May have put off my rider

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FfionWinnie

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Have had a 14yr old riding my 13.1 for 6 months. She had ridden for years at a riding school but was very novicey (I have posted about this before). Last time I decided I was no longer helping her tack up as I feel she should easily be able to by now. She managed last time but today all I heard was "I can't". I was cleaning up in the field so I just said you will have to! After about an hour she managed it and then couldn't get on the pony (pony was hacked off having been stood in for over an hour by this point). I ended up helping her mount and she rode her very well (for her).

Anyway I had got the impression she might have texted her mum wanting to go home and I asked her mum, it led to a friendly but frank discussion about whether she wants to continue. I think she would be happy to continue with me doing it all for her but I'm not willing to do that. My 3yr old daughter can mount unaided and tack her pony up after a fashion, so I said look you need to be able to as well.

She is "thinking about it" but I sway from feeling like a right meany to thinking it needed said. For the last six months she has ridden a couple of times a week at least, I take her to PC and lessons (they pay for that), I don't ask for any financial contribution at all and I only in the last month got her to poo pick a couple of times. On PC and lesson nights I have the ponies tacked up and in the trailer and pick her up/drop home on the way, I have to put them back out when I get home plus sort my own daughter as well.

She is a really nice girl and I do like her and I don't grudge the time or effort I put in BUT I'm not sure the passion is there :confused:

Do I sound like I have been mean, I am feeling a bit bad:o
 
At 14 she should be more then capable of tacking up a 13.1 pony, it's not as if it would be towering over her making it difficult for her to reach.

The children I look after are now 13 and 15 and have been tacking up their own ponies since they were about 7.
 
At that age I was mucking out a yard and working weekends, holidays and evenings, doing all the chores in return for an occasional lesson.

She doesn't seem keen at all to be honest.
 
Read your previous posts on the matter.
Some kids are like that, happy to ride but only as long as somebody else does the work.
I dont think you sound mean. It would be mean if she was begginer who had never riden before but a 14 year old should be able to tack up unaided and mount unless they have a physical or mental disability IMO.
It sounds to me like you do more than enough for her, what with fetching her here there and everywhere. Bet her mother is pleased she doesnt have to pay anything or take her everywhere. At 14 the child either needs to man up and start learning to take things a bit more seriously or go home
 
Could you move to west Hampshire please?
Surely that's the least you can do for my 12yo son?:D

After reading all these threads about problems with loaners/sharers from both sides, there is a real need for some type of agency if you ask me.

Can't believe the stuff people have to put up with.
I wouldn't feel mean at all. If my 12yo showed no interest in learning about ponies and stable duties, I would never allow him to ride.
(not that he can at the moment, all he gets to do is the pooh picking, the grooming, the handling ect.)
 
I know a 14 year old who looks after her horse pretty much solo - including mucking out, turn out, pooh picking, grooming - never mind tacking up !! she gets taken to shows but left all day on own as parents have to work !
if your loaner cant work out how to tack up etc yet I agree - the passion isnt there !:o
 
She should be able to tack up at that age, my friends daughter does and she is 9 if she just wants to turn up and ride maybe she is best suited to sticking to a riding school lesson, you could have a chat and explain that when you share its a more hands on thing and see how she feels.
 
No you don't sound mean at all and you sound like you have far more patience with people than I do. When someone comes and rides my horses I show them twice how the tack goes on (fgs mine only wear a cavesson bridle and saddle with numnah), if they can't get it after the second time then I say goodbye to them.
 
Wow. You are very good to this girl!

She needs to appreciate what she is getting and not making an effort is close to being disrespectful of the gift you are giving her. She's maybe still a little in riding school mode, where they just turn up and ride.

Hopefully her mother will have a word with her and explain that it's not really on expecting you to wait on her like that. She's more than old enough to tack up the pony by herself, it's hardly a chore. Heck, I can tack up in 10 minutes flat when I'm short on time after work!

Probably a few times of taking a tough stand with her and insisting she get ready herself and be a little more independent will be enough for her to realise that tacking up is part of riding too and nobody's going to step in and do it for her.
 
If she's not keen then its not worth it.
She should be doing a lot more and be more in to it than she sounds.

You seem to be doing it all!

There are lots id other pony mad kids that would be a lot more useful and grateful than this girl sounds!
 
My daughter is currently lucky enough to be riding an outgrown pony for a lovely family. She does get a little help in the way of the families grooms give her a lesson on the pony once a week. The rest of the time she's left to her own devices (obviously I go with her as the horse naps a bit alone so I like to walk along side)
She tacks up, grooms, mucks out, poo picks aswell as helping the grooms with the families other horses.
I would insist she did this but I don't have to, she wants to and actually loves doing it all. She's 13 so a little younger than your rider but has been tacking up and looking after her own pony for years and years.
 
Thanks I feel better now! Her Mum agreed with me that really she needs to decide if she wants to do it.

At that age I would have been up in the dark brushing the pony if I couldn't ride etc but she just hasn't got that desperation I had at that at age!
 
You are not being mean at all. My 7 year old son can groom and tack his 12.2 pony himself. I will help if needed and if I am pushed for time do it for him but he is more than capable. He also tells me off for using the wrong brushes in the wrong order at times lol. They need to learn all aspects of care. Ponies are not pushbikes and I think kids need to learn this. Junior knows that his pony is a privilege and that if he does not look after her and ride her she will not be kept. I think it helps them learn just how much responsibility is involved with owning animals.
 
You aren't being mean. I would have worked my socks off to learn had someone given me that opportunity when I was young! She has to learn and if she isn't willing then she's never going to cut it. We all know that pony time means hard work!
 
Billie1007 said:
You aren't being mean. I would have worked my socks off to learn had someone given me that opportunity when I was young! She has to learn and if she isn't willing then she's never going to cut it. We all know that pony time means hard work!
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That's my feelings too. Is a shame as she is nice and also local but I will put an Ad up for someone else I reckon. I can't really remember anyone tacking up for me when I was a kid and at 14 I had managed to wangle an unbacked highland broodmare to ride. We either walked two miles, rode home and put saddles on then went hacking, or carried the saddle 2 miles (!!!) then hacked for hours then carried the saddle home! We did that every day sometimes twice a day me and my pal :D
 
I don't think you're being mean. At 14 I had also only ever ridden in a riding school but had learnt to do most basic horse care unaided, and was certainly capable of tacking up and mounting a pony without help.

Do you know why she doesn't feel able to do it alone? Is she scared of the pony, scared of doing it wrong, just finds it too much hard work or another reason? At 14, she should be able to explain this, at least to her mum, and maybe you can come up with a solution?
 
My 9 yr old Poo picks, brings in, grooms inc feet, tacks up, mounts and starts warming up her 13.2 without any help from me (although I do obviously keep a watchful eye on!)

I too would begrudge spending so much time helping someone especially a 14 yr old who has being doing it for some 6 months, espec if she doesn't want to do any of the menial stuff.
 
I can understand, to some extent, not being able to tack up when she first started with you. It's something a lot of riding schools don't cover. But after six months, if she hasn't bothered to learn, boot her. You're going to be able to find someone much more dedicated.
 
Are they aware that you arent a riding school

Or perhaps they think they own the pony and have it on full livery with you?

:p

I think you are right that its time to look for another rider, no point in carrying on if the willingness to learn isnt there. I had a family take me under their wing when I was young and I learned loads, what you are offering needs a very special recipient
 
She is incredibly lucky if you do all of that for her!

I started sharing a pony at the age of 12/13 having come straight from a riding school. I got shown twice how to put saddle and bridle on, then was left to do it my own with the owner watching while getting on with other jobs. After a month/6 weeks the owner left me completely to it and I only saw her occasionally at the weekend but always kept in touch.

There will definitely be somebody else who is dedicated and less hassle, I would have jumped at the chance when I was younger x
 
They are really nice folk and I don't think they are taking advantage at all, they won't understand particularly that its of no benefit to me having a novice basically ruin my pony (she is for my daughter in the future) although I did allude to this today. I wouldn't mind so much if she was making more effort but I just think she can take it or leave it. The pony is a really lovely pony but is suffering from being badly ridden (she is only 7). She doesn't do anything bad or frightening but she does take advantage of her novice abilities. She is the little palomino childhood dream pony in my sig.
 
I could tack up at about 8 or 9 while I was still having lessons at the riding school once a fortnight. The saturday girl at a previous yard I worked at was only 12 when she started and she quickly learnt how to muck out 15 boxes and tack up and mount various horses. You're not being mean! If she can't tack up at 14 then she's stupid
 
If they don't understand that you are basically doing them a favour, I think you really should explain. I really think you could find a sharer with a better quality of riding, especially in the summer.

Perhaps you and the sharer and her mother would benifit from sitting down and having an honest talk about your expectations vs theirs?

Do they make any financial contribution?
 
As someone who grew up having no transport to competition and having totally non horsey parents I can honestly say I would have loved to have been in the position you have allowed this girl, especially as you have not asked for any financial contribution. My horsey friends and I lived, breathed and would do anything horsey no problems, always wanting to do more. The 12/13 yr olds at the yard I'm at happily spend all day with the horses, mucking out the ponies they share, cleaning tack, grooming my old boy for me "because he was stood sulking at the gate and they thought a brush, some attention and a carrot would make him smile".

To me it sounds like she isn't interested and I think someone else might benefit from what you offer a lot more than this girl does and will be eternally grateful to you.
 
I think I would have run out of patience before now. I'm probably tougher on my daughter and niece than perhaps I would be with somebody else's kids but they know just how strict I am. I can leave them to get on with all the chores, grooming, tacking up and riding, cooling off etc etc.. So long as I'm about.
I have a girl who lives a few yards away from the field and she is one if those girls that is 110% pony mad, there without fail, all weathers and never complains. I'm really pleased that this year her mum is going to buy a mother / daughter share and keep it at our yard as if I ever met a girl who deserved her own pony it's this young lady.
Sadly in our disposable society kids often don't have the commitment as its too easy to give up and move on to the next interest when things get tough.
 
Thanks guys. No they don't pay for anything other than her lessons to an instructor, on my pony and PC. I don't charge them for transport or anything like that (I am going anyway and I obviously want a rider for the pony). Have put an advert up tonight so hopefully I might find someone. My neighbour (also a novice but a better rider if that makes sense) rides her sometimes otherwise I might put her out on loan for a few years to be honest. I like having her here as a second pony for me as I can lead my daughter on her pony from her, and I can let friends ride her so I have hacking company. She is better stood in a field and ridden well occasionally than ridden badly I had come to realise.
 
No you are not being mean... My 6yr old has been able to tack up & mount ( with mounting block lol ) for 2 yrs.. she also knows all the grooming etc has to be done BEFORE riding... tell her to go back to riding school lessons where the pony is tacked up & can be handed back once ridden.

FfionWinnie said:
Have had a 14yr old riding my 13.1 for 6 months. She had ridden for years at a riding school but was very novicey (I have posted about this before). Last time I decided I was no longer helping her tack up as I feel she should easily be able to by now. She managed last time but today all I heard was "I can't". I was cleaning up in the field so I just said you will have to! After about an hour she managed it and then couldn't get on the pony (pony was hacked off having been stood in for over an hour by this point). I ended up helping her mount and she rode her very well (for her).

Anyway I had got the impression she might have texted her mum wanting to go home and I asked her mum, it led to a friendly but frank discussion about whether she wants to continue. I think she would be happy to continue with me doing it all for her but I'm not willing to do that. My 3yr old daughter can mount unaided and tack her pony up after a fashion, so I said look you need to be able to as well.

She is "thinking about it" but I sway from feeling like a right meany to thinking it needed said. For the last six months she has ridden a couple of times a week at least, I take her to PC and lessons (they pay for that), I don't ask for any financial contribution at all and I only in the last month got her to poo pick a couple of times. On PC and lesson nights I have the ponies tacked up and in the trailer and pick her up/drop home on the way, I have to put them back out when I get home plus sort my own daughter as well.

She is a really nice girl and I do like her and I don't grudge the time or effort I put in BUT I'm not sure the passion is there :confused:

Do I sound like I have been mean, I am feeling a bit bad:o
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EquiGirl1 said:
As someone who grew up having no transport to competition and having totally non horsey parents I can honestly say I would have loved to have been in the position you have allowed this girl, especially as you have not asked for any financial contribution. My horsey friends and I lived, breathed and would do anything horsey no problems, always wanting to do more. The 12/13 yr olds at the yard I'm at happily spend all day with the horses, mucking out the ponies they share, cleaning tack, grooming my old boy for me "because he was stood sulking at the gate and they thought a brush, some attention and a carrot would make him smile".

To me it sounds like she isn't interested and I think someone else might benefit from what you offer a lot more than this girl does and will be eternally grateful to you.
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^^ this. I was the same. I must admit when I got the chance to help out a local stables at age 14 before I had my own pony I didn't have much of a clue how to tack up, but I was bloomin determined to work it out, so desperate was I to ride!

I recently nearly loaned a lovely pony for my 9 year old daughter. She is a lovely little rider but she doesn't have the passion, doesn't like it at the stables when its cold, complains when her hands are wet and cold etc, gets quickly bored of grooming etc. I realised that she wouldn't get what I wanted her to out of the loan if she wasn't literally begging me for a pony and I didn't want going to the stables to become a chore for her. I will know when she is desperate enough to have the commitment for it, if that makes sense...
 
Sounds like you have already gone way above and beyond. If it's not appreciated and the passion isn't there I wouldn't bother. Hope you find another reliable rider or loanee. Bet there are girls who would bit your hand off for the opportunity.
 
Yeah, like many others I was working at a riding school at 14. I skipped out, and would have been mucking out if it wasn't for the fact that the council run stables H&S meant they were worried about helper's backs so banned us from doing it. I made haynets, filled waters, swept the yard. Groomed 4 ponies a day, tacked up/untacked ponies for at least 8 lessons a day, and still paid for my weekly lesson. And I loved every moment of it.

Just a year later I got my first horse share and total responsibility for a pony on those days, and my parents are non-horsey so couldn't have helped me.

If she doesn't buck up her attitude soon, I'd quietly bring the arrangement to an end. She really has no reason not to be doing ALL of the horse care by herself at 14.
 
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