Negative Mindset

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Dyllymoo

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How do you get yourself out of a negative mindset?

Did agility on Saturday and he was such a super boy (in hand first, then ridden). We were at the very end and 2 horses walked up past the school in dense fog and he could only hear them and not see them and he panicked, spun and tried to run off. I stopped him and turned him around and let him look. He was shaking. We gave him pats and told him it was ok and carried on and he was on his toes but a good boy.

Sunday I went for a hack with a friend. He was spooking at cars pulling in to the yard which he NEVER does. Got on and it was all a bit busy as others were going out with their friends and he was thinking he was being left on his own, he settled when we were walking along the road and then he was looking at everything, bananaring everything, on his toes and trying to jog everywhere. We only did a quick circuit as honestly he felt like he was ready to go at any point. Walking up the field home and he spooked twice and something in the bushes and did the spin (not a quick spin but enough!) and run away he had done the day before. Took him in the school and he was spooking at leaves on the ground.

I got off and lunged him and he was still spooky but he did settle after a bit of transition work.

Its probably because he hasn't been doing enough (mentally and physically) and also he is 5 and the weather has dropped quite a bit.

but all I can think of is how awful yesterday felt, he felt like my mare who had a catalogue of medical issues and now I'm feeling really sad. I just need to get my mind on to a plan but its so hard.

I have an IH lady coming on Saturday which I am hoping will help and I am thinking of long reining up and down the drive in the mornings just to get him working (and even in the school for a bit).

Sorry bit of a whinge and not really expecting any suggestions, just feeling pretty low.
 
when I'm down a hole I try to remember what I'm actually trying to achieve, which helps put it in perspective.
My current project is an ex racer who is 5 months into retraining. So when he's a spooky idiot who makes me question my sanity, I have to remember
He's a flight animal, living in a fairly un natural way, learning to do an un natural thing. his previous training just taught him to run and not a lot else, it's cold, it's dark, I can't work him enough, and training a horse is pretty hard at the best of times!
The trick is not to let that make you feel hopeless ;) but to see the reality of the situation and cut yourself some slack - and find a bit more inner zen and patience with the whole thing.

You've already identified some things that are making it hard:

Dyllymoo said:
Its probably because he hasn't been doing enough (mentally and physically) and also he is 5 and the weather has dropped quite a bit.
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So you can try to address the things you are in control of, and you will need to make a mental allowance for the ones you aren't. If you can up his workload, that will help to make him more manageable. But you can't stop him being 5, you need to remember when things are difficult, that having a young horse is like that, but it will get easier if you can just keep plodding on.

I find that doing tiny bits regularly is helpful. If i get on and mine feels explosive, I adjust my expectations of the session down to something manageable, so instead of working on canter transitions, say, I might do some work on making the walk supple ;) then pat him, get off and say we had a good day because we did achieve something and he's had some exercise. No point feeling bad because I didn't do the canter, because if I had tried it would have gone wrong anyway! so if long reining is a good option while you wait for your lesson, then do that, and don't beat yourself up for not doing something else.

recognising those little successes is how I stay positive about it.
 
Some horses are just a bit silly... It doesn't necessarily mean there is something awful wrong with them - honestly, I know it can be a worrying sign, but it isn't always. The one in my avatar is a twit about exactly this kind of stuff - at 5 he had a lethal spin on him and put me on the floor loads. Spooking at leaves/ birds/ nothing is still very much his game at this time of year. He's fine - 10 years on, he's done loads of stuff (dressage, TREC, low level jumping, polocrosse, horseball, archery...) and is a great horse to have around. He's still inclined to jump out of his skin some days, but you do get used to it. I'm not a brave rider, but it doesn't worry me, it's normal for him.

I am the absolute master of being negative and depressing. I can find bad stuff to obsess over in the very best of days. But sooner or later, you have to step back and look at the bigger picture - you may not be quite where you want to be right now, but if you look at where you've come from, and where you want to go, you're generally moving in the right direction. Young horses are hard. Winter is hard. Plenty of owners don't ride at this time of year because it's hard - fit fresh horses, rubbish ground, so much going on - even before you throw in young horse issues to the mix. Give yourself a break ;)

(#Hypocrisy)
 
Thank you so much both of you, I really really appreciate your comments. I have a massive tendancy to just fixate on negative things (throughout my life) so not doing this is something I really have to concentrate and work hard on.

I think I will write down things that went well this weekend and leave it at that.

I do feel for him as he was just genuinely on his toes, and I probably just got a bit tense and so he got worse. I need to find some brave pants xx
 
Dyllymoo said:
Thank you so much both of you, I really really appreciate your comments. I have a massive tendancy to just fixate on negative things (throughout my life) so not doing this is something I really have to concentrate and work hard on.

I think I will write down things that went well this weekend and leave it at that.
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I do keep a bit of a horsey diary but in a very loose sense, I just jot things on FB but after I've had enough time to be able to think rationally ;) it helps me to make myself digest things like that. So yesterday I took my loopy loon to a show, but it was too busy and he was too wired, and I was on my own so we came home without doing our class. As I was putting him on the box I felt pretty down about the whole thing, but I gave myself a little talking to and came to the conclusion that it's just a bump in the road, he's been doing pretty well in his training otherwise, it would have been a very big ask to do the class and the risk that it would have gone badly was too great for us at this stage. I need to protect my and his confidence so sometimes not doing something is the better option.

It's definitely something you can train yourself to do, and I would say it's pretty important to learn to notice the good things each time. Because training horses isn't a linear process, you will have peaks where it all feels amazing followed by troughs that seem to go on forever. looking at the bigger picture helps, definitely, but so do the tiny tiny things that easily go unnoticed but are important building blocks of the next big picture ;)
 
I absolutely feel you there - I don't think the negativity thing is healthy, but it's bloody hard to change. I think MP has a better handle on this than I do - I've been known to have a crisis of confidence because I've over-performed and done better than expected, which is so daft it's almost unbelievable!

It's easier to be brave when you know you're not leaving your comfort zone - it's perfectly acceptable to get on and school in walk and not even hit trot that day. It's fine just to long rein or do in hand work and achieve something that way. Pick nice quiet days to hop on and progress, and busy, windy, spooky days, stick to what is safe and easy. Set yourselves up to succeed.
 
milliepops said:
I do keep a bit of a horsey diary but in a very loose sense, I just jot things on FB but after I've had enough time to be able to think rationally ;) it helps me to make myself digest things like that. So yesterday I took my loopy loon to a show, but it was too busy and he was too wired, and I was on my own so we came home without doing our class. As I was putting him on the box I felt pretty down about the whole thing, but I gave myself a little talking to and came to the conclusion that it's just a bump in the road, he's been doing pretty well in his training otherwise, it would have been a very big ask to do the class and the risk that it would have gone badly was too great for us at this stage. I need to protect my and his confidence so sometimes not doing something is the better option.

It's definitely something you can train yourself to do, and I would say it's pretty important to learn to notice the good things each time. Because training horses isn't a linear process, you will have peaks where it all feels amazing followed by troughs that seem to go on forever. looking at the bigger picture helps, definitely, but so do the tiny tiny things that easily go unnoticed but are important building blocks of the next big picture ;)
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See I would be the same, I would feel so deflated but like you have said its important to protect everyone's confidence and its better to make it a great experience then one that could be extremely negative. He probably just saw it as a nice little outing in the box :)

Thank you xx

JFTD-WS said:
I absolutely feel you there - I don't think the negativity thing is healthy, but it's bloody hard to change. I think MP has a better handle on this than I do - I've been known to have a crisis of confidence because I've over-performed and done better than expected, which is so daft it's almost unbelievable!

It's easier to be brave when you know you're not leaving your comfort zone - it's perfectly acceptable to get on and school in walk and not even hit trot that day. It's fine just to long rein or do in hand work and achieve something that way. Pick nice quiet days to hop on and progress, and busy, windy, spooky days, stick to what is safe and easy. Set yourselves up to succeed.
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It really is easier to be brave then for definite. Thank you, I just need to take it slowly I think, no rushing. I'm not looking to sell him so he is with me for life which means we are in no rush. I think I will try and leave work a bit earlier and do some long reining tonight and then some in hand things in the week :)
 
i think that's a good plan.
I think it's hard to take the pressure off yourself especially when it feels like there is a mountain to climb. I veer between being really really frustrated because I have an intelligent horse and I am an experienced rider - surely we should be further along by now... and then thinking that it genuinely doesn't matter if it takes longer, the horse doesn't know what my ambitions are and tbh it's supposed to be an enjoyable passtime, not a massive stress.

I hope you enjoy your next lesson, because when I feel like this, my lessons are the time that I feel good about stretching our combined comfort zones. In between times, if i'm struggling, I just try to keep us both safe and happy, and doing little bits until the circumstances are right to stretch again. I have a trainer that I trust 100% which helps so much.
 
If it makes you feel any better, my 15 yr old (who should know far better) was hunting on Sat. We didn't do a long day so I thought I'd give him a leg stretch yesterday. He was a lunatic. I should have realised when he didn't eat his breakfast that something was up and didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. We were hunting at home on Sat and then 200 cows got into our garden at 7 a.m yesterday and although he looked mega chilled at the time, when it came to riding down the drive which is all churned up and covered in cow pats, he lost his mind!! We did a quick trot to the village and back and I thought I might die at one point. But we got home, he was ok and it made me realise not to ride him the day after we've been hunting at home, to wear a martingale and perhaps if he's not eaten his breakfast, to give a ride a miss!!
 
If you are on twitter have a look at the twitter for @LifeofBean. He is a racehorse and his rider's attitude is brilliant. She just laughs at his antics as he is a fit racehorse and is indeed full of beans. Does make you remember that to them they are protecting you from monsters in the bushes so doing good work from their viewpoint even if not from ours. Some excellent advice above and most definitely break it down into little goals.
 
He's 5. He's like a silly kid in the playground who suddenly decides that they need to scream at everything and act stupid!! The horse you have today won't necessarily be the one you have tomorrow so don't think that one incident today sets everything in stone. I always found with my TBs that they needed as much mental work as physical so if they acted up they were set to work in the school with transitions, polework and anything else I could dream up to make them mentally tired and then leave them to think about it.
I think the key is not to dwell on anything too long unless it becomes repetitive behaviour and then you can get some help if you need it. Usually everything is transient.
 
Trouper said:
He's 5. He's like a silly kid in the playground who suddenly decides that they need to scream at everything and act stupid!! The horse you have today won't necessarily be the one you have tomorrow so don't think that one incident today sets everything in stone. I always found with my TBs that they needed as much mental work as physical so if they acted up they were set to work in the school with transitions, polework and anything else I could dream up to make them mentally tired and then leave them to think about it.
I think the key is not to dwell on anything too long unless it becomes repetitive behaviour and then you can get some help if you need it. Usually everything is transient.
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I actually laughed a lot at that vision. He is exactly like that :p Bless him. Yes I have someone coming out Saturday for some in hand work and then gradually ridden so I am hoping she can give me some ideas on things to do in the dark evenings.
 
I think being only 5 and a change in the weather are major factors. Sounds exactly ilike my boy at 5. Have you tried a magnesium supplement - transformed my boy. Magnesium is apparently particularly low at this time of year and if your horse is deficient (not all are) a supplement should work within a week.
Good luck
 
Dyllymoo said:
How do you get yourself out of a negative mindset?

Did agility on Saturday and he was such a super boy (in hand first, then ridden). We were at the very end and 2 horses walked up past the school in dense fog and he could only hear them and not see them and he panicked, spun and tried to run off. I stopped him and turned him around and let him look. He was shaking. We gave him pats and told him it was ok and carried on and he was on his toes but a good boy.

Sunday I went for a hack with a friend. He was spooking at cars pulling in to the yard which he NEVER does. Got on and it was all a bit busy as others were going out with their friends and he was thinking he was being left on his own, he settled when we were walking along the road and then he was looking at everything, bananaring everything, on his toes and trying to jog everywhere. We only did a quick circuit as honestly he felt like he was ready to go at any point. Walking up the field home and he spooked twice and something in the bushes and did the spin (not a quick spin but enough!) and run away he had done the day before. Took him in the school and he was spooking at leaves on the ground.

I got off and lunged him and he was still spooky but he did settle after a bit of transition work.

Its probably because he hasn't been doing enough (mentally and physically) and also he is 5 and the weather has dropped quite a bit.

but all I can think of is how awful yesterday felt, he felt like my mare who had a catalogue of medical issues and now I'm feeling really sad. I just need to get my mind on to a plan but its so hard.

I have an IH lady coming on Saturday which I am hoping will help and I am thinking of long reining up and down the drive in the mornings just to get him working (and even in the school for a bit).

Sorry bit of a whinge and not really expecting any suggestions, just feeling pretty low.
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I have had my 5 year old 3 months now, hes a 17hh ISH and was and angle to hack untill 3 weeks ago when he suddenly started rearing and spinning round. They weren't full size rears and didn't scare me but he's big and young so it was a bit off putting. Our last few hacks he has been really good again so it might have just been a little phase he went through. To me it seemed he started doing it as he was scared of something and then he was just seeing what he could get away with. We put a standing martingale on him and have been hacking him out with other horses and he is getting better. I would try and hack out with someone else and if he is looking widen your hands and leg yeild away from it. If he spins turn him back in the direction he spun. I was thinking I must be doing something wrong but he's young and just seeing what he can get away with and lacking a bit of confidence!!
 
I've got a very jumpy spooky Welsh x mare. We turned a corner when I decided I just had to man up and be the leader of the partnership, otherwise she thinks she has to be in charge (relevance of the Welsh reference :)). So now when she spooks at something I make sure I don't jump too. I pretend I'm a very experienced yard owner who isn't fazed by anything and won't take any silly behaviour. I relax and laugh at her. We go up to the scary thing and check that it's not a sabre-toothed tiger, in hand if necessary.

It doesn't solve all our problems - she's changed fields twice in the last 3 months, and both are completely new to her with a new route to the yard, so she's very reactive at the moment. But she'll get used to it and settle down eventually, and she'll do it a lot quicker if she trusts that I won't lead her into danger. Fake it til you make it!
 
Cowpony said:
I've got a very jumpy spooky Welsh x mare. We turned a corner when I decided I just had to man up and be the leader of the partnership, otherwise she thinks she has to be in charge (relevance of the Welsh reference :)). So now when she spooks at something I make sure I don't jump too. I pretend I'm a very experienced yard owner who isn't fazed by anything and won't take any silly behaviour. I relax and laugh at her. We go up to the scary thing and check that it's not a sabre-toothed tiger, in hand if necessary.

It doesn't solve all our problems - she's changed fields twice in the last 3 months, and both are completely new to her with a new route to the yard, so she's very reactive at the moment. But she'll get used to it and settle down eventually, and she'll do it a lot quicker if she trusts that I won't lead her into danger. Fake it til you make it!
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To be fair I know I need to do this but I struggle with past horses (both my past horses have had medical issues causing them to bronc and rear and be extremely spooky). I just need to get past this in my head. My OH often says fake it til you make it, and I know he is right, but I've never been very good at hiding my emotions.

I'm hoping the IH lady will give me some more tools to use with him on the ground and that I can transfer to ridden as he definitely trusts me more on the ground then ridden (as shown in the agility we did, did it in hand and he was looking and a bit worried but settled and wasn't really phased by any of the obsticles, but when I got on suddenly some of the obsticles were really worrying and I had to work doubly hard to reassure him). I know that he has probably had rough handling as well, as even if you move a bit sharp near him (I slipped on some mud this morning for instance, didn't fall over just slipped) and he panics. If you rush towards his stable when he is in it (I was late for work and kind of jogged towards him) he panics and hides at the back of his stable all white eyed.

I know trust is key to this and it works both ways, but ultimately I have to be the one that says "Oh that, yeah that's fine little man, don't worry about it".... Its going to take time I guess.
 
I've just checked my diary and the IH lady isn't due until next Saturday which has now filled me with a bit of dread as to what to do in the 10 days leading up to it. Plus I have been told my new saddle is due to arrive Friday and can be fitted next week. Eeep.
 
I would say, come up with some bitesized ideas of things you can do each day. Almost make them too easy. When you've done one of those, then leave it at that for your session. The idea being that between now and then, you'll have hopefully had lots of days where you have done something with him, and each one has broadly gone well because you haven't overfaced yourself. Those kinds of days are really good ways to top up your confidence bank, and help you think more positively because you keep achieving your aims :)
 
There are lots of books and info on the internet on groundwork exercises and desensitising work which you could do with him in the meantime. Probably more than you could possibly get through in 10 days so don't scramble his brain with too much but pick a few which you can do calmly and confidently in the school with him - then give him as much turnout as you can.
Let us know what the IH suggests!
 
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