Liveries tattling

[Bee3]

Hi, I’m the kind of person who is more than happy to chat to other liveries but has always kept myself to myself. The past two yards I’ve been on, I’ve found myself the centre of unwanted yard chat.

Background:
Went to see a yard and thought I would probably move there, before I managed to give notice, a livery on that yard told a livery on the yard I was at, then she immediately told the yard owner. It put me in an awkward position but I did admit to going to see the other yard, then gave notice because I felt there was no going back from that point.

Moved to new yard, but before I moved, I had messaged a previous yard from a while back to see if they had any space (really probably shouldn’t have left there in the first instance!). The answer was no but they’d let me know when they did. Getting on with things when current yard owner says a livery received a text from a livery on the yard who I had messaged, to say that I was moving the following week! This was just not true, and I felt disappointed to be talked about again. Sure enough, I was later told there would be a space available next week.

Is this just the new norm? It’s years since I’ve moved yards but I’ve had this happen twice in just a few months and it’s really got me down.

 

[Ambers Echo]

Yes sadly normal. I’d grow a thicker skin tbh. Unless your yo is particularly prickly (and yes -some are), I don’t see why you needed to give immediate notice. Come up with reasons why you might move then have a rehearsed answer along the lines of ‘ I love it here and have not made any firm plans at all but I’m just keeping an eye on other yards that are closer to home/a bit cheaper/ have more winter turnout/ offer Assisted livery - just because I’m finding it s bit hard to…. whatever.’ Ie Just a non judgemental reason why you are looking.

Also re the space, just clarify: ‘Yes I’m moving but still interested in your place so please keep me on your waiting list’. And have another rehearsed answer for new yard owner : ‘oh I’m just keeping options open in case my horse doesn’t settle. I like forward planning ha ha!’

You have done absolutely nothing wrong so be totally upfront and matter of fact. If we act guilty people are more likely to see what we do negatively.

 

[Ambers Echo]

On re-reading - you are at new yard and space has come up on the I’ve you really want. What’s stopping you taking it? Just ring and say you are still interested.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Just dont tell anyone your business at all. That is the best way to be honest it says more about the people gossiping

 

[Highmileagecob]

Sadly it is now normal. The concept of keeping things to yourself is largely unknown amongst the internet generation, who seem to live their entire life as if it is Facebook fodder. We have a group on our yard, who really should know better, who whip up a storm over Facebook over the slightest thing before mentioning it to the person concerned. And as for keeping a confidence - not a chance.

 

[Art Nouveau]

I don't know that I'd be so bothered by liveries talking about who might/might not be moving on or off a yard. It can be quite important to know whether there's about to be a departure or arrival. My yard is small and has been the same herd for over a year, so someone leaving or arriving would be a big deal and I would expect, and give, as much notice as possible.
As an aside, if I'm concerned about a horse I also ask other liveries what they've noticed so that I can get a more complete picture. That might be seen as tattling and upset some people, in which case my yard isn't for you But I'm aiming for a yard where people look out for each other.

 

[Bernster]

Yes happened to me too. Went to visit a yard and the groom there also worked at the what was then the current yard (I didn’t know this) and told the current yo. Bad form. The yo knew we were moving anyway (not on good terms with them) so it wasn’t a surprise, but also none of their business. But you can’t control other people’s behaviour.

 

[welshcobabe]

Yet again when I read a post like this as an older person, I am astonished that this goes on what an earth business of anyone else is it what you are doing and why ?

It may be my Yorkshire way of thinking which is straight forward and to the point to tell whoever that has felt the need to text these people just that mind their own.

 

[Nasicus]

I had a livery 'tattle' on me to the yard owner that I was publicly moaning about how the YO had needed to cancel an upcoming clinic she was running.
Thankfully the YO was the sensible type who came to ask me for my side of the story, where I was able to explain that I was actually having a private conversation with a friend/fellow livery and simply said I was 'a bit bummed it got cancelled as I was looking forward to it, but there's always the next one!'.
I knew exactly who had gone running to the YO, and quite frankly I was really disappointed by such childish behaviour from a woman twice my age who I had, up until then, made the effort to be friendly and polite with.

 

[Landcruiser]

If there's one thing worse than being talked about...it's Not being talked about!

 

[SEL]

I had a great one where a livery told the YO I said the whole school should be re-surfaced. The school was enormous (around 40 x 80) and I'm a realist so no way would I ever have suggested that, but the YO still felt the need to send me a snotty message. I'd been thinking about moving so that just made my mind up to get on with it. Next yard was lovely, YO did not take any **** and it was a much nicer atmosphere as a result.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I've been grassed loads of times in the past when I've been looking to move one yo had such the hump she screamed at me in front of everyone, I literally rang new yard then and asked if I could move that day so that's what I did.

 

[Rowreach]

It's quite handy though when you have a trouble maker livery at a yard in Ireland and you can consult a load of YOs in a certain English county where they came from originally and find out ALL about them.

I think the only answer (you will never change horse people, particularly the female variety) is to plough your own furrow while smiling sweetly and be the best livery possible (speaking as a former YO and current livery).

 

[expanding_horizon]

Just dont tell anyone your business at all. That is the best way to be honest it says more about the people gossiping

She didnt. The new potential yard owners are the ones who have both gossiped!

 

[Surbie]

She didnt. The new potential yard owners are the ones who have both gossiped!

In my area at least, the livery world is small. Local YOs talk to each other a lot, particularly if they have had a problem livery and want to offer a warning to others (not saying that's you!) or to confirm a potential mover is ok. It's not unusual for liveries to chat to their YO or other liveries on different yards if they know the person looking around.

 

[D66]

^^^ Same with farriers.

 

[Lexi 123]

I can relate I know a girl who was obsessed with me for the very first yard I was on it was a very toxic the yard owner was not a very nice person and didn’t have a good reputation. To be honest I put it down to jealousy from the girl idk why she was jealous as she was more successful than me . I know that I am still being talked about to these day which is crazy as it was 6 years ago.

 

[Barton Bounty]

She didnt. The new potential yard owners are the ones who have both gossiped!

yeah, its still says more about the gossips, must have better stuff to do with their time surely

 

[Bernster]

I've been grassed loads of times in the past when I've been looking to move one yo had such the hump she screamed at me in front of everyone, I literally rang new yard then and asked if I could move that day so that's what I did.

My horrid yard experience was also one in Herts, if that’s where yours was?!

 

[Wishfilly]

yeah, its still says more about the gossips, must have better stuff to do with their time surely

I don't know, I feel like some YOs just want to find out if someone is a good payer/a troublemaker. It would be more honest/up front/professional if they asked for a reference, though- but it still puts people in the same position of having to tell people they are leaving before they are ready!

 

[Barton Bounty]

I don't know, I feel like some YOs just want to find out if someone is a good payer/a troublemaker. It would be more honest/up front/professional if they asked for a reference, though- but it still puts people in the same position of having to tell people they are leaving before they are ready!

See as you get older you just cant be bothered with the hassle, agree, I could get a reference easily it does , doesnt it, thats what causes the issue the sh1t stirring

 

[Wishfilly]

See as you get older you just cant be bothered with the hassle, agree, I could get a reference easily it does , doesnt it, thats what causes the issue the sh1t stirring

Yes, I do see it from both sides. I think YOs who get funny with liveries who they know are leaving (or just mess them around before they go) don't help the situation. To be fair, in the past when I've moved I've always let YOs know well in advance, but both times I was moving house to the point where the yard wouldn't really be commutable, so I guess it's a bit of an easier conversation than "I don't like XYZ about your yard".

 

[Barton Bounty]

Ive only moved once to a smaller yard from a larger yard.

The actual reason I moved was because the older couple were retiring and there was a younger hitler taking over, and she told me I was not allowed to
Ride in my brand new ariat boots I had bought two pairs of …. And I told her I had adequate insurance and she will not tell me what I can ride in when there are fannies riding in dunlop wellies and my boots cost 100.
So I didnt tell her I was leaving I just waited till the last retirement day of the couple and moved. I had no contract with the new business so eff them. She couldn’t say a thing.

Turns out she lost most of them anyway

 

[Jambarissa]

I know this has nothing to do with the situation but it reminded me.

When I had a miscarriage a woman who had just moved onto my yard saw me on the ward and told everyone. I hadn't even told people I was pregnant and would not have told them about it. Absolute b*tch looking to be the center of attention for a minute.

 

[Jambarissa]

My YO has been known to padlock horses in fields if he hears someone in serious rent arrears is moving off. Can't blame him, some people owe him several months rent yet are still off on holiday and splashing the cash on a weekend.

 

[scats]

My YO has been known to padlock horses in fields if he hears someone in serious rent arrears is moving off. Can't blame him, some people owe him several months rent yet are still off on holiday and splashing the cash on a weekend.

My old YO used to lock horses in stables by putting a concrete block outside, if their owner was behind on the rent.

 

[Peglo]

I can relate I know a girl who was obsessed with me for the very first yard I was on it was a very toxic the yard owner was not a very nice person and didn’t have a good reputation. To be honest I put it down to jealousy from the girl idk why she was jealous as she was more successful than me . I know that I am still being talked about to these day which is crazy as it was 6 years ago.

I think it doesn’t matter how “successful” some people are. If they see someone who is happy, loving life, doing well (wether with horses or life in general) and enjoying themselves they seem hell bent on trying to bring them down and make them as miserable and bitter as they are even if they have little reason to be unhappy.

 

[Surbie]

My YO has been known to padlock horses in fields if he hears someone in serious rent arrears is moving off. Can't blame him, some people owe him several months rent yet are still off on holiday and splashing the cash on a weekend.

At least it's not locking them in stables.

A YO I know of has locked saddles away when they hear someone in debt is moving off.

 

[Pinkvboots]

My horrid yard experience was also one in Herts, if that’s where yours was?!

It was in Essex I lived there before moving here, my horses have been kept at home since being in Hertfordshire.

 

[Widgeon]

Sadly it is now normal. The concept of keeping things to yourself is largely unknown amongst the internet generation, who seem to live their entire life as if it is Facebook fodder. We have a group on our yard, who really should know better, who whip up a storm over Facebook over the slightest thing before mentioning it to the person concerned. And as for keeping a confidence - not a chance.

I think this is a little unfair. In my experience of these sort of problems it's usually older women (pre-internet-generation, if you like) who behave this way. It's certainly not unique to a younger generation.