New horse & ive turned into a nervous 40 year old!

[Flummoxed]

OP, I am pleased that things are now going better and that you have decided to stick with this horse. Giving up is easy, sticking with it takes guts. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for where you have got to already.

There will be ups and downs but as time goes by and you build a bond with your horse, you will wonder how you could ever have considered sending him back. I have trodden the same path as you but it is now almost 9 years since I bought my horse and I can't imagine life without him.

 

[eahotson]

OP, I am pleased that things are now going better and that you have decided to stick with this horse. Giving up is easy, sticking with it takes guts. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for where you have got to already.

There will be ups and downs but as time goes by and you build a bond with your horse, you will wonder how you could ever have considered sending him back. I have trodden the same path as you but it is now almost 9 years since I bought my horse and I can't imagine life without him.

Actually SOMETIMES it takes guts too to admit you were wrong, move the horse on to a more suitable home and look for a more suitable horse yourself.

 

[Secondtimearound]

Actually SOMETIMES it takes guts too to admit you were wrong, move the horse on to a more suitable home and look for a more suitable horse yourself.

Thank you flummoxed for that. I had another successful ride today in the indoor school. I'm getting much more used to him now and I'm really pleased that I'm not going to send him back. I do feel that when he settles in we will have a great time
together.
From my original worry a week ago when I wrote the post things have changed a lot. I've realised it's not the horse, it's me being unsure that I have this animal that is now mine and it's my responsibility. I think being honest, if I had bought a bombproof cob, I still would have felt anxiety. I saw my horse and I wanted him and I am going to crack my nerves and do well with him. That's my aim. The only reason I would get rid of him now is if he really did turn out to be dangerous horse and so far.. He clearly isn't. I realise now we both need time. It would be very unfair of me, with the horses welfare in mind too, to give him back to a dealer and have his fate put back in their hands when he will have a much loved home with me.

 

[WandaMare]

Hi OP so glad things are going well for you and your boy. I think sometimes trial periods put so much pressure on a new owner as its easy to feel as if everything has to go perfectly in the first couple of weeks. In reality its a huge settling in stage for the horse and a big challenge for the rider getting used to a new horse. It took my current mare a good few months to settle down compared to how she had been when I viewed her and lots of people were questioning why I had bought her. There was something there though which I rarely feel with other horses and I'm so glad now I perservered with her. I hope all continues to go well for you both, he's certainly found a caring owner in you. All the very best with him.

 

[olivia x]

OP, hope that things are still going well for you and your new horse. If I find myself getting into a potentially tense situation with the horse, I do some things to try to relax myself-- and make myself breathe. One of the first things that happens when getting tense or fearful can be forgetting to breathe, or breathing really shallowly. So I talk-- to the horse-- to myself-- because it makes you have to breathe! If no one is around, I sing. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, really do not want to be overheard singing-- but again, it is great for relaxing, because you breathe. I try to find something to focus my mind on --anything-- other than fearing the fear! Even forcing your face muscles into a smile fools your body into thinking you are really smiling and you get some physiological changes that help you relax!

 

[Secondtimearound]

I've invested in a big bottle of Kalms... Lol. I've heard it works wonders! Will be trying it out today!

 

[SarahF]

Hi OP - I just read his thread and wanted to say well done. It is strange getting back in the saddle many years after being a confident teen - you just expect to be that same person and it's a bit unnerving when you realise you're not (I've recently discovered that myself - and am hoping to buy my own his year too.)

I just wanted to say well done for wht you have achieved so far, and keep it up!
Oh - and Piccies please!! xx

 

[cobmum]

Just read this post too and I reckon in summer you will be off showing and having a great time, well done

 

[Secondtimearound]

Hi Everyone, Well its another week on and ive had him 3 weeks now. I have to say things are getting a lot easier. I had a really good lesson on him last week. I was really pleased with him and every time I ride him now in the indoor school, he gets more and more relaxed and I don't feel like anything bad is going to happen anymore. I went out with someone from the yard at the weekend, a little bit further round the farm track and again he was absolutely fine, even in the high winds. We are still walking as its so muddy and wet but it gets him out doing something different rather than in the school. My instructor is going to help me lunge him outside this week so ive got another string to my bow to do with him and ill be able to work on my groundwork skills with him and we have a jumping lesson on Thursday which im ok with at the moment but I know I will be really nervous about on the day! Im starting to get less anxious when I know I have to ride him, and when im on him, im absolutely fine. I think the Kalms must be working..lol. Whether its the Kalms or not, im definitely starting to enjoy things more and im so glad I didn't send him back. As you have said cobmum, im sure if I started this journey in the summer it would be a whole different kettle of fish as when the sun is shining and the days are longer everything is so much better. Half the battle is going out in the wind and rain and cold which is pretty yucky at the best of times. Ive put a couple of pics of him on my profile.

 

[Spot_the_Risk]

Brilliant OP, I'm so glad you stuck with him, nerves are horrid but so many of us suffer with them, it can be tough. Onwards and upwards!

 

[SarahF]

Ah it's nice to hear that your confidence is growing and it sounds like he's settling in and getting used to you too.
I just checked out the pics he is a handsome lad!

 

[el_Snowflakes]

Send him back. He sounds too much of a horse for you, ISH are bred to be sports horses, not quiet hacks. It sounds like you need something really confidence giving for now

Sorry but I tend to agree with this. If you are as nervous as you say you are it's unlikely that you will get your confidence will increase enough in 2 weeks in order for you to try him properly. Better to be massively underhorsed than slightly over horsed if you are nervous!

 

[Garnet]

Sorry but I tend to agree with this. If you are as nervous as you say you are it's unlikely that you will get your confidence will increase enough in 2 weeks in order for you to try him properly. Better to be massively underhorsed than slightly over horsed if you are nervous!

Whoa there! Half-halt and 20 metre circle round again . . . How about reading the thread right through and seeing how the OP has progressed over the last ten days?

Secondtimearound - you go girl!

 

[Swirlymurphy]

Secondtimearound - you absolutely rock! What a lovely update and I am so glad you are progressing. Lots of baby steps and you will definitely get to where you want.

I just wish I had as much courage to get on Teen 2's horse - I just don't have the requisite pair to do it!

 

[Sarah04]

I am in a similar situation to you with my nerves. I got my very first pony a week ago. Ive only really ever rode in a riding school on plods but wanted my own pony to hack around our farm so I picked a slightly older native breed but now I feel so nervous about riding him. He hasnt done anything wrong its just me not knowing him yet . I need to find an instructor to come help me twice a week and hack him out first . Good Luck your doing really well, I hope I progress as well as you

 

[Secondtimearound]

I am in a similar situation to you with my nerves. I got my very first pony a week ago. Ive only really ever rode in a riding school on plods but wanted my own pony to hack around our farm so I picked a slightly older native breed but now I feel so nervous about riding him. He hasnt done anything wrong its just me not knowing him yet . I need to find an instructor to come help me twice a week and hack him out first . Good Luck your doing really well, I hope I progress as well as you

Hi Sarah04, you do sound quite similar to me. I cant believe ive had him 4 weeks now. I was starting to get rid of my nerves, but I had a bit of a set back last week in my lesson. We lunged him outside first so she could show me how to lunge him with side reins as his head is really high and then she suggested we did some poles and a jump indoors. He must of picked up on my nerves or something as jumping does make me anxious even though I do enjoy it. He was speeding round the school, with his head in the air, completely evading the bridle and coupled with the high speed jumping, my confidence got a real knock again. Im actually letting a young girl from the yard ride him tomorrow to see how he goes for her as I cant ride him at the weekends then ive got a lesson on Monday. I really want to make sure I have a good lesson so I get my confidence back with him because each time I rode him up until then we were making good progress. I guess that is the nature of the game though, dealing with the ups and downs and carrying on. Im sure you will build on your confidence each day like Im trying to do.

 

[Sarah04]

Aw what a shame about the set back. I have never jumped but my pony did alot of jumping in his previous home so hoping he'll teach me when I eventually feel ready. My main aim is to be able to hack him around our farm land on my own but I will get a friend/instructor to do it first! Ive got a girl coming thursday to give me a lesson. I have a really good friend who rides my pony in walk, trot and canter for 20mins before I get on him then today I walked, trotted and did a small stretch of canter and we ended on a great note which was fab I felt like id got to know him a bit more today and my confidence had grown.How old is your horse? I hope your next lesson goes really well. I'm sure we'll get there but its just going to be a slow, steady and as safe as possible process x

 

[Kittyk]

Oh I so feel for you!
I am in my late 30s and have recently had a baby, now I am uber nervous. I have a horse who I've had for 8 years, I love her to bits but she has always scared me to a more or lesser degree. That said she intimidates most people! So I've spent lots of money for other people to ride her and we haven't fulfilled our potential at all. I ride her every once in a while and sometimes I enjoy it, but mostly I'm scared.

We've had other horses and I may have hopped on for a walk/trot round but I won't do much else. So we start looking for another horse for me. I tried another liveries 17yr old tb for a lesson and I LOVED it, I couldn't stop smiling for weeks. If I could I would've bought him there and then, sadly he can no longer be ridden. In one lesson he gave me so much confidence. I then tried a youngster and it was a disaster, I felt like crying, he was tense/I was tense. I went back and tried again with everyone saying how well I'd done etc etc, but I knew in my heart of hearts he wasn't for me even though I wanted him to be.

I suppose what I'm saying is don't end up like me! With a horse that scares you (who can't be sold but thats a whole other story), there are horses out there who will give you confidence, they are harder to find but worth waiting for. It might work out with this horse but honestly the first 6 months are hard but they shouldn't petrify you or reduce you to tears.

I think someone else has said your instructor is key, not sure if you're able to but it is always worth trying a few.

Good luckx

 

[oldie48]

This may not be the horse for you but as I said in a previous post, I've always felt a b it out of my depth for the first few months with a new horse but I've found it helps to have a time frame. With one horse I gave myself 6 months to feel happy hacking him out as he could be a bit spooky, actually once I got used to him and relaxed he stopped being silly on hacks and I realised it was my tension that was causing the problem. With my current horse, I was happy hacking out in company from the start but as he was much brighter on his own, I didn't put any pressure on myself and just hacked in company (i now hack out alone) however, he could be very challenging to school, so I gave myself a year to get some real improvement. Luckily as I became more assertive with him, he gradually became more amenable to work, he's still not easy but I cope with him fine. Remember, just because you keep him for 3 months, 6 months or even longer, you can still sell at any time. you are not married to him and it is supposed to be fun!.

"I suppose what I'm saying is don't end up like me! With a horse that scares you (who can't be sold but thats a whole other story), there are horses out there who will give you confidence, they are harder to find but worth waiting for. It might work out with this horse but honestly the first 6 months are hard but they shouldn't petrify you or reduce you to tears.

I think someone else has said your instructor is key, not sure if you're able to but it is always worth trying a few."

Good luckx[/QUOTE]

 

[Secondtimearound]

Thanks for your posts everyone. Well...doesn't time fly..its been nearly 5 weeks. Since my little episode last week of feeling like my confidence was knocked, everyone thought I was nuts because I rode him last Friday out in the wind and rain on a hack around the farm. I was trying to put his best interests at heart as he had been ridden in the school all week and I was determined to ride him out on a hack that morning. He wasn't too impressed but we did it with no incidents. Then at the weekend with the full sunshine, I hopped on before the girl I know had a ride on him and he was so chilled out in the outdoor school. I think the weather really helped and I had no worries whatsoever riding him around. Monday we had a lesson indoors. The first time since the bad jumping lesson. After he did a little spook when we entered the school, he was absolutely fine. We did some good work to get his head down and listening. Today I rode him outside and again, completely fine and I really enjoyed it. Ive been thinking about things and why I get so nervous. I think its because when he does run around with his head in the air, I have no control and that scares me incase it happens in a situation where I cant stop him. He is ridden in a loose ring French link. My instructor does not think its a good idea to change his bit but I know I would feel a lot safer if I knew I could stop him should something untoward happen. What do people think about this? I think that is one of my main fears. Him being above the bridle and running away from me and him getting even more stressed if I have to hoick him in the mouth to stop him. It just doesn't go together. Id rather have a stronger bit that I can use if necessary and feel safer. Im sure that is the main reason why I get so nervous. He gets a mind of his own and forgets Im on his back.
On another note, I am going to have a session with a horse whisperer that people use a lot at our yard and see if that helps our connection.
Funnily enough I had frank conversation with my other half at the weekend about the horses future and I decided that I would just see how the next few months go, take one month at a time, I would school him up and if necessary get someone else to hack him out at weekends to keep him happy and take it from there. Your right oldie48, im not married to him!

 

[oldie48]

Take it day by day. I really hope it works out for you but if it doesn't, well in the great scheme of things, how much does it really matter? i think it's very easy to lose a sense of proportion about these sort of things. This is something we do for pleasure and it's easy to lose sight of this.

 

[california dreaming]

Hi secondtimearound. I feel for you I really do but let me tell you that, I myself was in the same boat as you. I had my beautiful horse for nearly two years and had great highs and great lows. I lost all my confidence in the end and decided that I just did not want to ride him any more. I sold him to a dealer because I could not give him away. No one wanted him in the end. I felt so guilty for a very long time and honestly thought I would never ride a horse again. I was totally shattered and hating myself for being so incapable. BUT after some lovely wise and kind words from a very good instructor and some other lovely people and a year on I have the most fantastic horse ever. I enjoy riding him in every way. Jumping, hacking, dressage everything. This new horse (who I have had for over a year now ) has given me back my confidence and total joy in horses that i honestly thought I would never experience. So what I am trying to say is this. If you do decide to get rid, don't feel too bad for too long because there really is light at the end of the dark tunnel. Also, just to add, the horse i sold to dealer actually found a fantastic home where he was much happier and they loved him. So it was a happy ending for both of us.