kids, the end of the world-rant!

[Moon]

When i was pregnant i dealt with a lot of people giving me the whole 'kids mean you wont be able to go out/ do anything/ your lifes over' speech. I am 25 years old, just completed my second year of a university degree and waiting to go back into my third, now with a ten week old child.

Whilst i was pregnant i still managed to attend uni, get a 2:1 over all but not only that i set up the uni equestrian club and managed and organised the whole thing on top of my degree.

Now i emailed a tutor to let her know that i would have to leave her lecture bang on time to make it to nursery to pick up my little girl and i was just forewarning her as i didnt want her to think i was being rude in just up and leaving...

So imagine my surprise when i received a blunt and rather rude email stating that perhaps it would be 'better to reconsider finishing my degree', not only that i am 'cruel' for sendin my wee one to nursery so young and i should be at home focusing my attentions on her.

WAAAHHHHH! i fully intend to carry on my degree, running the horse club and living a normal life even though i now have a child. i have not neglected her as i have been accused, in fact in her 10 weeks of life she has been all over the uk, camping twice, on lots of day trips and...yes to the pub.God.forbid.

So why is it that some people think you must hide in a hole and not have a life once you have a child! well done for getting this far! rant over.

 

[FfionWinnie]

Forward her email to her line manager that is so not on! Well done you for being so motivated

 

[debsey1]

Good for you Moon! Many woman should feel inspired by your motivation

 

[flying solo]

Bloody hell you sound like super mum! I barely manage to look after the house with 3 ponies, a dog, a rabbit, one child and a OH to clean up and chase after!
I'm due baby 2 in 9 weeks and my little one is joining pony club next week and I'm baffled as to how I will manage!

Well done you and stuff your tutor! I would also report her to her line manager, they're supposed to offer support not make you doubt your choices! Good luck and Best wishes x

 

[Moon]

I think il do that! and thankyou ive just read it back and it prob sounds like im quite up myself! Lol but far from it, just like to busy and dont like to be told that kids stop you from doing things and ruin your life, shes made mine

 

[FfionWinnie]

I think il do that! and thankyou ive just read it back and it prob sounds like im quite up myself! Lol but far from it, just like to busy and dont like to be told that kids stop you from doing things and ruin your life, shes made mine

I'd reply to her with that last line. What a lovely thing to say

 

[wallykissmas]

I would go straight to the top with an email like that. Society moans of young mums sitting at home doing nothing ( sounds like me but I'm old lol) and by the sounds of things your working your butt of to be told that your wrong !!

I found that when children are involved like horses many people tell you what's best, you can only do what you feel is best for your baby and hold your head up high.

Would be interested to see what the principle has to say

 

[Booboos]

The e-mail from the lecturer sounds extremely unprofessional and unacceptable. You should take it up with her and if you don't receive a satisfactory response with the Head of the Department.

As for the rant...I would hold off on the ranting for a little bit. I finished writing a book when MiniBoo was 6 months as she would just sleep and eat in front of the computer, but as soon as they become a bit more mobile it's a complete nightmare. You can't take your eyes off them and it is terribly difficult to get anything else done. MiniBoo doesn't sleep very well so we haven't been out in the evenings since she was very young and we could take her with us.

 

[AmyMay]

I'm afraid I would be contacting your Head of School, and asking what the policy was on SUPPORTING their students!

 

[Armas]

Forward her email to her line manager that is so not on! Well done you for being so motivated

As above

 

[smokey]

I think il do that! and thankyou ive just read it back and it prob sounds like im quite up myself! Lol but far from it, just like to busy and dont like to be told that kids stop you from doing things and ruin your life, shes made mine

You don't sound up yourself at all! What a great example to set your wee one, she'll grow up knowing how motivated you are, and be proud of your achievements. What a silly, rude and presumptuous thing to say, I would certainly report her.
Good luck with your studies, and all you choose to do in life

 

[Apercrumbie]

And universities claim that they are supportive of students with families

Keep doing what you're doing and don't let her get to you. I would also report it too. However a word of caution: as said above once they start moving it becomes far more time consuming and difficult to look after them. If I were you I would attempt to get any big pieces of work out of the way before that point so if that period becomes stressful then at least you will have prepared well.

Good luck with your little one and your degree!

 

[Littlelegs]

Tbh, the idea that having a baby means you can't have a life probably comes from those parents that think that themselves, & forget that they aren't representative of all parents.

 

[BackRidingAgain]

I went back to work, as you had to then, when my kids were 3 mths old. They went to day care nursery for the 3 day part-time week that I opted to do. I lived on no more than the minimum age by the time I'd deducted child care costs. I would still do it again, even though now mums are allowed more time off. The care and education that my kids got at such a young age at nursery and the social interaction skills they obtained, was something I could never have replicated at home. They are now at secondary school age and flying and have never looked back from their good start. If its any help I think its perfectly fine for mums to follow a career/qualifications and if kids are in nursery IMO it will do them nothing, but good!

 

[FfionWinnie]

There will always be someone wanting to tell you wait til she gets to x age then you'll know all about it. My neighbour has a granddaughter a year older than mine and when ever I say how good my little girl is I get "wait til she's x age". It hasn't happened yet lol. Firm fair rules and a good routine especially a good sleep routine, will keep you and the baby in good order.

 

[Ibblebibble]

totally unacceptable email, i would be fuming!!

 

[jendie]

I'd agree with others, report her to her line manager. What an idiot!! Good luck with your course and with your baby.

 

[Lego]

What a ridiculous and unhelpful thing for your tutor to say! Definately forward the email on to your head of year and head of pastoral care if your course has one.

I'm in my 3rd year of my degree and can only just scrape by coping with one horse, 2 cats and working part time - I couldn't even imagine having a child to look after into the bargain!

Ignore her and carry on

 

[RuthM]

She's a twallop! (Lecturer that is). I think that, stay at home, go to work, nursery, childminder, private ed, sweets, no sweets - all of it is just details. For happiness I think there are just 2 rules, love 'em and be straight with 'em!

Not saying that details don't make any difference just that it isn't a difference between happy child growing to happy adult.

 

[Moon]

Thanks guys i decided to go back to uni so that i could then go on to train as a teacher, like my mum, and enjoy the holidays with my kid(s) so im doing it for her benefit which is what annoys me the most. Aware that it may be difficult to write an essay when she can crawl about bt thats what nursery...and a playpen are for Thanks FW! when we planned the campin trip everyone was sayin 'wait til shes

 

[Moon]

...born youll change your mind'. We went and had a blast! it is as hard as you make it i feel x

 

[MagicMelon]

Forward her email to her line manager that is so not on! Well done you for being so motivated

Agree with this, forward the email on! She has no right to say that! Good on you for keeping up your life, I'm exactly the same - I have a 14 week old and have carried on as normal (worked full time (in an active job) to the point I worked the day I ended up giving birth that night! I also rode through my pregnancy, doing my last dressage competition at 7 months. Im back riding again having done BSJA at the weekend on a new horse. I also intend to start working again soon (am already starting to look for a nanny!). Everyone said Id struggle with a baby and would have to give up the horses - erm... why?! He's parked over in the stables while I feed/muck out/ride etc. and is so used to it now he just dozes off! Way too many people make life suddenly revolve around their child, life doesn't end when you have a baby folks

 

[Orangehorse]

In the USA you have 6 weeks maternity leave, and then back to work! If you are in good health it is easier to do things in the first year, because at least the baby is in the pram and not wandering off.

 

[Moon]

My sentiments exactly! And well done magicmelon il be back in the saddle as of next week and cant wait! my girls booked in at nursery and tbh will probably, as someone posted earlier, will have far more fun and interaction with other children that will do her the world of good

 

[Moon]

P.s sent rather strongly worded reply to email!

 

[flaxen]

Not commemting on the email she sent you but as for being able to carry on as normal it all depends on how much help you get.

My baby is 8 mths old and Ive got to put my homebred future competition horse up for sale due to not being able to go back to work. My wages wont even cover the cost of child care for the hours I would be at work let alone anything else. We dont qualify for any help and my husband wont pay for my horses, I cant even afford for me to have a car now Im not working ( cant drive his as I cant reach the pedals ). So for me it does feel like the end of the world, he gets to carry on as normal where as all my dreams have just gone down the pan.

 

[nosenseofdirection]

Flaxen, your OH needs a reality check! Babies are a commitment for both parents!

OP well done and keep at it! Baffles me why everyone seems to think they can boss you about and bully you with their unwanted opinions just because you have had a baby! This is the worst thing about being a Mum in my experience and it does get easier as they get older-people mind their own business more when they are bigger. Good luck and ignore unwanted opinions!

 

[Rowreach]

I was back at work on the yard 2 weeks after my first was born. Self employed, I didn't have much choice, and OH being self employed too there was no such thing as paternity leave for him

The midwife was horrified, and my sister made remarks about me not being able to shut him in a stable while I rode horses, but hey, he survived as did the second one (who was born in the middle of winter) and they are now 11 and 8 and perfectly okay, and I still have my career

I didn't have a lot of help but I remember on one occasion the vet was late coming to sedate a horse for clipping, so I clipped while he fed the baby

You go for it OP, I admire your motivation

 

[Booboos]

I didn't have a lot of help but I remember on one occasion the vet was late coming to sedate a horse for clipping, so I clipped while he fed the baby

That made me laugh! The vet was late the other day so MiniBoo was missing her sleep and getting super cranky, so when the vet arrived she ended up pushing the buggy around while I sorted out the electricity problem (when it rains it pours!)!!! Luckily the vet gave birth a week before me so she was completely cool with it all!

 

[Tinypony]

Not commemting on the email she sent you but as for being able to carry on as normal it all depends on how much help you get.

My baby is 8 mths old and Ive got to put my homebred future competition horse up for sale due to not being able to go back to work. My wages wont even cover the cost of child care for the hours I would be at work let alone anything else. We dont qualify for any help and my husband wont pay for my horses, I cant even afford for me to have a car now Im not working ( cant drive his as I cant reach the pedals ). So for me it does feel like the end of the world, he gets to carry on as normal where as all my dreams have just gone down the pan.

Flaxen, your post made me feel so sad I didn't want to ignore it. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You have a child together. Your change in circumstances in having a baby has affected your personal income, but it sounds as if he considers his to be separate. I'm going to stick my neck out and say that what you both earn is a joint income. If you need a car you should have one, or there should be a properly shared car that you can both drive. If you have an expensive hobby then fair enough if you can't afford it as a partnership, but if he has an equally expensive hobby...!

Op - agree with everyone else.