NiceChristmasBaubles
Well-Known Member
Not really sure of my feelings at the moment, but I thought you lot would understand and tell me I'm not wrong to feel how I do.
To cut a long story shortish.....
I have a 35 yr old mare that I've had since she was 5. She has taught me everything and owes me nothing. She was a crooked, stiff, hat rack when I got her and before dressage was as popular as it is today, I managed to get her up to elementary level pretty much by myself and dabbled in a bit of affiliated stuff. She was a regular RC team horse and we also jumped and did a bit of everything really. That's her to the right in my sig, about a year or so ago.
We relocated 3 years ago and I left her in full livery with my very good friend and YO (known since I was about 12). Although I moved our pony which my younger son rides, and bought another pony for my older son, I didn't want to move my old girl as I didn't think it was fair. Another good friend rides her gently once a week, but other than that she potters round her paddock and generally enjoys life. I trust my friend (YO) totally, and know that she looks after my girl like her own.
I hadn't seen my mare since before Christmas, but went back to where we used to live and paid her a visit on Sunday. She was looking really well and shiny, good weight, nicely clipped, mane pulled and tidy, good feet, a few grey hairs, but well for her years.
Early this evening, my friend called. My girl had been a bit quiet today (although she ate her breakfast), and came in and laid down in her stable. She won't eat, not even carrots, apples or polos. She's never been a pig, but always enjoys a treat. She hasn't eaten her tea. My friend has spoken to the vet. Unfortunately the main partner who has known my girl for years is not on call tonight, and it is just the young newly qualified vet. No disrespect, but she doesn't know the horse or her history. This vet says call in the morning if no better - not very satisfactory as we would really like to have the advice of the more senior vet, but that's really not the point here. Having gone through major colic surgery when she was 24, I know that I do not want her to have any major treatment now. If it is a short term fix, then fine, but long term, no.
My mixed feelings arise because of the following.....
I don't have a horse I can ride/compete at the moment and my older son has grown out of his pony and I am looking around at the moment for ponies I can beg, steal or borrow for PC camp. His outgrown pony will become my younger son's pony in a year's time and I am definitely not selling the little pony when younger son grows out of him - he's 20, a wotsit off the lead rein which I wouldn't want to pass on, loads of melanomas and apart from the non sellable aspect, I love him to bits. My OH has very firmly put his foot down and said no more horses until my old girl goes.
So if this is the end and she is not likely to recover, fine, I'll take that decision. If she gets up tomorrow morning and is right as rain, also fine, she will continue to be pampered. But why do I feel so damned guilty? I don't want to prolong her life unnecessarily, but I was only saying to my friend on Sunday that I can't put a perfectly healthy, albeit old horse to sleep. And yet part of me thinks, if this is the end, then I can move on and have a new horse to do new things with. Why is life so complicated?
Sorry, that's a major outpouring, but I really needed to let it out amongst people who understand.
To cut a long story shortish.....
I have a 35 yr old mare that I've had since she was 5. She has taught me everything and owes me nothing. She was a crooked, stiff, hat rack when I got her and before dressage was as popular as it is today, I managed to get her up to elementary level pretty much by myself and dabbled in a bit of affiliated stuff. She was a regular RC team horse and we also jumped and did a bit of everything really. That's her to the right in my sig, about a year or so ago.
We relocated 3 years ago and I left her in full livery with my very good friend and YO (known since I was about 12). Although I moved our pony which my younger son rides, and bought another pony for my older son, I didn't want to move my old girl as I didn't think it was fair. Another good friend rides her gently once a week, but other than that she potters round her paddock and generally enjoys life. I trust my friend (YO) totally, and know that she looks after my girl like her own.
I hadn't seen my mare since before Christmas, but went back to where we used to live and paid her a visit on Sunday. She was looking really well and shiny, good weight, nicely clipped, mane pulled and tidy, good feet, a few grey hairs, but well for her years.
Early this evening, my friend called. My girl had been a bit quiet today (although she ate her breakfast), and came in and laid down in her stable. She won't eat, not even carrots, apples or polos. She's never been a pig, but always enjoys a treat. She hasn't eaten her tea. My friend has spoken to the vet. Unfortunately the main partner who has known my girl for years is not on call tonight, and it is just the young newly qualified vet. No disrespect, but she doesn't know the horse or her history. This vet says call in the morning if no better - not very satisfactory as we would really like to have the advice of the more senior vet, but that's really not the point here. Having gone through major colic surgery when she was 24, I know that I do not want her to have any major treatment now. If it is a short term fix, then fine, but long term, no.
My mixed feelings arise because of the following.....
I don't have a horse I can ride/compete at the moment and my older son has grown out of his pony and I am looking around at the moment for ponies I can beg, steal or borrow for PC camp. His outgrown pony will become my younger son's pony in a year's time and I am definitely not selling the little pony when younger son grows out of him - he's 20, a wotsit off the lead rein which I wouldn't want to pass on, loads of melanomas and apart from the non sellable aspect, I love him to bits. My OH has very firmly put his foot down and said no more horses until my old girl goes.
So if this is the end and she is not likely to recover, fine, I'll take that decision. If she gets up tomorrow morning and is right as rain, also fine, she will continue to be pampered. But why do I feel so damned guilty? I don't want to prolong her life unnecessarily, but I was only saying to my friend on Sunday that I can't put a perfectly healthy, albeit old horse to sleep. And yet part of me thinks, if this is the end, then I can move on and have a new horse to do new things with. Why is life so complicated?
Sorry, that's a major outpouring, but I really needed to let it out amongst people who understand.
