new horse, after loosing horse of a lifetime.

[ILuvCowparsely]

I can honestly say I've never had a "horse of my lifetime" since my lifetime isn't over (yet...). I've had horses which I got along with famously, and those that didn't do it for me, and obviously liked the former better than the latter, but at no time did I think I'd never find another horse which I could enjoy. Maybe it's because I have had 100's of horses through my hands (pro rider/trainer/breeder for many years; I'm also coming up to 50 years in the horse game), but if I don't like a horse I sell it on; if I really like it I keep it. Horses are all different, there's bound to be more than one that suits you out there.

Yes but Cortez you say you can sell a horse on if you don't like it, but most of us would never buy it in the first place and we are buying and taking more time to find the perfect horse before we vet it so our horse become family members. So we don't disposed of them like a snap of fingers, but work through any issues that might crop up. I have NEVER sold a horse because I didn't want it ro did not get on with it, and vow I never will sell a horse till 2012, when I half owned a pretty dun tb and only sold my share of her due to trying to save my mare of a lifetime who was not insured so need every penny, otherwise I would never given up my half.

MY only lucky thing is I have my second mares son so I still feel I have part of her here. He maybe a grumpy GIT. , but he is MY grumpy git and I love him so.

 

[Wagtail]

Wow Waggie I cannot believe she is 4 already, I am still have teething issue with my new mare and she is now 7, the Queen of stress heads and spooking.

Did you do that drawing??? it is very good.

Yes I did it. My current mare is 6 now. I backed her at 4 and then she had almost 2 years off as I was ill then I didn't have the confidence I once had after such a long break. But I'm over it now. My mare is like a 4 year old in terms of her training. But I don't like rushing them. No need.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Yes I did it. My current mare is 6 now. I backed her at 4 and then she had almost 2 years off as I was ill then I didn't have the confidence I once had after such a long break. But I'm over it now. My mare is like a 4 year old in terms of her training. But I don't like rushing them. No need.

Bit like mine, she is a year behind and since I broke my humerus and shoulder my confidence is in the toilet at the mo as like you I had 3 years off riding before the mare came as the gelding had tendon sheath injury so could not ride

 

[Jellymoon]

I lost my horse of a lifetime 8 yrs ago when he was 13, so unjust, why did it have to be him? I was, and still am a little bit, heartbroken. He would have been 21 now, an old boy, ruling the roost at home. I had another one at the time who was up for sale, so I took him off the market and kept him so I didn’t have to lose two. That helped me enormously as although the one left behind wasn’t anywhere near as good as the one that died, he is a very friendly loving horse so I could cry into his mane �� . Once I was ready, after about two years, I went out looking for something a bit more like the one that died, and found a nice young one to bring on, and I’ve had three more young ones since. They’ve all been lovely but not like him, but I’m coming to terms with that now, and I’m not looking for the next ‘Max’ all the time. But 8 yrs on and I still say, ‘I’ve got this lovely new youngster and I’m really excited about him, maybe he’s another Max!’ I really need to move on!!

I guess that’s why so many people talk about a ‘horse of a lifetime’, because you usually only get one. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love others and maybe this new one of mine will be even better, who knows!

I feel lucky to have had him though, lots of people don’t ever have a really amazing one.

 

[huskydamage]

I am lucky that my amazing mare I have had 16yrs is still here but an injury meant that I was unlikely to ever ride her again esp as she is old now and although I will always keep her no matter what riding is my hobby. I wondered if I would ever find another horse I would enjoy as much as her. Someone told me it is never the same but a different new thing. But it is also good as I have discovered with my new horse. I am v lucky that my old girl has recovered to be rideable again but glad to have my new girl too who I can do new things with I couldn't do with my old girl. It's not the same bond I have with my old girl but that's something we developed over years. It takes time to build something new I think, but it's still fun and rewarding

 

[Boulty]

I lost the most perfect, amazing, irreplaceable, impossible to find sort of pony nearly 5 years ago now. It took me a very long time to bond with the pony I bought next (doesn't help that he isn't always the most lovable and that he put quite a lot of energy into being as frustrating as possible!) He is not a replacement, he is a totally different horse but I can finally (nearly 5 years down the line!) admit that I love him equally for who he is and the journey he's taken me on.

 

[PolarSkye]

OP, I'm so sorry about your lovely mare - she was beautiful.

Some of you "oldies" may remember my boy Kal - lost him almost two years ago. It broke me, if I'm honest. I tried sharing a very sweet grey mare for a while - didn't work. I'd look at her and think "she's not HIM." It wasn't her fault - I just wasn't ready. I play with friends' ponies pretty regularly, just to get my horse-y fix. It's fun seeing them achieve and watching their journeys. But I didn't feel like I wanted to get back in the game. Until about three months ago - when I realized I was ready for a new best friend. So as soon as I can find some nearby grass livery, I'm taking delivery of my new friend - a 7-year-old, liver chestnut Oldenburg mare. She couldn't be more different to Kal . . . aside from her gender and colour . . . but what she has in common with him is temperament. She's a lovely "person" . . . as for the rest, we'll see. I'm excited about this new journey - and I never thought I'd get here again. You will find another horse - and you will make new memories . . . when you're ready.

Best wishes.

P

 

[Wagtail]

OP, I'm so sorry about your lovely mare - she was beautiful.

Some of you "oldies" may remember my boy Kal - lost him almost two years ago. It broke me, if I'm honest. I tried sharing a very sweet grey mare for a while - didn't work. I'd look at her and think "she's not HIM." It wasn't her fault - I just wasn't ready. I play with friends' ponies pretty regularly, just to get my horse-y fix. It's fun seeing them achieve and watching their journeys. But I didn't feel like I wanted to get back in the game. Until about three months ago - when I realized I was ready for a new best friend. So as soon as I can find some nearby grass livery, I'm taking delivery of my new friend - a 7-year-old, liver chestnut Oldenburg mare. She couldn't be more different to Kal . . . aside from her gender and colour . . . but what she has in common with him is temperament. She's a lovely "person" . . . as for the rest, we'll see. I'm excited about this new journey - and I never thought I'd get here again. You will find another horse - and you will make new memories . . . when you're ready.

Best wishes.

P

I am so pleased for you, PS. Good luck with your new girlie.

 

[scats]

My horse of a lifetime was a pony I had in my teens. She was phenomenal and I don't expect I will ever find anything like her again, but that's ok. I honestly believe I was the luckiest person in the world to have found that mare and I don't think I'll be that lucky again. She was put to sleep in 2004.
Ive had about 9 more over the years since her, and two of those were what I would consider very special. No way near as talented, but super fun and have given me so much. I lost the gelding to colic back in 2007 and that was tough.
You will find another horse that you have a brilliant bond with, it might not be as talented or take you as far, but you will enjoy it in different ways. Or you could be super lucky and find another horse of a lifetime. Whichever way it goes, you will always have the memories of your old horse and have experienced a bond that perhaps not everyone gets to xx

 

[ycbm]

Yes but Cortez you say you can sell a horse on if you don't like it, but most of us would never buy it in the first place and we are buying and taking more time to find the perfect horse before we vet it so our horse become family members.

It does not matter how much time you spend finding one you think is perfect, it can still turn out to be the wrong horse for you, or you the wrong owner for it, when you get it home. People like Cortez and I know that, so we are more relaxed about what we buy, trusting that if we aren't a match we will sell the horse to a better one, for its sake and our own.

So we don't disposed of them like a snap of fingers, but work through any issues that might crop up.

Wow, what a horribly judgmental term. I dispose of my recycling and kitchen waste, I don't dispose of my horses. I either sell to a better home than I'm offering them or have the ill ones put down. Isn't it a good job that the people you have bought horses from disposed of them to you?

I have NEVER sold a horse because I didn't want it ro did not get on with it, and vow I never will sell a horse till 2012, when I half owned a pretty dun tb and only sold my share of her due to trying to save my mare of a lifetime who was not insured so need every penny, otherwise I would never given up my half.

Can you really not conceive of a situation where a horse would be better off in a different home? For example, I recently realised that I had a horse who was going to be a lot happier in a busy yard doing lots of things every weekend. What do you think I should have done? Put him in livery and paid a rider? I sold him. It was a hard decision and judgemental sanctimonious posts like yours don't exactly make it any easier!

MY only lucky thing is I have my second mares son so I still feel I have part of her here. He maybe a grumpy GIT. , but he is MY grumpy git and I love him so.

And that's the nub of it. You love him. What do you propose people who have a horse that they don't love should do? And if that is keep it for the rest of its life, why do you think it is better for a horse to stay in a home where it is not loved than to be sold to one where it is?

 

[PolarSkye]

I am so pleased for you, PS. Good luck with your new girlie.

Thank you.

P

 

[ozpoz]

oh, I'm delighted for you! : )

 

[Littlebear]

I lost my horse of a lifetime around 7 years ago now, I had owned her since a foal and she was one in a million, I still now can’t think too much about her or get her pictures out.
When I bought another horse the bonding process was extremely slow and I felt like I would never have that relationship again so I bred one knowing that was the only way I would ever get close to that again, the foal is now 6 months and he is my baby I’m so happy I did it as I know he will be my next forever horse x

 

[Junebug44]

I sold my mare on when I had to leave horses. Came back and thought there would never be another like her. Finally bought a gelding and I love, love love him. It's different because he's a different person. Mare is still my first love. I am older now so the partnership has taken more bravery as he's green. Perhaps with hindsight I would buy something more established for my own age bracket, but the hear wants what it wants - there are lots of options. xx

 

[Fluffypiglet]

So sorry you lost your mare, she was very beautiful. It took me 15 years to decide to get another horse after losing my old man. He’d done so much for me that it broke me when he went and I decided to stop with horses even though I’ve ridden all my life. I now have another gorgeous boy who is entirely different and I love him to bits. It will take as long as you need it to. I found I couldn’t get another ginger despite the 15 year gap as I was comparing them to my old boy. My new boy is actually a lot more capable and has opened up more opportunity for me. It sounds like your mare was a very special horse and she is irreplaceable but you will find something different which hopefully you will love and enjoy. Good luck with your new horse searching.

 

[Pinkvboots]

OP, I'm so sorry about your lovely mare - she was beautiful.

Some of you "oldies" may remember my boy Kal - lost him almost two years ago. It broke me, if I'm honest. I tried sharing a very sweet grey mare for a while - didn't work. I'd look at her and think "she's not HIM." It wasn't her fault - I just wasn't ready. I play with friends' ponies pretty regularly, just to get my horse-y fix. It's fun seeing them achieve and watching their journeys. But I didn't feel like I wanted to get back in the game. Until about three months ago - when I realized I was ready for a new best friend. So as soon as I can find some nearby grass livery, I'm taking delivery of my new friend - a 7-year-old, liver chestnut Oldenburg mare. She couldn't be more different to Kal . . . aside from her gender and colour . . . but what she has in common with him is temperament. She's a lovely "person" . . . as for the rest, we'll see. I'm excited about this new journey - and I never thought I'd get here again. You will find another horse - and you will make new memories . . . when you're ready.

Best wishes.

P

I am so glad you have found another horse I remember your stories about Kal, I had an oldenburg mare for 6 years she was the most loving mare and had a lovely way about her unfortunately I lost her 2 years ago she had laminitis she was only 15, I always say I would definitely have another I do look at oldenburg adverts but have never taken the plunge, I wish you luck with her and look forward to hearing all about her

 

[iknowmyvalue]

So sorry to hear about your loss OP, your mare was absolutely stunning.

I lost my horse of a lifetime just over 18months ago to a rotational XC fall where she broke her neck. it was all over so quickly and she passed away in my arms before the vet even got there. She was only 11yo. I bought her as a 5yo when I was 14, and she taught me so much and was absolutely my best friend, and having her got me through some seriously hard times and I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said I'm not sure I'd still be alive without her. I honestly feel like I'm only starting to "get over it" now. I still miss her so much it hurts, and I'd give anything to have her back, but I'm finally beginning to not compare every other horse I ride to her and I'm more appreciative of the time I had with her and what she taught me than thinking about all the things that should have been. My confidence is now also starting to come back, it's been slow and wobbly progress, but I feel I'm finally getting somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I've still got a long way to go, and I still have times where all I can do is sit there and cry about how much I miss her, but not as often.

I waited about 4/5months before I started looking for a new horse, I wanted one sooner as I missed having one of my own so much and was desperate to fill the hole, but instructor/YO (and my rational side) thought that I needed time to get over the trauma and actually be able to get round a course of jumps without having a panic attack. I was lucky as I had the pick of almost any horse on the yard to ride, everyone was so lovely and supportive, and I had so many offers of horses to ride and take out to competitions, the beach etc. while I was getting some of my confidence back. I had a lot of horses that I tried and were perfectly behaved and fitted my criteria but I just didn't feel any connection, so didn't go any further with them (much to my parents and my instructors frustration I think ). I found Henry after a lot of searching, he didn't fit many of my criteria and was far greener and less experienced than what I wanted, but something about his advert caught my eye, and after enquiring and finding out he was only 20mins down the road I had to go and try him! I tried him and he was even greener than the advert suggested, could barely canter or jump, kept disuniting in canter, had only been XC once, had never competed... (basically had only walked and trotted in their 20x40 school since they bought him as a 4yo) Tried him XC and he was green as grass, very wobbly and spooky and the complete opposite of what I was looking for. Still felt there was something there, had him vetted and brought him home 2 weeks later (cue despairing instructor and parents!). I've had him just over a year now, we've had a few teething problems, a lot of self-doubt on my part, a few tears, he's been very slow to bring on and mature, but I do adore him and he makes me smile every day. He's such a sweet and genuine horse and he's such a big character that you can't help but laugh! I do have to remind myself that I had (not infrequent!) bad days with Rosie, just like I do with Henry. We've made a lot of progress and I'm in no rush with him, so I hope that one day we'll get where I want, but for now I'm just enjoying educating him and continuing to let him make me smile. He will never be Rosie and he can never replace her, I've accepted that now, but he is making his own special place in my heart. Even if it takes a while to truly bond with a new horse, that doesn't mean it will never happen, it takes years to grow a relationship like that.

Good luck with your search for a new friend, if and when you decide to go that way. And good luck to all those with new partnerships! It's good to know that we're not alone

 

[dizzyneddy]

So sorry that you lost your mare losing your best friend is never easy. l lost my pony of a lifetime in 2002 after 12 wonderful years together. To me nothing could compare to him although he wasn’t the boldest of jumpers he was a trier & you felt safe. He was so affectionate if l was down he’d come to you & nuzzle you & he gave kisses. When he was pts l didn’t want another horse at first but l soon realised l was lost, l was lucky that friends let me ride their horses but it didn’t feel the same.
So l decided to look for another horse or pony & although l had an idea what l wanted, what l got was totally different. l ended up with a 16hh ISH chestnut mare & she couldn’t half jump. She was rising 7 when l got her & she’ll be 23 this year we’ve had our ups & downs, she is so different compared to my old boy. Nothing would replace him but my mare was the jumper l never had until her injury but l love her dearly & she’s part of the family.
Good luck searching for a new friend, you won’t replace your mare but think of it has a new adventure or chapter in your life

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I am in my late 50's and don't want to start with a young horse so that's not an option.

Well...... I'm 57 now (oohh heck!) and after retiring my old gal I was looking for a whole miserable eighteen months for another horse.

Several failed vettings, much stress, and a lot of fibs and lies being told to me: last summer I was still no nearer to finding my Forever Horse.

Then a friend got in touch: she'd backed a really nice little mare back in the Spring and the owner was selling........ why not pop along to have a look says she, what have you got to lose says she.

This little horse (well no PONY actually!) was actually everything I had said I DIDN't want, i.e. coloured/cob/hairy, mare - and youngster! I very nearly walked out the field, then this sweet little person ambled up to me, all curious, and gave me a good old sniff-over. Well, that was it, me thoroughly hooked! When I put my foot in the stirrup to mount her, there was a huge thunderclap out of nowhere! Dear little soul, she wasn't fussed at all (can think of a lot of TB's who'd have ended up in the next county at that!).

After putting her back to the friend who backed her for six weeks just for us to get to know each other, she came back home with me last September.

She's the best thing that ever happened to me! A lovely little girl, and she's my True Soulmate, I just love her to bits.

So - yes, hearing what you're saying about "not a youngster"; but well, you never know what might be out there waiting for you!

Good luck anyway. The best advice I was ever given was by my farrier who said that you should never look to replace what you've lost, coz you won't; go for something completely different.

 

[PolarSkye]

I am so glad you have found another horse I remember your stories about Kal, I had an oldenburg mare for 6 years she was the most loving mare and had a lovely way about her unfortunately I lost her 2 years ago she had laminitis she was only 15, I always say I would definitely have another I do look at oldenburg adverts but have never taken the plunge, I wish you luck with her and look forward to hearing all about her

Thank you - never say never. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find another horse to love after Kal . . . and I am very lucky indeed, this mare is very special and I'm extremely fortunate to be her "keeper" . . . we have no idea what's around the corner. I'm also very touched that you remember my boy. He was very special to me. I found two silver hearts that I've attached to my keys - once I've picked my new girl up, I'm going to get each one engraved with one of their names on one side and a quote about them on the other . . . that way I carry them both with me and honour this new journey with my girl.

There will be pictures in due course. She's rather pretty.

I really appreciate your kind words . . . your mare must have been very special . . . you'll make room in your heart for another when you're ready.

P

 

[PolarSkye]

oh, I'm delighted for you! : )

Not sure if you were talking to me or not - but if you were, thank you. If you weren't . . . thank you anyway!

P

 

[silv]

So sorry to hear about your loss OP, your mare was absolutely stunning.

I lost my horse of a lifetime just over 18months ago to a rotational XC fall where she broke her neck. it was all over so quickly and she passed away in my arms before the vet even got there. She was only 11yo. I bought her as a 5yo when I was 14, and she taught me so much and was absolutely my best friend, and having her got me through some seriously hard times and I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said I'm not sure I'd still be alive without her. I honestly feel like I'm only starting to "get over it" now. I still miss her so much it hurts, and I'd give anything to have her back, but I'm finally beginning to not compare every other horse I ride to her and I'm more appreciative of the time I had with her and what she taught me than thinking about all the things that should have been. My confidence is now also starting to come back, it's been slow and wobbly progress, but I feel I'm finally getting somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I've still got a long way to go, and I still have times where all I can do is sit there and cry about how much I miss her, but not as often.

I waited about 4/5months before I started looking for a new horse, I wanted one sooner as I missed having one of my own so much and was desperate to fill the hole, but instructor/YO (and my rational side) thought that I needed time to get over the trauma and actually be able to get round a course of jumps without having a panic attack. I was lucky as I had the pick of almost any horse on the yard to ride, everyone was so lovely and supportive, and I had so many offers of horses to ride and take out to competitions, the beach etc. while I was getting some of my confidence back. I had a lot of horses that I tried and were perfectly behaved and fitted my criteria but I just didn't feel any connection, so didn't go any further with them (much to my parents and my instructors frustration I think ). I found Henry after a lot of searching, he didn't fit many of my criteria and was far greener and less experienced than what I wanted, but something about his advert caught my eye, and after enquiring and finding out he was only 20mins down the road I had to go and try him! I tried him and he was even greener than the advert suggested, could barely canter or jump, kept disuniting in canter, had only been XC once, had never competed... (basically had only walked and trotted in their 20x40 school since they bought him as a 4yo) Tried him XC and he was green as grass, very wobbly and spooky and the complete opposite of what I was looking for. Still felt there was something there, had him vetted and brought him home 2 weeks later (cue despairing instructor and parents!). I've had him just over a year now, we've had a few teething problems, a lot of self-doubt on my part, a few tears, he's been very slow to bring on and mature, but I do adore him and he makes me smile every day. He's such a sweet and genuine horse and he's such a big character that you can't help but laugh! I do have to remind myself that I had (not infrequent!) bad days with Rosie, just like I do with Henry. We've made a lot of progress and I'm in no rush with him, so I hope that one day we'll get where I want, but for now I'm just enjoying educating him and continuing to let him make me smile. He will never be Rosie and he can never replace her, I've accepted that now, but he is making his own special place in my heart. Even if it takes a while to truly bond with a new horse, that doesn't mean it will never happen, it takes years to grow a relationship like that.

Good luck with your search for a new friend, if and when you decide to go that way. And good luck to all those with new partnerships! It's good to know that we're not alone

Thank you for your reply, that must have been truly appalling to lose your mare in such circumstances. I cannot imagine how terrible it must have been. I know what you meant about her getting you through some seriously hard times, I had a massive bereavement in September and she had been keeping me going and motivated since then. I think this has made her loss even more painful.

Thanks to all the kind people who have taken the trouble to reply with their stories and experiences.

 

[claireandnadia]

I lost my Nadia in April 2015 to suspected EGS. I originally said I didn't want another but my boyfriend at the time thought I should and I'm glad he said that as I found Molly. I wanted another IDxTB around 8-12 years old but saw an advert for Molly, 9 years old, coloured cob so went along to view. Turned out when I got there that she was 6 and not 9 but thought, what the hell, I've come all this way so I'll try her....well, I loved her and put the deposit down and collected her a week later.
She is different to Nadia. I could do pretty much anything with her and put anyone on her but Molly is sharp, looks for confidence from her rider and a bit cheeky but she's done me the world of good.

 

[turkana]

Sorry if this is a sad, waffley post,

The week before Christmas I lost my wonderful mare, I found her dead in the field, a post mortem was required for the insurance company and it showed she had an aneurysm in one of her abdominal arteries and it had ruptured. The only consolation was that she hadn't suffered, it would have been so quick.

In the two years we had together she had taken me from riding novice dressage(badly) to medium with decent scores, gained numerous championships as a riding horse and coloured horse in the show ring and won or was placed 2nd in every competative trail ride we did, she was also a fantastic safe hack and fabulous to ride.

Most of all she was a lovely person and I adored her. I have lost count of the number of people who asked for first option if I was ever thinking of selling her. Anyway after much soul searching and contemplating giving up I have decided to crack on and find another horse. The thing is nothing I see advertised remotely compares to her, and I also worry that whatever I end up with will always be playing second best to my mare. I need to get a similar type as I want to carry on competing at dressage and showing.

My question is has anyone lost their horse of a lifetime and found a replacement who was equally good?

I am in my late 50's and don't want to start with a young horse so that's not an option.

It is a terrble loss but you do get over it, I lost my horse of a life time after 27 wonderful years together, I bought her as a 3 year old when I was 17, I had her put down when she was 30 due to a twisted gut. I feel that we grew up together. She will always be very special to me & although I've had other horses in my life & I loved them all, they didn't steal a piece of my heart like she did.
She was a very talented & turned into a valuable horse, I was approached several times with life changing sums of money but I was never tempted, she was my friend & I wasn't going to sell a friend, somebody approached me at a team chase & offered me a blank cheque but the answer was still no.
I will never own a horse who is equally as good, as getting her was down to luck, she was an unbroken 3 year old when I bought her. I liked the look of her as a scruffy, dirty horse standing in a field & had no idea what I was buying & buying a horse of that calibre is impossble without a lottery win!
So I have never found an equally good replacement but I still adore my horses.

 

[anglo]

I lost a special one 18yrs ago and still miss him. In the end my new horse found me. I had viewed a lot of horses that on paper fitted what I was looking , but none felt right . I had placed a wanted add in a buying and selling paper and his old owners rang me to say they thought they had a horse that fitted the bill. The moment I saw my lad over the stable door I knew I had to have him . He has been with me now almost 17yrs and my heart stil skips a beat when I see him. I think what I am trying to say , is that when you find the right one , you will know.