non-horsey parents

Completely non-horsey parents here. Somehow I managed to coerce regular riding lessons from them at the age of 6 and up ;)
They never bought me a horse, or even entertained leasing one. It was frustrating at the time, and even now I wonder whether I would be more "out" (successful maybe?) in the horsey world if I had come off the riding school onto my own ponies earlier.

But you know what? I saved up for years and absorbed every single bit of knowledge I could. At the age of 19 in my last year of uni I finally bought my first mare. Probably a completely unsuitable first horse, but I had 7 years of fun on her and figured everything out/problem solved completely independently, meaning with very little input from other horsey people (I didn't know any!). Looking back, I wouldn't swap that for the world. Quite frankly, I watch the spoiled brats around me have ponies bought for them left, right and centre without lifting a finger to help look after them, and I am really very proud of how far I have come on my own with my horses.

So OP, I think you should stop with the mindset, you can't go back in time and magically become a "better" rider now :P Instead actively start trying to figure out what your problems with schooling and your riding actually are. Instructors are invaluable, but the internet is a HUGE resource of tips and tricks, explanations that you have at your feet. Do your research, watch videos, read and you may find some tools you can use when you run into problems schooling, it would also hugely help you consolidate your weekly lessons as well.
 
I'm actually slightly envious of you guys without a horsey background - my mum hunted and evented to advanced level, dad's a farmer and used to breed horses. I felt like I never got a break from horses or my parents. Don't get me wrong it was great growing up surrounded by horses and riding all the time on our home farm but I never got to make it my own. I rode how Mum told me to, I used the instructors she picked, bought the horses she liked, she was always around and I never felt independent to make my own decisions. Even now in my 20's and moved out on my own into the city I feel like my parents are always breathing down my neck when it comes to the horses and riding - "when are you doing this event, why don't you try this and that...". They were never pushy as such, but I always felt a sense of responsibility to live up to their standards. I have friends who didn't have horsey parents and worked their way into it and I remember thinking they looked much happier...Maybe this is just a case of greener grass and I hope I don't sound ungrateful - of course I am thankful for all they have done for me, especially financially when I was younger, and I really appreciate the emotional and physical support they provide - they have been to every single one of my competitions cheering on from the sidelines (giving 'advice'), and I respect how difficult it must be without that support, but I can't help but wish sometimes that I could just get on with it myself.
 
Orchard14 said:
Maybe this is just a case of greener grass .
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I think there's definitely a good dose of this on both sides! when your parents have little to no interest (and are positively discouraging) about your all-consuming hobby, having parents like yours certainly sounds appealing. But I can definitely see how it could be overbearing.
 
Normsrp said:
Of course it isn't their fault, they've done nothing wrong! I'm not blaming my parents at all, in fact I'm incredibly grateful that they've supported by hobby as best they can. In my case, I have a fair bit of social anxiety, so as friendly as every one on the yard is, I really don't feel like I can go to them for support.
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I think this is probably your real problem? If you were able to reduce your social anxiety, then I'm sure that the friendly people on the yard would be only to pleased to offer support if you asked. Is there a possibility you could get some counselling to help you with this? Your doctor might be able to help.


..
 
I have parents that have always been horsey and it’s not always a blessing - my
Mum comes to everything with me and is not always the most encouraging- she thinks she is but sometimes her words make me back off when I should be pushing on etc - there are huge benefits to having horsey relatives but I’ve found more support from peers and other yard users than from family as I’ve got older. You need a better yard where there is more of a group atmosphere to give you the hints and tips you require.
 
I have the opposite problem - I have three non-horsey children!! I would have loved it if one of them had got the horse-mad gene but none of them did. All girls too - who would have thought it!
I just adopt the local pony-mad children who do not have horsey parents and give them the opportunities they wouldn't have had otherwise :D
 
I think you need to separate all the issues. Loads of us didn't have horsey parents while we were growing up, but we manage fine. I didn't have a millionaire daddy who could buy me lots of big scopey horses, so I never got to be a professional showjumper, as I wanted to when I was 10. You either want something with such an intensity that you make it happen (become a professional showjumper, not get born to a millionaire daddy - that's a bit trickier to solve :D) or you accept that maybe it wasn't as important to you as you may have once thought. People who succeed don't do well because nothing has ever gone wrong for them, or because things are handed to them on a plate - they succeed because they kept going through the tough times and analysed how to make things better. You wanted to ride in spite of not having horsey parents and you've achieved that. Big pat on the back! Now you want to go up a level, so take a breath and decide what you need to do next.

You struggle with things when you are riding on your own. You aren't alone in that. We all struggle when we don't have an instructor helping us, as we don't have those eyes on the ground, or the experience to feel when it isn't quite right. So you either increase the number of lessons you have, and/or get the instructor to give you exercises to do on your own, and/or you ask somebody to watch you and comment on something specific that you have asked them, and/or film yourself when your instructor is there and when they aren't so you can compare and hear their instructions again. In fact, filming yourself and looking back on old footage is a good way of seeing that you are improving.

It sounds as if you are lonely. It can be very lonely if you are up there on your own, riding alone etc, so you need to decide how much you are willing to do in order to get some company. And bear in mind that many of us would kill for an empty school now and again! Your loan horse is at the yard it's at, and I appreciate that you may not be able to move it, so I'd start with trying to make the best of the yard where you are, and only see about changing yards/horses if that doesn't work. Can you change the time you go up, so there are others around?

I sympathise with your social anxiety. It's hard when you struggle to make friends. Is there a social media group which everybody is part of? A simple "is anybody hacking tomorrow, could I join you?" works well. Or even "I'm struggling with my horse, would somebody experienced mind watching us and giving us some tips?". You may end up with the yard know-it-all telling you stuff you don't want, but it's first contact, and helps break the ice. Or offer to help somebody else with something you feel confident with. Even an offer to hold their horse while they go back for something they've forgotten can be a start towards making friends.

Sorry this has turned into an essay, but please don't compare yourself with others - that just leads to jealousy, which is such a debilitating negative emotion. Congratulate yourself on where you have got to, all by yourself, and look up to where you want to go next.
 
My family were completely unhorsey, I nagged to ride from a very young age and Mum gave in when I was about six. I learned to ride but coming from a large family could never have a pony of my own. I had my first pony when I started work at 18 and Mum always said I would grow out of the horse phase. She is still waiting and I am now in my mid 50's and she is in her mid 80's. My son who I tried my best to get into horses has no interest either, he can ride and will look after them when i am away but he has no desire to ride o own horses at all. i don't know where my interest came from but now have my own place and have three horses and three miniatures and love having them.
 
I feel for you, my parents were totally non horsey, they just about tolerated me riding as a child, on friends ponies etc, but as a teenager they tried as hard as possible to stop me from riding, so absolutely non supportive as well as non horsey. As a teenager I worked on a yard, backing youngsters and grooming at shows, I worked incredibly hard and learnt more than you could ever imagine.

It is hard work, and its difficult doing everything yourself, yes riding alone, figuring out problems alone, picking yourself up when everything has gone wrong etc its all hard, and I do think these things are easier with support. But just because its hard it doesnt mean its impossible, it comes down to how driven you are, how hard are you prepared to work to make things happen.

I'm sure its taken me much longer to achieve things due to lack of any kind of support, but doing it all yourself brings benefits too, its not all bad! I have now tried my second horse to Grand Prix (dressage) from scratch and I train with an Olympic gold medallist, and I know that every bit of that I have done myself, and thats a pretty satisfying thought.

It really does come down to what really matters to you, and how hard you are prepared to work to achieve your goals, but most things are possible with enough work.
 
I'm happy that my parents weren't Horsey, instead of spending all my time at the stables (which I often see Horsey people do with children) I was lucky enough to be taken on holidays all around the world. I also feel very lucky that I have parents who love me enough to fund a hobbie I enjoy, spent countless hours watching my RS lessons as child, no matter what the weather and still managed to plaster a huge proud smile on their face even though they were probably bored brainless! They were and are still super supportive of whatever I do with Horses.

With the right mindset, Horse and instructor you can achieve the same things as those bought up with Horses.
 
Cowpony said:
I think you need to separate all the issues. Loads of us didn't have horsey parents while we were growing up, but we manage fine. I didn't have a millionaire daddy who could buy me lots of big scopey horses, so I never got to be a professional showjumper, as I wanted to when I was 10. You either want something with such an intensity that you make it happen (become a professional showjumper, not get born to a millionaire daddy - that's a bit trickier to solve :D) or you accept that maybe it wasn't as important to you as you may have once thought. People who succeed don't do well because nothing has ever gone wrong for them, or because things are handed to them on a plate - they succeed because they kept going through the tough times and analysed how to make things better. You wanted to ride in spite of not having horsey parents and you've achieved that. Big pat on the back! Now you want to go up a level, so take a breath and decide what you need to do next.

You struggle with things when you are riding on your own. You aren't alone in that. We all struggle when we don't have an instructor helping us, as we don't have those eyes on the ground, or the experience to feel when it isn't quite right. So you either increase the number of lessons you have, and/or get the instructor to give you exercises to do on your own, and/or you ask somebody to watch you and comment on something specific that you have asked them, and/or film yourself when your instructor is there and when they aren't so you can compare and hear their instructions again. In fact, filming yourself and looking back on old footage is a good way of seeing that you are improving.

It sounds as if you are lonely. It can be very lonely if you are up there on your own, riding alone etc, so you need to decide how much you are willing to do in order to get some company. And bear in mind that many of us would kill for an empty school now and again! Your loan horse is at the yard it's at, and I appreciate that you may not be able to move it, so I'd start with trying to make the best of the yard where you are, and only see about changing yards/horses if that doesn't work. Can you change the time you go up, so there are others around?

I sympathise with your social anxiety. It's hard when you struggle to make friends. Is there a social media group which everybody is part of? A simple "is anybody hacking tomorrow, could I join you?" works well. Or even "I'm struggling with my horse, would somebody experienced mind watching us and giving us some tips?". You may end up with the yard know-it-all telling you stuff you don't want, but it's first contact, and helps break the ice. Or offer to help somebody else with something you feel confident with. Even an offer to hold their horse while they go back for something they've forgotten can be a start towards making friends.

Sorry this has turned into an essay, but please don't compare yourself with others - that just leads to jealousy, which is such a debilitating negative emotion. Congratulate yourself on where you have got to, all by yourself, and look up to where you want to go next.
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This is an excellent post by Cowpony
 
Normsrp said:
Anyone else with completely non-horsey parents? I feel like it's so much harder to make progress without a mum/dad who rides. Recently reached adulthood myself (although it doesn't feel like it!) and I can't help feeling disappointed that I missed out on a horsey childhood with pony club and shows and just generally having fun. For the last almost two years I've loaned my horse, I'm almost always at the yard on my own, schooling on my own, and for the most part feel absolutely lost as to what to do and how to progress. It feels like when we have problems (which is every ride really) I have no clue how to work through them on my own and ending up feeling defeated and frustrated. Of course I have an instructor and have lessons usually once a week but I can't just ask him for help ever time I ride. Very jealous of people who have grown up with an experienced horsey parent on the sidelines helping them out!
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I know how you feel OP, my parents hate horses, it took years for me to even convince them to ride! Just think how nice it’s is that you have enough drive to progress so far when nobody is holding your hand. Do you have a horsey friend you could make a deal with where you watch each other ride, and point out any problems? Or maybe just someone to ride with to make riding that bit more different/ challenging? Sometimes it can help to focus on what makes riding fun rather than all the challenges :)
 
naomibmck said:
I know how you feel OP, my parents hate horses, it took years for me to even convince them to ride! Just think how nice it’s is that you have enough drive to progress so far when nobody is holding your hand. Do you have a horsey friend you could make a deal with where you watch each other ride, and point out any problems? Or maybe just someone to ride with to make riding that bit more different/ challenging? Sometimes it can help to focus on what makes riding fun rather than all the challenges :)
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I'd absolutely love some horsey friends, but unfortunately all of my friends are uninterested or afraid! I've thought about volunteering at or even having some group lessons at a local riding school to meet people since I can't get my horse out to shows or clinics (very frustrating because the local riding club meets about 15 mins away!) but with exams coming up I think I'll have to wait until summer.
 
I spent years 14-19 at a RS at all times I wasn't at school, It meant I had some fab horsey friends during extended school holidays (school friends were some distance away). I like socialising but it's not the easiest thing for me to do so I think it was great for me to have access to similar aged people with the same big interest.

It is partly why I am missing not having a horse now having moved, being on a yard automatically gave me people who I could at least be friendly with if not 'friends'.
 
What reasons do peoples parents have used for not allowing a child to go riding?

As I mentioned before my mother hated horses, therefore I wasn’t allowed to like them. Granted we wouldn’t have been able to afford many riding lessons, but if I’d asked for one as birthday/Xmas presents I wouldn’t have been allowed
 
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