Lessons and the things instructors say to you....

When I was a working pupil my boss was quite a hard trainer and would only compliment you when you actually did it well. It suited me as I wasn't there for an ego boost (although I wasn't too pleased when I had to spend a week riding everything with brushing boots under my armpits to stop my elbows flapping!)

One notable day when I was having a jumping lesson, my fellow working pupil was stood by him whilst I destroyed a grid and heard him simply sigh and mutter Oh Christ....

Current instructors mostly laugh at me
 
"Do it again but better"

"Oh my gawd what is that animal doing" - previous horse was a bit unpredictable, to put it mildly.

"Please stop looking surprised every time you get over a jump"

Me getting frustrated at a canter pole exercise: "I'm trying!" Instructor "Well stop trying and JUST EFFING GET IT RIGHT"
 
Another story, and a tactic I still use to this day when teaching...
Out in Germany, I had a young, and unbelievably gorgeous male trainer. I was 18, and a bit shy, as well as completely lovestruck. He pulled me over, and said "Imagine that your nipples have eyes, and remember to always look where you want to go". Once I'd got over the mortified blushing, I did exactly that, and it really worked!
It works very well with most of my students - other than the ones that collapse with laughter whenever I mention nipple eyes...
 
Auslander said:
Another story, and a tactic I still use to this day when teaching...
Out in Germany, I had a young, and unbelievably gorgeous male trainer. I was 18, and a bit shy, as well as completely lovestruck. He pulled me over, and said "Imagine that your nipples have eyes, and remember to always look where you want to go". Once I'd got over the mortified blushing, I did exactly that, and it really worked!
It works very well with most of my students - other than the ones that collapse with laughter whenever I mention nipple eyes...
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:D :D. I've heard a similar phrase being used - 'don't dip your headlights, keep the main beam on" :D.
 
"Are you breathing?"

"Stop riding like a granny"

*chicken flapping impression* followed by repeated bellowing of "elbows!"

"ooh, he's actually on the bit for once!"

And from my childhood instructor:
"are you dead? If you're not dead, you'd best get back on that pony" :D
 
While riding a friend's pony who was known for its questionable attitude...

Instructor: does it canter? can you -
*cut to me asking pony to canter, and pony shoving head between knees and broncing down the school towards international dressage horse and rider*
Instructor: ah. um. let's just canter on a circle for now.
 
Childhood riding instructor "who said you could dismount?" with the alternative "who gave you permission to make a hole in the surface?" whenever I came off.

Last night "that's a very interesting conversation you are having with that horse" (horse in question is definitely quirky, and I find he responds better to being verbally told to get on with life)

And a sad one a few days ago, with the boot on the other foot, so to speak.

Parent to me when I was teaching their daughter: you must not put X on a pony that she might fall off.

I thought for a moment, and explained that nobody can ever guarantee that, no matter how saintly the pony.

Parent: But X must never be asked to ride a pony that she might fall off.

Me: Are you sure that this is the right sport for X? The only thing that I can guarantee is that at some point she will fall off.
 
'sit on your ar** or it will get bigger' He had a point.

' more speed but not any faster' !!!!!!

' Your horse is the naughty one at the back of the class flicking runner bands.'
 
I have been having lessons from my instructor for years and sometimes our conversations may not conform to the expected BHS standards. My regular reminder to improve our free walk on a long reining is to "breathe through my bottom". My collected canter also improves when I'm reminded to "think smut". I hasten to add we make sure there are no youngsters in earshot.

And dressage judges wonder why I grin when doing free walk...

If she reads this, my instructor will identify herself immediately (and I'd like to thank her for reforming my bad habits)!
 
A particularly formative childhood instructor couldn't stand 'wimpy' children, or daydreamers and frequently shouted that "if you're not failing you're not blimmin well trying hard enough"
 
I've had the joy of being asked to "Give the other two a lead, would you?" over a 2'3" fence with fillers. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be worthy of comment, but Mr. H is 13.1hh and known to put in the odd dirty stop over fillers, and the 'other two' were on 14.2hh riding school cobs that are almost always very enthusiastic jumpers. It amused me to see the status quo reversed.

Also such gems as "I wish I had a camera, because that was hilarious" happen quite a lot.

"Well done for sitting that in jeans!" happened when I was splitting a camp with someone and arrived expecting to only do a picnic ride (and thus in my western gear) only to discover we were doing the working hunter course first. H was actually pretty good, but decided that the 2'9" bullfinch at the end was something we had to refuse once, just out of principle.

And there was the one time the rest of the lesson was told "Put your legs on - H should not be managing to trot bigger than the 16-handers."
 
I went to a low key jumping competition years ago, run at a place I'd be going for lessons. My pony (still have her aged 25) is very, very strong and as the time I hadn't been brave enough to up the bitting.

Instructor decided to put his daughter on my pony (she's now a 4* eventer, and was probably at 2/3* at the time). She got totally tanked, brought her back and declared her mental and borderline dangerous!!

I later jumped her round every open workers competition in a three hour radius and won most of them!!! I don't ride her in a snaffle any more.....
 
Also had a lesson with one of our top showjumpers and my horse was acting like a raving lunatic - which he did from time to time. I had lunged him for 20 minutes before riding and he was still doing handstand bucks and spinning around after the flatwork and as we began to jump.

New instructor thought that perhaps he wouldn't buck if he was seriously kicked on in between jumps which I may have laughed at.

Instructor: Let me get on
Instructor: See, I'm just going show you that the horse won't buck when he's going really forw-oooh...ok, he will.


 
When my instructor first rode my mare at about lesson 3, 'she is much more in front of the leg than she looks'
Another time 'you look like your working really hard, are you sure you need to?' bit of a theme to those two and I hope together we have gone some way to rectifying things.
The nicest one ' I don't think you realise how lucky you are, you have a mare with a fantastic work ethic'
 
JustMe22 said:
Also had a lesson with one of our top showjumpers and my horse was acting like a raving lunatic - which he did from time to time. I had lunged him for 20 minutes before riding and he was still doing handstand bucks and spinning around after the flatwork and as we began to jump.

New instructor thought that perhaps he wouldn't buck if he was seriously kicked on in between jumps which I may have laughed at.

Instructor: Let me get on
Instructor: See, I'm just going show you that the horse won't buck when he's going really forw-oooh...ok, he will.


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Hahaha, well life is just far too exciting to keep one's feet on the floor don't you know
 
I've also had "the *other* left!!" :D:D

I've never had so many bad remarks about a horse than I have with current mare who seems to have a mental block about going forward in a school sometimes... it's like riding with the handbrake on. I just know that when it comes off, it will be like having a Ferrari, but right now, it's an antique Massey Ferguson that needs a good oiling.
 
I used to have a fear of falling off until bronco pony where falling off was mandatory. I remember having a lesson on how to fall off properly and chucked myself off so many times that it was cured almost instantly. Never forpet the instructor yelling 'fall off to the right at k please, tuck and roll!' Once I relaxed about that I fell off less as the tension about falling vanished. Led to some excellent staying on moments. If only we had video phones back then! He'd chuck instructors off too. You were only safe if you were under 4 when he'd be an absolute angel.

I love it when instructors get on and realise exactly what you have to deal with. My eventing trainer hopped on my pony once during a jump lesson and stated that he was completely unrideable in canter at a jump. Got off and changed the exercise completely to help him better. Made me feel not so awful about the whole mental canter to a fence that has thankfully almost gone!
 
Three stick in my mind.

An very young instructor on a riding holiday once said to me "you're not a brilliant rider, but you are better than you think you are". The whole class went quiet as we tried to work out whether she had actually insulted me or not. After a few in the bar at the end of the day, we decided she had not been very nice and told the owners we didn't want her again.

I hate jumping and my instructor would always check how badly my hands were shaking before putting the jumps up. If they were shaking too badly to hold the reins, then I could stop! Anyway, this particular Saturday I had started a course of anti-depressants (marriage break-up) and was as high as a kite! We started jumping and I kept going - she was checking for the shaking - none! Up the height went to about 3'6 and finally she burst out "What the ******* are you on?!" "Drugs!" I replied "Stick it up some more!" To which she fell about laughing and couldn't stop.

And finally, I was riding a little cob that I absolutely loved and she used to go beautifully for me (not trying to brag, but she did). It was a new instructor who was taking us for the first time and she asked me who I was riding. "Polly" I said. "No you're not" she said. "Yes, I am" I replied. the others in the class backed me up as to who I was riding, but she was convinced we were being nasty and not giving her the right names of the horses because she was new. In the end she complained to the RS owner about me - who turned round and said "She was riding Polly, that's the way Polly goes when she rides her!" and the woman had to apologise. She didn't last long!
 
On a lesson with Blyth Tate,

"Well now, that's a first. I've never seen a horse actually catch it's own rider mid air!"

Tiger is EXTREMELY genuine to jump!
 
There are some great ones in here!

I had a German instructor (now sadly passed on) in Hong Kong, a grumpy but talented trainer who thought men were naturally better riders than women (I wish he had still been teaching me when the London Olympics took place - there weren't many men on the dressage podium..!). He once told me to "think like a rider, not like a woman!!"
 
Charlie007 said:
Similar saying ' don't dip, dazzle!'
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Mine just tells me to stick your boobs out 😂

Also.to get we to sit deep and not rotate my pelvis forward I have to imagine I'm sitting on my favourite actors hands......Chris Hemsworth has very nice hands that help support my bottom 😂
 
Geoff Billington isn't known forhis diplomacy, for good reason. In a lesson with him twenty five years ago, a rider club member told him that she only ever jumped once a year when he came to teach us. As she rode of towards the first jump he said loudly, 'she's a nice woman but she's so effin stupid. ' only he didn't say effin iykwim :)
 
"There is something fundamentally wrong with that animal!!!"
I think that was his way of throwing in the towel with us. This was a local and fairly well respected (not by my horse apparently) dressage rider. He refused to teach us any more. So we found a trainer who understands her ;)
 
Trying to establish a good rising trot as a beginner. Instructor...'You're not trying to jump out the saddle, just scuff the muff !!:o
 
"Keep him, keep him...*sigh* remember who is supposed to be in charge here" as we power off down the long side in extended trot :)
 
FfionWinnie said:
Could be, you are also in Scotland aren't you? I'll give you his initials to protect the not very innocent "DH" ;)
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He has also told me off in a similar fashion for just sitting quietly and praying the horse does all the work for me ;)

Not aforementioned DH... but when I was young, fearless, and sticky, a showjumper said to me 'If we could bottle your arse and sell it, we'd be millionaires. It would make good riders great, and bad riders at least stay on.' .... wish I'd taken his advice and bottled some for years to come!
 
The one I will never, ever forget ...

Back in my late teens/early 20's I did a bit of ad hoc work for a local yard, primarily dressage but they had a couple out eventing as well. Anyway the rather old and very eccentric 'Lady' was giving me a lesson one day. It was going fine as far as I was concerned and then out of the blue she piped up with (in a very plummy voice) 'girl you have fat thighs. I used to have fat thighs but then I had a baby and they went. I think you might need to have a baby'
I mean what can you say to that?!!!!
 
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