Lost my nerve - not sure I want to get it back...

[Foxy girl]

Long story cut short - a series of disasters, one broken hip and a very nasty bolting incident have pretty much shattered my confidence. I bought a 'plod' having lost my cob in February and 5 months on I think I'm going to have to admit defeat and hang up my riding boots. The new pony (14.1hh gypsy cob) hasn't done anything wrong other than just test the boundaries a bit - nothing a firm kick on wouldn't sort out - but my default is to get off. I spend all my time on board feeling terrified and I'm just not sure it's worth it - for a hobby I'm supposed to enjoy!

We have two ponies for the children and I love messing around with them, walking with the kids and getting their friends round to ride. Maybe I should just accept that at 38 yrs old my riding days are over, and playing with ponies is where it's at.

I know I could try and throw money at the problem but doubt whether any amount could bring back my confidence and I'm not sure I'm committed enough to follow it through.

Anyone else been in the same boat?

 

[YasandCrystal]

I am really sorry to read this. Loss of confidence is ahorrible thing. My advice would be don't rush into selling your plod give yourself some time. Could you not take the pressure off yourself and do some in hand work with your horse, like long reining which in itself is quite a skill. You may find that by perfecting control on the ground will bring you renewed confidence. Then when you are ready have some lessons with a good sympathetic instructor who will bring back the fun into riding for you. Good Luck OP.

 

[WelshD]

At your age you have plenty of time to take a break and evaluate in a few years time. You dont say how old your kids are but maybe there will come a point where you want to hack and compete with them and they may fuel your confidence later down the line

In the meantime just enjoy the break you are still very young to see this as the end of riding

 

[Clodagh]

What Welsh D says.
I lost my nerve after a bad fall years ago, take a break, enjoy the children riding and in a few years you might decide to have lessons on a schoolmaster or share a pony with your children. You can stop and start, it really is meant to be fun.

 

[blood_magik]

sometimes taking a break is for the best.
My confidence was in tatters after. silly fall where I decided to bail out.
When i came back to jumping my horse didnt do anything wrong - he was just a bit unsure and I didn't give him the confidence he was looking to me for. Jumping lessons consisted of me feeling sick and often ended in tears.
I had a bit of a break and went back to jumping yesterday and I enjoyed myself for the first time in a year.

as others have said, it's meant to be fun. Take a break and spend some time with the kids and their ponies before you make a decision. :smile3:

 

[Foxy girl]

Thank you all - I too think I'm a bit young to be giving up for good, but I have tied myself down buying a 6 yr old cob from a lady who was terminally ill - I promised her I would give him a forever home and I am now getting myself in a state about being too scared to ride. I wish I had waited and built up confidence before committing myself again, but as I say, it's not the horse that's the problem - it's me! I don't have enough grazing to turn him away until I decide what to do and I hate feeling guilty for not riding him. Considered loaning him out but you hear such horror stories I'd hate to ruin such a young horse. Arrrrgh!!!!

 

[Spiritedly]

I lost my nerve a few years ago after a nasty fall whilst I was pregnant. I had a horse that bolted, not just tanked off, and every time I have been on a horse since then I've either not gone faster than a trot and only walked across open fields or only cantered in enclosed areas. Then earlier this year I got a 'nanny' horse for escorting our youngsters out and about and within a month of having her I was quite happy cantering on hacks....I even cantered a Clydesdale on Dartmoor!....She isn't a plod, she strides out on hacks and naps occasionally when out on her own but I feel safe on her and that has made all the difference.
There are still certain horses I won't get on and others I won't do more than walk and the odd trot but my confidence is getting there even if it will never be what it was.
It may be that your plod isn't the right one for you but before you give up can you have a couple of lessons either on your pony on a riding school one?

 

[Horseback Rider]

I feel your pain and angst I have been there ! I also think the older we get the more aware we are of breaking ourselves if we fall off etc, which in turn makes us think more about what the outcome could be before we do it ! Only other thing to suggest is to perhaps find a good instructor who can help with your confidence issues help you lunge and do ground work, maybe hack out with you while you ride the nanny horse and they ride the cob. If it's a hobby your in no rush to get everything done so take your time you would be surprised how well it can work ! Good luck x

 

[weebarney]

I'm having confidence issues too although I will get on I just prefer not too. I am determined to get it back, the issues I'm having wouldn't have phased me as a teen which is very annoying. However I think I need a different horse to get it back on.
Have you thought about hypnotherapy? It's something I would contemplate if I felt I couldn't get over my confidence issues.

 

[Flora]

After I had a bad fall years back, I couldn't sit on my horse. I played about with him on the ground and went for lessons and asked to go on different horses each time so that I wasn't getting used to one horse. It did work, I got back on my own horse. I have had several horse since and I am nervous until I get to know them. I do believe, as you get older, self preservation comes into it, because who is going to look after kids, horses etc if anything happens!
I wouldn't give up yet, it will take time but whats the rush!! Good luck

 

[Foxy girl]

Thank you all once again - it's good to know I'm not the only one, and that these things can maybe be overcome. I do have contact details for an NLP lady who works with the horse and the human (!) - I just believe that with these things you have to be fully committed to make them work and I'm not sure my heart is in it anymore. Lots of soul searching to do I guess, before I decide whether to get back on (again!).

 

[Meowy Catkin]

Why don't you try in hand showing with your cob? If you make that your aim it immediately takes riding out of the frame and therefore the pressure off you.

 

[shmoo]

Hi, i'll try and keep this short. I have suffered from loss of confidence as well. Around 13 years ago now I had a nasty experience with a horse who was way too big for me who nearly broke my back by rearing and dragging me along the floor. I didn't let go of his reins - didn't have time to think. I let over 10 years elaspe without geting on another horse again.

Fast forward and I fall for a pretty face and buy my daughter what has turned out to be a totally innappropriate mare. Not knowing what to do next as the mare is in quite a state we fall on our feet with a fabulous 1st pony on permanent loan for daughter, leaving me with innappropriate horse and a morbid fear of getting on.

After a full year now if I leave it more than a week I'm back to square one. I invent excuses all over the place, she isn't soundest horse in the world and is also a self harmer so it isn't hard. She's a handful, joggs incessantly, spends half her time sideways, canters on the spot and does pretty fancy footwork.

I find rescue remedy and and some encouraging company work to a certain extent. I do still tense up though and take a good while to relax. I got on her on Sunday, badly I may add as I was convinced she would do something terrible by the mounting block so got on from the ground, she walked a few steps which put me off balance and I panicked for a split second thinking she was going to charge off. When I pulled the reins she stopped. Anticlimax. It was in my head not hers.

Is it possible for you to get someone to come and ride your horse for you with you walking so you could see what he/she does that makes you worry. You could then see how the more confident rider copes, what they do and how they react then apply it yourself. Maybe a half and half ride? If you really don't enjoy it anymore don't force yourself. It will build up to a huge monster in your mind. Good plods are hard to find. Put him out on loan for a while maybe until you decide what you want to do. Are the ponies big enough for you to ride? You trust them so maybe pop up on one yourself occasionally.

Don't beat yourself up though, theres more in this boat than probably care to admit it. A while back on this forum it was mooted that it might not be loss of confidence at all, just the wrong horse?

Whatever you do good luck, I am right there in that boat with you.x.

 

[Polos Mum]

A six year old isn't likely to be a totally quiet plod (the teenage years and all that) so don't write off your riding career completely. I agree with others regarding taking a break, leave it until you really really want to ride then your motivation will be totally different.
I have a really sucessful loan so they can work - alternatively I;ve also had 2 sharers at my house, each doing 3 days, so I kept a good eye on the horse and 3 days a week shsrers seem to be easier to find that full loan homes. It cost me to keep him here as shearer cash didn't cover all the bills like a full loan would but worth it for piece of mind in your case possibly.

 

[Foxy girl]

Thank you Faracat - unfortunately showing really isn't my thing, however he would make a fantastic driving pony...

Schmoo - your post could have been written by me! I think you're right about there being lots of people in this boat - maybe they are only managing to carry on because an awful incident isn't haunting them like it does for me. The wrong horse is also a big possibility - however as Polos Mum says, I have thought that some of it will be teenage years - I just don't want to leave him in a field for too long because then I'll NEVER get back on!

I wish the ponies were big enough for me to ride but unfortunately not. If I could clone the tiniest pony and grow his legs, I'd have my perfect horse ;-)

I will look at the possibility of getting someone to come and ride out with me - swapping so I can see how they would cope with him. It's just heading into winter and the thought of all the hard work (I keep them at home, on clay, near a flood plane) without the riding - it's tough to justify it all when I enjoy it, even harder to eek out the time when I don't...

 

[linperrie]

Could you part share your horse for a while? Then you get to see someone else ride him and probably witness how fab and good he is, while you take a break from actually riding and think about picking up again in the spring? A break deffo sounds like what you need to take the pressure off and you might find in 6 months you are itching to get back on!

 

[ladyt25]

I never thought I would have a crisis of confidence but I have whilst backing my youngster as we had rather a set back and part of this was him rearing up whilst in hand a coming down on top of me. I wasn't hurt and he was reacting to pain. I then witnessed him do the same with my instructor and saw the extent of his reaction. That has now been at the back of my mind ever since but my instructor - in to sort of NH techniques - Has helped me with his groundwork, handling and general control. He is quite reactive in general so that needs to be controlled. Stupidly when I have been leading him, a lot of the time my legs are trembling. It's ridiculous but I think I have just been thinking snow the what ifs. I have not looked forward to working him although am happy to take him tony instructor's. However, over the past couple of weeks, using the techniques I've been taught, I suddenly feel so much more confident in what I am doing and don't feel totally incompetent! I am currently working on leading him out a certain distance and back without him being a prat. Last night I realised how much he had improved in only 3 or 4 sessions of this repetition I feel positive we will get there and I even feel more confident about eventually getting back on board. Also, my legs have stopped shaking!! I really suggest you get someone to help you work on control on the ground as it will help you know what to do in any given situation and gives your horse some consistent training which they really benefit from at this young age. I wouldn't give up just yet!

 

[wyrdsister]

What about taking up something like horse agility? It's all in hand and really builds your relationship with the horse, plus it's a lot of fun and keeps their brains busy. That way the horse is doing something, without you feeling that you *have* to ride. I've been doing bits and pieces of it with my rather nutty youngster (lost my nerve years ago and, though it's mostly back, I do have the occasional 'oh sugar, I'm going to die' moment over nothing whatsoever) and found that we trust each other a lot more. It's really helped our in the saddle relationship as well as on the ground.

 

[Fellewell]

A & E departments aren't nearly as sympathetic as they used to be. I sometimes think we're replacing bikers for them.

If you are still enjoying some of the time you spend in the saddle then carry on. If ,however, you reach the end of the ride, dismount and whoop and holler because you're still alive then it's probably time for a rethink.

You can't guilt trip yourself into keeping a horse for whatever reason. He's young and there will be a home for him out there.

Ride a schoolmaster for a while and then see how you feel.

 

[legaldancer]

If you are still enjoying some of the time you spend in the saddle then carry on. If ,however, you reach the end of the ride, dismount and whoop and holler because you're still alive then it's probably time for a rethink.

Goodness, this is exactly how I feel! I am just over 50 and had some falls resulting in concussion when I was 49. At about 47 I broke my collar bone in a hunting accident, but as it was a jumping accident I simply decided to get back in the saddle but not jump after it mended. I have ridden since I was five and used to love jumping and hunting, however I now find myself making any excuse not to ride, although I would love to enjoy it again.

I completely understand how you feel and I too just enjoy looking after them and taking my son to Pony Club. I do carry the guilt too as I should be keeping the pony ticking over. The mind is a complicated thing.

 

[JLD]

Hello. Me too !! I am 39 and spent 7 years being scared of my horse who was way to big for me and could be an utter twonk. I lost him to arthritis last year - he was in pain even on Bute just in the field. I painfully admit part of me was relieved I didn't have to do it any more. Loads of rides appeared but I turned everything down and bowed out of horses. 6 months later a 13.2 in need of a home came to live with me. I am loving my time with him, I cuddle him groom him, lunge and long rein and go for long walks in hand while we both try to lose weight. One day I may ride him ( my daughter potter's about on LR with him ) but right now I am enjoying horses for the first time in years. It is building my confidence again. It not all about riding. Enjoy your ponies and do what feels right.

 

[Borderreiver]

I have to say carriage driving is tremendous fun and it sounds as though your cob might suit it? At nearly 60 I find I just get too sore riding but I'm loving driving my 5 yr old home bred. He was properly started earlier in the year and is really happy and confident out driving now. Worth a thought.

 

[babymare]

I had a break when my daughter had her two ponies and loved it but got riding again but if im perfectly honest i prefer being on ground just being with them. Riding isnt and never has been the part i enjoy the most. give me a young one to "play"with any day lol

 

[Fellewell]

Goodness, this is exactly how I feel! I am just over 50 and had some falls resulting in concussion when I was 49. At about 47 I broke my collar bone in a hunting accident, but as it was a jumping accident I simply decided to get back in the saddle but not jump after it mended. I have ridden since I was five and used to love jumping and hunting, however I now find myself making any excuse not to ride, although I would love to enjoy it again.

I completely understand how you feel and I too just enjoy looking after them and taking my son to Pony Club. I do carry the guilt too as I should be keeping the pony ticking over. The mind is a complicated thing.

I've heard that some abandon Thrusting in favour of Demi-Volte though having seen dressage riders looking distinctly worried during medal ceremonies have concluded that no discipline is without its challenges

It's clear that ruthless determination or at least a positive mental attitude go a long way with horses but I don't think these things can be seen in isolation. If there are other areas in a person's life which seem totally beyond their control I do believe this has a direct bearing on how they approach/ride their horse. i know this has happened to me.

I could never completely lose my faith in riding horses because they can be such magnanimous creatures. I remember watching R. Sampson breaking M. Clunes horses to harness. He looked at the pair of Clydesdales and concluded; "That one will get you into trouble" then gestured to the other and said; " and that one will get you out of it!"

The challenge for any horseman/woman is to be able to recognise the difference in these traits and always buy/ride the latter

 

[skint1]

I'm having a confidence wobble at the moment too, and I have only been riding just over a year, having been my daughter's groom for around 15 years so well used to being on the ground around horses. So far I've had 2 very minor falls and have a saint of a horse who is certainly a "save your arse" experienced horse, there is no reason for me to feel this way.

I think I will be better when the stubble fields are gone, my mare loves a good stubble field, she gets quite fired up (in her way) and I am having this constant war with myself... I want to go galloping over the stubble fields (with the farmer's permission of course) but my mind just sabotages me with stupid little darts of self doubt; who am I to think I can gallop across the stubble fields being a complete novice who has had no formal training? People ride for years before attempting that sort of thing! What if I unbalance myself and fall, what if she trips and falls, what if she hurts herself, what if I lose a stirrup, what if I haven't done the girth up tight enough, what if I can't stop her, blah blah blah.

Anxiety and depression have cost me a lot in my life and I am really trying to not let it rule my riding too.

 

[benson21]

Have a go at carriage driving!! Its addictive!! I used to ride but I broke my back in a riding accident, and decided never again! So we bought a section b and we had him broken to harness back in March. We are now competing, and absolutely loving it!!