Is it time to call it a day?

[Fruitpastille]

I’ve been riding the most lovely horse for almost a year and things were so great until a couple of months ago when she spooked out on a hack (in an area we regularly ride), really out of character and I ended up having to hop off and walk back to the stables. We’ve since had a number of similar incidents and it’s getting to the point where I’m getting too nervous to ride and making excuses not to go.
I think she is picking up on my nerves and we are both setting each off, she’s not getting the confidence she needs from a rider. I really don’t want to give her up (she’s a share) but I feel like it’s never going to go back to how it was when we’d have super chilled rides. Should I just accept she’s not the right horse for me?

 

[Vodkagirly]

Have you tried having some lessons on her?

 

[Above the snowline]

How is she kept? Does she spend a lot of time in a decent field? What is she fed? How old is she? What does her other rider do with her? What is her history? Tell us more about her.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

A change in behaviour like that is often a result of pain/discomfort. If she were your own horse I would suggest a vet check. Can you speak to the owner about it?

 

[Fruitpastille]

I have thought about lessons but im feeling nervous about that too!
She gets plenty of turn out during the day, she’s late teens, in all honesty I don’t know what she’s fed. Occasionally she is ridden by a much more confident rider than me who hacks her but does a lot more than I do, as in a good canter to burn off some energy, I don’t feel confident to do that. She’s TB but honestly she was the most super chilled horse for months and couldn’t believe my luck when I found her. I feel like my riding and nerves just isnt enough

 

[Fruitpastille]

As far as I know she’s only like it when I ride her too which makes me feel even more like it’s a problem with me

 

[Muddywellies]

Why did you decide to off when she spooked?

 

[neddy man]

Are you hacking alone or in company?

 

[Fruitpastille]

Why did you decide to off when she spooked?

Because she spooked but I couldn’t get her attention back and she started wandering up the banks and off the track we were riding and speeding up, i felt safer getting off

 

[meleeka]

I think a good instructor could help enormously. If you explain your lack of confidence, they will make sure they don’t push you too far out of your comfort zone.

If you just give up this share you might never get your confidence back, which would be a shame. You might still not get on with her, but you won’t know until you try.

 

[Fruitpastille]

Nearly always hack alone because usually I prefer to just go at my own pace and there isn’t usually anyone else to ride with when I go

 

[Muddywellies]

Because she spooked but I couldn’t get her attention back and she started wandering up the banks and off the track we were riding and speeding up, i felt safer getting off

Fair enough. Then I just think you need to find a really good trainer. I dont think you need to give up at all, but (if you want to), fully commit to improving your confidence by working with a good trainer. It wont be easy, and there will be tears, but you can do it.

Ps. Most of us have been in the same boat.

 

[Above the snowline]

Yes have some lessons with the best instructor you can find. They will be able to help you decide if she is the right horse for you. Don’t be shy to tell your instructor about your fears - we’ve all been there. If you just want to walk that’s fine.

 

[Cadbury]

It sounds like some lessons would really help you out, either on her or a riding school horse/pony. I’m assuming you’re worried about falling off, do you think it would help to work on your seat in lessons? If you feel secure in the saddle you’ll feel a lot more confident about dealing with any spooks. Either way it sounds as if you’ve had some lovely rides with this horse so please don’t give up - there’s usually a way forward and this could just be a blip.

As I think someone else has said we’ve all been in this position at some point!

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Could the owner or an instructor or even a friend walk with you for a few times to help your confidence. I’m sure this is just a blip which can be fixed with some help.

 

[mustardsmum]

Like others, I think it is you. And I mean this kindly because lots of us have lost confidence and it’s better to face that than think it’s the horse, who you say is ok with other riders. But I also think you can overcome it. I would see if you can find someone to either ride quietly with you a few times to see what’s going on, and just get you feeling confident again. You could even get someone on foot to walk alongside you. I think it’s really easy to fear every little spook will escalate become a big scary situation and to almost (unintentionally) catastrophise what could happen. When the reality is that you could probably cope just fine. It’s also really easily to create a spook because you tense, so the horse tenses and it becomes a vicious circle. I think we are all guilty of grabbing our horses when a pheasant flies out “just in case” when 99% of the time, our horses take no notice. Don’t give up yet because out of twelve months, only the last couple haven’t been so good. Find a good instructor, and give yourself time to tackle your confidence issues. Above all you need to trust your horse and reading your post I think you’ve lost that. A friend once said to me how whenever her very spoooky horse got upset she would stroke her horse’s neck and say “I’ve got this, you don’t need to be scared, I won’t let anything bad happen to you”. She said vocalising this to her horse gave her a weird sense of confidence. When I got my new horse he was a bit looky as he’s not done much solo hacking, I tried this and it was strange how he calmed. Good luck, I think with the help of a good instructor (pref find someone who will walk out with you and deal with your hacking worries) you can enjoy your share horse again.

 

[sportsmansB]

It sounds like her previous good behaviour is because she felt confident, and a stronger rider probably just put their legs on (possibly without even realising it) feeling any sort of hesitation, and she then went on. It is sometimes the smallest moment of 'I got this' which is enough to never see the behaviour. Then, if it happened with you (momentary hesitation) and you didn't pick up on it and send her on, she thinks maybe there is something to worry about and that's what gets her thinking a bit backward.
Don't underestimate too the changes at the time of year (colder, breezier, mares seasons waking up after winter) as those small changes in their outlook if they aren't recognised as needing something different in riding can make a difference. She could well go back to being a pet in the warm summer months as it takes less to make her concerned about something.
If you really like her, its worth getting some help and getting the brave pants on. Its also important to recognise that very very few horses will feel the same every ride. It is part of learning to put the tools in your toolbox to deal with that and it is a great feeling when you overcome a challenge- but you need to be up for it.

 

[motherof2beasts!]

We all lose our nerve at some point and all horses spook, a lot of them are especially full of it at the moment, early spring grass.

I would try and have a few lessons and rebuild your confidence in school with her before making a decision , but it’s totally your call.

 

[Goldie's mum]

I’ve been riding the most lovely horse for almost a year and things were so great until a couple of months ago when she spooked out on a hack (in an area we regularly ride), really out of character and I ended up having to hop off and walk back to the stables. We’ve since had a number of similar incidents and it’s getting to the point where I’m getting too nervous to ride and making excuses not to go.
I think she is picking up on my nerves and we are both setting each off, she’s not getting the confidence she needs from a rider. I really don’t want to give her up (she’s a share) but I feel like it’s never going to go back to how it was when we’d have super chilled rides. Should I just accept she’s not the right horse for me?

Firstly it's not "a failure" if you decide to give her up. Riding is for your pleasure. If you become sure you can't enjoy it any more it's no more wrong to stop than, say, to decide you don't watch sci-fi any more! So there is no pressure on you.

However, if you can change something that allows you to enjoy her again, that might give you a source of a lot more pleasure in the future so it would be worth exploring the options for that.

I think lessons are a good idea.
Can you watch her other rider & see if you get any tips to how she likes to be ridden?
Can you pay an instructor to accompany you on hacks rather than (or as well as) having a lesson in a school?
Is there somewhere local to you where you can advertise for a hacking buddy?
Could you sign up for a session of W.E. or Trek etc - something new to you both, that would increase your confidence in each other?
Can you hack somewhere different for a while, if you both are associating your usual route with remembered incidents?

 

[KatieDM]

It sounds like it would be a shame to give up the share when you’ve been getting on so well until these incidents. I’m sure with a bit of time and work, you can look at what’s really going on and get the confidence back.

 

[Equi]

every rider faces loss of confidence in their mount at some point. As suggested, give lessons a go and perhaps have a read of some confidence books. I think it’s important to try and overcome it with the help, if you still can’t then at least you tried and will have learned new skills to put towards the next ride.

 

[Skib]

I’ve been riding the most lovely horse for almost a year and things were so great until a couple of months ago when she spooked out on a hack (in an area we regularly ride), really out of character and I ended up having to hop off and walk back to the stables. We’ve since had a number of similar incidents and it’s getting to the point where I’m getting too nervous to ride and making excuses not to go.

I am an elderly rider and only ever ride the safest horses. There is no horse that never spooks. And although it is sensible to dismount when one feels unsafe, (I have done it myself when the mare was kicking at flies on her tummy) you have also rewarded the horse by dismounting after the spook as the horse has less weight to carry.

If you want to go on riding, go back to square one and have a private lesson in a RS, being led round in walk only if necessary. That is what I have done in the past.

But there are also questions about how you ride when out hacking. Are you really riding the horse and keeping its mind on you by using aids to change the pace and steer while on the track, or are you simply sitting and allowing the horser to carry you along? No horse should be allowed to make choices of where to put its feet, going on the verge etc, when out on the hack. I particularly keep my legs on in canter as, if she spooks at speed, I am bound to fall off. A horse sometimes needs to know it is being ridden.

 

[Mrs G]

My TB can be sharp (in all honesty, he's probably too sharp for me really but I have had him a long time now and I've learnt to accept it/cope with it/avoid his triggers etc for the most part), but I have periods where I really was scared to ride him (I didn't canter him for months at one point!). The one thing that has helped me the most when riding is my saddle strap (small leather 'handle' attached to the d rings of my saddle - they are about a tenner). I really think they should be standard on all saddles - its my safety belt! I have had to hang on to that for dear life at times and it has saved me many a fall. I can hold on to that strap as tight as I need and horse doesn't have a clue how scared I am, it also means I'm not hanging on to his mouth and making it worse and I can anchor myself into the saddle. If we are out on a hack and either of us see something ahead that might cause an issue - I can hook a few fingers on that strap and it gives me confidence - which in turn gives the horse confidence. If he's feeling tense from the get go (or Im feeling wimpy!), again Ill get hold of that strap until I feel him (me) calm down - even if thats not till we get home again!

 

[canteron]

Lots of good advice but - it is absolutely ok to get off if it’s not right (you are out for a nice hack not training for Badminton) and you actually coped, maybe not like Ollie Townsend but you made a good decision and were all fine.

Second - there is a little bit of Spring in the air, they all get a bit bouncier. summer generally easier.

Thirdly, learn to do an approximation of neck flexion/shoulder in, (going sideways and getting horse to cross over back legs) practice when you go out, it is your best friend in tense situations. Doesn’t have to be dressage worthy, just keep you safe, confident and in control!!

 

[coblets]

I am an elderly rider and only ever ride the safest horses. There is no horse that never spooks. And although it is sensible to dismount when one feels unsafe, (I have done it myself when the mare was kicking at flies on her tummy) you have also rewarded the horse by dismounting after the spook as the horse has less weight to carry.

If you want to go on riding, go back to square one and have a private lesson in a RS, being led round in walk only if necessary. That is what I have done in the past.

But there are also questions about how you ride when out hacking. Are you really riding the horse and keeping its mind on you by using aids to change the pace and steer while on the track, or are you simply sitting and allowing the horser to carry you along? No horse should be allowed to make choices of where to put its feet, going on the verge etc, when out on the hack. I particularly keep my legs on in canter as, if she spooks at speed, I am bound to fall off. A horse sometimes needs to know it is being ridden.

Are you suggesting that the OP should grip with her legs at all times in canter? Because that won’t change anything, it’ll just make the horse dead to the leg. Letting your horse carry you is the basics of horsemanship.

OP, controlling every step your horse takes and gripping onto them at all times will not stop them spooking.

Getting lessons and building up your confidence that way is the best thing to do. If you decide to sell her, will you have the confidence to try new horses?

 

[Bellalily]

Have there been any changes in your personal life? These can affect your confidence. Also I can confirm spring has sprung and they are all behaving like idiots. My hands still ache from yesterday’s ride

 

[Skib]

OP, controlling every step your horse takes and gripping onto them at all times will not stop them spooking.

I disagree. My exerience hacking many RS horses is that the rider can control most spooking, partly by de sensitising in the school, partly by controlling head height of the horse (so focus of the eyes) and partly by active, positive riding so the horse's mind is on the rider.

Are you suggesting that the OP should grip with her legs at all times in canter?

Gripping is not something I ever do. However, I hack with stirrups longer than some people. Having your leg touching the sides of the horse in canter seems sensible to me. It prevents ones legs flapping in canter and thus inadvertently cueing the horse to go faster. This is something an experienced RI friend diagnosed I was doing when I started hacking.
These days I canter a lot out hacking on my own and on a shared horse that may be used to charging along as one of a group (lead mare and trying to be first) on the tracks where groups usually canter.
When I am ridng her, I like the mare to know that she has a rider whom she must listen to even in canter. That means I steer her on the track when we are cantering and I also ride canter transitions, 20 trot, 20 canter. I was taught to do downward transitions from canter by closing my shoulder blades.
I dont canter in this fashion because I am brave, but because it makes me feel safe.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I agree that hacking isn't an excuse for the rider to just sit there and let the horse make the decisions. Hackers need to ride as positively as those riding in an arena

 

[Annagain]

I'm not sure I have anything useful to add except to say I was you a couple of years ago, with my own horse. It was a bit more complicated than just me losing confidence but the bottom line was that neither he nor I had quite enough confidence to lend the other some when they needed it. I ended up selling him and buying another and it was the best thing I ever did. Having said that, I think the fact the horse is ok with other people suggests the situation is salvageable for you. I'd echo everyone who says some lessons would be a great idea - even some lessons out hacking if you can find someone who will walk with you to begin with.
I'd also try to find a hacking buddy. Do you have anyone on the yard with an older steady horse you could ask to help you out by hacking with you for a bit. Now tht I have a calm, easy horse I'm always happy to help other people with youngsters or nervous horses and I'm more than happy to go at their speed. Even just a couple of hacks might be enough to set you back on the right track.

The one thing I found really helpful when I got nervous was to sing. It sounds daft but it helps to regulate your breathing and take your mind of the situation, plus it makes you feel happy! Old McDonald is a good one - see how many animals and their noises you can think up. If you know what noise a giraffe makes, you're a better person than me!

 

[Muddywellies]

I'm not sure I have anything useful to add except to say I was you a couple of years ago, with my own horse. It was a bit more complicated than just me losing confidence but the bottom line was that neither he nor I had quite enough confidence to lend the other some when they needed it. I ended up selling him and buying another and it was the best thing I ever did. Having said that, I think the fact the horse is ok with other people suggests the situation is salvageable for you. I'd echo everyone who says some lessons would be a great idea - even some lessons out hacking if you can find someone who will walk with you to begin with.
I'd also try to find a hacking buddy. Do you have anyone on the yard with an older steady horse you could ask to help you out by hacking with you for a bit. Now tht I have a calm, easy horse I'm always happy to help other people with youngsters or nervous horses and I'm more than happy to go at their speed. Even just a couple of hacks might be enough to set you back on the right track.

The one thing I found really helpful when I got nervous was to sing. It sounds daft but it helps to regulate your breathing and take your mind of the situation, plus it makes you feel happy! Old McDonald is a good one - see how many animals and their noises you can think up. If you know what noise a giraffe makes, you're a better person than me!

Singing DEFINITELY helps