Large yards - how to cope with the difficult ones!

[PolarSkye]

As a sufferer of mental illness, there are days when I really can't bring myself to get out of bed, much less talk to actual human beings - but my horse needs caring for, so I HAVE to go to the yard. It's one very big reason why I left a busy, large yard for a (much) smaller one (there are other reasons, but they aren't relevant to this thread).

OP - please don't judge this woman . . . I know she has been friendly in the past, but it's clear she is unable to communicate now . . . and she has assured you that you have done nothing wrong. Leave it there . . . and try to be more understanding. It is not necessarily about you.

P

 

[TelH]

maybe she's anxious, maybe she's autistic or maybe she just has the measure of you up front.

^^^ This. I was/am the type of person OP describes. I have Aspergers. I am not rude, childish or pathetic. Maybe the person is the same, or has some other issue which she does not wish to discuss with anyone. Luckily I have had my ponies at home for the past 5 years so I no longer have to deal with other liveries like the OP.

 

[FellOutOfFavour]

Some people just aren't that chatty and to be honest if I'd never spoken to someone and then they came up to me asking what my problem was if probably not want to interact with them again.

^^^^ This ^^^^^
If someone asked me what my problem was I'd interpret this as confrontational and would avoid any interaction with them in future.

I'd far rather be on a yard with quiet people than some of the interfering busy bodies I've encountered.

 

[Regandal]

I think a lot of you are being a bit harsh on the OP. This woman used to talk to her and now blanks her - it's natural to be upset. OP, treat as you find, just ignore it.

 

[_GG_]

I think a lot of you are being a bit harsh on the OP. This woman used to talk to her and now blanks her - it's natural to be upset. OP, treat as you find, just ignore it.

It's not nice to call any other person pathetic though is it? Nobody deserves that. The OP has said that the woman explained...there's just no need to call her pathetic or lump that label on anyone that just like a little peace and quiet.

 

[NooNoo59]

Thanks Regandel, I think you get! luckily lots of other nice people on the yard, really would not like to be on a yard where its considered being too friendly just because you say good morning and good night. That's just good manners, would hate to be on a yard where people just walked past you without acknowledging you at all which quite a few of the posters on here seem to do. Would you walk into an office/small shop/meeting/appointment and not use some form of greeting, its just normal behaviour or perhaps that's just me.

 

[_GG_]

Thanks Regandel, I think you get! luckily lots of other nice people on the yard, really would not like to be on a yard where its considered being too friendly just because you say good morning and good night. That's just good manners, would hate to be on a yard where people just walked past you without acknowledging you at all which quite a few of the posters on here seem to do. Would you walk into an office/small shop/meeting/appointment and not use some form of greeting, its just normal behaviour or perhaps that's just me.

I get that, but again, there can be many reasons for it. Live and let live...we are not all the same. I'm never rude and will also always say hello and goodbye, but I know people that genuinely can't even do that for various reasons (not just horsey people on yards).

 

[Moomin1]

Thanks Regandel, I think you get! luckily lots of other nice people on the yard, really would not like to be on a yard where its considered being too friendly just because you say good morning and good night. That's just good manners, would hate to be on a yard where people just walked past you without acknowledging you at all which quite a few of the posters on here seem to do. Would you walk into an office/small shop/meeting/appointment and not use some form of greeting, its just normal behaviour or perhaps that's just me.

Similarly you don't generally walk into an office/shop etc and hound someone to tears when they are trying to go about their own business quietly.

 

[YorksG]

Thanks Regandel, I think you get! luckily lots of other nice people on the yard, really would not like to be on a yard where its considered being too friendly just because you say good morning and good night. That's just good manners, would hate to be on a yard where people just walked past you without acknowledging you at all which quite a few of the posters on here seem to do. Would you walk into an office/small shop/meeting/appointment and not use some form of greeting, its just normal behaviour or perhaps that's just me.

I am quite sure that if the woman in question were to post on here, we would get a very different take on the situation. It may be good manners to return a greeting, but it isn't up to the person who feels slighted to call others prima donna's or difficult, now that would be rude and ill mannered.

 

[NooNoo59]

Similarly you don't generally walk into an office/shop etc and hound someone to tears when they are trying to go about their own business quietly.

who said anything about hounding someone to tears? I was just interested how other people cope with people that are like this on larger yards, I have never hounded anybody, hassled them, been unpleasant, what sort of person do you think I am?

 

[_GG_]

who said anything about hounding someone to tears? I was just interested how other people cope with people that are like this on larger yards, I have never hounded anybody, hassled them, been unpleasant, what sort of person do you think I am?

Personally...I don't think you're a bad person...I can't as I don't know you. The reason I said what I did was that the tone of your OP and still in this post, is that this woman's behaviour is wrong/something you have to cope with. In truth, we are all who we are and have the right to live our lives to suit us, not to suit others. You don't need to find a way to "cope" with her at all...you just have to accept that she has, for whatever reason, chosen not to engage with anyone. That's it.

The only person we ever have control over in our lives is ourselves. The sooner you can just accept others as they are, the easier your life will be.

So, I don't "cope" with people who are different from me. I respect that they are different and let them get on with it.

 

[Tnavas]

Well said GG

 

[Regandal]

You'd be as well giving up OP, no one seems to get that this person is blanking ONLY YOU. There are 2 possibilities, a) she just doesn't like you - not much you can do about that. b )she may be one of those people who are commonly known as 'moody cows'. In any female gathering of more than approx 10, there will always be one. I speak from experience unfortunately, having worked in all-female environments for the past 30 odd years. I doubt if they have known mental health probs/autistism as someone would have mentioned it. I would carry on greeting them as usual, try not to let it get you down.

 

[Moomin1]

You'd be as well giving up OP, no one seems to get that this person is blanking ONLY YOU. There are 2 possibilities, a) she just doesn't like you - not much you can do about that. b )she may be one of those people who are commonly known as 'moody cows'. In any female gathering of more than approx 10, there will always be one. I speak from experience unfortunately, having worked in all-female environments for the past 30 odd years. I doubt if they have known mental health probs/autistism as someone would have mentioned it. I would carry on greeting them as usual, try not to let it get you down.

Or maybe the OP is in fact a nuisance and the woman doesn't want anything to do with her? I'm not saying OP is, but we don't know. There are always two sides to the coin.

I'm slightly confused by your post - are you suggesting that in your 30 odd years of working in all female environments, you doubt ANY of them have had any mental health issues/autism?

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

It seems to me that the person OP posts about was initially naturally silent and is now deliberately ignoring OP. OP doesn't know why. I think the clue is in the bit of the post (not first post) where OP says "I've asked what her problem is and she replied there isn't one". From the reply, it sounds very much as if OP has approached this person and said "what's your problem?". If someone approached me like that I'd ignore them forever more too.

I remember a thread on here started by the OP which was rather unpleasant IMO and turned into a massive debate. Even when it had descended to going round and round in circles with no further debate occurring, the OP continued to post on it after it was dead, to re fuel the fire. If the OP is like this IRL then had I met her I would have observed it and decided to stay out of her way, not engaging with her at all. Perhaps that's what this supposedly difficult person has done on first encountering the OP?

 

[Capriole]

How would I cope with difficult liveries? I'd keep my head down and avoid contact with them. I've got little enough time as it is without being forced into small talk and time wasting with random nuisances. I will happily pass the time of day with most, but avoid the yard drama queens at all costs.

You'd be as well giving up OP, no one seems to get that this person is blanking ONLY YOU. .

Nope, clearly says otherwise in the first post. She doesn't speak to the OP and several others.

 

[chocolategirl]

just wondered how those of us on larger livery yards cope with the prima donnas around. There is a woman on our yard who does not speak to me or several others, she does not look at you or acknowledge your presence in any way at all. Most of us do a general good morning or night but she does not do this, she sometimes comes on the yard and does not speak all the time she is there, only to her horse. I have tried saying Hi or Bye but nothing, its as if you do not exist. Its very rude and childish and I try not to let it bother me too much as life is too short, but it does create an atmosphere which is sometimes unpleasant and if I am stressed it upsets me and other times just plain annoys me. I have asked her what her problem is, she said that their isn't one but since then has ignored me even more.
How do all cope with these sort of pathetic people?

With great difficulty is the answer! People who ignore others deliberately are just down right rude IMO. Gets my back up big time as a simple hello and goodbye, even if you can't stand a particular person, is just simply good manners. Anyone who carries on like this clearly shouldn't be where there are other people! If I were you, I would continue to be courteous to this person if only to pee her off!

 

[Illusion100]

With great difficulty is the answer! People who ignore others deliberately are just down right rude IMO. Gets my back up big time as a simple hello and goodbye, even if you can't stand a particular person, is just simply good manners. Anyone who carries on like this clearly shouldn't be where there are other people! If I were you, I would continue to be courteous to this person if only to pee her off!

You'd hate me then! There is a particular person on my large yard that most despise and others tolerate out of the common courtesy you describe. In fact most do not want to talk to them at all after the things they have said and done. I will (and many others) happily deliberately ignore them at all costs because nearly 99.9% guarantee the only time that livery opens their mouth is to rant at someone or talk about someone behind their back.

Agree though, OP should just leave this livery to it and just enjoy time with people and horses they want to be around!

 

[Dave's Mam]

Sorry, but it is not downright rude to ignore someone. I have done it. I did not want anyone to talk to me because to do so, they would have asked what was wrong & I didn't want to discuss it. I'd been beaten up. I just wanted to get on, do my thing & leave.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Perhaps not lift face in case a bruise shows? My bruising was all on my back & arms & missing hair, but I still didn't want to talk to anyone.

 

[Dave's Mam]

And this was my old landlady, not a partner, before anyone gets wrong idea.

 

[Illusion100]

And this was my old landlady, not a partner, before anyone gets wrong idea.

Doesn't make them anymore 'charming', sorry this happened to you.

 

[Dave's Mam]

My response was to whoever said ignoring someone was ignorant, cannot remember.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Yes, by the word itself, it is Ignorant, but am I gonna put myself in a world of "Oh what happened to you?" No. I'm not. Head down, job done and off.

 

[Illusion100]

My response was to whoever said ignoring someone was ignorant, cannot remember.

Was referring to the fact you'd been beaten up and was just expressing that I was sorry it happened to you, regardless of who your previous response was directed at.

 

[Dave's Mam]

I digress. That had **** all to do with livery, just human nature. Would anyone like a snory cat cuddle from our Daisy to lighten the mood?

 

[Dave's Mam]

She drools.

 

[Penny Less]

Someone on our yard was like this, didn't even acknowledge anyone, costs nothing just to say "morning" and then get on with your
chores.

 

[_GG_]

I agree that it is just plain rude to flat out ignore someone, but this doesn't seem so cut and dry to me and as we don't know the OP or the person in RL, I think it's impossible to say where there is any right and wrong. As I said before...when things like this happen, it's best to just live and let live and accept it or it'll frustrate only you, while the other person carries on regardless.

 

[TGM]

Personally I would rather have someone like this lady on the yard, than the type that are always sticking their oar and giving unwanted advice and comments and spreading gossip! The silent type are much easier to deal with and I would just leave her in peace to get on with her horse. Yes it is a bit discourteous not to say good morning or goodbye, but perhaps she finds returning such greetings often initiates unwanted chatter and distraction from other people. As for why she used to speak to you and now doesn't, there could be many reasons - perhaps you talk too much and take up too much of her time, perhaps you are tactless and blunt, perhaps she doesn't agree with your opinions, perhaps you have repeated things she has said to other people, etc. At the end of the day, it is her choice and I don't really see why it matters so much to you. If might be more awkward in a very small yard, but as you are in a big yard there are plenty of other people to chat to if you are so inclined!