Liveries does every yard have one of these?

[ruby92]

Iv always been on livery yards from a young age and there's always been one livery that seems to cause trouble or talk about others .. Iv had my new horse 3 months so on a new yard .. one livery said to me today oh you tacking up your horse there? .. I had to put his fly mask back on other day as he had it half on and half off.. your horse was trotting round the field this morning and rolled her eyes, .. she then was talking to another livery about other people on the yard she seems to spend more time gossiping than with her horse it brings the atmosphere of the yard down unfortunately I just find it a shame ..

 

[Birker2020]

The trouble when you get a load of women together is that they do tend to bitch about each other.

It's the same in the office, this is why I like to work in a male dominated industry because I do not have to deal with other women that either see the temp as a threat to their jobs, especially as I work harder than they do, or as someone they can boss about to their hearts content because 'its just the temp' mentality.

Men tell it as it is, as a rule you don't tend to see personality conflicts where there is bitching going on so much in a male dominated environment.

 

[milliepops]

nope, not every yard has one I have encountered similar in the past but last few places have been pretty much gossip-free and no stirrers either. other people must be enabling this one otherwise she'd have no one to gossip with.

 

[ruby92]

nope, not every yard has one I have encountered similar in the past but last few places have been pretty much gossip-free and no stirrers either. other people must be enabling this one otherwise she'd have no one to gossip with.

Glad there not all like it ? yes very true

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Bigger yards yes but I just ignore.

 

[skint1]

I don't think we are like that on our yard, I have been there a number of years and don't get me wrong there's been some fallings out in that time but easy enough to stay neutral most of the time. If at our yard we saw your horse's fly mask or rug or something was skewed, we would probably pop out to the field and fix it time allowing but it wouldn't be a bitching point, just a thing that has happened that has been sorted.

There are people who I think would bitch if engaged for example they make comments about their field partner's poo picking (or perceived lack of) and then when no one engages, they were only joking.... pretty certain they weren't, and if someone joined in or encouraged it, it would escalate and potentially turn into a huge, horrid thing, I have seen that happen too.

 

[Flicker]

No, our YM kicks them off. She’s expelled two in the past 12 months for causing trouble, gossiping and stirring things up. We are a friendly, welcoming yard and enjoy seeing each other do well.
My last yard was terrible and the YM did nothing. If anything she sided with the difficult ones.

 

[Shilasdair]

Iv always been on livery yards from a young age and there's always been one livery that seems to cause trouble or talk about others .. Iv had my new horse 3 months so on a new yard .. one livery said to me today oh you tacking up your horse there? .. I had to put his fly mask back on other day as he had it half on and half off.. your horse was trotting round the field this morning and rolled her eyes, .. she then was talking to another livery about other people on the yard she seems to spend more time gossiping than with her horse it brings the atmosphere of the yard down unfortunately I just find it a shame ..

So this livery chatted to you to make you feel included, helped pop your horse's fly mask back on for you and let you know he was unsettled? Doesn't sound that unfriendly to me.

Why look for trouble? Be kind.

 

[Renvers]

I have been on yards with the vindictive and bitchy types in the past. But I think it is mostly driven by boredom and envy I have tended to stay out of it and if not possible just been polite and fairly neutral with them.

Mostly people are fairly harmless and like your yard mate is just different to you, she probably likes the social aspects more for whatever reason than just focusing on their horse. Each to their own.

 

[Shilasdair]

You can avoid a lot of trouble (not all of it, as there are some nutters out there ) by developing the social skill of small talk.
Always greet people, and have a short chat with them - about the weather, or their horse, or Covid, or the vet visits, whatever.
If I can do this - and I'm a people-hating introvert so can you.

 

[ruby92]

So this livery chatted to you to make you feel included, helped pop your horse's fly mask back on for you and let you know he was unsettled? Doesn't sound that unfriendly to me.

Why look for trouble? Be kind.

I'm not looking for trouble far from it.. I hear her bitching about others and their horses including mine hence my comment ..

 

[ruby92]

You can avoid a lot of trouble (not all of it, as there are some nutters out there ) by developing the social skill of small talk.
Always greet people, and have a short chat with them - about the weather, or their horse, or Covid, or the vet visits, whatever.
If I can do this - and I'm a people-hating introvert so can you.

Yes definitely I go to my horse for a peaceful time from the hassle and buddle of normal life i keep myself to myself while I'm there say hello and smile when im there and get on with my horse haha

 

[WispyBegs]

I feel I must be extremely lucky… everyone on my yard seems to get on really well!

Although I do try to keep myself to myself as it’s easier that way.

However, I have heard some absolute horror stories about bitchy and volatile yards from close friends.

 

[AFB]

Duplicate

 

[AFB]

Yes!! I've been unlucky enough to have been on 4 yards with this same one now. I usually just pretend she doesn't exist now.

 

[sport horse]

I'm not looking for trouble far from it.. I hear her bitching about others and their horses including mine hence my comment ..

So you go on social media and bitch about her?

 

[MuddyMonster]

Not every yard but I don't think it's exclusively a horsey thing - I think it's a 'group of people and personalities that may otherwise socialise together are thrown together' thing.

I find just smiling, saying hello & vague small talk helps. Making sure you stay neutral or only speak positively when you do speak about 'something' helps no end.

Also, don't stop what you're doing - if you're half way through tacking up, keep tacking up. Crossing the yard to fill up water buckets? Keep on doing that. People will soon realise you're not interested and move on.

Could you take headphones down so you don't hear the gossiping? Ignorance is indeed, bliss.

 

[Muddywellies]

Not every yard has trouble makers, but many do. In the past I've seen some truly awful bullying on yards.

 

[Bernster]

Last yard was awful but that was the yard owners. Current yard seems very friendly with no bitchiness, everyone is very supportive and constructive. So much nicer!

 

[bouncing_ball]

I’m on a big yard. Some liveries are bored / nosey / like to know what’s going on and share news and views on everything. Some of the retired liveries I think it’s their main source of entertainment.

It doesn’t actually stop it being a friendly, supportive encouraging yard.

People are generally kind which makes it a nice place to be.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I'm a (DIY) Yard Owner and have just the two liveries. Both have separate fields/areas and don't need to share any common facilities, so it works well here. Have never had a problem, and it wasn't until recently that we had the two liveries, previously we had just the one who had the whole of the facility.

There is a big yard in the local area however which has had an appalling reputation for bitching and is known to be a nest of vipers; apparently a little while back the YO there had a "Come to Jesus" chat with all the liveries and basically told them to put up and shut up or take a hike and I've heard on the grapevine that things have improved significantly there.

Think there needs to be strong leadership from the YO in a situation like this; things won't change until it becomes known that this won't be tolerated and at the end of the day the buck stops with the YO.

 

[ycbm]

So this livery chatted to you to make you feel included, helped pop your horse's fly mask back on for you and let you know he was unsettled? Doesn't sound that unfriendly to me.

Why look for trouble? Be kind.

OP wrote, about a fellow livery who is constantly gossiping about other liveries behind their backs

It brings the atmosphere of the yard down

It doesn't sound like a "be kind" scenario or as if the OP is "looking for trouble" to me. I've walked around a corner in a livery yard and a conversation between two fellow liveries stopped dead and they looked very embarassed. It didn't take a genius to guess who they were talking about. That was the only yard of several that it happened on, and I left pretty quickly.
.

 

[Shilasdair]

Good morning ycbm.
How are you today?

 

[throwawayaccount]

there's usually always at least one that nitpicks so to say now and then. or makes passive aggressive digs, but 'nicely'. i let it bounce off me most of the time but it does get irritating sometimes.

 

[sherry90]

For me ‘be kind’ doesn’t come into this. Not everyone likes me, and that’s ok. I don’t like everyone. Those who are ‘my tribe’ I can chat to them about anything and would actively choose to ride/speak to on the yard. Those that I don’t see eye to eye with (perhaps our personalities just don’t match or I don’t agree with certain things they do - not neglectful just don’t agree with) I am pleasant and polite but generally go about my own business when they are on the yard. I don’t bitch about them and often will have polite conversation if they engage.

You don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you. If anyone was bitching about me and it bothered me, I’d say something, otherwise I just assume sometimes people will and do talk behind my back ??‍ as long as it’s not damaging me or spreading lies I have no issue if they just don’t like me/how I choose to live (I have had comments made about matchy matchy over the years ?) it’s just their opinion at the end of the day.

 

[greenbean10]

The trouble when you get a load of women together is that they do tend to bitch about each other.

It's the same in the office, this is why I like to work in a male dominated industry because I do not have to deal with other women that either see the temp as a threat to their jobs, especially as I work harder than they do, or as someone they can boss about to their hearts content because 'its just the temp' mentality.

Men tell it as it is, as a rule you don't tend to see personality conflicts where there is bitching going on so much in a male dominated environment.

I really dislike this view and think it paints women so badly.

At both of my last yards, it was the male yard owners that caused the trouble and were constantly bitching...not the female liveries.

 

[Littlebear]

I really dislike this view and think it paints women so badly.

At both of my last yards, it was the male yard owners that caused the trouble and were constantly bitching...not the female liveries.

I agree, when i think back over the years the worst ones i have come across have been men.

 

[kc921]

I was on a big yard and I hated every minute of it.
A group of "b*tches" which included the YO she had a little gang, eyes and ears everywhere is how I saw it.
Always kept to mysel, never got involved in other people's business unless they asked for my help, but ultimately I was miserable because of things they would say to me or what I would hear.
Similar with a medium sized livery yard I was at, bunch of busy bodies getting involved in the slightest of things.
Moved to a private livery with only myself and 2 others and loving it, horse and myself have never been happier! No bitchiness, everyone is nice, I don't think I could go back on a big yard!

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I am fortunate to be on a very friendly and sociable yard where people get on really well. There have certainly been some characters over the years, luckily they have all moved on, including one who told us she had bought a house with land and was promptly found to have moved to a nearby yard. Very odd and maybe she said this because another livery had actually bought somewhere with land.

 

[CanteringCarrot]

Meh, people are always concerned with what others are doing around here. You just get used to it and stop listening. It is everywhere, not just at the yard!

What really irks me is when one is so concerned about other people's horses, how they ride, how they care for the horse, how the horse looks, etc. Often offers "tips" or criticism.
Meanwhile, their own horse is lame/in pain, looks worse then some of the others on the yard, and gives blantant signs that he is stressed/in pain/bothered while ridden.
Yet, there horse is perect and everyone else's aren't...riiigggghttt.