Late extreme reaction after had horse PTS. How do you cope?

[YasandCrystal]

I agree with the other underlying issue theory suggested by some posters. You certainly did right by your horse and gave every attention to his comfort in the end by not passing him on and not travelling him. It was extremely compassionate and resposible of you and you should actually respect yourself for that. You are quite obviously a very caring person and this will be why you are now letting this haunt you. Think of the good years you gave him. I hope you get better and overcome this x

 

[Fransurrey]

Sorry that you're suffering, OP. I'd also say you were possibly prone to this beforehand and the horse being pts was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd always managed my depression to a point before my Rosco (cat) was put to sleep in November, but mentally fell apart after. I'm now on anti-ds, which I don't think are the answer, but they are helping to even out my moods, which was becoming a huge problem, so I still think it's worth having a chat with a Doctor (or pharmacist - they will know the drugs better than the Dr's and you can have a private consultation with one if you ask). I'd also maybe consider looking at Mindfulness groups near you. This is something I'm looking into, as an alternative to conventional counselling.

 

[MargotC]

Hi,

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your advice and support. I feel like getting other "horsey" people's perspectives on this was very helpful especially as none of my closest relatives or friends are into horses at all and seem to have a bit of trouble understanding the way I feel about losing a horse even if it was a decision made by me. Most of them give the impression they feel I should have moved on by now which is why I very rarely bring it up with them anymore.

I will try to look into some of the suggestions made and hopefully I will find something that gets me one step closer to actually being around horses again without fear of panicking. I do miss riding a lot even if I have some bad memories associated with it.

Thanks again,

M

 

[fatpiggy]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I lost my horse and my cat (both my decision to have them PTS) within 8 months of each other and had to manage it all before during and after entirely alone. No-one has ever asked me how I am managing without one or both. My horse was my world, my universe. I cry more now, over 12 months later, for my horse than I did immediately after. I won't be having another horse, or even riding again but am hoping to go to the sanctuary and collect a cat or two the weekend after next. Ironically there is a sad-eyed one waiting for a new home that has the same name as my horse and I'm sure she is sending me a sign that this little black beetle needs me, the same as she did.

A friend of mine is suffering in many ways the same as you are. She is a very organized, skilled and careful person, with grown up children and a very happy second marriage, but recently she has really gone to pieces. Can I ask how old you are, as my friend suspects her symptoms are tied to her starting the menopause. She gets bad panic attacks too. I get them occasionally, but for no good reason - last time I was simply drying my hair! My advise for them though is remember that you haven't died of one yet. Try to keep going with whatever you were doing, concentrate on that activity and the attack will pass.

 

[BlackVelvet]

Please do not feel that you 'should feel better' about losing your horse, just because it was your decision.

18 months ago I suddenly lost my one in million horse, I didnt get to say goodbye and even to this day it haunts me. I had always 'promised' him I would be there no matter what when it was the end, I just felt like i owed him it. In the end I was called early to my yard as he was colicing, we called the vet and they admitted him as he was dehydrated and his gums were pale. The vets sent us home saying they would keep us in touch. By 7pm they rang to say he had gone downhill and wanted to travel him to Liverpool for surgery, I refused as its a 4 hour drive away and he didnt travel well, plus he was 25. So if he continued to get worse throughout the night we would PTS, I asked to be there when it happened to say goodbye. At 7.30am the next morning, he died of a massive heart attack, whilst the vets back was turned. The vet stated it was a matter of second and he just went, but I never got to say goodbye and even writing this now my eyes are welling up. Im sure he wasnt looking around the stable yard looking for me or wondering where I was, but I just felt like I should have been there. I didnt go and see him after he had died as that isnt how I wanted to remember him. I still have dreams where he alive and well even though i know he has died, I wake up feeling upset. I know I did everything I could for him and it was the right choice to not operate etc. I guess I just still really miss him.

 

[jrp204]

So sorry that you are feeling this loss. I had a healthy, but suddenly blind horse pts. He didn't suffer because I chose his end. Scarily powerful,but how good for him? His life was rounded and safe. Every additional day would have been difficult and stressful. The decision you made was the right one. You had the power to stop his life becoming worse and you made a timely decision. Getting another horse isn't related to the loss of the first. I hope your next horse can hope for such a caring guardian.

Very well put, I was going to say the same thing but you have done it way more eloquently

 

[MargotC]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I lost my horse and my cat (both my decision to have them PTS) within 8 months of each other and had to manage it all before during and after entirely alone. No-one has ever asked me how I am managing without one or both. My horse was my world, my universe. I cry more now, over 12 months later, for my horse than I did immediately after. I won't be having another horse, or even riding again but am hoping to go to the sanctuary and collect a cat or two the weekend after next. Ironically there is a sad-eyed one waiting for a new home that has the same name as my horse and I'm sure she is sending me a sign that this little black beetle needs me, the same as she did.

A friend of mine is suffering in many ways the same as you are. She is a very organized, skilled and careful person, with grown up children and a very happy second marriage, but recently she has really gone to pieces. Can I ask how old you are, as my friend suspects her symptoms are tied to her starting the menopause. She gets bad panic attacks too. I get them occasionally, but for no good reason - last time I was simply drying my hair! My advise for them though is remember that you haven't died of one yet. Try to keep going with whatever you were doing, concentrate on that activity and the attack will pass.

Hi, I am so sorry about your losses. It is always hard... in addition to the horses I had, I still have a dog who is ten now and I absolutely shudder to think of the day I will have to make the same decision for him. I used to be of the mind that the joy they give you while you have them with you is worth the bitter end, but after losing my boy and selling my girl I am at times conflicted about that, too.

The hormonal influence theory is a very interesting one. I am merely in my mid-twenties so should hope the panic attacks in my case are not a sign of early onset menopause, but I would absolutely not discount say an hormonal imbalance having some effect on these things. I have had bloodworks done in the past and recently due to another matter, but I am unsure if they have ever been screened for something to that effect. Might be worth pursuing in addition to the therapy.

 

[MargotC]

Please do not feel that you 'should feel better' about losing your horse, just because it was your decision.

18 months ago I suddenly lost my one in million horse, I didnt get to say goodbye and even to this day it haunts me. I had always 'promised' him I would be there no matter what when it was the end, I just felt like i owed him it. In the end I was called early to my yard as he was colicing, we called the vet and they admitted him as he was dehydrated and his gums were pale. The vets sent us home saying they would keep us in touch. By 7pm they rang to say he had gone downhill and wanted to travel him to Liverpool for surgery, I refused as its a 4 hour drive away and he didnt travel well, plus he was 25. So if he continued to get worse throughout the night we would PTS, I asked to be there when it happened to say goodbye. At 7.30am the next morning, he died of a massive heart attack, whilst the vets back was turned. The vet stated it was a matter of second and he just went, but I never got to say goodbye and even writing this now my eyes are welling up. Im sure he wasnt looking around the stable yard looking for me or wondering where I was, but I just felt like I should have been there. I didnt go and see him after he had died as that isnt how I wanted to remember him. I still have dreams where he alive and well even though i know he has died, I wake up feeling upset. I know I did everything I could for him and it was the right choice to not operate etc. I guess I just still really miss him.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been very traumatic. Colic is terrifying even when it ends well...

I think part of the problem is I fail to come to terms with my own decision. I know it was the responsible thing to do but I suppose I could say I struggle morally about it, being responsible for his death such as it was.

Have a hug. x

 

[BlackVelvet]

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been very traumatic. Colic is terrifying even when it ends well...

I think part of the problem is I fail to come to terms with my own decision. I know it was the responsible thing to do but I suppose I could say I struggle morally about it, being responsible for his death such as it was.

Have a hug. x

I was asked why I didnt choose to operate on him, but I knew him better than anyone he was a big brute of a horse with a sometimes terrible attitude on him. I always had a plan should an emergancy happen and I always said I would let him go, I never wanted to see him suffer or be vunerable.

Sadly in the days we live in now, your horse will have most probably gone through the dealer yards being sold unsuitably to people and end up in a worse situation. I dont think anything you have done was unfair, it was responsible thing to do and ensured he had a loving happy life and will have gone without suffering or knowing any different. I know you have most probably heard all this before but truthfully I would have done the same for mine if I couldnt have kept him for any reason.

Keep your chin up x

 

[MargotC]

I was asked why I didnt choose to operate on him, but I knew him better than anyone he was a big brute of a horse with a sometimes terrible attitude on him. I always had a plan should an emergancy happen and I always said I would let him go, I never wanted to see him suffer or be vunerable.

Sadly in the days we live in now, your horse will have most probably gone through the dealer yards being sold unsuitably to people and end up in a worse situation. I dont think anything you have done was unfair, it was responsible thing to do and ensured he had a loving happy life and will have gone without suffering or knowing any different. I know you have most probably heard all this before but truthfully I would have done the same for mine if I couldnt have kept him for any reason.

Keep your chin up x

I think the knowing your horse part is incredibly important in any situation like this. Some horses might cope with the stress and rehabilitation while others would wither away or develop behavioral issues... I think the hard thing for some is to be honest about which is true for their horse. If I could go back to do some of it over again I would make an emergency plan in the event something would happen. I didn't have one and I suppose it was only lucky he didn't end up injured while I had him. I do wonder if having a plan from the start and knowing I would be prepared to make the call, would have made the decision a little less overwhelming.

I have seen my fair share of horses that end up being passed around due to the original owner not being up to making the call. One horse for instance has had three homes in less than four years after the first owner sold him on. Now I'm not necessarily implying those homes have been bad, but surely it isn't ideal for the horse and it increases the risk of him eventually ending up in the wrong hands. It might have been better for him had the first owner made a decision based on ensuring his welfare and not for her own peace of mind.

Of course I appreciate how hard this topic is for anyone and it is not for me to say what is right for another or their horse. x

 

[paddi22]

Just thought you might like a a bit more info about the hypnotherapy I did. I went in because i'd had a really bad fall where i lost power in a lot of my left hand side and I was terrifed to ride again. I just wanted to get hypnotised so I could get over it.

I did three sessions and in the first session he worked on what my issue was. Then he worked back to other times I had felt that way in the past. It was really interesting as I could hear myself automatically coming out with scenes from my childhood! Stuff I hadn't thought about in years. And nothing hugely bad, just growing up in a very tense family where everyone fights. We teased out that i was terrified of losing control, because as a child i had to be in control of everything around me to try and stop fights and stuff. Then over 2 more session he brought me back and had my older self talking to me as a child in those situations. It was really, really fascinating. We finished up the third session with a kind of positive reprogramming.

I found it one of the best things i've ever done. It literally felt like a weight had been taken off me, and a lot of the issues I had with my family were sorted when i realised I didn't have to control them. (And i hadn't gone in thinking ANYTHING about my family!) I really felt like it was a form of therapy where you bypass the talking and connect directly to the subconscious and re-program it. I've talked to people who went to cr*ppy hypnotherapists who just play a tape. But this one was full on one on one for three sessions. Best thing I ever did!