It hurts, human feelings, my horse and horsey people

There one thing always to remember horse people are obsessed with horses and like talking about them .
But this does sound a bit unkind but OP you need to get a thicker skin it's as simple as that ,you can't change these people ( that's not your right ) but you can change how you think and deal with it .
 
sadly the horse-world has been ever thus. Hard as it is don't let it get to you - they are probably rather in awe of you and your horse, why would they make time to watch otherwise? The jealousy, and that's what it is, is a reflection on them not you.

When you are riding get yourself completely 'in the zone' - it's about you and your lovely horse, nothing else.

If they comment when you are not riding perhaps try to disarm the comments by making a jokey remark back One of my favourites was to paraphrase Eric Morcambe 'we got all the right steps today - just not necessarily in the right order' said with a beaming smile it seems to stop any further comments).

Try and take notice of the only opinions that count - those of your instructor and your horse.
 
Ignore anything they say as they sound like they are the yards experts on anything except doing it themselves. if they do say anything try laughing at them and tell them its better not to say anything than make themselves look stupid and totally ignorant about how to work a horse. throws the situation back at them. personally I would tell them you want paying if they intend to treat your private lessons as a lecture demonstration :D
 
As someone who really cannot see the point in friesians and they truly are my bete noir I can honestly say yours is lovely and looks like she is making real progress. Still not a convert but it shows they are not all as bad as I thought So congratulations she is beautiful and you wont hear me say that often
 
NZJenny said:
One of the advantages of being older, is you've figured out how tell people to ******* off and mind their own business and not care what they think.

I so wish I had known that 20 years ago.
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^^^^ This. It takes time to get to this stage but we all get there eventually :)

Just ignore the other liveries, they probably don't even know what they're on about. It's easy to criticise if you're not the one riding or teaching.
 
There are always people who think they know better than you when it comes to your horse. Take no notice. Are their horses training at elem level? I think you will find the answer is no, and there are a lot of green eyed monsters out there watching you and your horse, jealousy is a horrid thing, so ignore them, I know it hurts, comments on this forum have driven me to tears before now on many ocassions.

I remember years ago watching my friend go out in her shiny new horsebox to compete her horse. I used to really envy her, as I hadn't my trailer at the time and longed to go to really good shows and not just the field down the road that held a show once in a blue moon. I was envious, hell I was. But I was never jealous of her, and wouldn't have dreamt of passing nasty comments about her horse box or her horse.

Some people need to get a life. I hate that, people sat on the mounting block in a huddle watching you ride your horse. You can almost hear them whispering as you ride past them. I get really funny even now on the lovely yard I am on, wondering if people are bitching about me, because I've had it for such a long time on previous yards. I know they are not the type or at least hope not, but it still makes you paranoid.
 
I am not sure what it is about some horsey people, they think it is fair game to criticise your horse to you, however they would probably never dream of saying a word against your husband or children.

I cannot stand rude people! They are probably jealous of you. Next time just say to them "oh I don't know what you mean about the canter, perhaps you can demonstrate on your horse" I guess you will be hit by a wall of silence.

Your horse is lovely and it sounds like you are doing very well so don't let them spoil your enjoyment.

Being older and with a very sarcastic turn of phrase I don't tend to get bothered by these types, they know to stay away or else out of earshot!
 
I've just checked out your FB page and she is lovely, who is her sire if you don't mind me asking?

A couple of other things for you to take into consideration - she is 7. I have 2 who were born the same year, the mare wasn't backed until she was turned 5 as she was very babyish and has since only been hacking as she's also quite sharp so she is a project for this winter - at the moment she wouldn't even be able to trot a 20m circle let alone canter one, the gelding is much further advanced but still has issues fully engaging his back end all the time so that is what we are working on at the moment.

She has only been in training for 5 months - you've made fantastic progress in that time and it's something you should be proud of :)
 
nothing more bitchy than a woman on a livery yard. You love your horse and thats all that matters. hold your head high and ignore the evil b*tch&s
 
That is a lovely horse Fame you can see she is really trying her heart out. Honestly ignore the harpies and play the long game you will win in the end. In fact you have already won because you are super happy with your horse.

Remember the saying... The ones who say you can't and you won't are probably the ones scared that you will.

I LOVE that green matchy matchy btw.
 
Ignore them your horse is working hard for you because she loves you and the only opinion she cares about is yours :)

I recently had 4 liveries come watch me work my young filly after finding out she was freshly backed, they sat around watching talking between themselves didn't even speak to me but once they realised she wasn't going to buck, bronc or do anything out of the ordinary they lost interest and left us to it.

People love to stand around and judge what your doing, and make up issues if they think they can knock your confidence it's pure jealously and I bet if you pointed out their weaker points they would freak out...
 
I had a sneaky peek at your FB page. If that canter is so horrendous I hope to goodness these people never clap eyes on me and the orange job doing our wall-of-death around the arena. In the grand scheme of things, these people and their opinions mean nothing.

Seriously, I've had this over the years. When I first got the Orange Job people watched for the excitement of seeing me being carted all over the place with the potential for seeing me eat dirt. Our jumping lessons were particularly well-attended. After a while my audience would disperse when realising there was no excitement to be had.

The other liveries were of the common opinion pony was too much for me, couldn;t ride one side of it, blah, blah, blah. Five years on I still have him and am having fun on him.

I once commented when returning to the yard after one fairly exciting lesson that I was flattered so many epeople had taken the time and interest to stop whatever they were doing (drinking tea, usually) and watch my lesson.

Didn't stop them chuntering of course - both openly and behind my back. You tend to get this type everywhere and interstingly, they are often the ones who seem to do anything - including spending vast amounts of time sitting around gossiping, drinking tea and stuffing their faces - rather then ride their horses.

Onwards and upwards!
 
madlady said:
I've just checked out your FB page and she is lovely, who is her sire if you don't mind me asking?

A couple of other things for you to take into consideration - she is 7. I have 2 who were born the same year, the mare wasn't backed until she was turned 5 as she was very babyish and has since only been hacking as she's also quite sharp so she is a project for this winter - at the moment she wouldn't even be able to trot a 20m circle let alone canter one, the gelding is much further advanced but still has issues fully engaging his back end all the time so that is what we are working on at the moment.

She has only been in training for 5 months - you've made fantastic progress in that time and it's something you should be proud of :)
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Her Sire is Rindert madlady

Thank you for your words from friesian to friesian owner

Yes fame has also just been hacked till March as she was so babyish before
 
windand rain said:
As someone who really cannot see the point in friesians and they truly are my bete noir I can honestly say yours is lovely and looks like she is making real progress. Still not a convert but it shows they are not all as bad as I thought So congratulations she is beautiful and you wont hear me say that often
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Awww that is sweet of you if you would meet my Fame in real and have a ride on her she would convert you, believe me its not only the look, it's their nature which will catch your soul believe me. You are more than welcome to visit my lovely lot xxx
 
Thank you for all your replies it feels much better to hear finally something nice about my horse from other people than my friends.

Need to get thicker skin, and start to be deaf as soon as I arrive the yard lol
 
kc100 said:
Its just sheer ignorance and jealousy...you should actually take it as a compliment! They clearly dont have a clue about dressage and dont understand the Friesian breed either; to someone who isnt familiar with the breed the canter does look funny as it doesnt come naturally to them, and with such an uphill breed they can look like 2 different horses with a huge uphill neck at the front end but the back end doesnt quite match!

But they are only commenting because they are jealous of your progress, jealous that you have the guts and determination to actually do some training and work towards a goal, jealous that your horse is training for movements they probably havent even heard of......if you are doing something to give them to talk about chances are you are actually doing quite well, they wouldnt bother commenting and bitching if they werent interested (and secretly impressed) with what you are doing.

Take it as a compliment that they are interested in what you are doing, be safe in your knowledge that you are doing the right thing for your horse and ignore the hurtful comments - their aim is to try and turn you into one of them, an armchair judge who would rather be mean about other people than actually get on their own horse and get to work.

Take the high road when they are mean to you, smile and say 'Lets have a chat about this when your horse is at elementary too then we can compare training methods for the collected canter'. Or you could say 'who is your dressage trainer? I'm always interested in broadening my knowledge and training with different people so if you have a recommendation I'd love to hear it'. I'm sure that will shut them up!

There will always be bitchy people on livery yards, it is just the nature of them - but as one of the other posters said, the ones who talk and bitch the most know the least. Rise above it and smile to yourself knowing they are just jealous petty little people who dont have a clue, and you are far superior in your knowledge so you shouldnt ever doubt yourself based on these idiots.
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Thank you I will try it for the meantime

Your reply really did get me to think and also to accept that not all people can be just happy when I had a really good lesson unfortunately but ok life goes on... Xxx
 
I think people who think a friesian cantering looks bad must not know much about horses in general. Yes they aren't built to canter but I have seen one canter that was pretty unfit and hadn't been ridden in ages. They give a lot of power into the canter although controlling that power is the issue they struggle with. Frankly if you think power in canter is a bad thing you won't go far so ignore those people. They just lack understanding.

It's such a shame you are on a yard like that though. The yard I am on is shockingly free of all of the judgemental people even though it is a competition yard. We help each other give constructive criticism but it's never nasty. We just help each other when needed and compliment each other when praise is due.
 
rachk89 said:
I think people who think a friesian cantering looks bad must not know much about horses in general. Yes they aren't built to canter but I have seen one canter that was pretty unfit and hadn't been ridden in ages. They give a lot of power into the canter although controlling that power is the issue they struggle with. Frankly if you think power in canter is a bad thing you won't go far so ignore those people. They just lack understanding.

It's such a shame you are on a yard like that though. The yard I am on is shockingly free of all of the judgemental people even though it is a competition yard. We help each other give constructive criticism but it's never nasty. We just help each other when needed and compliment each other when praise is due.
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You are pretty lucky then, I know they talk behind my back and behind others as well, which I try to ignore not always easy but better then going in an argument where the person wouldn't understand about what I'm talking, so waste of time in general.
Wish more people would be happy for others when they achieve something instead if being jealous xx
 
Fame said:
Her Sire is Rindert madlady

Thank you for your words from friesian to friesian owner

Yes fame has also just been hacked till March as she was so babyish before
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Rindert is lovely and by Brandus who is amazing - lucky you!

I've had allsorts of comments about mine - from them being 'stunning' to 'what do you want to ride that for?' at the end of the day we don't all like the same things. Ignore the bitching and TBH in your shoes I'd be looking to move somewhere else although I've yet to find a non-bitchy livery yard (luckily I'm not on a yard anymore and haven't been for years)
 
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If you want to do something about it, and you may not, you may just want to air your frustrations, but one way of getting rid of the observers would be to ask your instructor to tell them politely that she is giving a PRIVATE lesson, and that if they wish to observe and listen that would constitute a demonstration, for which she will have to charge them the going rate per person of £x. After all, you are paying for your instructor's expertise, and they are getting to listen in and watch, and get that expertise for free whether they value it or not. I would be pissed off about having an audience at all, never mind an audience that then goes on to criticise. Personally, at my age, I'd have no qualms about saying, "I'm paying for a private lesson, and not for you lot to have free entertainment." And if I'm giving a lesson I take care to ensure that the person having the lesson is comfortable with being observed. If the comment comes from your instructor that might make it a bit easier on you.
 
madlady said:
Rindert is lovely and by Brandus who is amazing - lucky you!

I've had allsorts of comments about mine - from them being 'stunning' to 'what do you want to ride that for?' at the end of the day we don't all like the same things. Ignore the bitching and TBH in your shoes I'd be looking to move somewhere else although I've yet to find a non-bitchy livery yard (luckily I'm not on a yard anymore and haven't been for years)
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Yes I'm really lucky my just imported Baby is a Reinder daughter she is ever so sweet but my mare is the one in a million that's for sure.

Once a friesian always a friesian! Wouldn't go back personally
 
Forget those people on your yard who are so bl@@dy negative. There's a saying "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all". Those ignorant people on your yard should take heed of this & gain some manners & not be so bl@@dy rude to you & your horse. ;)
 
NZJenny said:
One of the advantages of being older, is you've figured out how tell people to ******* off and mind their own business and not care what they think.

I so wish I had known that 20 years ago.
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This ^^^^^

Be strong OP, don't let it get to you, you don't ride your horse to please others, you do it for yourself.
 
Personally, I wouldn't or have your Instructor ask them not to watch when you are having a lesson, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of letting them know you even took their presence under your notice.

Plus in a way they are doing you a favour, you always have many pairs of eyes casting judgement over you when you go out competing, so having them loiter about when you are trying to focus at home will help you with competition pressure in the long run.

They watch because it is important enough for them to take time out of their own training to watch you, take it as a compliment because that's what it is. Either they are too petty (and self absorbed) to realise they are complimenting you by watching your lessons or they do and so cover it up with criticism towards you and your horse, either way, it's not your problem unless you allow it to be.

If you really want to annoy them off, when they turn up to watch, shout over 'Ah, here come my Groupies!', then turn to your Instructor and shout 'My little Fan Club always turn up, they are so loyal!'. People like this won't hang around to watch if they think you are getting any pleasure from it.

Ultimately you are the one in control over whether you let them get under your skin. :)
 
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The
Illusion100 said:
Personally, I wouldn't or have your Instructor ask them not to watch when you are having a lesson, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of letting them know you even took their presence under your notice.

Plus in a way they are doing you a favour, you always have many pairs of eyes casting judgement over you when you go out competing, so having them loiter about when you are trying to focus at home will help you with competition pressure in the long run.

They watch because it is important enough for them to take time out of their own training to watch you, take it as a compliment because that's what it is. Either they are too petty (and self absorbed) to realise they are complimenting you by watching your lessons or they do and so cover it up with criticism towards you and your horse, either way, it's not your problem unless you allow it to be.

If you really want to annoy them off, when they turn up to watch, shout over 'Ah, here come my Groupies!', then turn to your Instructor and shout 'My little Fan Club always turn up, they are so loyal!'. People like this won't hang around to watch if they think you are getting any pleasure from it.

Ultimately you are the one in control over whether you let them get under your skin. :)
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That's right what you say and if they would criticise me that would never get me but they do it to my horse, where they have no clue about the breed, confirmation, leave alone the training scale as they are happy if their horse canters (sort of) in a circle once a month.
If they would say something with knowledge and constructive, I would look into it but not with such ridiculous 'faults' they see on a horse which is just 6 month in training. It's just sad that they can't be happy for someone else, I'm always happy if someone else archives something.
 
Sounds,mainly like jealousy to me. Having looked at your videos I think you both look fab. How many people have seen a fresian doing a collected canter???? Not many!! My thoughts are you are paying good money to be (constructively) criticized by your instructor. You don't anyone else's opinion for free! That's what I say anyway. I bet the people with the negative comments barely ride and never have lessons??? They are always the ones with the most to say! They are jealous. Ignore them!!
 
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