Losing your only horse

[Birker2020]

3 weeks ago today I lost Stanley suddenly to a colic. I’m totally devastated and still can’t get through a day without bursting into tears. I miss him so much. The other thing is because he was my only horse, my whole life has changed overnight. I worked full time and kept him on DIY livery so I was at the yard before and after work everyday. I’m really struggling with the lack of that routine. I miss the peace of the farm and my friends there too. Those who have lost an only horse, what were your next steps? Did you take the plunge and buy another? Did you take some time out? Did anyone give up horses all together? How long does it take to feel better about the loss of your best friend?

So, so sorry to hear about Stanley, he was the one who received chemical arthrodesis wasn't he, like my Bailey?

Ok so I've lost five beautiful horses now since 1997. Four in under 7 years with rotten bad luck. And then my last horse Bailey who I was lucky enough to love for nearly 17yrs.

I even found myself putting salt into each corner of the stable and burning incense in an effort to keep that one after reading how this afforded protection. I was that desperate...

After each of the first four horses I bought another within 6 weeks, most from the same dealer. After losing Bailey June 2021 it took me 4 months to find Lari. I don't think I really grieved Bailey. Even now when I look back I am amazed how well I dealt with her death.

All mine were single horses. Very hard to deal, especially four in such short sucession.

Why not bake some cakes and go visit the farm. Have a sit down coffee with your friends?

Ask if anyone wants their stable mucking out or horse grooming?

Put an ad in the tack rooms with what type of horse you are looking for and ask us to do you a search.

I hope in time you can move on. For me its always the worry of losing my stable or paddock but most y.o are sympathetic and will hold your stable if you pay them. Mine is a gem and has supported me so much and has talked me down from making hasty decisions in the past and my friends have been very supportive too.

Please make sure you are getting the emotional support you need. When you spend a lot of time with a horse, especially if its been poorly and you put a huge amount of effort into rehabbing it you develop a partnership and become as dependent on that animal as it is on you. So when its not there anymore it can really knock you for six.

Thinking of you.

p.s start horsey shopping, its the best healer.

 

[w1bbler]

Sorry for your loss.
Don't rush to replace, carefully consider if its the right thing. I rushed to replace, because I've always had horses & didn't know what I'd do without.
I now have a horse with issues that require careful management/ rehab. I regret buying but she's not really sellable & I'm stuck, she's happy & sound so long as I keep up with her rehab & management. The joy has gone, horses area choreq

 

[PSD]

i lost my horse of a lifetime in 2020 to laminitis. I’d had her from a foal and she was only 10, my entire world broke. I’d been through so much in life and she was my stability, when she went I impulse bought a fell yearling. Worst mistake of my life, I thought as I’d had one from a youngster I could do it again. I couldn’t - I didn’t have the time or confidence I had with my first horse. I kept the fell for almost 2 years when I decided it wasn’t right for me. I did search for another and found the horse I have now, I love him dearly but I still to this day compare him to my mare which I shouldn’t. My heart still aches for her, as much of a prat she was she was my everything.


All I will say is give yourself time, it’s easy to want to jump straight back into it as the “normal” world is very different to the horse ownership world. But you don’t want to end up with the wrong horse and suffer more heartache. As I found, the right horse will find you when the time is right.


I’m so sorry for your loss, no words can comfort you but take care of yourself x

 

[kinnygirl1]

So, so sorry to hear about Stanley, he was the one who received chemical arthrodesis wasn't he, like my Bailey?

Ok so I've lost five beautiful horses now since 1997. Four in under 7 years with rotten bad luck. And then my last horse Bailey who I was lucky enough to love for nearly 17yrs.

I even found myself putting salt into each corner of the stable and burning incense in an effort to keep that one after reading how this afforded protection. I was that desperate...

After each of the first four horses I bought another within 6 weeks, most from the same dealer. After losing Bailey June 2021 it took me 4 months to find Lari. I don't think I really grieved Bailey. Even now when I look back I am amazed how well I dealt with her death.

All mine were single horses. Very hard to deal, especially four in such short sucession.

Why not bake some cakes and go visit the farm. Have a sit down coffee with your friends?

Ask if anyone wants their stable mucking out or horse grooming?

Put an ad in the tack rooms with what type of horse you are looking for and ask us to do you a search.

I hope in time you can move on. For me its always the worry of losing my stable or paddock but most y.o are sympathetic and will hold your stable if you pay them. Mine is a gem and has supported me so much and has talked me down from making hasty decisions in the past and my friends have been very supportive too.

Please make sure you are getting the emotional support you need. When you spend a lot of time with a horse, especially if its been poorly and you put a huge amount of effort into rehabbing it you develop a partnership and become as dependent on that animal as it is on you. So when its not there anymore it can really knock you for six.

Thinking of you.

p.s start horsey shopping, its the best healer.

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes Stanley had a chemical arthrodedis which failed and then he went on to have a surgical arthrodedis which was very successful. He did however go on to develop some arthritis in his coffin joints and neck but with careful management he did live a comfortable last few years.

I will go and see my friends at the yard. I still have a couple of things there I need to collect so I have a good excuse. I imagine I will be massively emotional tho.

 

[kinnygirl1]

Sorry for your loss.
Don't rush to replace, carefully consider if its the right thing. I rushed to replace, because I've always had horses & didn't know what I'd do without.
I now have a horse with issues that require careful management/ rehab. I regret buying but she's not really sellable & I'm stuck, she's happy & sound so long as I keep up with her rehab & management. The joy has gone, horses area choreq

That is sound advice ! I love horses and I adored Stanley but he did have a few health problems which meant his management regime was quite relentless and I am wary of that cycle beginning again. Really am giving it careful thought even though my knee jerk reaction is to find another horse asap to try and make the pain stop!

 

[kinnygirl1]

i lost my horse of a lifetime in 2020 to laminitis. I’d had her from a foal and she was only 10, my entire world broke. I’d been through so much in life and she was my stability, when she went I impulse bought a fell yearling. Worst mistake of my life, I thought as I’d had one from a youngster I could do it again. I couldn’t - I didn’t have the time or confidence I had with my first horse. I kept the fell for almost 2 years when I decided it wasn’t right for me. I did search for another and found the horse I have now, I love him dearly but I still to this day compare him to my mare which I shouldn’t. My heart still aches for her, as much of a prat she was she was my everything.


All I will say is give yourself time, it’s easy to want to jump straight back into it as the “normal” world is very different to the horse ownership world. But you don’t want to end up with the wrong horse and suffer more heartache. As I found, the right horse will find you when the time is right.


I’m so sorry for your loss, no words can comfort you but take care of yourself x

Thankyou for your kind words. I can totally relate to everything you say. I just want to feel normal again, which for me was rushing around between work and the yard and having such an active busy schedule. But I look at other horses and all I can feel is sadness that Stanley is gone. It is him that I’m longing to snuggle up to, smell his smell and touch his beautiful soft muzzle. No other horse can cut it right now I’m afraid . Maybe one day but i don’t think I can do it atm …

 

[suestowford]

That's pretty much word for word how I feel still Kinnygirl.

 

[SO1]

It is still really early days. I gave it 6 months before I seriously started looking. It has been 9 months since Homey died and I am still struggling.

When I eventually find another horse I am not sure how I feel. In the meantime I am riding at the Riding School a couple of times a week.

Thankyou for your kind words. I can totally relate to everything you say. I just want to feel normal again, which for me was rushing around between work and the yard and having such an active busy schedule. But I look at other horses and all I can feel is sadness that Stanley is gone. It is him that I’m longing to snuggle up to, smell his smell and touch his beautiful soft muzzle. No other horse can cut it right now I’m afraid . Maybe one day but i don’t think I can do it atm …

 

[kinnygirl1]

A friend suggested writing something about Stanley might help with the grieving process. I’ve never really written anything in my life but thought I’d give it a go… been putting little verses together on my phone. Wasn’t going to share publicly but so many understanding people have posted on this thread I thought you might like to read it


Stanley

How do I keep breathing
Now that you are not?
The reason I got up each day
Was to love you such a lot!

How do I keep walking
When you’re not by my side?
To take care of your every need
Was a routine on which I relied.

But I will keep on loving you
Although you’re no longer here.
And you will be in every thought
Even though they bring a tear.

I hope the place where you are now
Is full of grass and mud
As I know by far your favourite thing
Was getting dirtier than you should!

Wait for me there, my lovely boy
I’ll be there when I can
And once more you will call to me
My gorgeous silver man.

 

[whizzer]

When I lost one to colic a few years ago I was already riding one at the yard for someone,the one I lost was retired & I was very fortunate that the horse I was riding for someone else became available to buy & I really liked her so snapped her up,she's a super mare & it really helped me keeping busy doing her. If it wasn't for this I most likely would've taken a break & but be looking for something slowly.
Feel for you it's a horrible way to loose them & it took me a long time to grieve & get over it.