Mental block in regards to mares...what is wrong with me?

[SatansLittleHelper]

I know, I know...the mare vs gelding debate is a tale as old as time BUT I simply cannot shake off this mental block I have regarding mares.
I just seem to shut off from them and find it hard to build a relationship with them. I have a friend's horse here on loan (her sale fell through) and she's a nice mare, and friend has offered her to me to buy (Will post separately about this).
But here I am still with this...Will I ever love a mare??
I know there will be people who say you don't need to love them etc and they just do a job but I don't understand why I never just click with mares. It's 100% me and not the horse and I know it's silly but I'm starting to feel that there's something wrong with me lol. I'm the same with my dogs, I don't do bitches and only ever have boys, all of parrots are male too 🤔🤔🤔
Ironically I'm working with a rising 6 year old cob who is as green as grass but willing and I'm really enjoying her...maybe because she isn't mine??
Has anyone had a thing for geldings and ended up with a super mare or vice versa? How did that happen for you??

 

[SpringArising]

I seem to bond more with male animals too, but I've had four mares, and three of them were three of the sweetest horses ever. Super easy to handle, very affectionate and easy to manipulate.

I've also had three geldings and they've all been very boyish... cheeky, push the boundaries and utter pigs at times!

 

[alainax]

I think if you see it as a different relationship you will have it works well. My gelding is a big softy, cuddly and affectionate - easy to love! My mare is sassy and has her own views of the world, but she is very loving to the children (kids pony) and has genuinely a nice person. I don't expect her to to soppy and kissy like the gelding, but she shows in different ways that she is a happy part of the team

We also have a bitch who is phenomenal with the babies, almost a maternal link it seems.

 

[milliepops]

Ironically I'm working with a rising 6 year old cob who is as green as grass but willing and I'm really enjoying her...maybe because she isn't mine??

I wonder if this is part of it. I find with mares you have to wait for them to open up to you a bit, you can't force anything on them. I love them, I have 4 at the moment and I would always choose a mare over a gelding given the choice. They are all different obviously but I find that you need to take them as they are, wholeheartedly, and just allow it to develop organically.

If you're getting on better with the one that isn't yours, perhaps that's because you aren't putting yourself under pressure to have a relationship with her, since you don't feel you need to because it's not your horse. Just a thought

 

[little_critter]

I have 2 mares. I’ve tended to find it takes a while to bond with them. Mare 1 took about 6 months, but now I love her to bits and we ‘get’ each other. She’s not cuddly and affectionate, it’s more a relationship of respect and understanding.
Mare 2 I bought in August last year, I found her very aloof and hard to get to know. But I told myself not to worry as I knew it took 6 months to bond with mare 1.
I’m just now bonding with mare 2, again she is an independent personality but does like a bit of fuss.

If you want a lap dog, get a gelding.
If you want a strong independent woman, get a mare ��

 

[Cortez]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

 

[sport horse]

There is an old horseman's saying : 'You tell a gelding, you ask a mare and you discuss it with a stallion'. Does this help explain anything?

 

[JJS]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

This is oh so true! I'm the opposite way to you, OP, in the sense that I seem to develop much deeper bonds with mares, but I don't think any will compare to my first horse. We had a connection that was nigh on telepathic, and just an absolute trust in one another. She was loyal, brave, kind, and I loved the absolute bones of her. I think she's ruined me for every other horse that will come after. I have something very special with my other girls too.
It's different with the boys. I love them, and one of them in particular is very affectionate, but I feel like they could build a similar relationship with someone else were I ever to move them on. With the girls, it matters to them that it's me who's there, not just any old person. Mares take a lot longer to bond with you, but when they do, their loyalty is yours forever.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I don't get on with mares very well either! I much prefer my boys!

 

[WandaMare]

I know quite a few people who only bond with geldings and other boy animals, there must be something behind it.

I have owned and loved both genders but I would say that my closest bonds have definitely been with my mares. 2 of them in particular who were both projects when I bought them and both quirky chestnut mares with strong personalities. I guess our own personalities will bond and gel better with a particular type and for some people they are going to be more suited to gelding personalities.

 

[Rowreach]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

I've had a lot of horses over the years, but losing my mare 2 years ago nearly tipped me over the edge. I honestly hadn't realised how special that relationship was until I lost it. I would actively seek out a mare in future.

 

[turnbuckle]

I've had a lot of horses over the years, but losing my mare 2 years ago nearly tipped me over the edge. I honestly hadn't realised how special that relationship was until I lost it. I would actively seek out a mare in future.

We're different to most people, aren't we, being able to get that close to animals. And much better for it, I think. Just going through the same with my dog.

 

[SnowandSunshine]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

Oh god Cortez, you've made me cry! I said goodbye to my mare 2yrs ago and I still miss her so much. I had her from a 5yr old until she was 28 and she was just amazing. She had an attitude that she ruled the world but was incredibly kind and very clever. I had such a great closeness with her, she always let me know how she felt about things or what mood she was in. Once when I swapped horses with a friend for a bit she got so cross she charged at the other horse. I don't think I'll ever find that again. I've had 3 geldings and I just find them a bit 'meh'.

 

[nikicb]

I had my old mare for 30 years - she saw me from being a teenager, leaving home, getting married, having my own children, and then my teenage son rode her. When I lost her at 35, I said I didn't want another mare as it felt like replacing her. I got Cam who sadly retired at 8. I love Cam, but it was never the same but I didn't expect it to be. I then got Cassie 2 years ago and couldn't believe how much I had missed having a mare in my life. We totally get each other. That doesn't always mean she does what I ask, but we definitely have a big connection. Mares all the way from now on. But, OP, don't overthink it. Treat them all as individuals. Just as we all have a different idea of who we may want as a human partner, there is no reason to assume we are all the same when it comes to horses. xx

 

[welshcobmad]

I'm the same! Never ever bonded with a mare & don't give them the time of day, I'm looking for another horse at the moment & won't even look at them - total mind block! I see friends feeding them supplements to calm hormones & dealing with stroppy seasons & cleaning sticky tails & I'd much rather deal with my lovable friendly gelding - full of attitude & a bit of a thug but at least we negotiate & understand each other lol. Mares I've dealt with are always full of drama! The few times I've been bitten or kicked its always been a mare too lol! I know they're not all the same but I have a block too. But I must say I have a spaniel bitch though and she is THE best dog ever lol.

 

[Gallop_Away]

I was never a mare person. I always clicked with geldings. Then I bought a 4yo section D mare and it all changed. She has attitude with a capital A, and if she has an opinion you will soon know about it. But I have never met a more honest, loving horse. She tries her hardest for you and always does her best.
Her love and trust had to be earned, and it didn't happen over night. But once it was there, it felt like a bond for life.
A good mare is priceless imo.

 

[scats]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

This!

I’m a mare person, I love them and currently have two.
I’ve had ‘that’ relationship with two mares in my life. One was my showjumping pony when I was a teenager. I swear we were almost telepathic. When she died, part of me died with her and never healed.

I also have that relationship with the Diva. She is absolutely incredible and we have a level of trust and understanding that goes beyond anything else.

But I have friends who don’t get on with mares, they can’t be doing with the hormones. I will say though, I’ve had more grumpy geldings than mares.

 

[DabDab]

I had my old mare for 30 years - she saw me from being a teenager, leaving home, getting married, having my own children, and then my teenage son rode her. When I lost her at 35, I said I didn't want another mare as it felt like replacing her. I got Cam who sadly retired at 8. I love Cam, but it was never the same but I didn't expect it to be. I then got Cassie 2 years ago and couldn't believe how much I had missed having a mare in my life. We totally get each other. That doesn't always mean she does what I ask, but we definitely have a big connection. Mares all the way from now on. But, OP, don't overthink it. Treat them all as individuals. Just as we all have a different idea of who we may want as a human partner, there is no reason to assume we are all the same when it comes to horses. xx

Great post - the last bit is so true. I had the same falling in love with mares again thing in the last year or so with my two youngsters. Other people's mares that I meet I tend to be fairly indifferent to, and am more drawn towards other people's geldings. But after years without a mare in my life I bought Arts and was tbh a bit underwhelmed by her for the first few months, and then she started to creep into my heart and I remembered the joy of having a mare around. Then I bought Pebbles and again not that bothered by her for a bit, and then she started to trust me and turned from frightened and confused to my real life thelwell pony.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my gelding, but that's because he and I have a close relationship. But I really couldn't be without my girls in my life

 

[PoniesRock]

If you want a lap dog, get a gelding.
If you want a strong independent woman, get a mare ��

Totally agree with this one! Mines an opionated Madame, but I wouldn’t have her any other way. Personally I gel better with mares. But I think it’s very individual.

 

[Snowy Celandine]

I've currently got two mares and, although I've never really thought about it, I think I definitely prefer them and previous mares to the geldings I've owned. I've always had bitches too, never dogs.

 

[Cortez]

...mind you, I've also had mares that were absolutely horrible and we just didn't get on. One in particular had a real attitude; we just rubbed each other up the wrong way (she had a particularly irritating whinny...). When I sold her she walked off the trailer, gave me a significant look and proceeded to LICK her new owner. They had a marvellous time and she was dearly treasured for the rest of her life, I was delighted to see the back of her: win - win!

 

[DabDab]

...mind you, I've also had mares that were absolutely horrible and we just didn't get on. One in particular had a real attitude; we just rubbed each other up the wrong way (she had a particularly irritating whinny...). When I sold her she walked off the trailer, gave me a significant look and proceeded to LICK her new owner. They had a marvellous time and she was dearly treasured for the rest of her life, I was delighted to see the back of her: win - win!

Hahaha, amazing

 

[exracehorse]

I have a mare and gelding. Luckily my mare is rather butch. Never had a season. I’m much harder on her than my gelding who I baby. Love them both, but definitely have a soft spot for my boy despite him being so naughty and sharp to ride. Whereas my mare is the most laid back I’ve ever known

 

[Lammy]

Honestly my gelding annoys me 😂 He is all for fuss and cuddles and whilst that's nice he is very annoying to poo pick with! My mare on the other hand is my horse of a lifetime and she makes it very clear that I am her person. There's certain things that she only trusts me to do (like brush her ears, etc) whereas the gelding is everyone's friend. I still love him but the relationships are very different.

 

[Coblover63]

Ah, but you have perhaps yet to meet "The Mare". Once you have a one-to-one with a mare, and it won't be every mare, but The Mare, you won't ever be as close to a horse again. I love my boys, and have had the very best of stallions and geldings, but NOTHING will ever beat the true, all-encompassing loyalty of a truly great mare.

Absolutely this. I am a total convert, having been a gelding lass through and through. Last year I bought a mare and oh my, I worship her!!!

 

[TheresaW]

I have a mare and 2 geldings. The boys are very very loving and affectionate, follow me around the field etc, whereas she can be quite aloof. I worship the ground she walks on, she can do no wrong in my eyes. Even when I catch her in the act of naughtiness, I know it’s because the boys put her up to it

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Wow so quite the praise for the girls then!!!!
I admit I do like cuddly, affectionate horses...I'm shallow like that lol. I admit this mare does have "something" about her though....I guess I'm just worries I'll mess it all up

 

[blitznbobs]

Wow so quite the praise for the girls then!!!!
I admit I do like cuddly, affectionate horses...I'm shallow like that lol. I admit this mare does have "something" about her though....I guess I'm just worries I'll mess it all up

my mare is the most cuddly horse I've ever owned.

 

[TheresaW]

I’m sure you won’t mess it up. Just go with the flow and see where it takes you.

Dolly was my first horse, been together almost 20 years now, so that might be half the reason she’s forgiven for everything.

 

[pansymouse]

I was adamant I wasn't going to have a mare but Mads came up and she's turned up to be the very best horse I've ever had in nearly 50 years of horse ownership. Yes she's opinionated but she's also a Welsh cross so to be expected but most of all she amazingly fun horse to ride and has beautiful manners.

Don't dismiss a good horse because of it's gender; there are wonderful mares out there.