange behaviour. I will keep him until the day he dies as I just feel that since I bought him he is my responsibility and I have to look after him. Mad I know, my OH nags me constantly to either get on him or get rid of him but I know I never will. :(
 
I have read it and it is very true. I have wound up with an accidental baby bought through impulse and lack of knowledge she was sold to me a lot older than what she is. Massive mistake in many people's eyes and with her problems and how much she has cost many people have said I should sell her and find something else. However I love her and adore her and do everything I can to learn from her and more experienced people. She is a super star and yesterday we went for our first hack in 2 months after she had been off because of problems with her hooves and she didn't bat an eyelid :) however I wouldn't recommend the road I have taken everything I do with her will shape her future and that is a scary responsibility and if it ever becomes to much or outside of my finances and support she will be found a more experienced home. For now though we are doing well and enjoying each other despite the emotional roller coaster we have been on and hopefully one day we will get to event together :)
 
It's great to know there's people out there with similar experiences . I found I just couldn't enjoy myself with my previous horse , always worrying what he was going to do next . Now finally I can relax a lot more :)
 
There's a horse and a lady I know who shouldn't really be together. She keeps him as she loves him but he's a mans horse and I mean a real mans horse! He's a brute! She doesn't ride him and pays professional men to ride him and he's loved to within an inch of his life but if he was mine I'd sell him.
 
I got to ride a very well trained reining horse a couple of weeks ago, and it was a real wake up call for me. I have had so many projects, nearly rights, etc, that I don't always want to ride, to get on a horse that I trusted, and to be loping on it after just being on board for a few minutes, it really made me think what I want to do now.

I have some horses who are nearly right, maybe I'll spend on some training time for my spooky mare, and she will be the horse I want, or do I just look for the horse that I should have now.

It's funny how it can take a real event to make you realize what people have been saying for ages, the right horse makes everything fun again:D
 
Currently "sticking with" a 148cm pony I'm not bonding amazingly, because if I sell her 3 months down the line, instead of now, I'd get thousands more for her.... but I suppose thats a different kettle of fish.... ;)

With her a few months back she was the same sort of thing as your old welsh - came about 30cm from having my neck broken when she galloped off with me through a washbay >.< We're getting better and now out competing 90cms but we dont bond because she is not friendly in any way, though sometimes now she sticks her head out the door, and is quiter in the stable. Though It's not her fault -she was a competition pony who suffered an injury (now been fixed by a seriously good physiotherapist!) and so she was never used as a pet.

Never saw why people kept onto horses that they were teaching bad habits to! My second pony was a b*tch for dangerously napping, leaping over fences and throwing me -but I never made her go backwards. Why in the world do people let their horses go backwards, beats me!
 
You are definitely NOT alone. At the end of the day..for me this is not my career and so it is supposed to be FUN. I am still picking up the pieces of my confidence that are scattered across Hampshire following an incorrect purchase 3 years ago. I didn't over sell my ability to the seller and was quite clear that i was an amateur though and through. Well meaning friends told me that i would get there with him but I knew deep down he wasn't suitable and that he was really a pros horse. After 6 mths of persevering I sent him to a pro who said he was one of the trickiest horses he had ever sat on so I know it wasn't really me but the damage was done and my confidence still hasn't recovered fully. Trust your heart...
 
You could be telling my story, horse.love92, except my Welsh D was a TB who never put a foot wrong - it was all in my head - because he WAS a TB, I expected him to spook (he never did :o) but he was tall and I couldn't relax and gradually my confidence eroded.

I, too, found a Joey last August who has been my salvation. He's never put a foot wrong, he's my "one" (even though I have others who I love dearly) and my confidence has re-built. I'm having such a fun time with him.

My Joey...

 
If I had a pound for every time I heard "you should sell that horse, he'll never come right for you" I'd be able to buy a huge equestrian property with all mod cons ;).

I, too, have had my confidence well and truly shaken/destroyed by buying the "wrong" horse . . . and like all of you had "the talk" with myself - would I keep him and persevere or sell him and buy something else. No, I didn't over-sell my abilities - yes, we were misled. Kali is most definitely NOT a novice ride - he is sharp, insecure and quirky with a wicked spin. However, I've been extremely fortunate to have met the right people at the right time and had the unending support of my friends and family.

After two years of stops and starts - either due to his infirmities or mine (inflicted by him ;)) - the planets aligned and Z took him on initially as something to ride out with her sister on after her event horse was sadly PTS. Z fell in love with him - she loves a challenge and her specialty is turning around "naughty" horses - and a year on (and with the added input of our lovely new trainer), Kali is different horse. So much so, that I am looking at dressage competitions for ME to do on him :eek::eek::eek:

It's easy with hindsight to say that I was right to persevere . . . but I'm pretty sure if you took a snapshot view at any point in the first two years I owned him, you'd have said I was sticking with the wrong horse for the wrong reasons and for far, far too long.

P

P.S. I am by no means saying that all of you were somehow wrong for not persevering - that's not the point of my post at all . . . just a little anecdote to offer a different outcome
 
PolarSkye said:
If I had a pound for every time I heard "you should sell that horse, he'll never come right for you" I'd be able to buy a huge equestrian property with all mod cons ;).
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Same here! I was told at pretty much every pony club rally I attended that my boy wasn't the horse for me, and in truth they were right. I was 14, he was 4 and I spent more time with my ass on the floor than in the saddle. I guess being young I had the advantage of bouncing well but even so looking back I was very lucky not to get hurt and he did wreck my confidence. I spent a week walking round on the lunge rein in tears because I was terrified of him. However I did get my confidence back and eventually I learnt to sit out the behaviour. 9 years on he's still with me, together we've been to college, various competition yards all over the country and he's my best mate. I could waffle on, instead i'll just give you a link to his page on my website http://www.theeventfuldiaries.com/unchartered-territory.html

Some horses/people just don't click and if you've also got bad behaviour thrown in with a horse you don't actually really like anyway then there's no point continuing. But with my lad, no matter how many times he decked/ran off/refused with me, he was still MY horse and I loved him. I know I wouldn't be the rider I am today without having gone through all the problems we have.
 
I agree with the OP re knowing when the horse just isnt right, but what when people tell you the horse isnt right for you but your gut instinct says to stick with it

Plenty of times i have been told that my 17.2 is a man's horse and that my legs are not strong enough to get him going etc but i disagree'd and knew i would be able to get him going at some point. Just a matter of time until the horse had grown up and that he accepted my leg

During the years when he was 4-5 yrs old i was literally bucked off once every couple of weeks! But kept persevering as i loved his personality under saddle and in the stable!
 
I'm in that situation. Thanks for sharing.
But I don't know if he's just "quirky" or has a physical reason for doing what he does. I hope it's the latter and intend to find out. He's fab on the ground.
(p.s. mine's a welsh d x tb - why did i buy that??? lol)
 
I'm in the middle of trying to decide which way to go.

Mine is only 3 so once he was backed and I was struggling I got a pro in to ride him through it, so at least he wasn't getting into any bad habits while I decide.
His age is in my favour, I've turned him away and am going to be doing some more riding elsewhere to help me make up my mind definitively.
He is a darling to handle and be around so I'm hoping will mature up. If we didn't get on it would be a much easier decision!
 
There's a girl at my yard (got my horse 3 weeks ago today, so haven't been there long) who is scared to ride her horse. She won't canter in open spaces on him, and if you go on a group canter, she insists she has to be near the front or he'll apparently buck.

General consensus is she needs to sell him and get something she's not scared of.
 
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hnmisty said:
There's a girl at my yard (got my horse 3 weeks ago today, so haven't been there long) who is scared to ride her horse. She won't canter in open spaces on him, and if you go on a group canter, she insists she has to be near the front or he'll apparently buck.

General consensus is she needs to sell him and get something she's not scared of.
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Glad I'm not on your yard . . . perhaps you can be the one to gently suggest to those who are generally passing judgment that either she needs some kind people to hack out with so she and horse can gain confidence together or they should all mind their own beeswax.

P
 
PolarSkye said:
Glad I'm not on your yard . . . perhaps you can be the one to gently suggest to those who are generally passing judgment that either she needs some kind people to hack out with so she and horse can gain confidence together or they should all mind their own beeswax.

P
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I agree.

I have no idea what to do, I am at this point too. Some people saying sell, others saying don't. Interesting to hear other people's stories though.
 
Jesstickle said:
I agree.

I have no idea what to do, I am at this point too. Some people saying sell, others saying don't. Interesting to hear other people's stories though.
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Don't listen to the naysayers . . . listen to your gut, surround yourself with positive, proactive and helpful/non-judgmental people, and figure out what's right for you.

Honestly, it was pretty easy for me . . . yes, I had tons of people telling me to sell him . . . but he has such a lovely personality, and I'm not a professional rider, so it was easy for me to say that I would be keeping him as a pet if all else failed. Also, he's generally a lovely person on the ground. Had he been a complete and utter sod on the ground AND difficult to ride, it would have been a different story - I would definitely have sold him to someone more proficient . . . but now that he's older, I feel that would be unfair (not that he's going anywhere) and I'd have to seriously consider PTS.

Kal has issues . . . navicular, sidebone, arthritic changes . . . he is currently sound (without bute) and happy, but we manage him very carefully - no roadwork EVER, no work on hard ground EVER, remedial farriery, supplements for his joints, etc., and I would have to think long and hard about whether it would be right to pass him on to someone else who might not take those things into consideration . . . not to mention the fact that he isn't just anybody's ride . . .

P
 
I've got to say, they are all lovely people. The reason why patience is running thin with her (not including the fact she has lied about owing someone at the yard a lot of money) is that people will plan a hack involving a canter through a field. She will then sulk until they change the agenda for her.

This happened on Sunday, and it wasn't the only hack going out, two other people were going out for a slower paced hack later on, and would have been perfectly happy for her to go with them.

She is also too scared to ride him in the school, as he has bronced her off in there before, but she will happily ask someone else to get on him. One of the ladies did when she was having a saddle fitted, and was also promptly ditched on the floor.

I have had massive confidence losses before, to the point when it took all I had to canter my pony in a circle. I wouldn't have made people change their plans to fit in with me. Had there been a hack going out involving a canter, I would have said ta for the offer but I'll go out later.
 
You definitely did the right thing, glad it's worked out for you :)
I had a similar experience, my two home-bred oldies which I had broken in myself, brought on to hunt & bsja are both semi-retired so I reluctantly had to look for another one...a friend offered me a 16hh 5yo wb (not the 15.2hh connie x I had in mind, like my own two) She was fine most of the time but would flip for no apparent reason, setting off leaping & mega-broncing, she began to scare me. ( I had everything checked, saddle, teeth, back, had vet out etc etc) also have to hack out alone through a fairly busy village & she just was never going to be 100% in traffic. She had lost a foal as a youngster & used to go beserk at the sight of small coloured ponies that resembled it, i'm sure that was part of her problem. I spent a fair bit of time in tears. After pesevering for 8 months enough was enough, I just couldnt do it anymore, I just couldn't be the person to sort her out. I sold her to a sj yard as she could definitely jump!!

Luckily for me I was offered another horse by another friend! She is a 15.2hh connie x, exactly what I wanted in the first place, from day one I clicked with her, she is an absolute dream, fiesty but lovely & the nicest character. She had been a happy hack but we have hunted & now doing bsja with success love her!!

By coincidence I caught up with the other mare, she had been through a couple of hands & her new owners were going to sell her too as they were having similar problems but she seriously injured herself in the field resulting in 6 months box rest. She came out the other end as a different horse and they are now enjoying her! A happy ending for all!! :)
 
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I did the same thing with my ex racer. The partnership just got dangerous (spooking, leaping, throwing himself on the ground - lastly around young children nearly knocking them over) and it was my partner in the end who said enough is enough.

I am really thankful I have my OH who made me see what a terrible situation it was in. He encouraged me to make the right decision and also supported me no end. And in the end, bought me my wonder connemara who from day dot (even though he bolted and fly-bucked at the start as a 5yo) I have never felt as terrified as I did on the TB.

After a year of having him, we now compete on a weekly basis mainly eventing and showing and in winter we hunt every week.

Best thing I ever did. Don't let anyone tell you your a failure and should have done such and such or one-last-chance. Sod 'em. Horses are for enjoying and if your not doing that on a regular basis - get rid.
 
Jesstickle said:
I agree.

I have no idea what to do, I am at this point too. Some people saying sell, others saying don't. Interesting to hear other people's stories though.
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:(

Could you afford to send her away for a season as a short-term loan almost, but with livery paid or something, to someone who'd be willing to get her out and about and a bit more grown up for you to enjoy next season? You look happy together, it seems like you just need her a year older and wiser to suit your needs?

As for square pegs and round holes, it can be difficult. Reg is certainly not one you'd recommend as a good first horse for a 15yo who's only ridden ponies. He's over 17hh, and was green as grass and virtually untouched when Al got him- he'd raced, and that was it.

The past 3.5 years have been hard and lots of tears have been shed over the seemingly endless tunnel where the only light was that of the oncoming train. But they have got through it, and now are a happy, confident pair and are eventing at BE100 level happily. Hopefully, they'll move up a level this season. And people who previously said to get shot in fairly uncertain terms are eating their words quite openly, which is nice!
 
When I bought my mare, so many people laughed and bitched about me and the fact that I was overworked. One in particular subjected me to alot of cyber bullying which I had to go to the police about I kid you not. I will be the first to hold my hands up and say the first six mths were not easy ad I could have chucked the towel in but I chose not today. The past 6 mths have been amazing, I'm a million times the rider I was, my mare and myself are a fab team and she trusts me equally as much as I trust her. We have had a heck of a journey and owning a horse is a marathon not a sprint I'm glad I didn't give up when things were tough as we have come out the other side.
 
Lolo said:
:(

Could you afford to send her away for a season as a short-term loan almost, but with livery paid or something, to someone who'd be willing to get her out and about and a bit more grown up for you to enjoy next season? You look happy together, it seems like you just need her a year older and wiser to suit your needs?
!
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This is what I am leaning towards at the moment. I think I am broken in a wider sense than just my horse (without wanting to share too much I am worrying about lots of silly things at the mo, not just the pony!) I think I might just have to dig deep and send her to someone to produce for a good while for me. I am hopelessly fond of her. I can't imagine replacing her. I think if I sold her that would probably be it for me and horse ownership. Which is appealing in its own way mind you :p

Meh. Or words to that affect :p
 
:( Sorry to hear that.

I can recommend a very good Norfolk-based pro who worked wonders with Bee, and can get her contact details if you'd like/ ask my mum for details on how much she charged. She was honestly so good, and managed to sort the bucking and spinning response to any form of rider input without any force or fuss- she just sussed out why it happened and worked out how to divert the problem into a positive. She also teaches very well.

Horses can be such help when you're down, but they are drains too. Can't live with them, can't live without them!
 
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