Large yards - how to cope with the difficult ones!

[NooNoo59]

just wondered how those of us on larger livery yards cope with the prima donnas around. There is a woman on our yard who does not speak to me or several others, she does not look at you or acknowledge your presence in any way at all. Most of us do a general good morning or night but she does not do this, she sometimes comes on the yard and does not speak all the time she is there, only to her horse. I have tried saying Hi or Bye but nothing, its as if you do not exist. Its very rude and childish and I try not to let it bother me too much as life is too short, but it does create an atmosphere which is sometimes unpleasant and if I am stressed it upsets me and other times just plain annoys me. I have asked her what her problem is, she said that their isn't one but since then has ignored me even more.
How do all cope with these sort of pathetic people?

 

[Moomin1]

I wouldn't even bother my backside over it. Just get on with your own stuff and ignore her back.

 

[Nugget La Poneh]

Smile to acknowledge, then ignore.

Simples.

Not worth getting het up about.

 

[cobgoblin]

Just ignore her. That's obviously the way she wants it, or perhaps it's the only way she can cope.

 

[PolarSkye]

Perhaps she is shy - or mentally ill - and her time at the yard is her quiet time.

P

 

[Moomin1]

Perhaps she is shy - or mentally ill - and her time at the yard is her quiet time.

P

Or perhaps the other liveries are a pain in the ass lol!

 

[luckyoldme]

to be honest after some of the horsey loonies ive met I think if I had to go back to a livery I would ignore everyone as well. There again my horse is 24 and I think I would rather pts than risk going back to a livery!

 

[Goldenstar]

Just ignore her. That's obviously the way she wants it, or perhaps it's the only way she can cope.

Yup it's not compulsory to be friendly she can enjoy her time with her horse how she likes .

 

[FlashyP]

You said it yourself, life is too short! She may just be rude BUT anything could be going on in her life/with her health, her horsey time may just be a break from people, who knows, be kind. Just enjoy your horse/s and your friends at the yard, don't be nasty to her or talk about her though, if she does have a mental illness this could makes things rreally horrible for her.

 

[soulfull]

We had one on a yard I was at previously. At first it annoyed or upset a lot of us. In the end we all just made a point of being extra chatty and laughing when she was 'hiding' with her horse. In the end she did start to join in

Seems in the past she had a really bad time being bullied at another yard. Once she had been with us a while and realised we Weren't a bitchy lot she joined in more

 

[YorksG]

The woman has told you she has no problem with you, she just gets on with her own stuff. How this makes her a prima donna I do not know. It sounds as if you are more of a problem than she is tbh. Leave the poor woman alone!

 

[Kikke]

Who cares! why would you want to speak to everybody?
I am at a big yard and don't speak to everybody and am just fine with it. some people just don't want any contact and that is their good right. Don't let it bother you and get on with life as you said it is way to short!

 

[Zero00000]

Not everyone wants to socialise, perhaps, maybe.. just a thought, she just wants to get on and do her horse? and is sick of everyone trying to talk to her??

 

[DragonSlayer]

The woman has told you she has no problem with you, she just gets on with her own stuff. How this makes her a prima donna I do not know. It sounds as if you are more of a problem than she is tbh. Leave the poor woman alone!

Going with this and many others!

Live and let live.

 

[pinklilly]

I go to the yard to do my horse and that alone and don't want the distractions as time is limited and I'm not a very sociable person anyway, I don't see why this should be a problem to other liveries, it's not personal, but i'd rather spend the time with my horse!

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

I'm with OP to be honest, its sad if someone cant say hello, or nod, I know I am thought to be standoffish, but even then I don t ignore people, I just don't gossip, so this puts me in a minority!

 

[Arizahn]

She isn't a prima donna, OP. She just doesn't want to chat. That's her prerogative. It doesn't make her difficult. Not everyone in life will be inclined to make conversation with everyone else. She has told you there is no problem, let her alone and stop judging her! For what it's worth, I'm virtually mute around other humans, unless there is something that I actually need to discuss with them. This is chiefly because I don't actually enjoy interacting with them in person - I have thirty plus years of very valid reasons for this. I'm not going to change my outlook.

 

[Noodles_3]

The woman has told you she has no problem with you, she just gets on with her own stuff. How this makes her a prima donna I do not know. It sounds as if you are more of a problem than she is tbh. Leave the poor woman alone!

Sorry I tend to agree with this! She may of had issues you do not know about and chooses to keep her self to herself. Don't take it personally x

 

[Holly Hocks]

OP dont' worry about it. Sometimes I keep quiet on the yard. It's not because I'm horrible - and unlike the woman on your yard I always say hello, but sometimes I don't want to get drawn in conversations. I have an incredibly stressful job and sometimes the time with the horses is the only time I get to think about things. Other times I'm in a rush and don't want to get drawn in as it will hold me up. Just get on with your things and providing she is treating everyone the same, then it's not personal. Enjoy your time with the other liveries.

 

[Greylegs]

This lady wants to keep herself to herself for her own reasons. She may be ill,stressed, depressed or just plain shy, but whatever it is she's just getting on with doing her own thing. Be nice, try to make it clear she's welcome to join in with yard chats if she wants, but otherwise leave her alone. She's not a prima Donna!

You never know, she may be posting on here asking why people won't just let her get on with doing her own thing and insist in trying to get her to chat!

 

[Sukistokes2]

OP it could be worst.....you could have someone like me who chats all the time and holds you up.....I'd go for the quiet ones everytime!!!!

 

[JennBags]

The woman has told you she has no problem with you, she just gets on with her own stuff. How this makes her a prima donna I do not know. It sounds as if you are more of a problem than she is tbh. Leave the poor woman alone!

I'm with this too. I can't understand why you feel the need for everyone to act like you do.

 

[maresmaid]

I have come across people like this and I find the best way to handle it is firstly to not take offense, everyone is entitled to their own space & it doesn't have to be personal if they don't feel sociable. Secondly always treat everyone with the same basic courtesy. I always say a cheery "good morning" or "goodbye" to everyone and I chose not to notice if someone doesn't answer me, I simply leave them alone to do their thing in peace, but still offer a polite friendly greeting each time I see them. It doesn't bother me if they don't want to chat - but if they ever change their mind I like to show that I am approachable.

 

[Dubsie]

How do you know she isn't deaf or hard of hearing? Talking only slows you down, I do like to sneak in before everyone else so I can be quick.

 

[blitznbobs]

When I do my horses it's my time to be alone. My job is dealing with the public and having to be cheerful and kind all the time. At home I have 2 young children so on my hour or two on the yard I want to be alone... I don't understand why someone keeping themselves to themselves is a big deal ...

 

[AmyMay]

Smile to acknowledge, then ignore.

Simples.

Not worth getting het up about.

Exactly. Yards are full of every sort of people. Some you'll get on with, some you won't.

 

[applecart14]

I had this with a lady who was slightly older than me at a previous yard. I would say hello to her and all I would get was a grunt if I was lucky and yet she would be nice as pie to everyone else. It used to really get me down, I am a person who really cares what others think about me and I take things to heart and get quite upset when I think people dislike me.The one day there were three of us sat in the tea room. She asked my two friends if they'd had a piece of her birthday cake out of the fridge and just ignored me! It was so weird!

I asked her on a couple of occassions why she didn't talk to me, or chat to me. Had I done somethign wrong? Had I offended her? Had someone said I'd said something behind her back? She said it was none of those - she was just a miserable bitch sometimes and she would be in a bad mood at times and couldn't help it.

That was not a good enough reason for me but I put up with it as I didn't want the confrontation. Then she left the yard and moved elsewhere and I left the same yard and moved to her new yard. She told my boyfriend and me she had put a good word in for me with the new yard owner (I didn't understand why as she'd never before given me the time of day). When i moved to the yard she was nice as pie to me and we often hacked out together. Sadly the friendship all came a bit late in teh day as she didn't stay long at the yard and left.

I still don't know what to think about the whole thing. I am not sure if she did genuinely like me in the end as she used to talk to me, include me in conversation and hack out with me . The cynical part of me thinks she just wanted someone to hack out with and just used to put up with me. I cant understand the turn around in her attitude. She hasn't really contacted me since she left the yard. We were all going to go out for a meal and it never materialised. Then she said she was going to pick me up and take me to her new yard and show me around and that hasn't happened either so I think I really know what the answer is! Shame though as I thought we could have been good friends (but she would probably laugh at this).

I know how you feel NooNoo59 as I used to find it frustrating and also upsetting too.

 

[Lyle]

Honestly, I'd prefer if people kept to themselves most of the time!!

I'm sure I've come across like the lady in the OP, but I am neither rude nor arrogant, simply shy and at my horse to see my horse!! I'm usually in a hurry during the week, and I don't engage in chats because I'll be there all evening in the dark without even getting on my horse. I will smile and say hello, but I won't usually instigate it as I'm very shy. There's a new girl at my yard and she's a bit younger than me (although not by much in years!) and she's all for coming up and chatting away...

 

[Jazzy B]

One of my mates is one of the most anti social people u have met she's actually probably the lady u have described but she just likes to go to the yard, mess around with her horse, do her own thing and come home again - that's just the way she is....

 

[Illusion100]

I initially try to make an effort, then after that treat them how they treat me. If they want to be left alone, I would leave them alone, not in a rude way but just leaving them to it.

However, a certain family on our large yard is despised by everyone else, particularly the mum, with good reason tbph. I pretend they don't exist.

My time at the yard is to enjoy with my horse and have a chat and giggle with people I enjoy being around.