Is asking to use a ménage rude or ok?

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poiuytrewq

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There are a few locally to me and at one point or another I’ve been told to feel free to use them.
I never did for one reason or another. My friend now rides my horse occasionally and she wants to, I’d like to now aswell but I can lorry so have more choice.
I’ve asked a few of the people who had offered before and they have just outrightly ignored my message. I could phone but usually correspond by what’s app/messenger etc and just expected a reply!

I’m always slightly stunned when people ask to use my little lorry, we don’t lend it out as it costs us a fair bit to maintain and run, it’s not the easiest to drive and does need a little care, it has air bag suspension, they are a nightmare if you don’t wait for it to inflate long enough etc.
if a friend had an emergency it’s different but in general, we stick to the rule.

Is it the same thing, are people thinking “get your own bloody school’’ 😂🤦‍♀️
If so I’m embarrassed to have asked!
Do you guys with a ménage allow anyone to use it?
 
I have 2 friends with their own menage. One would never let anyone else use it, unless she's on an economy drive & then asks people to share lessons with her 😉
The other encourages people to come & use hers.
So the answer to your question is not clear, sorry
 
We use next door's one, which is just up the lane. If they're already in there, we can see that, so always walk over and ask if we can use it alongside them.
Obviously, since we're allowed to use it on a "grace and favour" arrangement, we will only use it if it's OK with them.
If they want sole use with one of theirs, we just check how long they'll need if for and if it's OK to use it afterwards.
We pick up all poo and brush/rake any tracks we've caused.
Wine, chocolate and help with their horses is always given on a regular basis.
 
only let 2 x close friends use mine.

my access is tight in off the road, you have to reverse in off the lane, then walk down a narrow path through my garden to the arena, and I have stallions.

Basically I don't trust anyone else not to take out my gate posts, let horses wander off in to my garden, or upset my boys! I don't mind random people asking but its always a no.
 
Re the above: we've had this arrangement for years. They're mostly a showing yard, we're hacking/dressage/polework.
Neither are large yards. Both have five horses.
 
I have a very short list of people who I would let use mine , and to be honest if I offered it to someone and she rang asking for someone I did not know I would not be happy to let that happen .
I need to know the people that they sensible and it won’t be a night mare of moving vehicles locking up dogs and moving horses out of fields to keep people safe .
 
YO up the lane has an arena, by pre booked arrangements any of us off the track (there are currently 5 of us in 4 yards) are able to pop up to use it as its between a 2 and 6 minute walk depending on where we are along the track. A fiver donation for up to an hour is her request.
None of us use it regularly as in week in week out. She doesnt invite instructors etc, nor allow others to box over, the arena is for private use only. V useful for saddle fitting appts etc.
Her 3 liveries with 5 horses take precedence tho.
 
poiuytrewq said:
There are a few locally to me and at one point or another I’ve been told to feel free to use them.
I never did for one reason or another. My friend now rides my horse occasionally and she wants to, I’d like to now aswell but I can lorry so have more choice.
I’ve asked a few of the people who had offered before and they have just outrightly ignored my message. I could phone but usually correspond by what’s app/messenger etc and just expected a reply!

I’m always slightly stunned when people ask to use my little lorry, we don’t lend it out as it costs us a fair bit to maintain and run, it’s not the easiest to drive and does need a little care, it has air bag suspension, they are a nightmare if you don’t wait for it to inflate long enough etc.
if a friend had an emergency it’s different but in general, we stick to the rule.

Is it the same thing, are people thinking “get your own bloody school’’ 😂🤦‍♀️
If so I’m embarrassed to have asked!
Do you guys with a ménage allow anyone to use it?
Click to expand...

I think it might be asking for your friend that is the issue. I would ask for yourself, do that regularly for a period of time, then maybe ask about including the friend, initially when you are present only. And build from there.
 
I was allowed to use one up the lane from us as we didn’t have one and I used to stable there briefly while we worked on our stables. I was told liveries always came first and paid £5 a time.
 
Ok thanks! So I don’t feel embarrassed to have asked!
It sounds like it may be the friend riding that’s the problem. Actually I purposely didn’t ask the closest probably best one even though they rarely use it because I knew they wouldn’t like to say no but also that they are very cautious of new people so I didn’t want to make it awkward for them.
The few I have asked I didn’t *think would mind, maybe I got that bit wrong.
There isn’t really anywhere officially for hire, she needs to ride to it is the problem, she usually rides when I’m at work so I can’t take her in the lorry.

So plan b what if I put a FB post up asking if anyone locally has one that we could either pay for or I could help out a bit with horses in return maybe? Holiday cover 🤷‍♀️ I can provide plenty of references and generally once I say who I am MR P seems (strangely) well known in the area so that often gets me off to a good start.
Worth a try?
 
The owner of a school might be concerned that if e.g. your horse tripped and you had an accident as a result, you might make a claim off them, and they most likely will not have insurance to cover that eventuality, so they may be unwilling to loan it on those grounds
 
horsesense said:
The owner of a school might be concerned that if e.g. your horse tripped and you had an accident as a result, you might make a claim off them, and they most likely will not have insurance to cover that eventuality, so they may be unwilling to loan it on those grounds
Click to expand...
this
i know someone who had to turn it down the offer due to this issue
 
I would have to pay council tax if I hired mine out, so that stops me dead. Plus, I use it as my winter turnout so it has electric fence against the rails. Yes, it is switched off when I ride, but the plastic screw in fittings are still there and doubtless someone would fall on one, get cut and sue me!

Also, the arena looks into the lounge.

Also, I don't like people much and the faff to make an arrangement, change the arrangement, rearrange the arrangement, then sort the horses and gates out etc would do me even if the council tax and insurance wouldn't be an issue.

I wouldn't think you rude for asking, but it would be a no. What is confusing is if they offered without being asked, and then have gone back on it. Maybe that is because you were honoured to be asked, and a friend was not included.
 
I agree that perhaps asking for a friend is more tricky but it’s ok to ask politely (I wouldn’t mind a text rather than a call or visit, it’s easier if I’m busy at that moment). I let a few local people use mine and they contribute to quad bike maintenance and help when the sides need pulling down. I don’t do it for money, more to be helpful as it’s the only one in the village, and they are good neighbours. I don’t mind if they have lessons etc in there, it’s quite nice to have people and instructors around a bit.
 
Yeah the message thing rather than a call I thought ok as the few I’ve asked always correspond this way, In fact the last message off one was “ I really owe you one”
I’m also doing that yard anyway the next fortnight as they are away so had said I’d be there anyway.

All your reasons make absolute sense though and are mostly things that had crossed my mind.

I may pop my own ad up, I’d be very happy to sign a ride at our own risk.
It’s difficult because I said I thought I could borrow a school occasionally and hadn’t considered it was a me only thing.
One work place I know for sure would be fine but it’s too far to take her unless im working and I work for too long for her to ride and hang round.
 
Kaylum said:
Also if you fell off or was chucked into the fence would somebody be there to sort you and your horse out.
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That’s very true yes.

One lady who offered me the use of hers also offered to come and sit with me incase if a problem 🥰 so lovely, this is the lady I haven’t asked for my friend as I don’t want to make anything difficult
 
Asking to use a manege is not rude. Don't be surprised or upset if the answer for a private place is 'no' though.

There are many types of planning conditions put on them in most areas, and likely insurance restrictions for the owners.
 
I don't really like people asking, as it can then be awkward when I say no!
I don't want to feel like the stuck up cow who won't share her toys.

It's always a no from me unfortunately; I worry about liability if something goes wrong and my arena doesn't have a fence, which I am fine with but don't want others using it.

However, I wouldn't offer someone to use it and then ignore them either.
 
I'd ask them if I could hire it rather than use it so they know I'm happy to pay. But if they ignore the message then the answer is probably no.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I would be rather cross that someone messaged me to ask about using my arena (if I had one). I would expect a polite phonecall if not a visit in person.
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While I understand your point, the advantage of a message is that it avoids putting people on the spot - some people would say yes in the moment because they felt awkward about it, and then regret it later, and a message gives them time to think before they respond (or not).

OP in the circumstances you've described I don't think you were wrong to ask.
 
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