kids, the end of the world-rant!

Is this tutor a bit 'old school'? Hope you at least threatened reporting her, what a stupid and insensitive thing to say to a motivated young mother! I think you have got it under control better than I have with uni, my OH and the animals!
 
I waited until my son started school before I started uni.

On one occasion hubby and I couldn't work times out and I had to have The Boy on a uni day.

The session was at the hospital where we were presenting our work within a group of ten people. It was a five minute job and not very important. I could have just skipped it.

But I didn't, I asked the lecturer if I could go first and then leave.

She flatly refused and insisted she wanted to keep a flow for the presentations (which was complete bull) and she made me and my six year old son sit in the class for over an hour until our turn as when she decided it. He did so silently, with a colouring book.

At the end of the session she held me back and gave me a *******ing for bringing my son with me :mad: I was totally humiliated and it was totally not necessary!

If you get pregnant as a student nurse - you get thrown off the course immediately :eek: It's like the 1950s :rolleyes:
 
Oberon said:
I waited until my son started school before I started uni.

On one occasion hubby and I couldn't work times out and I had to have The Boy on a uni day.

The session was at the hospital where we were presenting our work within a group of ten people. It was a five minute job and not very important. I could have just skipped it.

But I didn't, I asked the lecturer if I could go first and then leave.

She flatly refused and insisted she wanted to keep a flow for the presentations (which was complete bull) and she made me and my six year old son sit in the class for over an hour until our turn as when she decided it. He did so silently, with a colouring book.

At the end of the session she held me back and gave me a *******ing for bringing my son with me :mad: I was totally humiliated and it was totally not necessary!

If you get pregnant as a student nurse - you get thrown off the course immediately :eek: It's like the 1950s :rolleyes:
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Seriously? I had 3 friends on my nursing course in 1992 who got pregnant, took a year out and completed their training.:confused:
 
nosenseofdirection said:
Flaxen, your OH needs a reality check! Babies are a commitment for both parents!
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Exactly this. I think thats really selfish of your OH and you need to have a serious chat with him. For me and my partner, we try to keep things very equal - I have an expensive hobby, so I dont say anything about his expensive hobby. He would never see me without a car for example, why would he - thats really unfair! Your OH should sell his car and get 2 cheaper ones or something, or how about he takes public transport to work and YOU get the car. I am also in the same situation where we aren't entitled to anything as my OH earns too much, but having just bought a new house and with our hobbies, we're going to struggle long term so I know I'll have to start earning again soon. My current job doesn't give me a huge amount left over once I'd pay for childcare so Im in the process of setting up another business which can be done at weekends and evenings (round my full time job) to help bring in more pennies. So for example, if your current job isnt worth going back to - start applying for better paid jobs :)
 
flaxen said:
My baby is 8 mths old and Ive got to put my homebred future competition horse up for sale due to not being able to go back to work. My wages wont even cover the cost of child care for the hours I would be at work let alone anything else. We dont qualify for any help and my husband wont pay for my horses, I cant even afford for me to have a car now Im not working ( cant drive his as I cant reach the pedals ). So for me it does feel like the end of the world, he gets to carry on as normal where as all my dreams have just gone down the pan.
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I really feel for you Flaxen - you have to kick your OH into touch - he is being incredibly selfish.

I don't have any children, but if I did, my OH would be expected to do his bit, without question. We are a team, thats what marriage is about IMO.
 
Haven't read all of the thread, so sorry if I'm missed crucial bits ;)

When I had my daughter (who is now 7 going on 15 :rolleyes: ), I said that she would fit around me, not the other way round. I've stood by that and she's a great rounded and fulfilled little girl who I can take anywhere as that's what I used to do with her - have baby, will travel! She's also fab around our horse too ;)

They do make your lives and I am thinking of having another baby soon, even though I have a 4yr horse who needs a lot of attention, but life's what you make it and it's for living.

And give you tutor a kick up the jacksie by reporting them - how unprofessional can you get?!? :mad:
 
OP - I work in Higher Education and the comment you received from the member of staff was far from that which anyone I know would give. Do think about discussing the issue with her and taking it further if you are not satisfied. Well done to you achieving all you have - you will be an inspiration to your child when they grow up
 
flaxen said:
Not commemting on the email she sent you but as for being able to carry on as normal it all depends on how much help you get.

My baby is 8 mths old and Ive got to put my homebred future competition horse up for sale due to not being able to go back to work. My wages wont even cover the cost of child care for the hours I would be at work let alone anything else. We dont qualify for any help and my husband wont pay for my horses, I cant even afford for me to have a car now Im not working ( cant drive his as I cant reach the pedals ). So for me it does feel like the end of the world, he gets to carry on as normal where as all my dreams have just gone down the pan.
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Flaxen that is very sad. I am really sorry to read this. Without being rude is your husband short of money or just mean?
 
FfionWinnie,
He earns double what I did when I was working full time. He spends it on fast food, his car which he has decked out in hideous spotlights, drainpipe thing, warning lights ( orange ones ) tow bar ( doesnt tow ), he also shoots and him and his dad have 2 full gun cabinets between them plus he says he needs umpteen hundred cartridges plus rubbish on ebay.

He doesnt help with our daughter at all and hasnt, he works 5 nights a week and spends his 2 days playing outside on the farm.

We live on his grandfathers farm as do my 2 horses ( 1 pony companion, who has to go too ) but I also have to pay for them to be here. I have to get up at 5am to do them etc ( not allowed out if field wet ) before baby wakes up at 6am and have about 30 mins in afternoon to do them before she kicks off at being in her pram.

He wouldnt get rid of his car and certainly wouldnt walk to work despite it being at tthe bottom of our farm drive ( 10 min walk ).

He doesnt help in the house either, tried refusing to do the washing up etc but usually get told off when hes used every plate etc ( i dont eat hardly so dont use any ) as apparantly its my job.

He wonders why Im miserable and dont eat ( have about 4 biscuits a day ).

Dont get me wrong I love our daughter but am begining to wish I hadnt had her. I also had to sell my trailer to buy her everything she needed.

Ive looked into full time again but there are very few jobs around and child care would still obliterate all pay. Its about £210 per week for 5 days of childcare in the week.
 
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Flaxen I do feel for you, your OH sounds like a waste of space. Having negative thoughts and not eating are not good for you though!!! You need to speak to someone about that and get some help. Sorry not to be of more help but perhaps its worth posting on a parenting forum like Mumsnet and talking to your GP about options?
 
Flaxen, your OH sounds like a ****** I'm afraid :( Why are you still with him??


OP - Good for you :) Babies shouldn't end your life!
 
FfionWinnie said:
There will always be someone wanting to tell you wait til she gets to x age then you'll know all about it. My neighbour has a granddaughter a year older than mine and when ever I say how good my little girl is I get "wait til she's x age". It hasn't happened yet lol. Firm fair rules and a good routine especially a good sleep routine, will keep you and the baby in good order.
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This. In my case it was my mother . . . supportive, huh? I worked from the time both of mine were 3 months old (had to) and (with the support of my husband) have managed to raise two well-adjusted, responsible, respectful, fun young women.

I agree that you should take this up with the principal of the college . . . your lecturer's response was highly unprofessional.

What you are doing is to be commended . . . well done for pursuing further education to provide for your baby daughter.

P
 
It is incredibly sad what you have written Flaxen. Your OH sounds lke a selfish knob. Do you have any friends/family nearby who you can talk to? You should try and speak to someone, especially with you saying you don't eat much, that's quite worrying x
 
perhaps your tutor felt that you were struggling and perhaps she meant well but things dont always come across like that via email? Sure there is more to it than this? if not then yes a bit rude.

Personally i could nothave put my 10 wk old son in nursery, i was far too protective of him and wanted to spend time with him whilst i could. i didnt spend my time with my eldest when he was that age and i regret every second of it. that is why when my second was born, i made sure i spent the time with him, nothing was worth missing out this time. i am not going back to college now he is 3 and starts nursery soon, thee is no harm in putting things on hold, doing things differently for a while. i think at 10 wks old, you will burn yourself out doing so much, and i bet you will look back and wish you had spent more time with you child. i missed my youngest first steps, i made damn sure i didnt miss the second. of course the choice is yours and if its the degree you really want right now then go for it, i just think maybe in a round about way your tutor might have a slight point.
 
Flaxen- your oh sounds like a moron. Whilst I agree if one partner is home full time then housework is their responsibility, then by rights the worker should be sharing the income. He can't have it both ways. In your shoes I'd be sitting down & laying ground rules. And if they failed, walking.
Nickynoos- I imagine op is equally protective as yourself & just as keen to spend time with her baby. But like many others, has to look at the bigger picture. I worked freelance quite early on, & daughter was in nursery ft by 9mnths when I went ft. Can't say it has effected her in anyway.
 
Flaxen I want to kick your husband in the nuts. This is not right at all. Have you been with him a long time? I suspect if you allow him to continue controlling you like this he will become worse and worse. Have you got any family near by. I wish I could do something to help you. :(
 
I was quite sad in a way to read all these replies. I agree that perhaps that wasnt the way the tutor should have gone about things but I didnt want to leave me babies when they were that young.
I went back to work part time when my son was 6 months old and nearly made myself ill. i didnt want to be told he has just said this that or the other or taken his first step, I wanted to be there. I fell pregnant by mistake when he was nearly a year old with our daughter and agreed with their Dad that we would do without stuff and I would stay home with the kids. Best thing we ever did , the kids come first (they are 13 and 15 now ) and I personally dont regret it. I have started a new job recently and am enjoying it but am so glad that I was there for them and still am.
They both ride and i will start driving again when they stop using all the grazing up !!.
I know that you dont know what is round the corner but I have no regrets about them being the centre of our world .
 
No one said they aren't the centre of our worlds but as the only bread winner in my house I had no choice but to go back to work when she was 8 months. Doesn't mean I love her any less or indeed feel I missed anything:mad:
 
Ok, I put my hands up and say I don't have children, but am closely involved with my nephews.

I don't think anyone should be saying what time is right to place the child in nursery. It's up to the individual and from seeing a couple of close friends who have recently given birth, neither of them had a clue as to how they would feel after giving birth. And there are others for whom rerturning to work is an absolute economic necessity.
 
that's really terrible OP! I hope you get a proper and full apology :mad:

I agree wholeheartedly with you sentiments too.... many people told me my life would never be the same after having a baby. Well he is now 15 weeks old and yes, my life has changed - for the better. It has been enriched by this wonderful new addition to our family! However, my husband and I parent as a 50/50 team so I actually have as much if not more time for my own things than I did when I was teaching full time !! Im sick to the back teeth of all those who proffer doom and gloom and just because we have a very good baby say 'oh wait until he is teething' or 'just wait until he is 2' and you wont be able to do a thing:rolleyes: nice.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to stay at home, nor would it be fulfilling for every Mum to do so! You have to do what is right for you and makes you happy, happy mum=happy baby:) Every woman feels differently, I have some friends who cant bare to be parted from their babies and are with them 24/7 and some who are desperate to get back to work. Personally I have no qualms about leaving my wee guy either with his Dad or Auntie and have been away on my own competing with my dogs over 2 weekends already. Each to their own.

For what its worth we are just back from an epic trip round Canada with our little one - he adapted straight to Canadian time and straight back to UK time at this end; slept through the flights and was generally a pack-up-and-take-anywhere baby:cool:
 
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The title of the post was "kids, the end of the world "
My kids are the centre of our world i would not put them in nursery but waited until they were in pre school before starting anything of my own which is still on the back burners today. my time will come again when they need me less.
As stated this was our choice of what to go without . i was able to be there for the "FIRSTS" which I wouldnt have missed for the world.
 
Did you read any of the posts before posting your inflammatory comments maree t. The title was sarcasm directed at someone who insinuated kids were the end of the world. The op said her child had not ended her life but had made her life.
 
I am sure that every mother in an ideal world would love to stay home all day until the kids start school, but not everyone is financially equipped for that, and my own mother wasn't expecting my father to leave quite so abruptly so had to go back to work to keep a roof over our heads and she is still working well past retirement age. Fair play to her, I say, she's been a great role model.
 
maree t said:
The title of the post was "kids, the end of the world "
My kids are the centre of our world i would not put them in nursery but waited until they were in pre school before starting anything of my own which is still on the back burners today. my time will come again when they need me less.
As stated this was our choice of what to go without . i was able to be there for the "FIRSTS" which I wouldnt have missed for the world.
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Be prepared to wait a long time. They need you more as they get older.
OP has made a choice which suits her, and to be criticised in the way she was was very unfair. Anyone who has children wants to do their best for them, and my best may not be someone else's, but that doesn't make it wrong. :)
 
MareeT- I didn't want to leave my baby either, perhaps your husband would have paid me to sit at home all day too? Tbh, while I found it upsetting, it hasn't done daughter any harm. And who gives you the right to judge other parents as to whether they have to work or not? You may well be entitled to the misinformed, self righteous opinion it makes you a better parent. I am equally entitled to the opinion that someone who finds working pt made them ill is a lesser parent than me. Kids whose parents ignore them suffer. But that happens with parents that think staying at home too. And my poor child with a ft mum is far happier & balanced than plenty I know brought up by mummy. Good parenting has sod all to do with not working.
 
littlelegs said:
MareeT- I didn't want to leave my baby either, perhaps your husband would have paid me to sit at home all day too? Tbh, while I found it upsetting, it hasn't done daughter any harm. And who gives you the right to judge other parents as to whether they have to work or not? You may well be entitled to the misinformed, self righteous opinion it makes you a better parent. I am equally entitled to the opinion that someone who finds working pt made them ill is a lesser parent than me. Kids whose parents ignore them suffer. But that happens with parents that think staying at home too. And my poor child with a ft mum is far happier & balanced than plenty I know brought up by mummy. Good parenting has sod all to do with not working.
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Well said! :)
 
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