Non horsey other halves?

[Surbie]

My non-horsey ex was terribly jealous of the horse and the time given to the horse. I didn't have one when we got together and I think he took the 'I want a horse before I am 50' to be a distant aspiration rather than a stated intention. But it was more of a symptom of him not being the independent, animal-loving, outdoorsy person he liked to portray himself as. He was also jealous of the time I spent on the allotment with plants fgs. He wanted us to do things together all the time, but only the things that interested him. So that really was never going to work.

 

[throwawayaccount]

my boyfriend isn't keen on horses--he's allergic to them. moulting season is the worst for him. he would occasionally get out of the car and give my mare a carrot or a scratch, or walk down to the field with me for bringing in. he has patiently driven up with me to the vets a few times to either to collect medicine or for appointments. I think he likes the peace and quiet he gets when i'm down the yard. we sometimes run into scheduling conflicts, which he then blames my mare for. generally, he thinks horses are a waste of money and reminds me at least once a month of how much she costs, and how much more I could have saved. /shrug.

 

[Fanatical]

It was the cause of my long term relationship coming to an end. The horses were there before he was, and despite being supportive in the early days, I think he thought I'd eventually give up and settle down to have children - which was never going to happen and I made that clear whenever we spoke about it. Like others have said, it helps if the other half has a time consuming hobby/ interest of their own - unfortunately mine didn't and so my lack of time due to the horses became the biggest issue.

 

[MagicMelon]

It totally depends on the person IMO. My OH comes from a horsey family but he isnt horsey, he can vaguely ride and probably would if I had something suitable for him. However by choice he would definately prefer NOT to have horses due to their expense and time. He knew when he got with me (we met at a horse event) that horses were very important, he admitted he thought Id "outgrow" them which clearly I havent. I have 3 young kids and have my own business , and he travels a lot for his work so yes the horses do take me away from that but he understands I think that I kinda need to just go and ride to de-stress. He hasnt given up his hobbies having kids so I dont see why I should. We have argued about it though of course, but we manage!

 

[Polos Mum]

I think it depends on their expectations and yours both now and in the future.

If he wants to spend all his time with you and have your undivided attention for weeks on end - it's going to be an issue.
If money is tight and he wants to go on holiday or buy a house and you can't - it's going to be an issue.
If he thinks it's a phase you will grow out of - it will be an issue (my parents are still waiting for me to 'grow out of it' - and I'm 45)
Kids which require you to take many months of riding and trash your body could be an issue

My OH cycles - luckily bikes are nearly as expensive as horses and certainly take the same time so we both feel it is fair and balanced.
I can see that any time and money consuming hobby could become unbalanced easily (hence cycling widows or golf widows)

He also had never owned a goldfish before I met him but now can get in, muck out and feed when I'm stuck at work - I rarely ask because that would be taking the p*$$ but he is more capable than he lets on.

 

[scruffyponies]

After 20 years OH has now made progress, and at a push can tell a grey from a bay, or if close enough (not if he can help it) may be able to tell the front from the back, provided it is moving.
It became habit for me to take the kids out riding with me at the weekend, so I could justify my pony habit by giving him some 'time off' from looking after them, since he does all the domestic stuff. Once or twice he has had to accompany the kids to catch a loose horse or mend a fence. His role in this is strictly the driving.
It would be nice if he would enjoy it too, but he doesn't. Even going out in a carriage scares him witless.
He realises it keeps me sane, so can see the value in it that way. If I am looking frazzled he knows to suggest going for a ride, which will cure me of my mood and get me out of the way until I'm worth living with.

 

[Annagain]

When my OH complains about the horses (very infrequently and usually in jest) I reply (also mostly in jest) that the horses were here a long time before him and will be a long time after him. We've been together 25 years, since we were 18 and the horses were here before even that so it's totally normal to him. He has his own hobbies - rugby when he was younger and off road cars now - and works shifts so often isn't around when i'm riding anyway. He keeps talking about taking up golf but doesn't think he's old enough yet.

If he's off at a weekend I try to have at least one day when I don't ride so we can do something and the same in the evenings, I try to ride on days when he's on a late shift. It's not always possible though if it's something organised and he understands that. He never complains about the financial side, like I don't complain about how much his Range Rover costs. The only thing he moans about is when I say i'll be home at one time and i'm always late. I've got in the habit of adding an hour on now just to be safe! We do have a loose agreement that Charlie will be my last horse as he should last me to retirement age and we plan to travel a fair amount once we have the time.

He rarely comes to the yard and if he does he stays in the car. He's not frightened, just totally disinterested. He did come a fair bit when we were younger and although he refused to muck out, he would do feeds and water while I did the dirty jobs. He hasn't bothered for about 15 years now. The only time this bothers me is when he nags me to be quick at the yard as we're going somewhere but won't come to help me so we can get it done more quickly.

 

[exracehorse]

Well, I don't think it can be dismissed as easily as that TBF. When your in a relationship what one does has an impact on the other, and when your talking about things like raising kids, going on holiday (or rather not going on holiday) or paying / not paying the mortgage etc, an expensive and time consuming hobby does have a big impact. You both have to want to make it work and be prepared to compromise IMO. Or be very well off, that would probably work too.

when my husband walked out after having a secret affair .. the first thing he threw at me was my horses. Time I was at the yard.

 

[L&M]

My 17 yr marriage ended in divorce......he couldn't cope with the fact that the horses came first.

Initially he encouraged me and even helped me set up a small livery yard, but then realised how compromised his life was.

 

[Winters100]

In my experience it can work just fine, but I am always careful to make sure that I manage the household to a good standard and do not let things slip at home. We have no problems at all, but I think if he came home to find no supper or unironed shirts then it could become an issue. Horses take up an enormous amount of time, and in my view it would not be fair to expect the rest of the family to always be in second place. I do have to get up very early to make sure that dogs are walked and meal prep for supper is completed before anyone else wakes, but this leaves me with the day more or less free for my own work and dealing with the horses.

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

For one of our early dates he actually came to help me poopick and brushed my horse.
Whilst I was on livery he'd sometimes come with me but stay in the car, wouldn't show any interest or help at all. He definitely resented the time I spent with my horse I think.
We bought a house with land. I thought he'd warm to them (plus be happier I was around more) been as they are literally outside kitchen door but nope!
He never goes over to see them of his own accord, or comes to see me when I'm with them on the yard. Never talks to or gives them any attention. He does fix fences if I mention it enough times and hold the screws for him. I have the responsibility of land management all to myself. He will usually strim the brambles once a year if I ask. He never thinks to offer to feed or do anything with them if I have to stay at work late or unwell. I literally had to guilt him into mucking out for me when I was realllly I'll (they live out full time now). You'd think after 9 years living with them he would know how to make up their feeds or what daily basic things need checking. Once good thing came out of the pandemic was him working from

 

[Hilltop Munchkins]

.....home was that I would ask him to check on their fly masks whilst I was at work, and he did!
He is an amazing cook and does the majority of cooking to is helpful and supportive in that way......but deep down I feel I have the smallholding by myself, it's not a joint thing. I do wish I had someone who actually enjoyed the outdoors, to share it with.

 

[Peglo]

My OH never had a pet before we got together. I’m so lucky, he’s an absolute saint! Built me a new shed/stable and did so much work with my old pony during their first winter in the new stables I got a little jealous ? he still doesn’t really know how to interact with animals but he’s quite fond of them. He never gets annoyed about time spent with the horses or having to leave places early to feed them or put rugs on. He puts his foot down often about helping me when I want him to come out in the rain and wind which is fair but he let me get 3 cats as well as a 3rd pony so I feel so lucky. (I know that might be like swearing on a horse forum but I’m a cat girl! ?) I also had horses long before him so he accepted it when we got together.

 

[meleeka]

My OH is a workaholic so it works perfectly. I had a horse when we met so he knew what he was letting himself in for. He knew from day 1 the horse came first in my life (although that obviously shifted when my relationship grew). If he’d have objected to the time I spent with her in the beginning, he wouldn’t have been my OH!

He’s always been supportive and pretends to be interested, as I do with his work.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

My OH is deeply disinterested in the horse but helps in extreme circumstances. He came up tonight, I’ve twanged my knee so can’t weight bear on the right. He got hay, filled haynets, dumped the muck (I skipped out on one leg), drove me there and back.

 

[ycbm]

I bought a horse when I realised that my OH was going to play football on both Saturday and Sunday. He may later have regretted that ?
.

 

[PSD]

Horses are my hobby, rugby is his. He has no interest in horses at all which is fine, though he does try to take interest when I’m chatting endlessly about horsey stuff.

He does complain about time spent there, but I don’t care to acknowledge him. We’ve been together a long time and he knows what it entails so he should just shush lol

 

[Flicker]

My non-horsey OH has always been completely supportive of my hobby and never once questioned the amount of time or money spent. He has stood with me while I had my mare PTS and provided endlessly patient explanations of various veterinary conditions in plain speak. If I am being moody at home, he has on occasion sent me off to the yard for my ‘horse therapy’. He has his own interests, and it probably helps that we don’t have children. We are able to live fairly simple, self-indulgent lives.

 

[Red-1]

Mine was totally non horsey, but he seemed to like me, so made the effort to be involved to some degree.

That ended in him learning to ride, then buying a place to keep them at home, then he got good at stable chores, then he bought his own...

It is a partnership, and I don't feel the need for 'alone time' as we are pals as well as Mr and Mrs Red.

 

[Brownmare]

I only ever had one horsey boyfriend and my horse at the time HATED him ??
My husband is totally non horsey but has always encouraged me to ride as he says I am a nicer person when I ride! At the beginning he wouldn't do any more than give a pat over the stable door but he has since learnt to do most things and even helped me back a couple and occasionally will voluntarily do some poo picking which is nice. I can now leave him in charge of them if I need to go away for a few days, not that it happens very often...

 

[lynz88]

No OH for me however I did have a longterm relationship (well....longterm for me anyways) years ago and the horse became an issue even though he would deny it. He knew I was horsey and I was partboarding/sharing a horse at the time. Was always on time except for when I was coming from anything horsey which was fine at first but eventually became a problem. Then I had major life changes - graduating and getting my first "real job" and got a horse. It quickly became "you are either at work or seeing the horse" situation and he secretly became more and more upset/jealous of the horse. He was also deeply afraid of horses (though we would never admit any of this) so wasn't ad if I could even semi combine the 2 as he wasn't comfortable at all at the yard and naturally I made my decision....which was clearly the horse. During the relationship I did convince him to find a hobby but that didn't seem to solve anything as I don't think he quite developed the same level of passion for it. For those that mentioned money, I agree with this as well as I remember his eyes absolutely fall out of his head when he accompanied me to a tack shop once...!!

Frankly I've never met anyone who can put up with said horse and financial commitment but I'm happy so nothing else really matters

 

[Sossigpoker]

As long as they allow you the time away to do your horsey things. Mine isn't horsey at all and has his own interests which works for us. He does occasionally help me with heavier things like stacking bedding or moving stuff etc.

 

[Cortez]

I've never had a horsey OH, but all of mine have "helped", some more than others. They've all expressed an interest and I have put every single one of them up on a horse, with varying degrees of success, but none have ever stuck with it. My late husband was not a very animally person, but could reliably be left in charge if I was away and would handle everything, including stallions, in his own inimitable way. Since I have always had horses, and earned my/our living with them, then it was sort of a non-negotiable element of any relationship.