Large yards - how to cope with the difficult ones!

NooNoo59

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 December 2011
Messages
1,159
Location
kent
Visit site
I think on reading these replies that I have not told the whole story, she chats to a few other people and use to talk to me all the time that's why now its upsetting, sorry if I did not make that clear. If she has always been like it I would have just let her get on with it, but the fact that we used to get on and now she completely blanks me is odd. But as you all say, let her get with it, I have asked if I have upset her and she says I haven't so for some reason I am not in favour anymore but I find someone looking straight through as if you don't exist annoying and rude. Its not that hard to at least say morning and good night, that's just common courtesy and good manners.
 

Honey08

Waffled a lot!
Joined
7 June 2010
Messages
19,522
Location
north west
Visit site
In some way you must have upset her, but she obviously doesn't want to talk about it or do anything about it, and that's her choice.. You've tried, she's not interested, so let it go. There must be plenty of other people that you do get on with, so stick to them and let her be.
 

Apercrumbie

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 November 2008
Messages
5,365
Location
South-West
Visit site
The woman has told you she has no problem with you, she just gets on with her own stuff. How this makes her a prima donna I do not know. It sounds as if you are more of a problem than she is tbh. Leave the poor woman alone!

How many times will you hear advice on this forum saying to just get on with your horse and ignore people if there is any trouble at a livery yard? Leave the poor woman in peace. It's her choice not to talk to you so leave her be. Nothing prima donnaish about it.
 

Tnavas

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 October 2005
Messages
8,480
Location
New Zealand but from UK
Visit site
Get over yourself!

Did it ever occur to you that she may be painfully shy?

Maybe you don't come across as particularly pleasant to know - from your post I don't think I would be too keen to be involved with someone who is so judgemental.

Some people aren't that bothered about being in the IN crowd, but just want to enjoy their horse time.
 

Illusion100

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 January 2014
Messages
3,625
Location
Probably on my way to A&E
Visit site
Lets all just re-evaluate our views on bullying, shall we?

Why would anyone want to be part of this forum when a scenario results in criticism, blame and personal comments?

Sorry but imo, not good enough GROWN ADULTS!

If the shoe was on YOUR foot, you may feel differently.

Anyone can view a situation differently from another. Please, please *would get into praying position if I thought I could get up again* can we just try to be supportive and understanding and express opinions in this way?
 

Kaylum

Well-Known Member
Joined
29 May 2010
Messages
5,562
Visit site
It's normal behaviour on a big yard and to be honest someone not talking to you is quite tame to what some are like. Just ignore it. I try with someone once and then I don't bother again, until they need me. Like the woman whose horse went over backwards and got caught up in a plough. And was screaming for help which ofcourse everyone did. She was a really moody nasty piece of work always having to say something about people. She was an eventer and a bully saying to one of the girls in the yard that if she didn't rug up her Shetland she would report her. Yeah right clever horse woman tying her horse up near a plough and not even knowing how to look after a Shetland.

What my friend does to people who don't speak or seem to have a problem with her, she makes sure she always waves to them in the car and always makes a point of speaking to them. They must be so annoyed with her.
 
Last edited:

Zero00000

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 August 2012
Messages
1,666
Visit site
Lets all just re-evaluate our views on bullying, shall we?

Why would anyone want to be part of this forum when a scenario results in criticism, blame and personal comments?

Sorry but imo, not good enough GROWN ADULTS!

If the shoe was on YOUR foot, you may feel differently.

Anyone can view a situation differently from another. Please, please *would get into praying position if I thought I could get up again* can we just try to be supportive and understanding and express opinions in this way?

Are we reading the same post?
 

Maiko

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 August 2008
Messages
338
Visit site
I go to my (large) yard to relax, de-stress from my at times very intense and stressful work life, and enjoy my horse. I don't go there to socialise, I have friends I socialise with outside of my riding time. My time with my horse is very precious to me. I don't speak to everyone at my yard, I haven't got the time, there are also a couple of people I really don't like, and one person who used to be a "friend" who told such vicious lies about me to a third party, having spent nearly an hour moaning themselves about this third party, that I cut her out of my life completely. There is also a woman at the yard who, if you say "Hello, how are you?", will snap back at you "Whats it got to do with you?" Yes, she is a miserable cow, but I have no interest in being friends with her, so I have learnt to not say anything to her at all. It works, it causes me no bother at all.

If this person at your yard doesn't talk to you, so what? Does this really interfere with anything you are doing with your horse? Live your own life, let others live theirs.
 

fatpiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 December 2006
Messages
4,593
Visit site
Oh dear, are liveries supposed to pretend they doing the closing scene of the Waltons or something? If someone didn't want to have anything to do with me I would have been grateful - one less person pestering me to borrow this, show them that, give them free veterinary advice, do this that and the other for them. It sounds great to me. It is perfectly possible that the woman is " on the spectrum". I work with an academic who rarely makes eye contact with us , grunts if you are lucky and blanks us most of the time. But he is married so he must have been ok with someone at least. The other day he really surprised me by being really quite chatty about cycling to work. The following week he was back to the grunt. The world really doesn't stop spinning if people don't want to speak to you you know!
 

Cowpony

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 May 2013
Messages
3,177
Visit site
The point about a big yard is that if you don't get on with one person there are plenty of others around for you to talk to. You don't have to talk to the difficult ones just because you're the only ones there, as you might on a small yard.
 

Arizahn

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 May 2011
Messages
4,298
Visit site
We need a Difficulty Rating Chart for liveries, don't we? Scale of 1 to 10; 1 being gets on with their horse but doesn't speak to anyone, 10 being sacrifices other liveries to Cthulu or similar...:D



<sacrificing other liveries is very bad, please don't do this, even if Cthulu promises you a full set of matchy-matchy gear in exchange>
 

Happy Hunter

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 April 2010
Messages
1,713
Location
MiddleSouthShires
Visit site
<sacrificing other liveries is very bad, please don't do this, even if Cthulu promises you a full set of matchy-matchy gear in exchange>

Wish you had told me that yesterday,,, dammit.

In all seriousness OP - Sounds like she has just gone off being all chatty for a bit.
Might be something going on 'behind the scenes' that you dont know about.
I think you have been friendly in asking if there is something wrong.
Beyond that, just keep smiling and the odd good morning - and no one can accuse anyone of anything.

If her not acknowledging you anymore does make you feel uncomfortable, I do understand where you are coming from on that one - but keep smiling, know you have friends elsewhere - and sing that Dory the fish song - Just keep swimming,,, swimming,,, swimmming....
 

LittleMonster

Well-Known Member
Joined
31 October 2012
Messages
852
Visit site
Personally i don't really talk to people on K yard, i go up and will smile and say hello to people when passing but thats about it unless they strike a convo with me but i don't stand around gossiping, just general horse talk.

i have had a few people ask my advice on things which is nice :) but personally im not bothered if people ignore me i just do what i'm meant to.
And lots of other people feel the same :)

But i was on a yard and we were like a little family, but a new women moved up and after a weeks gossip started and it was clearly her so she didn't stay long and it went back to normal (you do meet some people in the horsey world unfort.)
 

Rosiejazzandpia

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 December 2012
Messages
2,105
Visit site
She sounds like me. I go to the yard to see my horse. I speak to the YO and her husband, and two other liveries. I'm not ignorant I'm just doing my own thing. I don't like people at all and can't stand the other liveries because they are mean and bitchy. I pay for my horse to be at the yard and enjoy having her, I just don't want to waste my time on people I have zero interest in
 

_GG_

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 August 2012
Messages
9,039
Location
Gloucester
Visit site
just wondered how those of us on larger livery yards cope with the prima donnas around. There is a woman on our yard who does not speak to me or several others, she does not look at you or acknowledge your presence in any way at all. Most of us do a general good morning or night but she does not do this, she sometimes comes on the yard and does not speak all the time she is there, only to her horse. I have tried saying Hi or Bye but nothing, its as if you do not exist. Its very rude and childish and I try not to let it bother me too much as life is too short, but it does create an atmosphere which is sometimes unpleasant and if I am stressed it upsets me and other times just plain annoys me. I have asked her what her problem is, she said that their isn't one but since then has ignored me even more.
How do all cope with these sort of pathetic people?

I've not read past this post, but I find that quite a harsh OP in calling these sort of people pathetic? Have you ever thought that maybe she is just shy/socially awkward/suffers anxiety etc? There are many perfectly valid reasons why she may like to keep herself to herself and to be honest, she has every right to.

That said, there are some people that are just up themselves and they are better to just be ignored.
 

Janovich

Well-Known Member
Joined
10 June 2014
Messages
687
Location
Lancashire
Visit site
I've got to back up GG's thoughts on this initial post....


And you wonder WHY there's atmospheres and the like on yards, when folk are judged so quickly......mmmmmm., perhaps it's time to just stand back a minute and really think about your post.

Food for Thought eh OP?
 

MotherOfChickens

MotherDucker
Joined
3 May 2007
Messages
16,639
Location
Weathertop
Visit site
just wondered how those of us on larger livery yards cope with the prima donnas around. There is a woman on our yard who does not speak to me or several others, she does not look at you or acknowledge your presence in any way at all. Most of us do a general good morning or night but she does not do this, she sometimes comes on the yard and does not speak all the time she is there, only to her horse. I have tried saying Hi or Bye but nothing, its as if you do not exist. Its very rude and childish and I try not to let it bother me too much as life is too short, but it does create an atmosphere which is sometimes unpleasant and if I am stressed it upsets me and other times just plain annoys me. I have asked her what her problem is, she said that their isn't one but since then has ignored me even more.
How do all cope with these sort of pathetic people?


maybe she's anxious, maybe she's autistic or maybe she just has the measure of you up front.
 

Emma_H

Well-Known Member
Joined
4 December 2012
Messages
395
Visit site
Most of us are on yard for our own convenience, whether it be location, price, services whatever.
Throw a lot of women together and there are bound to be some who get on and some who don't. They'll always be cliques and they'll always be people you're not too keen on.

Sometimes people just want to keep to themselves and just spend some time with their horse. Maybe to get over a bad day in the office, a bad time at home or just to have some solitude.
Not everyone wants to be the life and soul of the party.

Live and let live eh?
 

Moomin1

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 July 2010
Messages
7,969
Visit site
There was a woman on our yard once who was pretty unbearable to be around and wouldn't leave anyone alone, however many hints they made that they would rather be left in peace with their horse. I used to make every effort to avoid her like the plague to be honest because it got to the point where I wasn't enjoying going to spend time with my horse. The day she left was like winning the lottery..I got the pleasure of just being left alone with my horse and enjoying what should be just that - an enjoyable time. Maybe this woman feels the same...
 

_GG_

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 August 2012
Messages
9,039
Location
Gloucester
Visit site
There was a woman on our yard once who was pretty unbearable to be around and wouldn't leave anyone alone, however many hints they made that they would rather be left in peace with their horse. I used to make every effort to avoid her like the plague to be honest because it got to the point where I wasn't enjoying going to spend time with my horse. The day she left was like winning the lottery..I got the pleasure of just being left alone with my horse and enjoying what should be just that - an enjoyable time. Maybe this woman feels the same...

The livery I am going to with Tornado on Saturday has two yards....a large yard with circa 25 boxes and a small yard of four. I have opted for the yard of four. I want to go to enjoy having a horse again. I have friends, I don't need any more. I am perfectly happy, pleasant and polite and happy to help out, but I will very much appreciate it being quiet so I can bind with, train and enjoy at my leisure, without interruption. One of my biggest regrets with Fly was that I could have done so much more with her had I put us first rather than being pulled in to helping everyone else....which of course landed me with no thanks and broken friendship.
 

chazza44

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 November 2012
Messages
139
Visit site
Some people just aren't that chatty and to be honest if I'd never spoken to someone and then they came up to me asking what my problem was if probably not want to interact with them again.
 

Moomin1

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 July 2010
Messages
7,969
Visit site
The livery I am going to with Tornado on Saturday has two yards....a large yard with circa 25 boxes and a small yard of four. I have opted for the yard of four. I want to go to enjoy having a horse again. I have friends, I don't need any more. I am perfectly happy, pleasant and polite and happy to help out, but I will very much appreciate it being quiet so I can bind with, train and enjoy at my leisure, without interruption. One of my biggest regrets with Fly was that I could have done so much more with her had I put us first rather than being pulled in to helping everyone else....which of course landed me with no thanks and broken friendship.

Someone after my own heart GG - I would hate being on a large yard with a passion. Yes, the facilities may be good, but to me the misery of having bitchiness and interference just wouldn't be worth it. I absolutely love spending time with my horse, doing what I wish, when I wish, and having nobody there to interrupt and interfere.
 

_GG_

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 August 2012
Messages
9,039
Location
Gloucester
Visit site
Someone after my own heart GG - I would hate being on a large yard with a passion. Yes, the facilities may be good, but to me the misery of having bitchiness and interference just wouldn't be worth it. I absolutely love spending time with my horse, doing what I wish, when I wish, and having nobody there to interrupt and interfere.

I wish I could say I didn't look back at my time with Fly with regrets, but I do...and that is it...I spent time with other people, helping them with their horses when I wish I had spent it with her. She wanted for nothing...but I can't tell you the number of times we ended up with just 20 minutes schooling or a 20 minute hack because I couldn't say no to giving lessons for nothing or schooling a problem pony for nothing. I will still help when I can if anyone at the new yard wants it, but I will not offer it and I will only say yes now if it fits in with my plans, not the other way around.

Plus, Tornado is young, he's had a little schooling, but in draw reins so he'll be getting my full attention for the foreseeable future.
 

Arizahn

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 May 2011
Messages
4,298
Visit site
Arizahn, were you a fan of H P Lovecraft !

Nargh'typhgy...ahem. I mean, no, of course not, nothing to see here!

<hides weird looking tome>

Being serious, there are plenty of people who just aren't looking to socialise. And even if they have socialised with you previously, this doesn't mean they have to keep doing so. We never really know what's going on in other people's lives. The right to be left in peace is one that is often forgotten about. I was on a yard once where a part of the contract mentioned that anyone bothering or pestering other liveries would be issued a verbal warning, then a written warning, and after that they would be given notice to quit! It was a very strict but peaceful yard :)
 

paddi22

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 December 2010
Messages
6,376
Visit site
i moved to a new yard, but shortly after my mum became ill and i ended up doing full time care for her. I was knackered and just wanted to unwind at yard. i hadn't got the energy or urge to talk to people at all so I kept my head down and i'm sure people thought i was rude. The yard was huge and had a few cliques so it was honestly easier to blank them all instead of being pulled into conversations.

I think the Op really needs to get over herself. Sometimes people just don't like other people, and they are perfectly entitled to without being called pathetic. If someone on my yard didn't like me, ignored me, and didn't say hello it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. it's their own business.
 
Top