Is it normal to second-guess yourself?

[J_sarahd]

I keep feeling really guilty for getting Nova pts in the next few weeks. I keep seeing posts on FB of horses that have similar issues to Nova that are out eventing. Should I have just got her SI medicated? Would that have been the magic miracle cure?

I know deep down that I’m doing the right thing and that realistically, she’ll break down again in a few months. Conformationally, her hind legs aren’t built to stay sound. But there’s a huge overriding part of me that just wants to call up my vet and try again.

Is this normal or am I going completely crazy with anticipation grief?

 

[poiuytrewq]

Completely completely normal.
I think its really hard planning ahead and you probably will feel like this and doubt your self until its done. I always do it asap once I've decided as its quite a stressful period waiting.

Its really tough but you'll probably feel a lot more at peace afterwards.

 

[Zoeypxo]

Completely normal, i think i can speak for all of us who have followed your story on here that we are all behind you in your desicion.

Just because those horses are out eventing doesnt mean they are pain free xx

 

[QueenT]

Felt exactly the same way. Making that decision for an animal puts us in a position of power over life and death, which is really uncomfortable. I have put two down for all the right reasons, still regret that it was necessary. Reason and emotion are completely out of sync...

 

[tda]

Completely normal. I still think regularly about all the ponies I have owned and had pts for various reasons. It's very hard, but you have to reassure yourself that the decision you have made is the correct one.

 

[jofwigby]

I volunteer at a rescue and have unfortunately been there when quite a few have gone . . . . the absolute worst was a 'planned' one that I knew and know was absolutely the right thing - give yourself a break x

 

[Red-1]

It was right for Charlie-Horse to be PTS but I had similar feelings because he looked so well.

I actually gave myself 6 weeks extra. Not for his benefit, for mine, so I could know it was still the right thing.

He was medicated and reasonably comfortable for those 6 weeks, but it would have been also right to do it straight away.

 

[I'm Dun]

Yes. totally normal, and it took a good few months for me to realise that actually, it was the other way round. I'd tried too much and kept him going too long. So now I have the guilt of that. I don't think having any animal PTS is ever a guilt free thing .

 

[Fransurrey]

Absolutely normal. I have my mare booked for teeth next week, out of habit. I'm now thinking what's the point, as I don't want to put her through winter again, and we're at the end of August. I feel awful for even thinking it and wonder if I should keep her going on bute (just to keep her field sound).

Sorry, a bit of a hijack, there, but I'm trying to say I COMPLETELY get where you are coming from. With my last pts pony, I donated him to the vet school where I work and got a PM report (he was used to teach anatomy and PM). Is this something you'd consider? The disposal company just transports them there. It gave me such peace of mind when I got the report. Confirmed everything I felt in my gut (and silenced the unhelpful and insensitive comments of "Oh he looked so well!").

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

It's so normal the first mare I had pts had colic and I should have let her go earlier but the vet wouldn't really give me a straight answer and kind of pushed for me to keep going, I really regret it and felt bad about it for a while but I was young and naive and it was a mistake but we are all human but I vowed never to do it again.

With Grace she got laminitis bad and she was retired but she did improve quite quickly and was really fighting so I thought give it a try, but I always said if she got it again that would be it unfortunately just as she came sound she went down hill again and was off her feet worse than she was at the start.

I walked out of her stable rang the vet and she was pts within the hour I don't regret it but it did destroy me for a long time, I am sitting here crying about it as I am typing this although I knew it was the right thing it still haunts me.

 

[J_sarahd]

The feeling of second-guessing myself is even stronger now. I’m sat in the hairdressers and I was asked about Nova and I explained the situation and one of the owners (who is horsey) told me I should get a second opinion, x-ray her feet and not even think of putting her to sleep

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

The feeling of second-guessing myself is even stronger now. I’m sat in the hairdressers and I was asked about Nova and I explained the situation and one of the owners (who is horsey) told me I should get a second opinion, x-ray her feet and not even think of putting her to sleep

I thought her feet have been x rayed?

 

[J_sarahd]

I thought her feet have been x rayed?

No, neck/back and hocks have been x rayed but vet didn’t even mention feet

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Is this person saying x ray all her feet as sge is lame behind right

 

[J_sarahd]

Is this person saying x ray all her feet as sge is lame behind right

Yeah they are. Yeah lame behind - 2/10 right hind on the right rein, 2/10 left hind on left rein on hard and soft.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

This thought process is completely normal, and as the owner who knows her best and has been there every step of the way, you have considered all feasible options and tried your best by the sounds of it.
I'll be thinking of you

 

[J_sarahd]

This thought process is completely normal, and as the owner who knows her best and has been there every step of the way, you have considered all feasible options and tried your best by the sounds of it.
I'll be thinking of you

Thank you - I just feel like it’s really messed with my mind and am I doing the right thing?

 

[doodle]

As hard as it is you need to not speak or listen to other people. The decision is between you and your vet.

 

[SEL]

Thank you - I just feel like it’s really messed with my mind and am I doing the right thing?

Ahhh I'm not surprised it's messed with your mind.

Even if you x rayed though then what next? I did all of that with my field pet and literally everything we looked at had something wrong! I've got land, I need 3 so I can take one out to parties and she's happy retired but in all honesty if I had my time again I'd have stopped sooner. Your vet sounds honest and open with you and I think that's a credit to them.

It's an awful situation and I really feel for you xx

 

[FFAQ]

I'm so sorry for you. Yes, as others say, it's completely normal. I think it should be hard. If it's not something we find difficult then we've no business having animals.

Massive hugs to you - you are the person who most has your horse's best interests at heart xx

 

[MrsMozartleto]

Yes. Normal. Horrible but normal.

We had daughter's pony injected for SI issue. Lasted about three weeks (I forget the exact but you get the gist). He's been retired for years now. An eye is kept to see how he's coping - can't be on steep ground, can't this and can't that. If he wasn't pasture sound and / or we couldn't afford to just keep him then he'd have been pts. He'd have known nothing about it - love and care, a soft hand and gentle voice, a mouthful of carrots and apples.

 

[J_sarahd]

Thank you - I’m really second-guessing myself and I’m really wishing I’d got him to medicate her SI as well as her hocks. Maybe then she’d be sound now

 

[Michen]

I'm sorry someone even said that to you. When I was very close to putting Bog down, with extemely good reasons, I had all sorts of opinions- non were asked for from those who gave them. It was horrible, and I can't tell you how much distress it caused me. It was like someone had punched me in the gut repeatedly, I was hysterical.

Yes there is ALWAYS something else you can do. Another part of the body to scan. A new drug to try. You could go on and on for years. But you already know in your heart that she has issues all over. You made that decision the other week with a professional who knows her too. Where do you draw the line? All these issues are likely linked anyway, do you really think at her age and with her body already this compromised that your going to manage to get everything "right", consistently, for the rest of her life?

It's an awful thing to have to do and I know I'll be doing it some time in the near future also, I fully sympathise, but don't let someone's thoughtless comments sway your decision making.

 

[TPO]

In the nicest possible way, stop talking to other people about it.

Everyone has an opinion and, like with the hairdressers, if it differs from yours it upsets you.

That person doesn't know the full story. Unless they're paying for the xrays and what comes next it's nothing to do with them.

SEL is right. You xray feet and then what? You already have several serious issues. Horses are good at compensating. As I found out when you fix one serious issue and correct a compensation the wheels fall off else where. You've already been through substantial treatment and sadly it hasn't worked.

Horses are lame because something hurts. You've gone above and beyond trying various treatments. You are continuing to act in her best interests by making the hardest call. You should be proud of yourself for doing that, far too many people keep sore horse going (& ridden) far too often.

I've been there with making a call resulting in 2 being pts on the same day for different reasons. I kept it to myself and only told YO because they were going to be directly affected. YO knew it was confidential and still told other liveries. Most were nice but a few thought they knew better, without having a single inkling of my TBs veterinary history.

For your own sanity don't ask anyone else's opinion or share information with him.

You're doing the right thing and I hope you can find some strength in that.

Take care

 

[J_sarahd]

I'm sorry someone even said that to you. When I was very close to putting Bog down, with extemely good reasons, I had all sorts of opinions- non were asked for from those who gave them. It was horrible, and I can't tell you how much distress it caused me. It was like someone had punched me in the gut repeatedly, I was hysterical.

Yes there is ALWAYS something else you can do. Another part of the body to scan. A new drug to try. You could go on and on for years. But you already know in your heart that she has issues all over. You made that decision the other week with a professional who knows her too. Where do you draw the line? All these issues are likely linked anyway, do you really think at her age and with her body already this compromised that your going to manage to get everything "right", consistently, for the rest of her life?

It's an awful thing to have to do and I know I'll be doing it some time in the near future also, I fully sympathise, but don't let someone's thoughtless comments sway your decision making.

Thank you. I feel like their comment has really put the cat amongst the pigeons and made me question every thing. Nova’s physio is also questioning how she has gone from not being lame when they found the kissing spine to now being 2/10 lame. But I guess that’s just because all of the problems are linked and as one issue has been treated, it makes others hurt from the compensation.

In the nicest possible way, stop talking to other people about it.

Everyone has an opinion and, like with the hairdressers, if it differs from yours it upsets you.

That person doesn't know the full story. Unless they're paying for the xrays and what comes next it's nothing to do with them.

SEL is right. You xray feet and then what? You already have several serious issues. Horses are good at compensating. As I found out when you fix one serious issue and correct a compensation the wheels fall off else where. You've already been through substantial treatment and sadly it hasn't worked.

Horses are lame because something hurts. You've gone above and beyond trying various treatments. You are continuing to act in her best interests by making the hardest call. You should be proud of yourself for doing that, far too many people keep sore horse going (& ridden) far too often.

I've been there with making a call resulting in 2 being pts on the same day for different reasons. I kept it to myself and only told YO because they were going to be directly affected. YO knew it was confidential and still told other liveries. Most were nice but a few thought they knew better, without having a single inkling of my TBs veterinary history.

For your own sanity don't ask anyone else's opinion or share information with him.

You're doing the right thing and I hope you can find some strength in that.

Take care

Thing is, I didn’t ask for their opinion. I’ve not really asked for anyone’s opinion. My hairdresser is a good friend so she asked how Nova was getting on. So I told her what was happening, as I have done all my friends when they ask (never had anyone say anything other than that they’re sorry and it must be hard - I’m a massively anxious person so I need to verbalise what’s going on in my head or else I just spiral) and the owner started telling me I shouldn’t be putting her to sleep etc. I’m far too polite to tell her to stop and the more she went on, the more my brain was questioning itself.

You’re right though. It’s my decision and it’s the right decision. She will never be fully fixed.

 

[Waxwing]

Hi I don't have any direct experience of this, but I am also a massively anxious person who needs to verbalise what is going on in my head, or it just gets worse. I have been using the forums as a sounding board about selling or not selling which is a very minor consideration in comparison to the choice you have had to make . What I am very mindful about doing is not questioning anyone else's decisions, in any area of life, unless specifically asked to. It is evident that you have given everything you can to Nova and have made the decision that you feel is right for her her, you know her best and therefore the choice you are making is the right one for Nova.

 

[J_sarahd]

I’ve woken up feeling a bit less all over the place, mentally. As much as I’d give anything to have her fixed, this is the best thing for both of us.

 

[LEC]

She has what I would call standard sport horse/ex racer interlinked issues which will continue to decline.
Medicate one thing and that improves but the body is on the wonk and compensatory so something else shows up and then another thing. Essentially with what I consider KS to be I would then expect to see a myriad of secondary issues because ultimately the horse is always compensating. Suspensorys, feet, SI, hocks, neck…. The list goes on. I see it time and time again people throwing bad money after bad. You see it on this forum, everything medicated and still lame….

For every horse can cope with KS, there are lots which cannot and then develop other significant issues.

 

[I'm Dun]

Thank you - I’m really second-guessing myself and I’m really wishing I’d got him to medicate her SI as well as her hocks. Maybe then she’d be sound now

She wouldnt be. The steroid might help short term, but shes not ever going to be sound.

I think you have made a huge mistake not having it done straight away, because this is what happens. Well meaning people say stupid things and it goes round and round and round. She is a beautiful mare, but she is broken in multiple places and none of those things are fixable. She will get worse over time.

 

[J_sarahd]

She has what I would call standard sport horse/ex racer interlinked issues which will continue to decline.
Medicate one thing and that improves but the body is on the wonk and compensatory so something else shows up and then another thing. Essentially with what I consider KS to be I would then expect to see a myriad of secondary issues because ultimately the horse is always compensating. Suspensorys, feet, SI, hocks, neck…. The list goes on. I see it time and time again people throwing bad money after bad. You see it on this forum, everything medicated and still lame….

For every horse can cope with KS, there are lots which cannot and then develop other significant issues.

Thank you. I think I’ve come to the realisation that I can x-ray her feet and try and fix whatever’s going on there (cause 99% sure there is something going on) but then something else will go and I can try to fix that but something else will go until there is nothing left of her to fix. And that’s not fun for either of us and still has the same outcome, just with more mental anguish along the way.

I also took a step back and realised that conformationally, she isn’t great. I know that now and I wish I’d realised it before I bought her. She has long pasterns that drop noticeably even in walk, which is something no amount of steroids is ever going to fix.

I think I just really wanted to hold onto a tiny slither of hope that she would come right.