new horse, after loosing horse of a lifetime.

[silv]

Sorry if this is a sad, waffley post,

The week before Christmas I lost my wonderful mare, I found her dead in the field, a post mortem was required for the insurance company and it showed she had an aneurysm in one of her abdominal arteries and it had ruptured. The only consolation was that she hadn't suffered, it would have been so quick.

In the two years we had together she had taken me from riding novice dressage(badly) to medium with decent scores, gained numerous championships as a riding horse and coloured horse in the show ring and won or was placed 2nd in every competative trail ride we did, she was also a fantastic safe hack and fabulous to ride.

Most of all she was a lovely person and I adored her. I have lost count of the number of people who asked for first option if I was ever thinking of selling her. Anyway after much soul searching and contemplating giving up I have decided to crack on and find another horse. The thing is nothing I see advertised remotely compares to her, and I also worry that whatever I end up with will always be playing second best to my mare. I need to get a similar type as I want to carry on competing at dressage and showing.

My question is has anyone lost their horse of a lifetime and found a replacement who was equally good?

I am in my late 50's and don't want to start with a young horse so that's not an option.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

My friend has recently got a new pony after losing her best friend. I didn't know her old horse but I've heard many tales of their time together.

Her friends had to support her in the horse shopping. They found an incredible pony. My friend wasn't sure; there was nothing wrong with him but it wasn't the same. She bought him and he is just brilliant but it's taken my friend a few months to bond with him and realise she loves him.

Take your time, rely on good friends to help when viewing horses and let the right horse find you.

 

[Butterbear]

I really feel for you. It's the hardest thing to lose a best friend. I know that I am going to be counting the days with my horse of a lifetime very soon. For a while when he started to go downhill I was adamant that there would never be another horse. Ever. But I've very recently realised that the horse shaped hole in my heart will need to be filled with a new someone if I am to be complete when the time comes. As OrangeandLemon suggested, have you got a good friend who could be with you to help you be objective about potential new horses, perhaps try a LWVTB, to help reassure you that it is the right horse for the next stage of your life journey? I wish you all the best in finding the right horse, remember to be patient and not rush things.

 

[Wheels]

Oh bless you, that's really tough. I didn't lose my best friend but I did have to retire him this time last year even though he had only just turned 8 years old. It took me 4 or 5 months to come to terms with it. There was never any question I would get another horse but it was May before I started looking and July before I found what I was looking for.

Within the first few weeks I became very fond of the newbie but thought he would not match up to the love I felt for my other horse. But now after 6 months we are flying and I totally adore him. Dare I say that I think he will be my horse of a lifetime. He is certainly the horse most suited to me that I've ever owned.

Go for it I would say - take your time, look at a wide range of types and get help if you need it. I used an agent in Ireland and very happy with the service and result - Golden Vale Sport Horses

 

[gryff]

I lost my mare of a lifetime in June 2016 to a catastrophic broken leg. She was 11. I didn't know whether I wanted a new horse or not but after a few weeks the advert of a baby Arab kept catching my eye. I contacted the owners and arranged a viewing, but on the day, had a bit of a meltdown and cancelled it. The owners couldn't have been more lovely about me doing this. Two months later, I'd half heartedly viewed a few, but kept looking at the advert that I'd saved. I decided to contact the sellers again and arranged to see her...they were so sweet about me contacting them again. I was worried about them thinking i was a timewaster. I walked into the mare's stable and went around to her shoulder. She turned her head to me amd just rested it on my shoulder and sniffled into my neck. I instantly felt something quite spiritual...not my thing, at all usually!!! I knew then, she was coming home with me. Her owners were funny because they turned to each other and said that they knew, from the moment I'd first contacted them, that I'd end up having her and they had turned other potential buyers away.
Anyway, I think I'm trying to say, don't rush into anything, but see if something catches your eye. I found having an unbroken youngster was great because there was no pressure to get on and ride her. I absolutely loved doing lots of ground work. We long reined all over the local area and I really bonded with her. I sent to to a professional to be backed in February this year and she hasn't put a foot wrong. She's a little star. Because it was nearly a year between losing my mare and riding the new one, I've not compared the two at all. Whether she's my new mare of a lifetime, I'm not sure...but as far as doing a great job of helping me get over my grief, she couldn't have done a better job.

 

[ozpoz]

Gryff, how lovely.

I also have this weird thing about buying horses, and I think it might be early age programming from Thelwell's cartoon - "sooner or later, he'll find you".

Silv, I'm the same age as you and took a while to even look at other horses after losing my horse of a lifetime - I've just found even typing his name still brings tears to my eyes. I studied adverts for months before seeing one I liked. He is not in any way similar - apart from making me feel happy, colour and a grandsire. The grandsire was a nice surprise as I wasn't interested in his breeding, just what I saw in front of me, but it makes me feel there is a link somehow continuing to my old boy.

 

[Seville]

Silv, big hug.
I'm a little older than you. I lost my horse of a lifetime in 2002. I had another alongside her and loved him, and got another one three months later. I have never been without a horse, and have loved them all, in different ways. Last year I had a similar experience to Griff. Please please rest assured you will love another horse, but that horse will never be the one you lost. They are all different. The horse who found me last year is incredibly special, we are very bonded, and communicate in ways I have previously dreamt about. You will be fine....and the next horse will be lucky to have you. Go for it, but don't look for your lost mare.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Sorry if this is a sad, waffley post,

The week before Christmas I lost my wonderful mare, I found her dead in the field, a post mortem was required for the insurance company and it showed she had an aneurysm in one of her abdominal arteries and it had ruptured. The only consolation was that she hadn't suffered, it would have been so quick.

In the two years we had together she had taken me from riding novice dressage(badly) to medium with decent scores, gained numerous championships as a riding horse and coloured horse in the show ring and won or was placed 2nd in every competative trail ride we did, she was also a fantastic safe hack and fabulous to ride.

Most of all she was a lovely person and I adored her. I have lost count of the number of people who asked for first option if I was ever thinking of selling her. Anyway after much soul searching and contemplating giving up I have decided to crack on and find another horse. The thing is nothing I see advertised remotely compares to her, and I also worry that whatever I end up with will always be playing second best to my mare. I need to get a similar type as I want to carry on competing at dressage and showing.

My question is has anyone lost their horse of a lifetime and found a replacement who was equally good?

I am in my late 50's and don't want to start with a young horse so that's not an option.

I am so sorry about your horse it's so hard when you loose one you 100% trust and love I have one I feel much the same about I have had him 11 years since he was 2, I can't ever imagine not having him but I know one day the day will come

I would just take your time and I think you just know when you find that special one just keep looking, I keep looking at an advert on here don't know why but it just keeps making me look she is a little coloured buckskin and white mare she has been popping up on here the last few weeks.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I lost my mare of a lifetime in June 2016 to a catastrophic broken leg. She was 11. I didn't know whether I wanted a new horse or not but after a few weeks the advert of a baby Arab kept catching my eye. I contacted the owners and arranged a viewing, but on the day, had a bit of a meltdown and cancelled it. The owners couldn't have been more lovely about me doing this. Two months later, I'd half heartedly viewed a few, but kept looking at the advert that I'd saved. I decided to contact the sellers again and arranged to see her...they were so sweet about me contacting them again. I was worried about them thinking i was a timewaster. I walked into the mare's stable and went around to her shoulder. She turned her head to me amd just rested it on my shoulder and sniffled into my neck. I instantly felt something quite spiritual...not my thing, at all usually!!! I knew then, she was coming home with me. Her owners were funny because they turned to each other and said that they knew, from the moment I'd first contacted them, that I'd end up having her and they had turned other potential buyers away.
Anyway, I think I'm trying to say, don't rush into anything, but see if something catches your eye. I found having an unbroken youngster was great because there was no pressure to get on and ride her. I absolutely loved doing lots of ground work. We long reined all over the local area and I really bonded with her. I sent to to a professional to be backed in February this year and she hasn't put a foot wrong. She's a little star. Because it was nearly a year between losing my mare and riding the new one, I've not compared the two at all. Whether she's my new mare of a lifetime, I'm not sure...but as far as doing a great job of helping me get over my grief, she couldn't have done a better job.

what a lovely story I have 2 Arabs I just love them they are very much people horses and they both have very individual characters, what is your horses breeding ? I like looking at the Arab bloodlines it's so interesting my 2 are related they have the same grand sire.

 

[Fragglerock]

I still have my lad but it's because of him I don't think I will have another. I won't be able to find one that matches up to him.

 

[milliepops]

Please please rest assured you will love another horse, but that horse will never be the one you lost. They are all different. The horse who found me last year is incredibly special, we are very bonded, and communicate in ways I have previously dreamt about. You will be fine....and the next horse will be lucky to have you. Go for it, but don't look for your lost mare.

^^ this was what I was coming on to say. So sorry to hear about your horse, that must have been the most horrible shock.
I've still got my old girl but she finally retired after the most wonderful 15 years together. When she first got injured I thought I'd never be able to replace her, and I lost count of the number of times I just broke down and sobbed into her mane. But... I had another one alongside her and gradually she worked her way into my heart... now I have that same heart skipping a beat when I think about her and she means the world to me.

They are totally different and have different strengths but the younger one is now my new horse of a lifetime
Recently bought another at a sale as a project... I'm pretty confident she will turn out to be a keeper too as she's growing on me daily.

But none of them will ever be a like for like replacement for my old mare - now I'm used to the idea of something different it doesn't matter any more.

 

[NinjaPony]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, it must have been a real shock for you. I remember vividly being in the field with my mare for my last visit before she was put down, and being told 'you will love another horse as much as her again' and it is so true. This was six years ago, and I still get teary if I talk about that day but the pony I got 7 months later has helped heal the massive void she left behind. I knew he was 'the one' as soon as I sat on him, his advert was found by my RI who persuaded me to go and see him and that was that. But having said that, it took a few months to really bond with him in the same way, it was when he got a small bout of grass related gassy colic (nothing serious) that I realised how important he had become without really realising it. 6 years later he is my horse of a lifetime, and now he is turning 17 this year, I have started to worry about how any other horse could possibly replace him. At which point I remind myself of my last mare, and how much she meant to me and still means to me, and how that didn't stop me loving my current boy and having the best time with him. So new horses are bittersweet, but I do honestly believe that forging a new bond with a new horse can be the best medicine for a broken heart, the heart expands to find room for another, rather than replacing the old.

 

[BlackRider]

I lost Apache - my horse of a lifetime in September last year, I had said I would never get another as it would never be able to live up to him.

However I hadn't anticipated loosing him for another 10 years, and when the realisation that I was going to be without a horse hit me I went horse shopping.

I had been told Apache had stomach cancer, so kept him comfortable for as long as he wanted. I lost him 2 weeks after the new horse arrived.

I'd had Apache 17 years, and knew him inside out, and I won't lie it is hard to start again with another. I deliberately went for a very different breed / type then I wouldn't compare, as that wouldn't have been fair on any of us.

I've had Talisman for 4 months now, we've had some ups and downs, but he whinnies when he sees me walk onto the yard . It just takes time to get to know each other, and I knew I was never going to have that level of trust overnight.

 

[Cortez]

I can honestly say I've never had a "horse of my lifetime" since my lifetime isn't over (yet...). I've had horses which I got along with famously, and those that didn't do it for me, and obviously liked the former better than the latter, but at no time did I think I'd never find another horse which I could enjoy. Maybe it's because I have had 100's of horses through my hands (pro rider/trainer/breeder for many years; I'm also coming up to 50 years in the horse game), but if I don't like a horse I sell it on; if I really like it I keep it. Horses are all different, there's bound to be more than one that suits you out there.

 

[milliepops]

I think that's a difference for many of us though Cortez, when you tend to have one at a time and keep them for yonks then it can very much feel like you'll never get that same feeling of being "at one" with a horse again. Starting again with a new one feels so strange because you've got very accustomed to the ways of one individual.
I ride loads of different horses, always have - but the ones I've really loved the bones of, stand far apart from all the others... and the one that has recently retired is the one I really thought would be irreplaceable. She probably will be. But the one I compete now is pretty dear to me and I know others will be too eventually

 

[Flicker]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Losing any horse is devastating, but when you have bonded so closely with one the loss is especially acute.

I lost a wonderful horse a couple of years ago, following a field injury. In the time that followed I couldn’t think of replacing him, so rode for friends and then loaned for a bit. This allowed me to stay riding, without the emotional commitment. It took me a few years to feel ready to buy another horse. The time was very useful for me to also ride lots of different horses and decide what’s right for me.

I would caution against buying another horse just because it reminds you of the one you’ve lost - you may be setting yourself up for major disappointment. A fellow livery replaced her bright bay WB with a virtual physical carbon copy. Unfortunately the new horse was a very different kettle of fish temperament wise and she lost a lot of money and confidence. I think she would never have bought the new horse if it hadn’t so closely resembled the one she lost.

You won’t find the same horse, but you will find another just as special in a different way.

 

[Talism4n]

My best friend, therapy animal and mount for the past 8 years is nearing the end far more quickly than I had ever planned for him. Just thinking about it has me in tears. I've known this was coming for a while, but could only guess at a timeline, so I started looking for another one in November after a close call. I knew if I didn't have something I liked when Tally goes I'd really struggle to look at anything and potentially never go back to riding because I would always be comparing the new horse to him. I made a list of absolute non negotiables and set about looking at charities for anything that fit the bill, ignoring all the "would like but don't require" traits to make sure I didn't fall into the trap of looking for a replica that doesn't exist. I then narrowed that down by picking my top 3 personality traits from Tally and described that to anyone I talked to about potential horses - nothing too similar, but something I'm likely to get on with. Archie the ex racer arrived yesterday and I can see I'm going to love him dearly in time. He'll never replace Tally, but he has his own strong personality and his own cute little foibles, so he'll be a great next chapter for me - and, despite looking for something different, I have a second cheeky dark bay who chews my sleeves and fits perfectly in the same saddle. So I guess I have a type.

When you feel ready, sit down with a friend and work out what you're looking for with an open mind. No horse will ever replace a treasured friend, but there can and will be others out there who can give you the same amount of happiness.

 

[Wagtail]

I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock it must have been for you. I too lost my horse of a lifetime, also a mare, over 4 years ago. I was totally grief stricken and it actually took me four years to move on from her. I did go out and buy myself a two year old a few weeks after her passing. I bought a youngster because I wasn't ready to do much until I was ready and figured a youngster that I woulldn't back until she was 4, would give me the time I needed. I did have a strong vibe from her that I knew she was for me, but still I could not bond with her. Until four years after my old mare's passing. The change came when I was finally able to look at her old photographs and paint her portrait. It was like finally saying goodbye.

I had loads of teething troubles with my new girl. She was extremely willful and despite being good as gold to back, was a real challenge when it came to the riding proper (think rearing, leaping and napping) and I almost gave up. Hoowever, with the help of a brilliant trainer, we are now going from strength to strength and she is such a perfect girl to ride. I love her to bits. I never thought I would feel this way about a horse again.

OP, I really hope that you too can move on and find another horse that you can love x

 

[vmac66]

I lost my horse of a lifetime in March last year. He was pts in the 16th March the to cataracts and posterior uvietis in both eyes. He wasn't perfect and I often wished he was a big bigger, he had also completely shattered my confidence but I adored him regardless.
Having him pts and getting to that point was like all my nightmares come true.
I got my mare two days after Zac went. A freind knew what had happened and said she would let me have her mare if I wanted her as she knew I would look after her.
Have had Indie 10 months now and am having fun with her. My confidence is coming back and am planning what to do this year.
It took me about 6 months to stop comparing her to Zac and realise I loved her. It's different than with Zac and I miss him everyday but Indie has helped me get through the worst times. She's a keeper and I hope we have a great future together x

 

[ihatework]

I’m so sorry about your horse it must have been a dreadful shock.
I know exactly what you mean about ‘Horse if a lifetime’ but having had a few horses since the horse I considered to be mine, I would say it’s quite possible to have multiples! Essentially it’s just chemistry and a numbers game, kiss enough frogs and you will find your prince.

Things I would say are don’t try and replace your horse. Go with the flow, keep options open and see where you end up. If after a few months you aren’t loving whatever you buy then move it on - no shame in that.

I’ve recently bought a 17hh+ hunter type with the original intention to sell on. 4 months later I’m completely taken with him. He would never have been my type on paper.

 

[Michen]

Yep. I lost my horse to a broken leg from colic surgery. He was my horse of a lifetime and took me from x poles to be90 in a season.

I just couldn’t face horse shopping but equally couldn’t face the empty stable so I bought a nicely bred project Connemara direct from Ireland and only saw him when I picked him up from his transporter.

It’s not been easy. He has been a nightmare. BUT coming out the other end of it is a seriously nice little horse that would have been twice the money over here.

 

[Hexx]

I lost my lad 3 years ago - he really was my soul mate and the most perfect horse for me. I couldn't even look at another horse for about 2 years, but last year I decided that it would be good for me to start looking as there really was a big hole in my life.

I spent a year searching and couldn't find what I wanted as nothing would match up to my boy. In the end I bought a yearling - a nice cob that is going to make a decent size (15.3 plus). I have had him three months now and we are starting to bond a little.

I am hoping that by the time he is ready to break, we will have a good solid relationship and he will have good manners !!

 

[wills_91]

I lost my horse of a lifetime 10 years ago and had my current horse 7 years. I love my current horse but she isn't a patch on my old lad and - puts tin hat on - when her time comes, although I'm sure I will be devastated, I don't think I will wait as long before I get another.

 

[Chianti]

When I rode my first horse I always felt that I was plugged into her in someway. If she had to be off and I hadn't ridden her for a while getting on felt like going home. I've had a couple more of my own since them and have really loved them and have enjoyed riding them - but being honest I've never really had that feeling with them. I think they call it the horse of a lifetime for a reason. You will love another horse - in a different way - but it won't be the same.

 

[silv]

Thank you for all the replies, I am feeling a bit more positive now. I still have my other horse to ride, but have no desire to compete him, so having fun just riding out. I will resume searching adverts for something suitable and try to start afresh. Will need to be another mature horse as I am keen to get back out competing.

Wagtail your horse is lovely.

Here are a couple of photos of my beautiful mare, please excuse me sitting like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

 

[Wagtail]

Thank you for all the replies, I am feeling a bit more positive now. I still have my other horse to ride, but have no desire to compete him, so having fun just riding out. I will resume searching adverts for something suitable and try to start afresh. Will need to be another mature horse as I am keen to get back out competing.

Wagtail your horse is lovely.

Here are a couple of photos of my beautiful mare, please excuse me sitting like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

What a gorgeous horse she was. I love the head shot especially.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Sorry if this is a sad, waffley post,

The week before Christmas I lost my wonderful mare, I found her dead in the field, a post mortem was required for the insurance company and it showed she had an aneurysm in one of her abdominal arteries and it had ruptured. The only consolation was that she hadn't suffered, it would have been so quick.

In the two years we had together she had taken me from riding novice dressage(badly) to medium with decent scores, gained numerous championships as a riding horse and coloured horse in the show ring and won or was placed 2nd in every competative trail ride we did, she was also a fantastic safe hack and fabulous to ride.

Most of all she was a lovely person and I adored her. I have lost count of the number of people who asked for first option if I was ever thinking of selling her. Anyway after much soul searching and contemplating giving up I have decided to crack on and find another horse. The thing is nothing I see advertised remotely compares to her, and I also worry that whatever I end up with will always be playing second best to my mare. I need to get a similar type as I want to carry on competing at dressage and showing.

My question is has anyone lost their horse of a lifetime and found a replacement who was equally good?

I am in my late 50's and don't want to start with a young horse so that's not an option.

Well first let me correct you (in a nice way) replace is a horrid word you could never replace your mare.


When I lost my 2nd mare of a lifetime I had to get loan as hubby would not allow purchase, and I looked and looked and found a lovely buckskin appy which was not what I wanted in the way of schooling as she would have to be re broken due to being a brood mare.


Then I found another ID mare who is grey like my mare was at the end even down to the pink snip on the nose, this mare will play second best to my beloved mare as she was one of a kind. Kind - sweet- trusting-loving- honest-caring- a please to own and ride and looked after me left right and centre. This mare is spooky, sharp, and temperamental and I will end up loving but even after 2 years I cannot let her into the inner circle of my love. She is behind in schooling and jumping due to under training before.


Horse of a life don't happen often and I have been blessed with 2 of them, one after the other, don't judge or expect this new horse to be the same as he or she won't be. Look for what is suitable and which you click and meets your needs and love will find you even if it never matches your other mare there is a place in your heart separate for the new one. When one door closes with the memories and love and such that door has your mares name on it, but another door opens ready for the new one.

Sounds mushy but I firmly believe that a bond with horse and owner comes with time and taking part in things as a team, so you cannot expect a instant match for your mare.


So sorry you lost her recently - hurt goes in time but the love never dies.

xx

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

What a gorgeous horse she was. I love the head shot especially.

Ditto this, what a gorgeous pretty mare she was.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock it must have been for you. I too lost my horse of a lifetime, also a mare, over 4 years ago. I was totally grief stricken and it actually took me four years to move on from her. I did go out and buy myself a two year old a few weeks after her passing. I bought a youngster because I wasn't ready to do much until I was ready and figured a youngster that I woulldn't back until she was 4, would give me the time I needed. I did have a strong vibe from her that I knew she was for me, but still I could not bond with her. Until four years after my old mare's passing. The change came when I was finally able to look at her old photographs and paint her portrait. It was like finally saying goodbye.

I had loads of teething troubles with my new girl. She was extremely willful and despite being good as gold to back, was a real challenge when it came to the riding proper (think rearing, leaping and napping) and I almost gave up. Hoowever, with the help of a brilliant trainer, we are now going from strength to strength and she is such a perfect girl to ride. I love her to bits. I never thought I would feel this way about a horse again.

OP, I really hope that you too can move on and find another horse that you can love x

Wow Waggie I cannot believe she is 4 already, I am still have teething issue with my new mare and she is now 7, the Queen of stress heads and spooking.

Did you do that drawing??? it is very good.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I lost my mare of a lifetime in June 2016 to a catastrophic broken leg. She was 11. I didn't know whether I wanted a new horse or not but after a few weeks the advert of a baby Arab kept catching my eye. I contacted the owners and arranged a viewing, but on the day, had a bit of a meltdown and cancelled it. The owners couldn't have been more lovely about me doing this. Two months later, I'd half heartedly viewed a few, but kept looking at the advert that I'd saved. I decided to contact the sellers again and arranged to see her...they were so sweet about me contacting them again. I was worried about them thinking i was a timewaster. I walked into the mare's stable and went around to her shoulder. She turned her head to me amd just rested it on my shoulder and sniffled into my neck. I instantly felt something quite spiritual...not my thing, at all usually!!! I knew then, she was coming home with me. Her owners were funny because they turned to each other and said that they knew, from the moment I'd first contacted them, that I'd end up having her and they had turned other potential buyers away.
Anyway, I think I'm trying to say, don't rush into anything, but see if something catches your eye. I found having an unbroken youngster was great because there was no pressure to get on and ride her. I absolutely loved doing lots of ground work. We long reined all over the local area and I really bonded with her. I sent to to a professional to be backed in February this year and she hasn't put a foot wrong. She's a little star. Because it was nearly a year between losing my mare and riding the new one, I've not compared the two at all. Whether she's my new mare of a lifetime, I'm not sure...but as far as doing a great job of helping me get over my grief, she couldn't have done a better job.

How lovely - I had this with my pony, the advert came up, out of the blue about 11 am despite searching all that morning and typing the same search, and it was the anniversary of loosing my first mare of a life time, and this pony was younger than I wanted and smaller than I wanted but same colour and same white leg and when the owner said her stable name *the same name* I knew it was the one.