Pridemagic
New User
I was wondering how you guys dealt with this and if a relationship can still work if you OH isn't really interested in the horses?
Non horsey other halves?
- Thread starter Pridemagic
- Start date
fankino04
Well-Known Member
As long as they have their own interests I've never found it to be an issue.
Kahlua
Well-Known Member
Definitely but I think you have to be clear from the outset how much they mean to and can impact your life. I’m very lucky my husband has supported me riding as a career, and didn’t say a word when I told him I wanted to go to Europe and ride, but I was very upfront about my priorities. I agree with fankino if they have their own interests it very much helps. If my husband wants to do something with the boys, have a weekend away or whatnot I encourage it, because he’s very understanding of me always being away with horses ?
CanteringCarrot
Well-Known Member
If they have their own hobbies and interests but can also appreciate and be supportive toward yours (and you toward theirs!), of course it can work.
I've dated all non-horsey men except for my husband. The horsey aspect was fine, and really had nothing to do with why I ended the relationships. OH isn't deeply involved in horse stuff anymore, but has an understanding and a separate hobby that he enjoys.
It's really not so much about the hobbies as much as it is about support, understanding, respect as well as fairness.
I've dated all non-horsey men except for my husband. The horsey aspect was fine, and really had nothing to do with why I ended the relationships. OH isn't deeply involved in horse stuff anymore, but has an understanding and a separate hobby that he enjoys.
It's really not so much about the hobbies as much as it is about support, understanding, respect as well as fairness.
PinkvSantaboots
Well-Known Member
My oh has nothing to do with the horses now he used to occasionally hack my mare but only in walk he can't ride, ours are at home and don't cause an issue between us his working all week during the day so I tend to get them done then, I don't ride every weekend so we can do things together if need be.
Griffin
Well-Known Member
Not an issue as long as they understand the time aspect and expense. However, I think you do have to have a bit of give and take, for example, at weekends I have always made sure that on one of the days, I don't do the horses in the morning so that we can go out together or have a lazy morning in.
If they like animals, that is useful because you can potentially train them up to do yard jobs ;-)
If they like animals, that is useful because you can potentially train them up to do yard jobs ;-)
windand rain
Well-Known Member
My OH has always been supportive as He knows they keep me happy. He wasn't interested but slowly wanted to do more he still doesn't think he knows much but he has picked up a lot along the way. I trust him implicitly with them (not so much my precious garden) he has gone along for 45 years with the can't beat them join them mantra but it would never be his first choice but he is good with them even if deep down they terrify him. I am away from home for two weeks and I know they will be well cared for. Not certain my garden will survive the experience so well
paddi22
Well-Known Member
I think it depends how on the partner's personality and what their expectations are of how much joint time is expected. if the other partner has visions of weekends spend lounging around and doing joint activities, whereas in reality you will be off eventing, then that can be an issue. my husband has NO interest in horses, but at the same time he is very understanding that we will always be poor because of them and that I won't be around weekend!
MuddyMonster
Well-Known Member
Absolutely not an issue for me, but I'm quite prepared to do things on my own and so is my OH. He's supportive in other ways and understands the time/finance and is happy as long as it doesn't take over all over areas of our life, he's fine!
If you want your OH to come up all the time and tell you how much he loves you whilst emptying your wheelbarrow and he'd rather be playing football with his friends, it might be an issue.
I always wonder of men post on golf, cycling or football forums 'non golf/football/cycling interested girlfriend - will it ever work?!' ?
If you want your OH to come up all the time and tell you how much he loves you whilst emptying your wheelbarrow and he'd rather be playing football with his friends, it might be an issue.
I always wonder of men post on golf, cycling or football forums 'non golf/football/cycling interested girlfriend - will it ever work?!' ?
laura_nash
Well-Known Member
It has caused problems between us at certain points in the past when both time and money were very tight. I now have them at home and OH is much more involved due to the land management side, and has his own classic tractor which we need due to the horses which helps.
teddypops
Well-Known Member
Not an issue at all for me, my husband is more than happy for me to have all my ponies and although he’s not horsey he does help out. He also does the fencing and land management. Equally I am more than happy for him to do his stuff - mountain biking, motocross and car stuff. I find it quite strange when one adult has an issue with what another adult does.
laura_nash
Well-Known Member
Well, I don't think it can be dismissed as easily as that TBF. When your in a relationship what one does has an impact on the other, and when your talking about things like raising kids, going on holiday (or rather not going on holiday) or paying / not paying the mortgage etc, an expensive and time consuming hobby does have a big impact. You both have to want to make it work and be prepared to compromise IMO. Or be very well off, that would probably work too.
teddypops
Well-Known Member
I haven’t dismissed anything, but that is my opinion.
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
My husband IS horsey in that he works with horses (farrier) and can help with them if I need it but tbh he's usually off doing his own thing and only gets involved if I specifically ask.
He has other interests. Our worlds collide in the evenings and that's about it. It works for us, i think if he had no interest in horses whatsoever it would be the same, the key for me is to find someone who has stuff that consumes their time so they don't begrudge my time spent at the yard.
We don't do stuff together that often tbh, sometimes we will have a day out somewhere, and pre-covid we would go away for a weekend on his birthday but that's it - i think our matching expectations also help to grease the wheels. We are there for each other if needed and otherwise do our own thing. it might sound a bit cold but it's not at all, it's just that we're both quite independent
He has other interests. Our worlds collide in the evenings and that's about it. It works for us, i think if he had no interest in horses whatsoever it would be the same, the key for me is to find someone who has stuff that consumes their time so they don't begrudge my time spent at the yard.
We don't do stuff together that often tbh, sometimes we will have a day out somewhere, and pre-covid we would go away for a weekend on his birthday but that's it - i think our matching expectations also help to grease the wheels. We are there for each other if needed and otherwise do our own thing. it might sound a bit cold but it's not at all, it's just that we're both quite independent
SEL
Well-Known Member
I bought mine golf lessons and now I am a happy golf widow who spends time with the horses while he's hitting a little white ball around ? To be fair he's very good around them now - helps with fencing, poo picking and can be trusted to feed if I'm away.
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
that's genius. find a hobby that takes hours and hours. Mine is into shooting when he's not playing tractors - another thing that can take an entire day.
Dave's Mam
Well-Known Member
When I met my husband, I didn't have a pony. It was him who put me in touch with a work mate's wife who needed some help with her ponies. He knew from then what it involved.
When he saw how much it meant to me, he bought Dave for me & I don't have to justify to him, as long as I'm not spending all the household ££!
Meanwhile, I don't moan about him spending money on his gaming computers & his rollerskating & fishing.
We see each other evenings & weekends & it works for us.
When he saw how much it meant to me, he bought Dave for me & I don't have to justify to him, as long as I'm not spending all the household ££!
Meanwhile, I don't moan about him spending money on his gaming computers & his rollerskating & fishing.
We see each other evenings & weekends & it works for us.
laura_nash
Well-Known Member
Well I find the sentence I quoted very dismissive of the potential legitimate concerns of non-horsey OH's about the hobby.
Its also pretty nonsensical as when your in a relationship of course its going to involve one adult potentially having an issue about what another adult does (at least I would expect and feel entitled to have an issue with lots of things an OH might potentially do, e.g. taking up smoking or drinking too much).
teddypops
Well-Known Member
That’s your opinion though which you are entitled to, just like I’m entitled to mine. Why should being in a relationship involve one person having an issue with what the other is doing? I genuinely do not understand that way of thinking. If I have been in a relationship with someone who does something I can’t accept, then I don’t stay in that relationship. I most certainly don’t think I have the right to tell an adult what they can and can’t do.
Dave's Mam
Well-Known Member
My husband IS horsey in that he works with horses (farrier) and can help with them if I need it but tbh he's usually off doing his own thing and only gets involved if I specifically ask.
He has other interests. Our worlds collide in the evenings and that's about it. It works for us, i think if he had no interest in horses whatsoever it would be the same, the key for me is to find someone who has stuff that consumes their time so they don't begrudge my time spent at the yard.
We don't do stuff together that often tbh, sometimes we will have a day out somewhere, and pre-covid we would go away for a weekend on his birthday but that's it - i think our matching expectations also help to grease the wheels. We are there for each other if needed and otherwise do our own thing. it might sound a bit cold but it's not at all, it's just that we're both quite independent
This sounds very similar to us & it works for us too.
Tihamandturkey
Well-Known Member
Having horses at home nearly caused a big rift between me & non horsey OH at times.
Now on full livery & things are much better.
I think we as horse lovers underestimate how they can take over our lives completely tbh ?
Now on full livery & things are much better.
I think we as horse lovers underestimate how they can take over our lives completely tbh ?
DragonSlayer
Well-Known Member
My first husband was a bit of a pain when it came to my pony, but my current husband has more horses than me!
We have actually ‘given up’ after over 20 years of us being tied up with horses (but still own three, husbands old boy retired at his daughters, his riding horse out on loan, my mare is out on loan).
There has never been any question over the money they cost, whether it be shoeing, hay, feed, the lorry, the tractors for the field….
No complaints over hairy washing machines, the hours spent, the money spent on shows…
The only thing we had ding dongs over was why I needed 20 saddle cloths and he made do with two (one to use, one in the wash) and when the cheeky bleeder stuck his head out the lorry door at shows to ask if I had tacked his horse up as well as mine!
Muddy boots, dripping wet smelly coats…we were both as bad as each other and I remember I once thanked the powers above for the fact he was horsey when he walked into the house yelling ‘have you seen my long riding boots??’…
They were where he had left them, in a cobwebby pile in the tack room….and I seem to recall him trying to cajole me to clean them! Cheek!
Friends OH’s of course are often not horsey and things work well for them, but for me, I’m so glad he is, this weekend we were Trec judging, it’s still great to get out together in the horsey world when we can.
We have actually ‘given up’ after over 20 years of us being tied up with horses (but still own three, husbands old boy retired at his daughters, his riding horse out on loan, my mare is out on loan).
There has never been any question over the money they cost, whether it be shoeing, hay, feed, the lorry, the tractors for the field….
No complaints over hairy washing machines, the hours spent, the money spent on shows…
The only thing we had ding dongs over was why I needed 20 saddle cloths and he made do with two (one to use, one in the wash) and when the cheeky bleeder stuck his head out the lorry door at shows to ask if I had tacked his horse up as well as mine!
Muddy boots, dripping wet smelly coats…we were both as bad as each other and I remember I once thanked the powers above for the fact he was horsey when he walked into the house yelling ‘have you seen my long riding boots??’…
They were where he had left them, in a cobwebby pile in the tack room….and I seem to recall him trying to cajole me to clean them! Cheek!
Friends OH’s of course are often not horsey and things work well for them, but for me, I’m so glad he is, this weekend we were Trec judging, it’s still great to get out together in the horsey world when we can.
Tihamandturkey
Well-Known Member
I have to say that my OH is very tolerant re money spent on Madam - rugs etc. washed and hung in house and boots & tack taking over the place ?
DragonSlayer
Well-Known Member
I’ve put ‘current’ husband as if he’s going to be replaced…I assure you he’s not! ?
ILuvCowparsely
Well-Known Member
I cope.
My husband use to ride years ago,1984 that is how I met him. A member of the riding club, I taught him riding on a Wednesday night. Naughty me I snuck out at night to meet him. zoom forward to 2021, he is now my husband. Has not ridden in years, gave up about 20 years ago. Now he bought me this place, still not horsey as in riding and does not have much to do with the yard but he is happy.
So yes it can work as I am in living it 37 years together.................................................
Caol Ila
Well-Known Member
Before COVID, OH would occasionally visit the horse, but he mostly left me to to it. He didn't mind. Never resented it. But during assorted 2020 lockdowns, he came out to the barn a lot more and would hike with us on our hacks in Mugdock. He developed more of a relationship with Gypsum during that time.
In 2021, however, he has: learned to handle and feed Gypsum solo.
Spent a lot of time handgrazing her, including times when I was hacking on a mate's horse.
Fed me lots of whisky.
Stayed with me and her when the vet PTS, and he said his goodbyes before the injection happened, and didn't run away when it was done, and cuddled her with me and her barn friends afterwards.
Learned to handle the 3-year old solo when she's in a non-hormonal mood.
Stayed up all night on multiple nights on foal watch.
Set up the foal CCTV camera.
Connected with nervy, hormonal teen mum.
Was the first person who the foal actually approached.
Held bag of fluid for vet while vet had her hand shoved up horse's vagina (YO and I were holding mare).
He is becoming more horsey by the hour.
In 2021, however, he has: learned to handle and feed Gypsum solo.
Spent a lot of time handgrazing her, including times when I was hacking on a mate's horse.
Fed me lots of whisky.
Stayed with me and her when the vet PTS, and he said his goodbyes before the injection happened, and didn't run away when it was done, and cuddled her with me and her barn friends afterwards.
Learned to handle the 3-year old solo when she's in a non-hormonal mood.
Stayed up all night on multiple nights on foal watch.
Set up the foal CCTV camera.
Connected with nervy, hormonal teen mum.
Was the first person who the foal actually approached.
Held bag of fluid for vet while vet had her hand shoved up horse's vagina (YO and I were holding mare).
He is becoming more horsey by the hour.
mariew
Well-Known Member
I think it works fine if you have one who is happy to entertain themselves whilst you are busy with the horses. Saying that a relationship is a two way thing and if all you ever do is spend time with the horses and not your oh then it's not really a relationship. It's a bit of a balance. It causes friction if the other person is a clingy and get jealous of time spent on yard.
Trinket12
Well-Known Member
Horses are my thing and bicycles are his, horses have only been a part of my life the last 4 years or so, and as long as I’m happy he’s happy ? he’s not horsey but will come on a trail ride sometimes.
We have a good balance, and he enjoys his alone time when I’m at the barn, so win win ?
We have a good balance, and he enjoys his alone time when I’m at the barn, so win win ?
AUB
Well-Known Member
Not an issue here. It’s more my own guilty conscience for having a very time consuming hobby that takes time away from the kids that can be an issue, which is why I have livery with all service included so that I only need to groom, tack and ride, and I have a sharer that rides 2 days weekly. Else I would never get to sit down and have dinner with my family and that’s a priority too.
cowgirl16
Well-Known Member
I think the relationship can work, provided that the non-horsey half of the partnership is a genuinely kind, respectful and non-controlling kind of person. It's also extremely important that finances are not an issue - nothing causes more rows and resentment than money! Horse keeping is time consuming and expensive. If your partner is happy with that - you're probably safe. Though having said that - I am completely self financing (never, ever asked nor expected my OH to pay for anything for my horse), and I am only away from the house 2 hours per day - and he still gives me grief. But then he's always been that way, and would give me hell no matter what I did. Moral of the story - choose your life partners wisely!