Need to rant - Do you think this is fair??

Kelly1982

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A year ago my friend decided to swap her pony for Ellie so that she could be brought on and sold. At the time my horse couldn't be ridden so i agreed to help out and bring Ellie on. As i was riding her i also done all her jobs with the exception of mucking out during the week but still did hay, feed and water and done everything at the weekend.

When we got Ellie she couldn't even canter, let alone jump. Now she walks, trots and canters in an outline has established flying changes and jumps up to 3'6.

I have done the majority of the advertising of her as my friend hasn't had time, i have spoke to most of the perspective buyers and rode Ellie at all the viewings. I was even down the yard til 9.30pm 3 times last week.

We have now sold Ellie to a really lovely girl, she came down on Saturday to bring the money even though Ellie is not going til Wednesday. Once the people had gone my friends dad sat there and counted the money in front of me and my friend and then told my friend that he would split the money with her seen as she had been mucking her out during the week!! I on the other hand haven't even had so much of a thank you for all the hard work i have put into her.

I stood there completly gobsmacked. My friend tried shutting him up quickly by telling him that they would sort it out when they got home. My friend has told me all along that she wasn't getting any of the money which was onbviously a blatent lie!!

I know they done me a favour giving me something to ride whilst my own horse was ill but i really do feel used knowing that they have both mad money out of my hard work and haven't even thanked me for it. They have managed to sell Ellie for more than double what she was worth when they got her so i am really hurt. They know how skint i am too so i thought they would of offered me something at least.

To top it all off my friend has always said that i can go to shows with her whenever i want so i brought Senza to affiliate. She has now decided to drop the bombshell that she doesn't want to take me anymore as she doesn't want to get up early for me to do the first 2 classes. So i brought my horse for nothing as i cant afford my own transport.

She has even taken the stirrup leathers and stirrups back off of me that i was borrowing to give to Ellie's new owners even though she knows i cant afford to buy new ones.

I really wanna say something to her as i am really upset by the way she has treated me but dont know how to bring it up. I tried dropping little digs and hints over the weekend in the hope she would react and then i could say something but she didn't. I think its coz she knows she has treated me like cr*p.

Sorry to rant on here but it keeps bothering me to the point it is making me quite emotional as i thought she was a friend.
 

Rambo

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Completely out of order imo
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I would tell her exactly how you are feeling, and why. If she's a true friend she'll understand and put things to rights.

As for the transport situation....that's a real bummer. Is there no-one else at the yard that you can team up with ?
 

burtie

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Ok, I'm not sure I fully understand, but if I undertsand it Ellie was their horse to sell, so the money goes to the owner. Unless you had some contract in place to say you got some when she was sold I don't see how this is unreasonable at all? It really does not matter how much you feel you added value to the horse, it here was no agreement then no obligation to give you any of the profit.
What they have done may seem a bit mean to you, but not unfair IMHO.
 

Kelly1982

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I want to tell her but wasn't sure how to bring the subject up. I was thinking of emailing her today but then how do i start it??

I dont want to fall out with her but i dont like the way i have been treated either.

A lady down the yard said that i can go to unaffiiated shows with her for the time being but she is affiliating next year and her daughter is in juniors so i wont be able to go with her after that
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There is no-one else on the yard i can go with as there is no-one else left coz our yard is so small.
 

Kelly1982

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I'm not so bothered about the money TBH as your right there was no agreement but what has hurt me is the fact that my friend lied to me saynig that she was getting nothing out of it when she clearly was but most of all the fact that i haven't even had a thank you!!

Then she expects me to do Ellie for the next 3 days until she is collected. Saying thank you doesn't cost a lot does it??
 

Lucy_Ally

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I agree with Burtie, unless you had a contract or some sort of agreement drawn up then you really have no claim to the money. It is always risky bringing on other peoples horses as you feel that you have done the work but for little/no reward and I apreciate how frustrated you must feel. Being as she is your friend you could bring it up with her and see if she will give you something in return as a goodwill gesture but realistically there is not a lot you can do.
 

_OC_

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That would be telling!
Sad to say but she not much of a friend!!!!This really has upset you and all she has done is look out for herself-if I were you I would take this up with her direct and tell her in a calm manner -maybe she does not think like you-I do see your point.(PS Stay calm it does work!!!!) Regards Me & My Cob
 

burtie

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Personally I'd inform her you're happy to do Ellie for the next 3 days but it will cost £xx per day for you to look after her.

I think they have really taken advantage of you, but sadly I've learnt that a lot of people will given half a chance.
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JAK

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No, I don't think it's bl**dy fair at all!
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If Ellie was bought as a very green horse, with the intention of bringing her on & selling her & you have put in a fair proportion of the schooling & care required to achieve this, then clearly you should have a reasonable proportions of the profit made, minus any original purchase price & any costs met only by them etc.

Was this a 'plan' from the start then - that this was something you would be doing together, or did you just assume this, when asked to 'help out'? (An all too common situation unfortunately amongst friends!)
Sorry, read post again & it seems that her dad was getting most of the money? What a strange situation & a rather pointless exercise on behalf of your friend - to get a horse, school it on, sell it & then just hand all the money over to her father? Weird!
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Oh, just present the father with a bill & be done with it! Why not get another horse & do the same thing though - except this time - for yourself? (You're obviously capable & it will go towards your 'trailer fund'!)
 

Kelly1982

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Like i said to Burtie i see what your saying about the money and its not that that i am bothered about as such even though i am hurt that she lied to me about not benefiting from it herself.

I am hurt that she hasn't even said thank you and then to rub salts in the wounds says she not taking me to shows anymore (i also pay for her to take me BTW). She just sees it as though she has done me the favour even though i have continued to do Ellie for months since Trike got better and i brought my new mare. I could of stopped doing her there and let her take over but i still continued like a mug.

I even said that i may not be able to do her as much through the winter and she threw it in my face that she turns my horse out for me in the mornings and if i didn't continue to do her then she wouldn't turn my horse out for me anymore which would result in me having to leave the yard!!
 

Kelly1982

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Yes the deal was me and my friend would bring her on together and the money would be handed straight to her dad as he was the one the brought the pony she swapped.

My friend didn't get on with Ellie though and she was also competing her other 2 horses so i ended up doing all the work.

I kept telling her that we needed to put Ellie up for sale as i was finding it difficult doing 2 horses and working up London and she told me she didn't have time so i also ended up doing most of the advertising and speaking to people as my friend would never ring them back.

I just feel they have taken advantage of me and then haven't even thanked me. Even if they just brought me a bottle of wine or a box of chocs to say thanks i would be happy.
 

Lucy_Ally

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Sadly she sounds like a right royal b*tch! Is she really your friend?! It may be worth presenting her with a bill for all your time and effort but it may backfire and you could be left without anyone to do your horse.
Tricky situation Kelly and I fully understand how upset you must be, especially as she is meant to be your friend
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miamibear

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No way is that fair!!

I would be seriously peeved, sounds like it all take take take with her!

I would say i was charging her for 3 days care in order to buy myself some new stirrup leathers!!

Im sorry to say it may end up in an argument but i dont see what choice you have, she wont stop being a b*tch until you confront her!!

Totally unreasonable in my eyes. Even a token gesture like a card and a bottle of wine would surfice!! Or buy you some more leathers!!

So glad none of my friends are like that!!
 

the watcher

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On the face of it she doesn't seem like much of a friend, it wouldn'd have killed her after all to make a gift of the leathers to you as thanks for helping with the advertising. Why do you want to stay on good terms with this person exactly - sounds like she has just been using you for the last year.

I know it is difficult when you share a yard, are there any others you could go to that might also solve your transport problems?
 

happyhack

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I would feel exactly the same-all that effort you put in seems worthless. Is there no-one else that could take you competing then?
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Christmas_Kate

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that's out of order. I agree that as there was no contract then you don't have a say in the money, but as you said, the money's not the point.
I would bill her for the leathers, and say to her that you feel used. The fact that she has blatantly said she will transport you and senza (IMO to make you feel more obliged to help out with Ellie) and then sold Ellie and said "oh by the way I can't transport you", is rotten. I would say to her that if she ever wants help again, you would expect to be paid on an hourly basis. but I wouldnt trust her again. It's nice to help people out, but this girl has taken your time and energy and leathers and not so much as said thanks.
People like this always get their comeuppance. Every dog has it's day and all that.
 

Blizzard

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Hmm well I think its been apparant for a while that she isnt really a friend?!

She let YOU do all the advertising , look after her, ride and train her etc,surely the warning bells would have been ringing then?

People can only take you for a ride if you let them, if that was me and I felt like I was shouldering all the work for no gain, well I would have said something!

some people take advantage of others, its up to you to make sure no one does it to you.

Are you really surprised she lied about the money, afterall she has been making you put all the effort in for nothing so far, this is clearly just another way of her doing that?

As for buying your horse for nothing, well no offence but you shouldnt buy a horse if the only reason you have bought him was because you were relying on your friend to take you to shows.

My motto is never rely on anyone but yourself.
 

Kelly1982

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I have thought about moving somewhere closer and even went to look at a new yard but my yard is very cheap, there are only 6 horses on it, we get two massive fields for our 3 horses and are left to get on with it as our YO lives in Wales so no rules etc.

Everyone generally gets on and there is no b*tching. Another lady has said she will take me out whilst she is doing unaffiliated but when her daughter affiliates i wont be able to go anymore as she will be in juniors and i am in seniors.

I brought my horse to affiliate and my so called friend knew this and even come with me to choose her and now she is saying i cant go with her anymore knowing full well i cant afford my own transport.

If i had only just met her then i wouldn't be friends i dont think with her but we have known each other for about 15years
 

the watcher

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if you want to stay there I can only suggest then that you join a local riding club and widen your circle of friends, you may be able to offer help with another horse in exchange for occasional transport, for example. but this time make sure that the exchange is equal and clearly understood.

We will all help our friends, there is no question of that, but you have been taken for a ride, which is quite different
 

Kelly1982

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I did feel like she was taking advantage of me and thats why i said that i was going to give her up over the winter and thats when it got into a massive argument.

The reason i did all the advertising is because i wanted the horse sold, i didn't have time for it and i thought if i didn't do something then i would be stuck doing her.

Our yard is very small and i didn't want to fall out with her even though i was unhappy and i did drop hints on a number of occassions, plus i have known her for a long time which makes it harder.

And thanks for the reminder that i shouldn't of brought my horse if i was relying on my friend, i think i have learnt that mistake now without having someone pointing it out to me. She used to take me out before and agreed to take me out with my new horse until i could sort my own transport out next year so why would i think any differently?? Of course i know better now and its everyone for themselves!!

I think i am too soft and let myself get treated like a mug but i genuinly thought that she would do the same for me but obvioulsy not.
 

bandit

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Kelly - she has taken advantage of you for a long time and she is the most spoilt child i think i've known....

although you didn't have a contract in place, it was a friendly agreement and as such i think a thank you is hte least she could give.

as for agreeing and now not agreeing to transport you to shows it just shows you have much of a spoilt git she really is.

i can't help with the transport, but i htink i hmay have spare leathers and irons, if i do they are yours... and anything else you need - if you want to come down you are welcome to take what you want.

gutted for you mate. it isn't fair what she has done. not sure how easy it would be to move yards? any chance???

is there anyone in your area that you could hook up with - there are people on here from Kent i've noticed - can they offer to transport you?

sorry mate.

Bx
 

juliehannah58

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Ah Kelly that's really unfair IMO.

She doesn't sound much of a friend I have to say!

Is there no other yards you can move to or people you know with transport? If you have a 4x4 you could always hire a trailer, we used to do this and it was quite reasonable.
 

Kelly1982

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Aww thanks mate!! Thats really nice of you.

Your post has just made me cry for some reason LOL I'm really emotional about this at the mo. I know that she can be really selfish but because i have been friends with her for so long etc i really thought that she would treat me a bit better. Well i have learnt from my mistakes now haven't I.
 

Kelly1982

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I haven't got a 4x4 but i am hoping to get one next summer. I cant do it until then as i have my car on finance.

I hate relying on other people but until thenm i have no other choice.

have also looked into moving to different yards but apart from all this with my friend i am happy where i am and the yard is the cheapest i have come across.

Think i will just have to go to unaffiliated where i get the chance then hopefully get myself some transport next year.
 

Iestyn

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I'm sorry, but you should've seen it coming. If you wanted to make something out of it then you should have said this to start with or turned the offer down - you made the concious decision to bring the pony on to the level she is at. You could have done a bit of schooling and hacking with her instead.

As for the transport - maybe you shouldn't have bought that horse if that was your plan. If I have learnt anything in life, that is to not rely on other people. I swopped my small 4x4 for a larger one when I had a second horse on part-share and it all then crumbled - making the huge money I'd spent unjustified.

As for the stirrups and stirrup leathers - if you can't afford these basic requirements for riding, then how can you afford to affilaite your horse and then continue to compete affiliated?

A harsh lesson learnt I think.
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MrsMagoo

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OOh Kelly come and live with us
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nice, small friendly yard and i go to shows most weeks.....pretty cheap as well....

Oh and if you do need anything, I have loads of spare bits and bobs if your stuck??
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Kelly1982

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Your right it is a harsh lesson learnt and a mistake i wont be making again.

I dont like relying on other people and thats why i always paid my way so people wouldn't think i was ponsing off of them.

As for the stirrup leathers and irons normally i would be able to pay for these 'basic requirements' but i have just had to fork out £300 on my car which i normally wouldn't have to. I'm not the richest of people admittedly, far from it in fact, but my horse never goes without, its just this month has been tighter than usual.
 

Claireg9

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Unfortunately as others have said no contract no claim to any of the money, i also think even though shes a good friend that she does not have to discuss her money afairs with you.
But i do feel she's taken advantage of you, it doesnt cost anything to be polite so a Thank you would not of gone a miss, i would also expect a bottle of wine, some choccys and if really generous new leathers and irons with a thank you card to make you smile.
I would also said you'll happily look after Ellie for a few days, but my rates have gone up to £xx!

I had a similar thing with my friend she used to pay me to do her horse in the evenings last winter, i only got a pound a day for bringing in changing rugs, washing legs down, picking feet out and feeding her, this would take half an hour or more!

But i never did get paid for the last month i did, as shes a friend i choose not to say anything but learn from my experience and not do it again this year, she'll have to find some other mug!
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OWLIE185

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Kelly you're clearly a talented young lady and your friend and her father have taken advantage of you and should be ashamed of themselves. No point falling out with them but that does not mean that you are at their beckon call anymore.

If you and your horse are happy at the yard then stay and put this down to experience.

If you are interested in competing then my advice would be to save up and take your HGV licence as soon as possible as then you will be able to drive a truck and have another usefull qualification.

Wishing you and your horse all the best for the future.
 
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