My new horse and I just dont connect

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Patricia@glanyrafon

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Hi
I would welcome some advice on what I can do with my new horse. I got him 5 monsth ago and for the first four months he was at livery. The owner rode him many times and he was as good as gold. The problem is that he is my first horse and he is only 5 and although he is very laid back with very experienced riders he just does not get this confidence with me. He is now with me at home and he was okay at first but now he is getting naughter and more insecure every day. I have been doing lots of ground work and I know I need to be patient. On Sunday I rode him and he just dug his heels in and would not move. I gave him a tiny tap on his withers and he went mad bucking about 20 times - most after I had fallen off. I am really at a loss on what to do next (please dont say brush myself off and get back on - I still can hardly move after the fall two days ago). I feel that although he is a nice horse and laid back generally he gets his confdence from his rider and as I am not really experienced he just cannot feel secure with me.

I am considering several options - finding a loan home for a year while I build up my experience or turning him away for a year and then having him retrained with me, or accepting that he is not a good match and selling him (although worried about selling him if he is bucking). His teeth were done 5 months ago, his saddle is a new fitted saddle and he saw an equine osteopath 4 weeks ago.

One half of me feels I should keep working with him and gets lots of help to do it, the other half says that this should be fun and maybe I am not doing either of us any favours. I hate to give up on him, but maybe I have just made a big mistake and have to admit it and do the best for him.

I would appreciate any ideas you may have.
 
If the livery yard owner rode him at livery, did she see you ride him, as she may be able to comment.
Is it possible to send horse back to the livery and get this problem sorted first, it is possible that you could get your confidence back, especially if someone else rode him for a bit and then you took lessons at the livery yard.
Even if you loaned him and took him back "sorted", you might still be nervous even if you get more experience on others. It is difficult without knowing you and the horse.
You could consider a swap, someone out there has a nice quiet schoolmaster, perhaps an older horse, and is looking for something younger and more lively.
In the meantime, you need to be firm but fair with any horse, especially young ones, go back to long reining and make sure he does everything you ask without hesitation. You are the boss.
It is more difficult when you are sitting on top and feeling insecure, because you need to be both masterful and confident and at the moment you are feeling a bit nervous.
So ask for help, if necessary pay an instructor to come and help you, make sure he is not getting fizzy on feed, and is getting out in the field so he can whizz off any extra energy.
 
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Sell him and buy yourself something older, more experienced and more suitable for a first time owner.

Can you send him back to the livery yard and sell him from there... ideally paying a professional to ride him and show him off to any potential purchasers.

I think you'll both be happier if you go separate ways. You've obviously lost confidence in each other and trying to sort it alone, at home will be virtually impossible.
 
First of all hope you are ok :(
I personally think if you are scared now and dont want to get back on then get rid now before the behaviour becomes instilled in your horse and he will be labelled dangerous and will end up moved from pillar to post.
If you want a nice first horse then buy just that an older been there done that steady type, not a 5 yr old.
I hope you dont mind me saying that I just think that there are lots of nice steady older horses that you could have fun with straight away and will give you confidence, likewise there are lots of people that would like a 5 year old and can handle the problems, its just a mismatch maybe?
 
I am in a similar place with one of mine, she has never felt like my horse in the way Lottie and Beau do, even Sharer's mare who I look after but rarely ride feels more like my horse. I have made the sad decision to sell her on but am taking care to find her a person who she can connect with in the way she couldn't with me.

Others will say persevere and you will have a great horse in a year or 2 but for me horses live in the here and now and to some extent as this is my hobby not my business, so do I.
 
Having been in your position myself, I would say sell him on to a suitable home (that last bit very important) and find yourself something less sharp, more laid back and tolerant who will restore your lost confidence and make riding fun again for you. Your current boy isn't the one for you - if he had been, you wouldn't be in the situation you are now. :(

I see it too often at the riding club with other adult members, I am comparatively reckless because I walk trot canter and gallop (but won't jump unless it is absolutely unavoidable) on my daughter's pony who I ride once in a blue moon, whereas other members with their own horses they can ride as much as they want are frankly, terrified of their horses and I really wonder what is the point - why do they have a horse when they never ride it other than at walk, and then you can see they aren't exactly happy? It is supposed to be fun after all...

Good luck and don't feel bad about admitting you have reached the end of the line with him.
 
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It doesn't sound like the right horse for you. 5 is still very young for an inexperienced rider to be taking on. I think the best thing for both of you would be to sell him on & find something with a few more miles on the clock.
I know I will probably be shot down in flames - but there are good dealers out there who would part ex - find one that will let you have one on trial or offers exchange warranty.
 
Is he on his own with you at home? As a young horse riding out in company can be beneficial and I wonder if moving back to the livery yard for a while might be an option. Young horse's shape can change quite dramatically over a short period of time too, so if he has gained condition or filled out it might be worth checking his saddle again.

I also think that he isn't the horse for you and perhaps something a little more experienced would be a better option.
 
Agree with above post I'm afraid, too much of being there and done it with my first horse, a chestnut TB mare. Looking back now, I know I could have had so much more fun if I'd sold her to someone more experienced and bought a schoolmaster for me. The only other suggestion I have is to return the horse to the livery yard as it would appear to be better with lots of work and to have lessons with a really good instructor to build up your confidence.
 
If you really want to keep he I'd think about getting an experienced rider as a sharer. It's not a good place to be if you're scared of your own horse. I'd find a good home for him or get a sharer. Best of British to you:)
 
touchstone said:
Is he on his own with you at home? As a young horse riding out in company can be beneficial and I wonder if moving back to the livery yard for a while might be an option.
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It might also give you confidence if you have the support and company of others to ride out with. :)
 
I Bought a 5 year old for a first Horse so you are not the only one!

Could you perhaps ask the livery owner who was riding him to come and give you a lesson? she will know him and know how he works. If you are to nervous ask an experienced friend if they can put him on the lunge. Don't rush with him. Even if you get on and just walk with him and slowly (when you both are ready) introduce trot. Continue with your groundwork and find a good instructor (maybe someone on here could recomend you one)

Good luck x
 
Poor you ... My mum got a new horse 2 years ago. The day she collected him he did a huge leap off all fours whilst she had one final ride before setting off for home. It sowed a seed of doubt in her head.
He came home and he sponge the next 8 weeks unravelling, threatening to go into one, and eroding any remaining confidence my mum had left in him (and she's had years of experience, and even produced her other horse from a just backed 4yr old to adv. Medium.
She decided to put him on a friends livery yard, and whilst it took a good 12 months and lots of help, she now has the horse of a lifetime.
The horse is devoted to her, and whilst he'll always have an edge, he's a different horse.
In hindsight, he's a sensitive horse, she was giving him mixed messages with the aids, barely new her and therefore lacked confidence, which then led to him to do silly things.
Don't beat yourself up, it can happen to anyone. Is there anyway you can move back to the livery yard?
With regular help, you will probably crack it, but you have to ask yourself whether you are prepared for the time and effort it will take, and whether you love your horse enough.
The idea of a loan might be good, I do however feel that turning away a 5 yr old is not a good idea.
Really hope you get the help you need. My mums situation was similar to yours, and even though she's cracked it now, he won't be coming home - he genuinely is a very happy horse in livery, and so much more chilled...
 
Took me a year to get to know my boy but he was my first horse and 13.

I think common error that you have bought a very young horse(I know a few people that have made this mistake and appreciate some people may be very lucky if they get away with being a newbie and it all works out well etc). Either get someone to ride for you and help bring him on with you riding too & having lessons. But I agree swap/sell etc even if you have to get someone experienced to sell for you. Unfortunately he is young and the bucking will become a habit if not fixed! He is being naughty and taking the p. Its so easy to give advice. But I have seen people ruin good young horses too, so may be best to recover and get help. Good that you realise that he is too much for you to handle.

I personally think a good instructor will get on as well.

As said get an experienced ready made version.
 
Sorry but I have to agree with the majority here (and I'm one who the young horse thing has worked for). If it was going to be OK, it would be and you wouldn't be posting this. I've had a couple of horses whom I've been scared of and you just end up resenting the hell out of them and eventually you just hate seeing them in the field. You sound like you are really genuine and will go far with the right horse so I think you should go and find him.
 
Is he being kept alone? If so, this can make horses very unhappy and insecure, and act out of character. Sounds like you need to go back to the livery where the two of you can have more support.
 
Did you have the new saddle fitted since he came to live with you or is it the same one the yard owner used? Because that sort of reaction is common with an ill-fitting saddle, esp on a youngster.
If this has been ruled out then he's probably not for you. Good Luck though:)
 
You haven't had him very long, and you've moved him from a place he knew (the livery yard), so I'd expect there to be 'problems'

Can you take him back there and keep him on livery? Either that, or keep doing what you're doing (ie groundwork) until he and you get used to each other and the 'strange' new place.

good luck! :)
 
A 5 year old as a first horse is a brave move. Green on green = black and blue and all that. However, on the upside he will get older and mature, whereas an older horse can't have the clock rewound! If he needs confidence from his rider then I think it's only fair to provide him with a confident rider if possible - I wouldn't want to create a horse with a long-term nervous issue when some confident schooling would do. Livery, where he's ridden by such a person and you can have lessons to become confident on him could be an ideal solution. Loaning him out sounds like a great idea if you have your heart set on keeping him but livery's not an option. However, if you've not bonded yet and are confident he's not a bucker, just in need of a different rider then selling him to have the correct horse for you and your level of experience is no bad thing either 80)
 
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Ouch,poor you!. A bit of a confidence breaker to say the least,and I dont wonder that you are having doubts. You do sound like you are thinking sensibly about the options though. First,dont rush to get back on him. what you need right now is someone to ride and assess him and see if he is too much for you (no shame in that, I am 55 and know I cant ride the sort of horse I rode at 25). I also wonder just how fresh he was . You say you have been doing a lot of ground work but I would doubt that this was enough to "keep his back down". There are so many ifs and buts,what you need most right now is an honest expert opinion of both you and him. You are probably braver than me but dont get on him until someone has taken the steam out of him and agrees that you will be safe. Another Bronc and fall will do your confidence no good at all.(well at least it wouldnt do mine any good:D)Good luck and keep us posted.
 
Mike007 said:
Ouch,poor you!. A bit of a confidence breaker to say the least,and I dont wonder that you are having doubts. You do sound like you are thinking sensibly about the options though. First,dont rush to get back on him. what you need right now is someone to ride and assess him and see if he is too much for you (no shame in that, I am 55 and know I cant ride the sort of horse I rode at 25). I also wonder just how fresh he was . You say you have been doing a lot of ground work but I would doubt that this was enough to "keep his back down". There are so many ifs and buts,what you need most right now is an honest expert opinion of both you and him. You are probably braver than me but dont get on him until someone has taken the steam out of him and agrees that you will be safe. Another Bronc and fall will do your confidence no good at all.(well at least it wouldnt do mine any good:D)Good luck and keep us posted.
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Wise words Mike007.

Totally agree, have the horse assessed. Riding is supposed to be fun with the odd unexpected dismount thrown in but if you fear riding your horse then it is better to send him to a professional yard and have them prepare and sell him for you. They will get him behaving again and will find him a good home.

I've done it once with a lovely mare that was just too smart for me and got the better of me. She went to a lovely home after being sorted out.
 
What can I say other than I am a novice rider and bought a 5-year old horse as my first horse (he's a big 8yr old boy now :)). He was a very tricky/nappy/spooky/spinny/silly/rodeo horse and I fell off.................a lot. :o

What I did have was OH (experienced horsey person/rider) to train him. If I hadn't had OH there, I am in no doubt that my horse would be ruined/un-rideable and bordering on dangerous in-hand. He's a really nice-natured horse but he was just a silly young chap with no experience (or "education" as OH puts it :D).

BUT, what I do have now is a great little horse who I know VERY well (warts n all :D) - I also have a MUCH better seat after (sometimes) sitting through all the rodeo moments :p

I can't tell you what a pleasure it is hacking with him now - someone called him a 4x4 the other week because he just goes through anything (they didn't see him 2 years ago :o). It has taken a lot of riding (pretty much every day), hard work, ego dents and injuries for me and OH (nothing major :o) to get him to this stage though (even then he still bucked me off the other week in the school - in front of loads of kids :rolleyes:)

I think you need to decide that whether like me, you're prepared to do the deck-hitting (although, if I may say so myself, I am rather good at falling off ie calm/cool usually manage to land safely - that's practice for you :cool:). If so, I'd say that it's really important to get someone experienced to work alongside you. They know when a horse is genuinely frightened or is messing about and will dole out the necessary aids.

It will give your horse the education, discipline and confidence he needs and you'll be able to see how he can go with someone else.

Good luck with the decision you make :)
 
Hi

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who posted advice and help for me.

I have just been with my horse and his companion out in the field and he is a lovely boy and I want the best for both of us, so I will mull over all your posts and decide the best action.

Thanks again for taking the time.

xx
 
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