Loss of horse and want to quit… or not

[QueenT]

I had to pts my lovely mare a month ago. She was 18, more and more bones creaking and hurting, on top of a knee injury and with winter coming it was the right time. I had decided I wanted another horse, already around summer and found a lovely well-trained 7-year old. She didn’t pass vetting, and may have a more serious fetlock issue. End of game then, and it felt like another loss. Started reading ads again, called more people, tried more horses, always something that doesn’t click. So tried this nice little gelding yesterday, beautiful manners, forgiving with my rusty riding, never a sickday in his life. Very big gaits that almost threw me off balance and out of the saddle at every stride. But I felt safe riding him, he’s not going to throw any tantrums, and I was curious for more - “let’s try a softer transition”, “let’s try with more leg on”. My friend filmed it. It looked awful, and I feel so demotivated, and ready to quit the whole thing because I feel I starting from scratch. I have all the excuses, it’s too much money, too much worry anyway with those horses, it’s probably not the right horse afterall. I am overthinking it to the max! How do you get over a motivational sinkhole at a time where you actually don’t have a horse?

 

[Nasicus]

But I felt safe riding him, he’s not going to throw any tantrums, and I was curious for more - “let’s try a softer transition”, “let’s try with more leg on”. My friend filmed it. It looked awful, and I feel so demotivated, and ready to quit the whole thing because I feel I starting from scratch. I have all the excuses, it’s too much money, too much worry anyway with those horses, it’s probably not the right horse afterall. I am overthinking it to the max!

Who cares if it looked like a dogs dinner you'd just met the horse and most importantly he made you feel safe! The 'look' will come with time and getting used to each other, forgiving and safe is priceless

 

[Puzzled]

What’s wrong with starting from scratch? Although I think you’re probably being harsh on yourself. Think of it as an adventure and use that as the motivation to build a bond and improve your riding partnership with this horse if he ticks all the boxes.
I deal in horses and every time I sit on a baby I think this must look awful but then I remember that was how it felt with my own personal horse at first and it’s far from that now!

 

[jkitten]

Admittedly there has never been a time when I did have the horse to compare, but I do know the feeling of feeling burnt out on a hobby you love. Since sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees in that situation, let me ask: Have you considered that you don't have to make this decision one way or the other right now? It's okay to let the gelding go and just take a break for a while. There will be other horses, and you can come back to look for them any time you feel like it. You can also just take a break this winter, enjoy the weather from the comfort of your sofa knowing what it's like to have to be out in the middle of it, and put your feet up. Then you can see how you feel in the spring. If you want to look for another horse, great! If you don't, you can just keep not doing that until you do.

 

[QueenT]

What’s wrong with starting from scratch? Although I think you’re probably being harsh on yourself. Think of it as an adventure and use that as the motivation to build a bond and improve your riding partnership with this horse if he ticks all the boxes.
I deal in horses and every time I sit on a baby I think this must look awful but then I remember that was how it felt with my own personal horse at first and it’s far from that now!

oh god, I think you’re right! Perfectionism really can kill a lot of joy…

 

[flying_high]

Perfection can definitely kill a lot of joy. Feeling safe is important. But if fun is the main aim, I'd try and buy a horse with small-ish movement. My horse is lovely. But I bought him after about 4 months not riding. I loved him but knew I was a bit of a passenger with his movement. BUT I thought it was that that I was not riding fit. Back to riding fit, I have realised he is actually a BIG moving horse. Which makes riding him well harder work! I wouldnt swap him now. But if looking again, I might opt for smaller moving! Makes like easier.

 

[Ratface]

You have the luxury of "just looking!". Window shop. Write out your list of "must have", "would be nice if", "probably not" "definitely not" factors.
Decide on price range, areas to look in. Check out dealers (and their reputations). Tell your connections. Look at the ads.
All from the comfort of your sofa.
Good luck!

 

[milliepops]

How do you get over a motivational sinkhole at a time where you actually don’t have a horse?

I think you can either: keep looking until you find the horse that sets your world alight, settle for a nice one that you can work with or step aside and wait for clarity one way or the other.

I just made it up enough ladders to be playing at GP level work, now slid all the way back down the snakes due to horse injury, and the next horse i have to ride is my currently unbacked 3yo who i will make a start with in the spring. How i stay motivated is i can't imagine not riding. and he's the horse I have available so starting from scratch it is

 

[Birker2020]

I had to pts my lovely mare a month ago. She was 18, more and more bones creaking and hurting, on top of a knee injury and with winter coming it was the right time. I had decided I wanted another horse, already around summer and found a lovely well-trained 7-year old. She didn’t pass vetting, and may have a more serious fetlock issue. End of game then, and it felt like another loss. Started reading ads again, called more people, tried more horses, always something that doesn’t click. So tried this nice little gelding yesterday, beautiful manners, forgiving with my rusty riding, never a sickday in his life. Very big gaits that almost threw me off balance and out of the saddle at every stride. But I felt safe riding him, he’s not going to throw any tantrums, and I was curious for more - “let’s try a softer transition”, “let’s try with more leg on”. My friend filmed it. It looked awful, and I feel so demotivated, and ready to quit the whole thing because I feel I starting from scratch. I have all the excuses, it’s too much money, too much worry anyway with those horses, it’s probably not the right horse afterall. I am overthinking it to the max! How do you get over a motivational sinkhole at a time where you actually don’t have a horse?

After putting on loads of weight after not riding or eating properly for the past four years I felt very anxious going to view horses after losing my horse arlier in the year after 17 years together. But I had not choice, went on a crash diet/exercised everyday at the gym and lost over 1.5 stone. The videos of me riding the horses I viewed are cringey, my chest had a life of its own and my bum looked huge. But I got the same comments from every horse I viewed, that I sit up straight and that my hands are good so it kind of spurred me on, because I didn't feel totally useless.

The one I tried that I ended up buying, well when I first asked for trot I was chucked out the saddle too! I nearly gave up, jumped off and pegged it out of there as I was so mortified and embarrassed but then started doing a big of leg yield, counter canter (unintentionally lol) and walk to canter and a flying change here and there and then jumped a tiny cross pole but straight from canter. He made me feel very safe and when I overcame my initial embarrassment I felt confident I could handle him - the weight issue is more of a work in progress. So although I regret buying him now because he has issues that I wasn't aware of at the time and it went hugely pear shaped after he came home, but I'm hoping and praying he comes right by the spring.

Its a lot of worry, a huge amount i wasn't expecting or wanting after the past couple of years have practically reduced me to my knees both financially and mentally but then life is a worry for me.

The only thing I would say is go by your gut. If there is a little bell ringing in the back of your head then stick with it. I saw a couple of little things with the horse i bought but brushed it off, and I really wish I'd have dug deeper into those doubts now. Gut is everything.

 

[Renvers]

Is your only concern based on how a video of the first time you rode a strange horse, who is not your usual type? the feeling good about the horse that is far more important than how it looked and learning to ride a new type of horse that you clicked with could be great for you. We all have days we look great and others we look like we a bag of spanners when we ride, I have thme on horses I have ridden for years and compete at a decent level.

If your concern is based on a degree of grief and burnout from your experiences this year then take some time and allow yourself to recover. You just need to do what is best for you right now.

 

[Fire sign]

Always best not to get videos in my experience , I felt fantastic in my last lesson but alas looked like a lump of wood in a chair seat !

 

[Fire sign]

My hairstyle looked a bit comical too !

 

[Charley657]

I am no expert so please take this with a pinch of salt, but most people I have seen try out a new horse don't look like they are having the best day riding. That comes later when you get to know them better. If this horses doesn't feel right to you though walk away, there will be others and you just might need to try a few before you get a feel of what you really want.

 

[Trouper]

I don't suppose Valegro looked great on Day 1 either. Don't rush - he will find you.