lost my confidence..its driving me mad!!

italylyns

italylyns

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 November 2009
Messages
273
Location
rayleigh, essex
Visit site
Hi All,

Well where to start.....

I have been a really confident rider/horseowner for nearly 30 years and i bought a 6yr old ID in may of last year. I wasn't made aware he didn't hack alone and after 6 months, several nasty falls, and after a trip to A&E i decided he wasn't the horse for me and sold him.

It took me about 2 months to find another horse. He is 9 and he has been there and done it and is a real sweetie on the ground too. So what is my problem??!!!

Somewhere in those 2 months i have gone from being a confident, deal with anything rider to my heart almost coming out of my chest just by getting on :-(
Everything unnerves me, even a little head shake or spook and my stomach goes! I cant bear it but cant seem to snap out of it!
I am having lessons on my new boy but he is a good boy but i almost tell myself he is going to take off with me and throw me off and he will sense my anxiousness!
I can only go one day at a time and hope it comes back!

Anyone else ever had anything like this and how did you deal with it?
 
I went through this too! I would end up faffing about for ages before getting on and just thinking the worst all the time and would eventually talk myself out of getting on if I was on my own! I found that lessons and the right horse put me right so you will get there :) try not to think too much!
 
I feel your pain, my horse has been off for nearly a year with tendon injury which he has now recovered from, he's 34 but doesn't act it and I am not looking forward to that first time I get back on :-(
 
i had this for a while with taz because every ride was like an argument i would come up with excuses not to ride. Helped a friend break in her youngster and helped getting him going etc and i found i had it again. just doing loads of ground work and starting again... was a bit like starting again myself as well as the pony... obvioulsy im not suggesting you break in your own horse but need something refreshing like a ride on a different horse where you just chill and have a laugh with a friend :)
 
Its horrible!
I think because i hurt myself so badly with my last horse and he was so unpredictable, i am telling myself my new horse is the same ( he isnt as far as i know lol) which is holding me back.
At least taking it this slowly i am getting to know him well :-) X
 
could you get some rescue remedy ? i think it would be perfect for you cos it takes the panic off a bit and as you know your horse is a good boy- its just convincing your brain to relax lol :)
 
I lost my confidence too on my yougster. I had three falls and bottle went completely. He only moved quicker than I was expecting, He did not deliberately try to get me off. Have you looked at an RS-TOR. I made myself one and it has given me the confidence to try again. It has not been put to the test yet, but I feel better having something to hold onto, but still means I can use two hands to ride.
 
I've had a horrible confidence knock too, I went from being a confident competent rider, to being a nervous wreck!

I bought a new horse last september, and he was super... however, it became aparent that the change of home for him/change of routine was having a stressy effect on him... and resulted in stomach ulcers a few months into owning him. I came off him fairly dramatically, he's been treated, and is so much happier now, but my confidence had been shot!

However, my wonderful YO & even more wonderful instructor have been great, and have helped me every step along the way. first time getting back on my boy after 'treatment' my instructor watched me lunge him for 5 minutes, physically helped me get on (held the stirrup, reins etc) and we were planning to just walk & trot - she was very on the ball watching us and talked to me the whole time, to get me thinking about riding, rather then worrying he was about to chuck me off again... my YO was stood outside the menage, giving positive comments and was brilliant moral support. Since then, I have slowly 'weaned' myself off instructor and YO, ie. next time i got on my YO was in the menage with me, next time was another lesson with instructor, next time YO was in the paddock next to the menage poo picking etc. and now, I'm finally totally happy to hop on and ride on my own (although tend to make sure there is someone around on the yard - but think thats good practice anyway!)

So all I can suggest, from my experience, is to surround yourself with people you trust and can instill confidence in you, build up slowly and although i know its hard, try to concentrate on looking up and focussing on whats in front of you rather then waiting for something else to happen. Good luck OP,
 
The best advice is not to rush, little steps result in big ones so just take your time. I lost my confidence with my last horse completely, to the point where I wanted to send him back and never get another, I felt useless, and un talented and spent more time on the floor than on my horses back! I wasn't the most confident anyway so that completely shattered me. But, if it wasn't for my OH I would never have the horse I have now or be in the position I am now. He said if you get the right horse theres no reason why you can't do it. So I got the horse I have now who has completely changed me as a rider and my confidence levels are better than ever! I'm still nervous riding different horses or ones I don't trust, but I trust my boy with my life and owe him everything. My OH played a massive part in helping me get my confidence too, he is a bit more pushy and told me that everytime I rode I had to do something I was scared of, (at first it was even to the point of trotting over a cross pole!) and gradually build it up every day. I now compete my boy BSJA up to 1.20m level, something I never ever thought I'd acheive! We jump courses up to 1.30m at home, don't get me wrong part of me is still pooping my pants but I've learned to ignore that little voice and tell it to hang on while we jump a huge oxer!! :D but when I teach nervous people I always say just take baby steps at first as if you over do it you might just end up further back than when you started! Good luck and remember, you can do it!!! :)
 
I just wrote a really long reply to this then HHO kindly logged me out and it got lost. I can't re-type it all now, but you are not alone, this is a very big issue for me at the moment too.

I am determined not to give up though, I love my boy and I KNOW I am capable. I am just trying to take my time and go at my pace and chill out without setting myself too many goals (I think General Anxiety might be playing a part and the weather certainly isn't helping).

Don't give in. We WILL get there!! :)
 
I've been there!

I got to the stage of shaking and bursting into tears just getting on, followed by getting back off again :o That was 12mths ago, I'm now back to riding W/T/C, hacking alone and in company W/T, jumping up to 3ft, and once the ground dries out we're bumping hacks back up to fast work aswell. It IS possible, and I still have the same horse I lost it on :)

As others have said. Baby steps. Take it all back to basics, and make sure each ride makes you feel good. It doesn't matter if you get on, walk a few strides, get back off, repeat tomorrow. As long as it goes well, and you feel good, that's all that matters. Keep to walk, stay in a school if that helps you feel more confident. Have someone walk alongside, have someone hold a lead rein. It really doesn't matter. The point is showing yourself that you CAN do it, and that pone isn't about to b*ggar off at every opportunity.

One day, you'll find yourself wanting to push it up to trot. Do it. When you WANT to. Same goes for canter. Hacking. Everything else. Do it when you're ready, not when you feel you should. It's a case of building your confidence back up brick by brick. If you push it too far before you've built it high enough, and something goes wrong, that wall comes crashing down again.

Don't be worried about going back to basics :)
 
Did you read the thread on hypnotherapy? I recommend it! I had a small accident and it just made me really anxious, forget riding it was everything in my day to day life, danger round every corner, I felt very vulnerable and worried all the time.

I am happy to say that after a course of hypnosis I now feel normal and relaxed again, and the only thing that worries me a bit with riding is the main roads we have round here as my horse is not quite happy about big vehicles yet, but that is a justified worry really!

Whatever you do, hang in there, you will find a way to conquer it.
 
As others have said and also be prepared for it to take time.Most of us that have been through this think that now we have the nice safe horse everything will go back to normal and be fine.It doesn't work like this.You need lots of nice safe happy experiences first.
 
fuze said:
I've been there!

I got to the stage of shaking and bursting into tears just getting on, followed by getting back off again :o That was 12mths ago, I'm now back to riding W/T/C, hacking alone and in company W/T, jumping up to 3ft, and once the ground dries out we're bumping hacks back up to fast work aswell. It IS possible, and I still have the same horse I lost it on :)

As others have said. Baby steps. Take it all back to basics, and make sure each ride makes you feel good. It doesn't matter if you get on, walk a few strides, get back off, repeat tomorrow. As long as it goes well, and you feel good, that's all that matters. Keep to walk, stay in a school if that helps you feel more confident. Have someone walk alongside, have someone hold a lead rein. It really doesn't matter. The point is showing yourself that you CAN do it, and that pone isn't about to b*ggar off at every opportunity.

One day, you'll find yourself wanting to push it up to trot. Do it. When you WANT to. Same goes for canter. Hacking. Everything else. Do it when you're ready, not when you feel you should. It's a case of building your confidence back up brick by brick. If you push it too far before you've built it high enough, and something goes wrong, that wall comes crashing down again.

Don't be worried about going back to basics :)
Click to expand...

Don't know about you OP, but this has reassured me so much (thanks Fuze:D), I just wish the nights would hurry up and draw out a bit more and the weather would sort itself out to enable me to do this in the evenings, rather than having to wait all week for the weekend when I have to more or less start again :rolleyes: (thinking I ought to get my confidence levels up in the daylight first, before attempting to ride in the dark :eek:)

Funny thing is, it is the school where I feel LEAST confident as this is where he has a tendency to prat about, and it is far too easy to just get off lol!!

As for hypnotherapy, definitely worth considering I think
 
smanf said:
Don't know about you OP, but this has reassured me so much (thanks Fuze:D), I just wish the nights would hurry up and draw out a bit more and the weather would sort itself out to enable me to do this in the evenings, rather than having to wait all week for the weekend when I have to more or less start again :rolleyes: (thinking I ought to get my confidence levels up in the daylight first, before attempting to ride in the dark :eek:)

Funny thing is, it is the school where I feel LEAST confident as this is where he has a tendency to prat about, and it is far too easy to just get off lol!!

As for hypnotherapy, definitely worth considering I think
Click to expand...

:)

Don't get me wrong, it's not an easy thing to do. I put my boy up for sale as I thought it was all over. Turns out, when it came to someone actually coming to view him, I couldn't do it.

We also had the issue that he was young, so he fed off my state of mind. I tried pushing through it, like everyone on my yard told me to do. We ended up with bucking, spinning, planting, napping, tanking off, a horrendously worked up pony, and my confidence at sub-zero.

It's a lot easier with the lighter nights - I found that time out of the saddle put me straight back to square one. I made a point of riding most days, even if it was just 5 minutes walking round. I also made a point of riding a friend's schoolmaster out on hacks occasionally, who didn't react to me being rigid as a board. If you're more confident out hacking, stick to that :) Chop it and change it to keep it in your comfort zone to begin with. I didn't get an instructor in (I felt like too much of a failure to be able to take a RI telling me the same thing from the ground), and me and coblet are now the ones that babysit the nervous ones out hacking. If you'd have told me that 12mths ago, I'd have told you you're barking up the wrong tree ;)
 
I know exactly how you feel. I've stopped riding as I'm currently focusing on overcoming general anxiety first. I'm currently doing groundwork to build a relationship with my horse. Once I've overcome my anxiety I'll think about getting in the saddle but we'll see :)
 
smanf said:
Funny thing is, it is the school where I feel LEAST confident as this is where he has a tendency to prat about, and it is far too easy to just get off lol!!
Click to expand...

I'm the same! Horse spooks and messes about a LOT more in the school, then I anticipate it, horse does it more and more! :o
 
I think someone mentioned rescue remedy. I also had confidence issues a few years ago when I bought a mare who was in foal (I did not know at the time ) I was a very novice/nervous rider so when said foal was ready to be ridden I was in a bit of a state as you can imagine! I had loads of lessons with a very sympathetic instructor and loads of rescue remedy!! Eventually I found myself not "needing" the rescue remedy -I would kind of ' forget' to take it! It's definitely worth a try and won't break the bank! Good luck.
 
Dont think about the "what ifs" and what happened, clear your mind and concentrate on how much you are enjoying being on the horse, try a more comfy saddle if the one you have doesnt help you feel very secure, e.g. Bigger knee rolls, a sheepskin seat saver, all these things make being in the saddle more comfy so therefore feel more secure. Enjoy.
 
Horseshavingfun; sounds all very familiar. I worry about passing my nerves in and heading down the downward spiral too. But We CAN do it, just in a little while!!
 
I am in exactly the same position my confidence has gone over night. My cob who has had seven weeks barn rest, has started coming back into work this week. The thought of getting on was giving me cold sweats, so I am paying someone to start his rehab ridden work, he only has to do twenty minutes a day rode work. I had decided I was going to give up, but taking the pressure off myself, and just doing the caring side, may get rid of those gremlins. He seems quite happy with the arrangement.
 
eahotson said:
As others have said and also be prepared for it to take time.Most of us that have been through this think that now we have the nice safe horse everything will go back to normal and be fine.It doesn't work like this.You need lots of nice safe happy experiences first.
Click to expand...

Totally agree I'm in that place too. OP it does read like you are having actual panic attacks. I have suffered from these and it's just awful , I really do recommend you look into an NLP approach and try to help rewire the bad stuff with more positive associations. I'm not sorted yet but I can sense the panic before it takes hold and try to regain control. I was also on beta blockers for a while before each stress session and no longer need them.
 
Hi. I am another who has been suffering with this the last month or so. My normally very sensible boy has been slightly more spooky with the new grass coming in. He spooked at something in the school, panicked and chucked me off. Full of adrenalin, I got back on and rode him but the next day I was virtually paralysed with fear and ended up in tears whilst a friend led me round in walk. I felt such an idiot!

However booking some lessons with my wonderful RI really helped - think i had 4 that first week! Also just doing a little bit everyday and not putting off riding, even if its only 10 mins in walk then take him in on a good note. Eventually I forced myself out on a hack with a very sensible friend and getting back safely from that helped.

It is coming back slowly - I even competed dressage last weekend which a month ago I would never have imagined I could do.

Don't give up - just keep going and take your time.
 
Wow Thankyou so much for your replies!!! You have all reassured me that i will get back to where i was and i am doing the right the g by taking it slow.
This feeling sucks though ! X
 
italylyns said:
Wow Thankyou so much for your replies!!! You have all reassured me that i will get back to where i was and i am doing the right the g by taking it slow.
This feeling sucks though ! X
Click to expand...

But it feels amazing when you finally get there ;)
 
italylyns said:
Wow Thankyou so much for your replies!!! You have all reassured me that i will get back to where i was and i am doing the right the g by taking it slow.
This feeling sucks though ! X
Click to expand...

So sucky I know just how you feel too.

I'm still battling my nerves its nearly two years since my confidence walked out on me.

But last night I was jumping 2ft9 :D

I have a really safe confidence giving mare and she's been totally fab for me. Have also had lessons and pushed myself a little at a time... since once I've done something I was nervous of doing I feel so much better for doing it and want to do more (I hope that makes sense?!)

I also find if you try to do something scary before the nerves properly set in (I did this jumping last night!) it often helps do it before you have a chance to get scared of it.

(I also read Kelly Marks "Perfect Confidence" which I found helped a huge amount!)

Stick with it, be brave or as my yard owner says JFDI (Just ******ing Do It!!!) lol

Good luck I know it's not easy but it's worth it!
 
Reading through all these replies makes you realise at the time when you're having a wobble just how alone you feel, but in reality there are sooooo many of us in the same boat and so many people can sympathise! I've had my horse 11 months and I came off him about 9 months ago and my confidence was completely shattered. It has taken me SO long to build it back up and even now things are still not great but for me it was actually about learning to trust my horse again, because really he very rarely puts a foot wrong... but it's the what if's that get to me the most. Slow and steady is how we have gone about it, with lots of support and I've built up a great partnership with my horse now. We have all the time in the world, there's no rush to do anything! :)
 
Its reassuring to see how many others have had/are having confidence issues. My friend who owns my current ride has 'encouraged' me several times to ride her other horse over the past year which is very kind but he is a rearer and now a dangerous one at that. I was so scared one time that I thought he was going to come over backwards on me (my biggest fear). When I told my mother in law she gave me a good talking to and the past couple of times I have been asked to ride him I have said no (although I think she's been offended!). Fate clearly has been on my side and a couple of weeks ago I was offered a horse on full loan near my home who is a saint! I'm hoping that by building a new relationship with this horse my confidence will improve too :-)
 
It's so nice to read all these comments and realise others feel the same!
Iv been feeling like its for he past few months and cannot wait til the clocks change and can start riding everyday as I think the only riding at weekends is my biggest problem x
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top