Interesting read: People who stick to the wrong horse for too long !

[showpony]

Jesstickle, my instructor schools my mare once a wk and it's worked wonders!

 

[Dukey]

Lovely story, with happy endings all round!

One of mine is a 6yo Welsh Dx Tb and he's lovely! Just sending some welshie love out there I would admit if I was to ever sell him I would take loads of time making sure it was the right type of rider. He's not a confidence giver and can get nervy but is honest, kind and looks after you. He wouldn't be a horse for a novice as he would take the pee whenever he could then saying that on a good day my 2yo daughter can groom and ride him. He loves to be mentally challenged and needs working 6 days a week. I've had him 2years and at first we had a lot of downs but now we're really having fun together so in some cases welshies or at least half welshies come good. Also if you believe you can work through it then do, if it's just brick wall after brick wall then is the time to quit.

 

[ridefast]

Funnily enough it was my first pony people said to get rid of, he was a boys pony, can't have a novice on a novice etc. But 13 years on I've still got him, we just clicked and although I'm a bit tall for him he'll never go anywhere, he's teaching the next generation of the family to ride
However my 2nd pony who appeared o be less difficult and more placid I just never clicked with. He wasn't good at hacking alone or with traffic, although he wasn't awful and improved with work, he would just go backwards if given a break and I didn't enjoy riding him. After 4 years I'd had enough and rarely rode at all. He got sold to a lovely girl who was the perfect match for him.

 

[Stroppy Mare]

I'll admit that the story has happened to me 3 times. Only on the 3rd time, despite having a rocky road, we actually clicked somewhere down the line, I've had her 7 years now and I wouldn't swap her for the world. She scares me senseless at times, when I'm approaching a jump thinking 'is she or isn't she'. But, under all that she's a very loyal and trustworthy horse, and I feel safe on her. I was told numerous times 'you should sell her, she's not right for you' - well, stuff those people, I'm currently doing more competitive riding now than I've ever done thanks to my 'dangerous' mare. She was very green and what she had been taught was incorrect, I rewrote what she'd been taught from scratch, and now, other than her iffy jumping, she's brilliant.

My previous two horses, neither did I over estimate my abilities, but both were sold as novice rides. In hindsight, my first horse should never have been my first - a tbx! My second we thought was a more sensible buy - a smaller Irish cob. Again, huge mistake as he appeared to be sired by the devil himself. He's currently been in his current home for 6(?) years now and again, he's not made it easy for her but his owner has a better support network than what I had at the time.

I do not regret selling either of the boys, but I would very much regret selling my current mare. Hence the statement 'with us for life' is played about often. Ridden or not, she'll always have a home with us.

 

[BeckyD]

This is interesting as I've spent the last 12 months facing the fact that although I love my horse dearly and he has a home for life with me, personality-wise him and I are not the best match. I've spent all my riding years riding tricky, over-sensitive horses and have always got on fine with them. I'm calm, laid-back and not worried by a horse throwing itself about a bit, as long as they aren't actually dangerous, as they tend to stop doing it pretty soon and it just becomes a non-issue.

After my last horse who was a TB, great to ride but a bit of a devil on the ground at times, and always broken and finally had to be PTS after much heartbreak and vets fees, I decided to go for something chunkier and hopefully less likely to self-harm. I have indeed found that horse and he is so handsome and such a poppet on the ground that a child could handle him. BUT, he is also very laid-back, which combined with my own laid-back style, means we get nowhere fast! I have had to change my riding personality and whilst some people might find that really easy, I've found it pretty hard. I have to be the one to motivate and and galvanise him. It goes against my very instincts.

BUT, he is capable and talented enough for what I want to do, and such a lovely person to be around. He's the sort of horse that you could get on if you'd had a confidence knock and he'll just bumble around happily. He's even a sensible hack now (he was spooky when younger). I love him to bits but riding him isn't like putting on a comfy old pair of boots; it's like wearing a fancy pair of heels that on the one hard are lovely, but on the other hand it takes some effort to walk properly in. I miss my old TB, as when I sat in the saddle I felt like I was home at last.

 

[ridefast]

This is interesting as I've spent the last 12 months facing the fact that although I love my horse dearly and he has a home for life with me, personality-wise him and I are not the best match. I've spent all my riding years riding tricky, over-sensitive horses and have always got on fine with them. I'm calm, laid-back and not worried by a horse throwing itself about a bit, as long as they aren't actually dangerous, as they tend to stop doing it pretty soon and it just becomes a non-issue.

After my last horse who was a TB, great to ride but a bit of a devil on the ground at times, and always broken and finally had to be PTS after much heartbreak and vets fees, I decided to go for something chunkier and hopefully less likely to self-harm. I have indeed found that horse and he is so handsome and such a poppet on the ground that a child could handle him. BUT, he is also very laid-back, which combined with my own laid-back style, means we get nowhere fast! I have had to change my riding personality and whilst some people might find that really easy, I've found it pretty hard. I have to be the one to motivate and and galvanise him. It goes against my very instincts.

BUT, he is capable and talented enough for what I want to do, and such a lovely person to be around. He's the sort of horse that you could get on if you'd had a confidence knock and he'll just bumble around happily. He's even a sensible hack now (he was spooky when younger). I love him to bits but riding him isn't like putting on a comfy old pair of boots; it's like wearing a fancy pair of heels that on the one hard are lovely, but on the other hand it takes some effort to walk properly in. I miss my old TB, as when I sat in the saddle I felt like I was home at last.

When I got my mare I was the same, I'd always been used to riding fizzy ponies and I was good at sitting quietly and staying calm. However she has really made me re-think everything, I realised she would do what I asked out of goodwill but she never saw the point of it, so it never felt like a real partnership. I had to go overboard with praise and treats for the tiniest effort (whilst making sure I didn't accidentally teach her to mug) But 4 years later while she is still laid back we now have a partnership and I feel like she's seeing the fun in things

 

[horse.love92]

Interesting to see how many people have stuck with their horses . I tried to sell mine first time round but couldn't do it then in the end I realised I had to face he wasn't the horse for me

 

[daisycrazy]

These stories don't always have happy endings. A friend of mine bought a horse which was too much for her and ended up being killed in an accident when she lost control of it. There are many other horses out there and I would urge anyone genuinely frightened by their horse and/or out of control of it to think carefully about the risks.

 

[TarrSteps]

Daisyvrazy makes a very good point. People whose stories have ended in disaster aren't likely to chat about it on an internet forum.

It's all very well to say 'See what happens!' or 'Stick with it!' but we all know horses can be dangerous, even fatal, and soldiering on in a situation that really isn't working can have dire consequences for either/both parties involved.

Obviously it's a personal choice and riding will always involve risk, but I'm amazed when I meet people who put pride, not wanting to 'give up' above common sense. I also don't agree such a stance is without cost to the horse - horses don't enjoy drama and conflict, not to mention the physical risks/wear and tear of being made to fit expectations.

 

[Lolo]

Daisyvrazy makes a very good point. People whose stories have ended in disaster aren't likely to chat about it on an internet forum.

It's all very well to say 'See what happens!' or 'Stick with it!' but we all know horses can be dangerous, even fatal, and soldiering on in a situation that really isn't working can have dire consequences for either/both parties involved.

Obviously it's a personal choice and riding will always involve risk, but I'm amazed when I meet people who put pride, not wanting to 'give up' above common sense. I also don't agree such a stance is without cost to the horse - horses don't enjoy drama and conflict, not to mention the physical risks/wear and tear of being made to fit expectations.

This is a good point: Reg was never dangerous. Difficult, and probably an ill-advised choice for a small teenager, but never dangerous! Horses we have had who we have considered dangerous (and there's only really been 1, maybe 2) weren't around for long.

When Bee went a bit mental, she went to a pro to be worked with. It was getting dangerous for Al to try and deal with her as she simply didn't have the experience and therefore skill to help her. Bee came back 2 weeks later a changed horse.

When Al was 13, she had a 15hh TB/Welsh mare on loan. Mare started bronking a lot, and then started pouncing on Al when she finally fell off. And then started rearing- not a pain response (full vet/ teeth/ back checks done) but a "I don't want to and you can't make me" thing. She went back very quickly. Nearly 6 years later (!) she's come back into work with another older teenager and is much calmer.

 

[alainax]

This is a good point:

Gz on your 7777 post

 

[Cortez]

There are plenty of horses out there: I see no reason to "soldier on" with the wrong horse. It's supposed to be fun; a pleasure; relaxing; non-life threatening. Please, don't waste your time or the horse's: get the right horse.

 

[Jesstickle]

Having just got off my friends horse with a big grin on my face I think my mind is made up. I am wigging out myself and the poor horse (mine) for no reason other than sentimentality. It probably will end in tears. I wouldnt trot round on mine this morning and have just been cantering with one hand on the reins on hers even though I have only ridden him twice before. That isn't a good sign for carrying on with my own is it?

 

[TarrSteps]

No, it isn't.

 

[~ Clear Light ~]

I have had my super safe WB for 5 years who is working at advanced level. I always wonder if I should swap him for a nutty younger WB bought by someone who overhorsed themselves. I love the hot ones so wonder if my boy is better teaching someone else the ropes as he's so reliable.

 

[Firewell]

My OH said something interesting to me when I had the wrong horse (only had him 8 weeks but knew it wasn't right! ). I was upset as never sold a horse before and he wasn't a bad horse but he was not what I thought he was when I bought him.
OH said that I could not be responsible for the fate of every horse that came into my possession.
Something clicked inside. There are horses that I AM responsible for forever and current horse is one of those. However he's been 'mine' since our first day together and when I say mine I mean we belong.
My late mare was tricky but I was fated to keep her as well. There were tears with her as she wasn't easy on the ground BUT she always kept me safe once I was on board. I never fell off her,I had so much fun with her and I trusted her. She also taught me a lot so even though it felt like I was putting a lot into her such as when she went months not loading or being a cow for the farrier or rearing in her stable. I also got a lot back with riding her and having so much fun, winning prizes, wizzing around out hacking, doing British Showjumping for the first time ect.
Having my horse at the moment who just makes every day a pleasure (I can count on one hand the amount of bad days in 3.5yrs). I just don't know why anyone would keep a horse if they don't make them happy. I don't know why someone would keep a horse where they are constantly investing time, energy, money and not getting what
they want back.
There are horses for everyone so why try and make a square peg fit a round hole when the horse and owner would be happier with different partners.

 

[DabDab]

That's a nice sentiment Clear Light - and you never know, in another 5 years you could have molded a nutty youngster into another reliable schoolmaster

 

[Jesstickle]

No, it isn't.

No,thought not. Well, good to hear it from as many people as possible I suppose.

Shame, I think the world of her and she's a cracking mare and I've never liked a horse more as a 'person'

 

[Flame_]

These stories don't always have happy endings. A friend of mine bought a horse which was too much for her and ended up being killed in an accident when she lost control of it. There are many other horses out there and I would urge anyone genuinely frightened by their horse and/or out of control of it to think carefully about the risks.

Quoted for emphasis.

However if you aren't a complete numpty and you've got a horse that you think is a serious risk to your safety, you have to bear in mind that the horse might be a serious risk to many other people's safety if you sell it on. I just thought it a point worth making.

ETA Sorry to hear you're having trouble Jesstickle.

 

[Jesstickle]

Quoted for emphasis.

However if you aren't a complete numpty and you've got a horse that you think is a serious risk to your safety, you have to bear in mind that the horse might be a serious risk to many other people's safety if you sell it on. I just thought it a point worth making.

ETA Sorry to hear you're having trouble Jesstickle.

I'm not really. Or at least, the pony is fine. It's all in my head!

 

[Anglebracket]

However if you aren't a complete numpty and you've got a horse that you think is a serious risk to your safety, you have to bear in mind that the horse might be a serious risk to many other people's safety if you sell it on. I just thought it a point worth making.

I wonder if this is why so many people soldier on? They don't want to / are unable to sell a difficult horse, retiring it as a field ornament is expensive and putting to sleep a physically healthy horse is a very tough call to make.

 

[TarrSteps]

I have sat on a LOT of horses. Some just 'fit' for no real reason and if I had to spend everyday with one, it would be one of those. I think it's a bit like a marriage - there are many people in the world you can appreciate, admire, be attracted to, love having dinner with, even date. But only a few are going to be a good prospect for a long term relationship. It's not a failing in either party, it's just one of those things.

 

[TarrSteps]

Re a horse being a danger to others, that is definitely an issue in some situations and requires careful thought. I'm afraid there are some people though, who do not want to admit that a horse they struggle with might be just fine in another situation with another owner. This is a very tough conversation to have.

 

[1life]

I have sat on a LOT of horses. Some just 'fit' for no real reason and if I had to spend everyday with one, it would be one of those. I think it's a bit like a marriage - there are many people in the world you can appreciate, admire, be attracted to, love having dinner with, even date. But only a few are going to be a good prospect for a long term relationship.

Haha, well put . There are also many marriages in which some people 'soldier on', put up with it, worry about changing in case things aren't better afterwards.

I guess at the end of it, it just comes down to what sort of person you are. However, if it is dangerous, don't look back.

 

[1life]

P.S lovely photo OP Looks like a very happy partnership

 

[spookypony]

We shall see if Madam Chairmare is right for me, once I actually manage to get on her again! Saddle fitter has been now; just need to get a bridle sorted.

But nobody would have chosen the Spooky Pony for me. He's made me a nervous rider in some situations, even on other horses: though learning to deal with that is, perhaps, something I needed to go through at some point, anyway. However, I've stuck with him. His core problem appears to be a deep-seated mistrust of people specifically, and the universe generally. Other than that, he is sweet-natured and gentle, and a pleasure to handle. But having Madam Chairmare in the field has shown me how I have altered my behaviour and expectations to accomodate this pony: it is still strange to suddenly have a horse in the field that comes over to investigate as soon as I come near the fence, and that will practically stick her head in the head-collar to be caught! Still, I do want to be able to sit on a horse in the school without expecting that it will spin and try to tear off in a random direction; hopefully, this mare will provide. When I tried her, it certainly seemed like she was inclined to be a sensible sort!

 

[Lolo]

Gz on your 7777 post

I wanted to say thank you sooner but didn't fancy changing my amazing post count with a not-proper post Mildly odd, moi?!

Having just got off my friends horse with a big grin on my face I think my mind is made up. I am wigging out myself and the poor horse (mine) for no reason other than sentimentality. It probably will end in tears. I wouldnt trot round on mine this morning and have just been cantering with one hand on the reins on hers even though I have only ridden him twice before. That isn't a good sign for carrying on with my own is it?

Messaged you, but no. I know that feeling- lead me to getting my amazing horse, Cheeky. When I admitted it was too much (pony was amazing, Al found her perfect and easy, but pony left me in tears with every ride...) it felt like a weight lifted off me.

 

[Florrie]

This.
Rewind back 2 years ago, I was on holiday in Plymouth with my boyfriend. Then I got a phonecall from my mum saying she'd been given a horse by her friend that I used to ride (as she knew I needed a bigger horse moving up from ponies).
I'd rode this mare a few times, she was thrashy, arggressive, uneducated and dangerous. But I couldn't argue, I'd mastered the mare before and I thought re-schooling her would be no problem.
First ride, reared me off twice. Then I tried to take her out of the ménage to go for a hack and she bolted out of the gate and straight to the field, throwing and trampling me in the process.
We spent hundreds on getting this mare tested for everything under the sun. We just came to the conclusion she was bloshy and rude.
First hack, she reared upright vertical and fell over backwards, landing on me, and me slipping two disks in my back.
Confidence absolutely shattered and unable to ride for months I was stuck. I tried everything with this mare, the nice and nasty approach but every ride would end up with me wound up, frustrated and in tears.

Then one night, I was on H&H and someone posted an ad to Dragon Driving about an abandoned Welshie. But I had a meander about on DD an came across an advert for a beautiful 16.2, 11 year old ex-racehorse. I fell in love with the first photo of him and instantly phoned the woman and arranged a viewing despite the fact is was a 2 hour drive each way. He needed schooling from scratch but without meeting him, I had a good, positive feeling.
I asked for peoples opinion on here and they said I was insane for taking on another ex-racer if I couldn't handle the one I already had. But I went and viewed him anyway, and straight away I fell in love. I felt confident for the first time in years. I hacked him out down the road and he was good as gold, I had to have him. So without hesitation I put down a £600 deposit and put my mare on Horsemart the second I got home.

But a happy ending for both of us, my mare was sold to an experienced home and she's come on in leaps and bounds. And I have a perfect horse I wouldn't change for the world, I've had Tag almost a year now and I do not regret my decision one bit. The best decision I've ever made.

 

[madmav]

I have sat on a LOT of horses. Some just 'fit' for no real reason and if I had to spend everyday with one, it would be one of those. I think it's a bit like a marriage - there are many people in the world you can appreciate, admire, be attracted to, love having dinner with, even date. But only a few are going to be a good prospect for a long term relationship. It's not a failing in either party, it's just one of those things.

I'm quite good at judging the long-term horse relationships, but a bit rubbish at the people ones. Sad face. Or maybe that should be happy face. Horses are good. Men are pants, etc.

 

[rachyblue]

I have had my super safe WB for 5 years who is working at advanced level. I always wonder if I should swap him for a nutty younger WB bought by someone who overhorsed themselves. I love the hot ones so wonder if my boy is better teaching someone else the ropes as he's so reliable.

You may be my new best friend