Lost mojo

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Muddywellies

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I love my dressage and have managed to get to ele from scratch with my horse. But since my fourth (or is it fifth) embarrassing attempt at an Area Festival I pretty much all done now. I have limited funds, time, and far from ideal facilities and I feel I’ve taken itvas far as I can. I just seem unable to produce a decent test and and feel pretty beaten now after months of seriously bad outings. Many fellow competitors I know are in the industry and have their own facilities and more time. And I seem to come across so many pot hunters out competing that really is quite disheartening. I’m exhausted from riding before work a couple of times a week, getting up at 5.30am to ride at 6.30 am (I might add I’m mid fourties) as well as trying to hack out the rest of the time after work. I’m basically out of my depth and my bank balance and work commitments just won’t allow me to train any more than what I do. I’ve not competed for a couple of months and it’s been really nice BUT I can’t imagine not having my competition and training goals any more. I am (or was) pretty convinced we could get to at least medium but now I feel for the reasons above, I’m just not able to achieve that.
So at what point do you chuck the towel in and give up on your dreams ?
 
I wouldn't give up on your dreams but I would cut back on competitions. If you do them less frequently you'll have longer to train and you can take it more slowly. It will also allow you to cut down on the amount of riding you do. You sound very motivated so if you do cut back on competitions rather than give them up I think you'll still continue with your goals. It's best to think about it as a long term project rather than a schedule.
If you keep working at it you'll get there without putting a time limit on it. I wouldn't worry so much about results. You can move up the grades when you're ready. You don't need to be placed to do it.

Riding is meant to be enjoyable but imo because you're putting yourself under so much pressure it's become a chore.
 
I think you are putting a great deal of pressure on yourself TBH, and that is bound to be picked up on by your horse.

Perhaps over the winter you could find some time to chill-out with yourself and your horse a bit??

I'm not saying you should totally give up on your dreams, but it might be you need to be less harsh on yourself?? Perhaps you and Ned both need a break from the intensity of prepping for competitions and all the stress involved? Just a thought, and I throw this in the pot asking that you'll throw it out if it doesn't sit well with you, but have you thought of just dipping your toes in the water and trying another equine discipline?? What about say, TREC, where if your horse is dressage trained you'll have a huge advantage - there's often a few indoor TREC workshops over the winter, or perhaps a little indoor showjumping competition somewhere which you could go along and just have a pop at. I think you've put yourselves under a lot of pressure and just need to release that for a period. You can always aim to go back to competing next Spring! Why not have some fun for a bit! I think it would benefit you both and would certainly deepen your bond if nothing else.

What about a little treat, for e.g. just boxing up (if you have transport) with a friend and going for a nice chilled hack and a good hoon somewhere, or even going on a little pleasure ride with your horse, or a horsey holiday even!! Or there's autumn hunting where you could both have a good blast in some open country and clear the cobwebs a bit!

I really do think you both need to clear your minds and just chill!!

Please feel free to discard my suggestions if not helpful.
 
mule said:
I wouldn't give up on your dreams but I would cut back on competitions. If you do them less frequently you'll have longer to train and you can take it more slowly. It will also allow you to cut down on the amount of riding you do. You sound very motivated so if you do cut back on competitions rather than give them up I think you'll still continue with your goals. It's best to think about it as a long term project rather than a schedule.
If you keep working at it you'll get there without putting a time limit on it. I wouldn't worry so much about results. You can move up the grades when you're ready. You don't need to be placed to do it.

Riding is meant to be enjoyable but imo because you're putting yourself under so much pressure it's become a chore.
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this is good advice. I would also cut back on competing for a bit (when I gave up eventing I went to 2 or 3 dressage shows a year as our total competitive outings) and plough the money & time you save from that into training.

The step up from ele to medium is one of the biggest as you go up the ladder. Getting some really good input as frequently as you can will really help, and if can then get some medium work established you should be in a much better position at ele level shows :) The training gets really interesting at this stage, i didn't miss competing really.
 
I was a bit worried about having a look on here this morning for fear of what people might have said. But I have found some very welcome and encouraging advice which I will absolutely take on board. Much appreciated !!! Thank you 😊
 
maya2008 said:
I would also add that if you are having regular lessons and are not progressing, perhaps try a new instructor?
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I can’t afford them regularly enough unfortunately - I manage on average once every 4 to 6 weeks. My trainer is honestly the best thing since sliced bread (in my opinion of course) and I would still be prelim/novice if it wasnt for her.
 
Is there an active RC near you, ours has regular training which will be in groups generally, the odd clinic will be pairs/ ind, if you offer to be on teams the competitions are heavily subsidised and travelling is assisted as they get a lorry to share if you get to a champs, you could suggest they put on a few extra training days aimed at test riding which could be useful, if you offer to run it or help do so that would probably be welcomed.

I think many people are over looking the benefits of their RC and going straight to BD now because they are actively promoting the lower levels which will mean a decline in members at local RCs.
 
You need to look at this clearly you don’t need to compete you’re horse does not need to compete .
Years ago I was at a clinic with Kottas he said some best riders he knew never compete that’s stayed with me .
You don’t need to compete to train and make your horse the best it can be .
To embrace this is liberating.
You need to look at these ‘pot hunters ‘ who annoy you so much ,many will be people happy at that level who know that the next level is not for them so they are enjoying themselves at a level they are happy with .
I spend hours training my horses I rarely compete the horses and I have a nice time I know some people think I am nuts .
I am happy ( well not very happy atm but I have had a trying summer ) doing this keeps me fit and keeps me young .
ETA I agree 200% with what be positive says about riding clubs .
 
I’d echo the above in that you need to really evaluate what it is about horses that you truly enjoy, rather than what you think you should enjoy.

I can only speak for myself, but over the last few years I have come to realise that I don’t enjoy competing. I don’t manage the stress/pressure/self-flagellation at not being perfect well.

I’ve also come to realise my body is failing me and that I just don’t enjoy the relentless hours and aches and pains especially when trying to fit it around working for a living.

And that’s okay, horses are a crazy sport really.

The thing I do love is riding / training on beautifully schooled horses. Ironically I’m still very competitive, just from the ground! I also just love to clear my head with a nice quiet hack.

I’m not quite at the point of knowing precisely what I want out of horses, but at the moment I get a lot of enjoyment out of ownership with a pro, going for a hack once or twice a week on my fit and sparkly clean horse waiting for me, and have recently just been away for a long weekend in the sun riding beautifully trained dressage horses (now that I could do more of!).

I appreciate all that is a real luxury - but there are elements that anyone loosing their mojo could take from it.

I’d say at this point - have a quiet autumn/winter. See how much you really miss competing once you have broken the cycle.
 
Goldenstar said:
You need to look at this clearly you don’t need to compete you’re horse does not need to compete .
Years ago I was at a clinic with Kottas he said some best riders he knew never compete that’s stayed with me .
You don’t need to compete to train and make your horse the best it can be .
To embrace this is liberating.
You need to look at these ‘pot hunters ‘ who annoy you so much ,many will be people happy at that level who know that the next level is not for them so they are enjoying themselves at a level they are happy with .
I spend hours training my horses I rarely compete the horses and I have a nice time I know some people think I am nuts .
I am happy ( well not very happy atm but I have had a trying summer ) doing this keeps me fit and keeps me young .
ETA I agree 200% with what be positive says about riding clubs .
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Wow you could actually be me ;) also rode at a kottas clinic and had similar conversations with like minded people, and he is right i know some amazing riders that don't compete.

I actually feel quite liberated by not worrying about competing so much anymore, i truly enjoy my horse and although shes mega capable she is just as happy hacking and eating grass! My horse is medium level and we actually go in a school about once a month at the most and she and i are no worse for it.

OP dont worry what anyone else is up to, let it go for a while go to whatever you ENJOY, spend your competing money on fun outings and clinics, have some schoolmaster lessons and work on yourself a bit (if you want to) x
 
I'm probably not going to word this very well but I've never let that stop me before so here goes...

Any and every sport is hard more than just physically, throw in something with a mind of it's own that is fragile and it gets even tougher.

I had an epiphany a few years ago that if this (whatever your "this" is be it competing, producing and/or working with horses) was something that I really wanted then I would have, or be working hard to, make it happen. I had a long run of bad luck, bad advice from professionals (vets) and losses. However if, for example, I really wanted to be an eventer then I could have cut back on my social life, time in bed and other spending to make it happen with another 1 or 2 horses. I chose some sleep, nice handbags and occasional nights out over that.

If someone is truly driven to succeed then there will be hard times but there is that drive that keeps them doing the 4am starts, going without to fund training, no social life and complete dedication. I'm not saying that is healthy or that is how it should/needs to be to be successful but to those people it doesn't seem like the soul destroying chore that it can be to others (eg me!). It gets driven home to me when I see the posts that pop up on here when winter approaches asking how people manage to have horses around a full time job, ride in the dark/bad weather and keep motivated. My situation has changed so that things are nowhere near as hard as they used to be on livery but I'm still in awe of those that see to horses before work, commute 2hrs, work long hours, commute back and ride horses no.2 or 3 then go out training and competing. It might not be sustainable long term but in that moment those people are driven to do what needs to be done to achieve (or work towards achieving) what they want to do. It took me many years to be ok with the realisation that I'm just not wired that way and that is ok too.

Sometimes stories of those who are successful despite working 18hr days, having 4 kids, training 6 horses from scratch are inspiring and motivational but sometimes they make us feel bad because we don't have those obstacles but are nowhere near as successful (by that measurement)

Last year I ended up in a position that I'd never been in before: sound horses, transport, a change of job and big pay increase plus my parents bought a place so I could keep the horses at (their) home. Despite all of that I still haven't been out training or competing and that's ok. If it was really what I wanted to do then I would be doing it. Sometimes the external pressures cloud your judgement and the horse world isn't known for being supportive. Often we are left feeling like we have something to prove and really the people who "need" things proven to them are rarely worth worrying about.

I think my point is (even I've lost track of my tangent) is that it's ok for competing not to be your no.1 focus if you don't want it to be. It's ok to need a break. It's ok to sit back and take stock of your achievements so far. It's ok to take the pressure off yourself. it's ok to want to compete. It's ok to want to improve. It's ok to be dedicated. Whatever you choose is ok and no one should feel that they have to meet up to the expectations of others or even give a fig as to the opinions of others.

Often writing things down helps i.e. why do you compete, what do you enjoy, what are your goals etc. Goals don't have to be going Medium, they can be enjoying a nice hack or working on a specific movement.

If you re-evaluate and you do still want to compete then perhaps an unmounted session with your coach to establish a goal and then long/mid/short term objectives and plans on how to achieve them and perhaps pencil in some comps you'd like to attend and work back from them. I don't know how the cost of competing compares to the cost of your training but in anyone shoes when things aren't going as planned I'd invest as much as possible into training and hold off competing.

Perhaps doing things like writing for judges and watching others doing what you want to be doing will help to identify gaps that you could work on. Training doesn't always have to be on horseback or be costly.

If you give yourself some breathing and head space to focus on what YOU want then the answer will come to you.
 
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great post TPO.
I know some friends have got themselves trapped in a "competing because they think they should" loop, or because other people think they should - even worse :confused:

It's good to understand yourself properly like that.

I'm pretty driven, I'm partly grounded at the moment due to horse injury and it is killing me to feel time with that horse slipping through my fingers (just this week I've had 2 full on nightmares about running out of time and I think it's closely connected :oops:) But another person might appreciate the break! I need to work on my perspective :p
 
My mantra is that riding/having horses is a hobby, it needs to be fun. We spend crazy amounts of money on our horses, so it should be enjoyable! Otherwise it's just money out the window (more than it already is...). So don't feel that you need to compete. The only thing you need to do is enjoy your hobby.

Your horse doesn't care if you compete or not. And why shouldn't you have training goals, just because you don't compete? You can still set goals and work hard towards them - AND be happy instead of beating yourself up over not being good enough at competitions!

If you like riding and you like dressage, keep working on it. Maybe you'll find your motivation to compete again, maybe you won't. But what's stopping you from being as good as you and your horse can be? My ultimate dream/goal is to ride a grand prix. But I don't care if I ever go to another competition. I just want to do it on that cold, rainy tuesday evening in november some years from now. That's what I'm working towards. Competitions? Yeah, maybe. But only if I think it's fun.
 
Wow what awesome advice from everyone. Some of you have really summed me up and it sounds like I’m not the only one who gets tied up with that feeling of working my socks off but still feeling like I’m under achieving. I actually feel a little better for reading your responses. I totally agree - less competing and have lessons instead. I have an awful lot to improve on so may just do the odd unaff but keep training (May have fewer 5.30am starts too!) then in a few months time do the odd BD every now and again. I love my beautiful horse with all my heart and I need to stop taking it all so seriously ! ☺️💕
 
Loads of good advice, personally I go along with AUB, training and competing dont have to go together, if you love training, then train, you dont have to compete just because you enjoy training. If you are enjoying competing, thats great, but if you are finding it too stressful, then dont do it, its not your job, its not compulsory, do what makes you happy.
TPO is also right, if its an absolute top priority for you then you will make things happen and make sacrifices and not think of it as a sacrifice, this doesnt mean its right or wrong, we are all different, you have to work out what really matters to you and do it!
 
Everybody has said it all, all ready!

One thing I would add is that sometimes just enjoying them is enough, no training, no focus. I had a big wake up call about 12 months ago that if I carried on my unrelenting work load and pressure on myself, I would end up seriously poorly. I had to try and stop the guilt of needing to work both horses, and compete both horses, and have lessons on both horses, and also keep my oldie going, and keep doing more to progress more and achieve more, etc, etc.

I have taken a step back, and given myself a break. I love competing and training but have to look after myself too. The horses surprisingly (not) haven't become feral, unschooled monsters just because they have an extra couple of days off a week. Topaz hasn't forgotten all her training and actually focusing on training and our goal of the year (PSG), gave us clarity to achieve it, without the pull of trying to qualifying for Petplans, music, regionals (though we did go!), etc.

One further thing is if you feel you have plateaued at a level, try a new instructor. I felt a little stuck at Elementary and moved up to Medium anyway and thought sod the score (the scores remained similar despite being a higher level anyway lol), however, changing trainer made a huge difference to us. We went from Medium to Advanced in about 18 months, and our scores went up by about 4% (early 60's to late 60's!). A fresh perspective can really give you a push.
 
Haven't competed since May, intend to compete again but currently enjoying having fun with no pressure, no stress, no lessons.

My horse hasn't seen the inside of a school for 4 months... :D
 
Good advice above, but how about giving your horse a holiday and having a complete break from riding for a few months? It’s not something that Dressage riders do very often, but very common in the Eventing and hunting world to turn them away at the end of the season. I have not known a horse that hasn’t benefited from a holiday, you might even find he/she comes back with renewed bounce and vigour and those marks start creeping up again. And just as important, you might come back with renewed bounce and vigour!
 
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