Letter to parents- potential pony

Hi Sez, I don't want to repeat all that has been said here but hoped I might be able to offer a big picture perspective.

Having gone through a similar thing (persuading non horsey parents to buy me a horse at 14) I think the most important question for you to answer is what is most important to you - having your own pony or making it in eventing?

If its having your own pony, then scale down the plans and present a more manageable budget to your parents. This will be much more paletable for them and will make it far more likely to succeed. This is not to say that you wont then be able to compete, but it will allow you and your family time to adjust to the cost and responsibility of horse ownership prior to putting more pressure on to get out winning events.

If eventing is really important then go with what you have - but be prepared that the cost may be too much for your parents and it could put them off ever buying you a horse. It really is a lot of money and significantly more than you need to spend on a pony.

Once you have a pony and you're getting on well then you can start to think about competitions. Try to break your plans into more manageable steps - focus on getting the first thing right (pony of your own) then move onto the next (lessons + competitions).

Either way I think you should talk to them. You won't get anything if you don't ask! Worst case scenario they say no. Good luck!
 
Camel said:
I'm not really 'getting' this! I'm thinking of my friends 13 year old daughters and would hate anyone to be mean to them so really don't want to upset you.

I too, tried to get a feel of your experience from your posts and comments off people such as 'you are very determined' and 'you are a natural rider' are phrases I have heard my OH's (pro eventer) RI use with him .... he has just started to learn to canter and certainly won't be competing any time in the next 100 years! :D - what I'm saying is you may or may not be the next Mary King!!

I was a bit like you (until I got old, had kids and no time!) and if I get interested in something I will find everything out I can about it so I'm not criticising you but I there is a big part of me that thinks stop being a 'spoilt brat' (expecting that amount of money to be spent on a hobby for you is IMO spoilt brattish ;);)) be very, very grateful if your Mum and Dad can afford to buy you a bog standard pony, then if you prove yourself, work hard and start showing real potential after a couple of years then get your RI to have a word with your parents and maybe then may be the time for the 'letter'.

Good luck with whatever happens xx

PS - Did read you Dad earnt 50k pa? if so then I think if he has a mortgage and normal outgoings he would be pt at a serious disadvantage forking that amount of of money out. Have you got any siblings? xx
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Thank you. I have a sister two years younger than me and two half brothers that are in their mid twenties. My dad doesn't ear fifty thousand he earns something in the seventies or eighties!x
 
OP, I got my first pony at 13 and it took me another 10 years before I got out competing at unaff level (on another horse by this time)! This was completely due to funding and transport, but my god that pony taught me so much and I had so much fun!
 
Hi Sez, I've been watching this thread with interest over the past couple of days and I think you have been given a lot of great advice.

I am the mother of a 14 year old pony-mad daughter, and one thing that occurred to me is that it appears from your comments that your parents aren't particularly involved in your riding at the moment. Mainly because she wouldnt need to give me a letter telling me of her plans - we talk about it all on a daily basis on the way to/from the yard, when I'm walking with her on hacks, etc. Aside from money, talent, ambition and all the other things spoken of, you will need one (or preferably) both parents that want this for you as much as you do. I speak from experience - I rode in a riding school all my childhood, my parents weren't horsey and as much as a pony appeared on every Xmas and Birthday wish list I ever wrote, it was never going to happen :D. Not just because of the finances, but because they didn't understand the all-consuming passion that is horses!

Roll on many years and my daughter expressed the same passion for ponies from age 2. She spent from age 7 to 13 taking lessons and working at a riding centre, before moving on to her first part loan. My husband could not (and still doesn't) understand why the riding lessons and volunteering 3-4 days a week wasn't enough. She moved from the part loan onto a different full loan towards the end of last year, with the aim of teaching the pony to jump and wanting to enter small ODEs.

Sadly this very capable pony just doesnt always want to jump - therefore although on a good day she will pop round a 2'9 course, on another day she'll be eliminated at 2'! So my daughter had a rethink and decided she would learn as much as she could about dressage, really improve her riding, and one day - maybe when she can earn her own money to buy and keep it - she will buy her eventer and take with her the knowledge and experience she has gained from this pony.

Meanwhile, they are having a blast. They competed at Trailblazers dressage this year with excellent results, have competed at PC areas in dressage, qualified for various other dressage and showing championships, as well as having attempted mini ODEs and various unaffiliated SJ competitions. Right now they are at PC camp, having made loads of new friends.

As her mother, I have also enjoyed every minute; but I have had to make lots of sacrifices. Virtually all of my wages go on her and the pony, along with all my spare time. I have to justify everything to my non horsey husband who doesnt understand why she needs to compete at all! We have recently moved from DIY to full livery, as it was a huge struggle trying to find any time for her younger brother and any kind of family life. Due to problems with the pony jumping, we have spent far more £s on lessons than anticipated - not to mention back checks, new saddle, saddle fittings, supplements; all of which had to be looked at and ruled out when pony was refusing to jump.

So my points (after all that waffle) are that (a) you need your parents to understand and support the passion, and without their understanding I think you will struggle to make them see why what you are doing now isn't enough for you; and (b) that with all the best laid plans you will encounter problems along the way and may need to have a rethink.

If you were my daughter, I would be encouraging you to have fun. That, in my opinion, is what childhood is for! Dreams and ambitions are great, never give up on them, but dont make it the "be all and end all" because life has a funny way of taking you on journeys you never anticipated ;)

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Cut the letter down to...

Pony X
Livery X
Feed X
Hay X
Insurance X
Vacc, Dentist, Back, Physio X
Tacks and bits needed X
Lessons X
Petrol to and from stables X
ETC...

Start at the bottom and work your way up, Rome wasn't built in a day, Take your time and keep your passion, You will get there, but what you are asking is a big ask,

I was bought my horse for my 15th birthday, from my 16th birthday she was my responsibility, but grandad bailed me out once, you soon realise the ask, and my big plans went out the window as I never had the funds, but I still enjoyed owning and caring for my girl, and went out to a few shows/endurance rides/events during the year.

Your passion is admirable, and at 13 I dont think anyone expects you to understand the concept of money, I know people that earn big bucks, but their outgoing are BIG too! doesnt mean that by earning 80K he is going to have any spare £££, break it down and hand it to them, see what happens, if it doesnt happen, try to find a loan with someone who competes, and get your experience that way, many of the big riders do not own their mounts, good luck!
 
£75 k a year is not a huge salary when you get taxed at 40%~ which leaves a salary of £30 k a year so £2500 salary a month. so That is not a lot of money left when you have a mortgage, water, gas, electric , insurance& a whole family to feed.... The taxman is just criminal taking practically half of your salary :-(

Not wanting to put a damper on things at all but if your parents say that they can't afford to fund such big ambitions, then they probably, really, just physically can't.

I remember when I was a kid and my dad was on £100k a year and we had just no money and barely enough for the ponies.

But an older pony and local pony club competitions should be more affordable to start off with!
 
sez1 said:
Thank you. I have a sister two years younger than me and two half brothers that are in their mid twenties. My dad doesn't ear fifty thousand he earns something in the seventies or eighties!x
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You show again how naive you are. From his seventy / eighty grand salary he will have to pay tax/NI and any pensions. His take home pay (I.E the money he has to live off) will NOT be anyway near that. We are talking closer to 50/60k.
 
I don't know what planet you guys are living on right now, but my family earns less than mentioned (considerably less!) and all the way through we've managed to have at least 2 horses/ ponies and compete and train and do all PC activities...
 
soberedup said:
£75 k a year is not a huge salary when you get taxed at 40%~ which leaves a salary of £30 k a year so £2500 salary a month. so That is not a lot of money left when you have a mortgage, water, gas, electric , insurance& a whole family to feed.... The taxman is just criminal taking practically half of your salary :-(

Not wanting to put a damper on things at all but if your parents say that they can't afford to fund such big ambitions, then they probably, really, just physically can't.

I remember when I was a kid and my dad was on £100k a year and we had just no money and barely enough for the ponies.

But an older pony and local pony club competitions should be more affordable to start off with!
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40% tax only applies to the portion over 32k -- so take home would be about 50k. I'd agree that isn't a huge amount of money though!

Lolo, the planet where doing pony trials on that would be problematic ;). Plus I think you have said in the past that most of your ponies were loans too.
 
soberedup said:
£75 k a year is not a huge salary when you get taxed at 40%~ which leaves a salary of £30 k a year so £2500 salary a month. so That is not a lot of money left when you have a mortgage, water, gas, electric , insurance& a whole family to feed.... The taxman is just criminal taking practically half of your salary :-(
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Actually £75K gross pa translates to around £50K net or £4,200 per month.
 
Jenni_ said:
You show again how naive you are. From his seventy / eighty grand salary he will have to pay tax/NI and any pensions. His take home pay (I.E the money he has to live off) will NOT be anyway near that. We are talking closer to 50/60k.
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Yes but this person may have been confused thinking that my dad earns 50k not takes home that amount
 
Well I'd be right annoyed to get taxed at higher rate on all my earnings.. . if I actually earned that much :p. Plus I like accuracy :p.
 
Lolo said:
I don't know what planet you guys are living on right now, but my family earns less than mentioned (considerably less!) and all the way through we've managed to have at least 2 horses/ ponies and compete and train and do all PC activities...
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Wow and your daughter has been so successful too. Even if those ponies have been loans the whole upkeep is the main amount of money. (Unless its a 5 figure pony but a pony like that I rarely loaned)
I look up to you so much Lolo because of what your family have achieved. Although my family are never going to put half their annual salary onto a pony I still believe they could afford a pony. I will change my aims to what I said before- grassroots and a few pony classes the next season.
Thank you so much Lolo for being so supportive x
 
Lolo said:
I don't know what planet you guys are living on right now, but my family earns less than mentioned (considerably less!) and all the way through we've managed to have at least 2 horses/ ponies and compete and train and do all PC activities...
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Yes but that's because its the choice you have made and I'm sure sacrifices have been made along the way to accommodate it. I'm not convinced money is the biggest obstacle OP needs to overcome, I'd say getting parents onside for such a massive commitment is more likely to be the issue.
 
sez1 said:
Wow and your daughter has been so successful too. Even if those ponies have been loans the whole upkeep is the main amount of money. (Unless its a 5 figure pony but a pony like that I rarely loaned)
I look up to you so much Lolo because of what your family have achieved. Although my family are never going to put half their annual salary onto a pony I still believe they could afford a pony. I will change my aims to what I said before- grassroots and a few pony classes the next season.
Thank you so much Lolo for being so supportive x
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Just to clarify Al is her sister :) I am leaving this thread now though, I fear I will have a hole in my head from wall bashing! Like I said in my first post, there is nothing wrong with dreaming, but be prepared for it all to go to pot :/
 
Caramac71 said:
Yes but that's because its the choice you have made and I'm sure sacrifices have been made along the way to accommodate it. I'm not convinced money is the biggest obstacle OP needs to overcome, I'd say getting parents onside for such a massive commitment is more likely to be the issue.
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I agree with this. Whether Sez's parents earn 50k, 80k or any other amount, before or after tax, is largely irrelevant without knowing other intricacies of their financial details. Someone earning 100k and ploughing it all into a mortgage may well have less disposable income than someone earning 40k who is mortgage free.

My parents had a good income, certainly enough to pay for a pony or two and a lorry or trailer without having to make any significant sacrifices, but they still wouldn't buy me one - it was never about the money it was about the responsibility, and although I certainly didnt like it, I did understand and respect their reasoning. If they had earnt megabucks, and could have employed a groom to take all responsibility for the horses and a chauffeur to take me to and from the stables, they might have got me a pony ;) but that is obviously well beyond the realms of normality!


Sez, I really wish you all the luck in convincing your parents - I see so much of myself as a teen in you, I hope you have more luck convincing your parents than I did. I think other people have suggested it before on this thread, but maybe see if you can help on the yard one day at the weekend, and/or a day after school, to help contribute - you've done a great job of outlining the costs involved, and showing that you are willing to try and lessen them would probably be viewed positively by your parents. Alternatively, can you try and get a paper round or two, to help towards the costs?
 
If your parents say no....

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I've read this thread with interest, mainly because I was the pony mad child with seriously un horsey parents. Yes my parents earned reasonable money, but they simply would not have been interested in spending it on an all singing all dancing pony. I have a brother, and even having a pony caused all sorts of he gets she gets arguments. I got a nice looking pony on loan through my instructor, scope to do pony trials etc, but he was a complete pain, as he somedays will somedays won't when it comes to jumping. Even just going to a standard BE is going to be roughly £100, which when your parents aren't horsey is a lot of money to fork out.
I hope you do manage to sort something out, but be aware that your siblings are unlikely to be that impressed, and if your parents are anything like mine they simply won't be interested in standing in a wet field all weekend.
 
sez1 said:
Although my family are never going to put half their annual salary onto a pony I still believe they could afford a pony.
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And of course, they can afford to spend £10,000 a year on each of your other four siblings. At first I thought you were a naive kid with unrealistically big dreams. Unfortunately I now think you're a bit of a spoilt brat.

If you're that desperate for a piny then take the advice you've been given. Start volunteering at your stables. Look around for shares. If I had a kid and their attitude was "you earn lots of money so get me a pony" (have you considered the possibility that after all the outgoings there might not be much left? And not certainly not enough to spend equally on all five siblings) then I'd beat you into next week for being an ungrateful little madam. Sorry, but why do you think your parents should treat you so specially?
 
hnmisty said:
And of course, they can afford to spend £10,000 a year on each of your other four siblings. At first I thought you were a naive kid with unrealistically big dreams. Unfortunately I now think you're a bit of a spoilt brat.
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My father is not going to spend 20k on two adult men that aren't even related to him. My sister isn't into anything specific but maybe if she was my parents would pay for her. Still I don't think anything is as expensive as horses until you get to an extremely high level with constant training and private school fees
 
I am now very, very confused. I have looked through your old threads and you state that you already have a pony that you wanted to take to POYS?! Surely this pony could be ok to take you to low level eventing? To start out you don't need a mega bucks pony, just something safe and fun that will get you round safe for a couple of years at BE80/90 level. Then when you have got a least 2 seasons under your belt move up to the higher ones. Why so keen on international experience? you have got your whole life ahead of you to get there! Plus, have you thought that you might not nearly enjoy it as much as you think you will do?
 
DabDab said:
So, are you going to give them the letter then?
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This^^^^

A lot of people have taken the time to read your letter and give you some useful advice. I think we would all like to know what your parent think about the letter. Whatever response you get you will get a lot more advice about how to move forward following your parents decision.
 
I'm actually beginning to wonder whether this is a wind up?
Looking back on your previous posts, you have had this letter since May? You've now wasted the majority of the summer holidays umming and ahhing over it when you could have been out there looking at ponies.
Did you also write from your mum at some point?
You've had some good advice from wide range of people, but seem to be paying no attention to it at all!
Bizarre.
 
sez1 said:
My father is not going to spend 20k on two adult men that aren't even related to him. My sister isn't into anything specific but maybe if she was my parents would pay for her. Still I don't think anything is as expensive as horses until you get to an extremely high level with constant training and private school fees
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I said I would leave this thread but I can't... The more you write the more you are showing your 13 year old side and losing the "grown up" side you had at the beginning. If I was your parent reading this would make me less likely to want you to have a pony. You obviously think ALL of their disposable income should be spent on you, based on the fact you've chosen to want to do the most expensive hobby you can think of. This thread is getting pathetic, you've had so much serious, brilliant advice yet if you were serious about this you would either have given your parents the letter and given them a little respect rather than whining about them on here or you'd accept it's a bit of an unlikely dream and you'd be happy to accept starting off at the bottom as many people have on here.
 
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