Non horsey people - lets have a giggle

J

Jenni&Ditty

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Okay, so this could make us all giggle.

What have 'non-horsey' people said to you, in all their wisdom?

Was talking to somebody at the bus stop today, she said her granddaughter used to go to a riding school but she got bored because you just went round. 'They call it cantering, and you do it on a rope, and you just go round and round'

Also - 'wow, how did you make it stop?' (we were walking very slowly anyway, do they think we're completely out of control and the horse decides where it's going, when, and how fast? - although that's usually the case, not always!)

I think the best one was when my friend tried to tell me that it was illegal to leave your horse poo on the road, like dog poo, and that most horse riders ride round with a bag on their horses bum to catch this poo, like camels have. If she wants to ride my horse with a carrier bag stuck up its bum, shes more than welcome ...

Oh, they can't help it ...
 
I recently took a group of Americans out for a trek. They were total beginners so all had a leader and one about 15 said "will the leaders be able to kee up when we have to gallop and jump?"

She then proceeded to cry half way round the trek cause her horse had a stumble over a bit of root and she wanted off. No galloping and jumping for her!
 
I was once asked by one of my male colleagues if all show jumping horses were girls. I was a little puzzled by this so naturally asked why he thought that. His reply was 'wouldn't it hurt the boy horses if they knocked the poles with their winky?' (using substitute word here).
Once i stopped laughing I explained that they could 'retract', which led to more questions.....
 
Well it (horsey speak) is a whole new world, with its own special language. When I got my first horse, I could never remember the name of the shaped thing that went under the saddle, so I bought saddle cloths instead. I'd walk into the tack shop, try to remember the word, but 'numnah' just wasn't in my vocabulary. 'Noonah, neenu, nana... any amount of words would spring to mind, but numnah wasn't one of them.

And I thought there was something wrong with my horse when someone said he'd got ergots. If looks could kill when I asked what they were and they said 'Oh a sign of common breeding'.
 
I've had the typical 'what twice a day, even on Christmas day?!' response when I've been asked how often I have to check my horses.

Also the people who find out that you have a horse and then expect you to supply free riding for them, their family and all their mates. I even had very, very minor acquaintance (I met him once) once turn up with his girlfriend wanting her to ride one of my horses. If I'd had my wits about me, I'd have said in a sarcastic tone of voice 'yes of course and in exchange I'll take your very expensive and fancy sports car for a spin' but instead I referred them to the local riding school.
 
Optimissteeq said:
I was once asked by one of my male colleagues if all show jumping horses were girls. I was a little puzzled by this so naturally asked why he thought that. His reply was 'wouldn't it hurt the boy horses if they knocked the poles with their winky?' (using substitute word here).
Once i stopped laughing I explained that they could 'retract', which led to more questions.....
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well yes, or jockstraps ;)

tumblr_ngdgzvwS2Y1rp9n5ko1_1280.jpg
 
Or my friend at work, an intelligent, witty lad who Im very fond of, but asked in all seriousness, why we dont just ride in the fields instead of on the roads, yep I'm sure the many farmers and landowners will be fine with that....
 
I said something once about having cut one of my ponies chestnuts. The person thought chestnuts was a euphemism for another body part and that I had gelded my pony using just a knife and no anaesthetic :O
 
TelH said:
I said something once about having cut one of my ponies chestnuts. The person thought chestnuts was a euphemism for another body part and that I had gelded my pony using just a knife and no anaesthetic :O
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I can see why!
 
OMG two worse things a non-horsey and not even a pet owner has said to me are 1. That she thought my pony had dust mites when she had a bad case of dandruff and 2. Thinks she''s pregnant cus she's got fat on spring grass and there isn't a stallion for miles!
 
Erm yesterday at work a (female) colleague said she thought I'd be good at pole dancing because being a horse rider I would know how to grip with my thighs


Totally inappropriate on so many levels
 
I was on a Fell pony leading a child on a Shetland when someone said to me 'Is that little one the big one's baby?'
 
I bought my then 4 year old grandson (who has an OCD mother - don't even get me started....) a mini mucking out kit and gave him a 12x12 box to muck out. After TWO HOURS of fiffing and faffing about, I was presented with a trug of perfectly shavings-free poo. "Nana - do we just throw these pooeys away or have I got to put them back up XXXXXXX's bummy?"

I'm not often speechless, but.....
 
Bringing my horse in from the field. There is a kissing gate into the field onto the public footpath. A dog walker about to come through said to me, "how do you get your horse through there, doesn't she mind?" I pointed to the bloody great 5 bar gate next to said kissing gate and said, "I just take her through that".
 
c2b said:
Bringing my horse in from the field. There is a kissing gate into the field onto the public footpath. A dog walker about to come through said to me, "how do you get your horse through there, doesn't she mind?" I pointed to the bloody great 5 bar gate next to said kissing gate and said, "I just take her through that".
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Lol!
 
I was talking to a bloke I was seeing at the time and said I'd bought H a new piece of kit (he was into football so thought I'd use that rather than tack) and he thought I meant a shirt he wore! !
 
When my mare comes in from the field in winter the first thing she does is wee on her clean bed so I got into the habit of catching it in a bucket to save on bedding, my non horsey sister saw on her first visit to the yard and asked if she has to wait until I come back again with a bucket for her next wee lol
And then she thought the automatic waterer was a toilet for her to poo in, which to be fair is what my mare thinks as well. She was surprised when I told her actually she just poos and wees everywhere and I have to pick it all up.
 
My boyfriend's mother asked if a little girl she tutors, who 'just loves horses' would be able to come and ride my very nervous, totally unbroken mare with 3 month old colt at foot. I then had to explain why I couldn't just pop a saddle on her back and allow a stranger's child to sit on her, just on the lead rein.

She was also amazed that the saddle fitter had to come out and fit a saddle to my horse. She thought you just had one fitted to your bum and then put it on whatever you rode!

A woman I knew who believed she was very horsey once asked me my opinion on some ads for horses for her daughter, then promptly turned down my suggestion (a very nice looking, reasonably priced, done-everything-type strawberry roan) because "I've never heard of a strawberry horse" and "they only want that much because of the colour". She insisted her daughter had to put a bright pink saddlecloth on for a showing class because the saddle would definitely hurt the pony's back without a couple of mm of cloth to protect it. And then there was the incident when she smacked my horse in the face because "he stuck his tongue out at me, he was being rude!" ..... The less said about my response the better.

And then there's the old favourite which I've heard too many times to count: "Dressage is cruel, it's really mean and unnatural to make horses dance!" (tell that to my colt who performed the 'rear and leap forward like a kangaroo a la Spanish riding school' manoeuvre in the field last night!)
 
today a male friend of mine found it hilarious when I said my horse needed a bigger girth.

funniest part is this friend has a horse and several donkeys, so whilst he's not horsey he does know one end from the other :P
 
Bogmonster said:
I bought my then 4 year old grandson (who has an OCD mother - don't even get me started....) a mini mucking out kit and gave him a 12x12 box to muck out. After TWO HOURS of fiffing and faffing about, I was presented with a trug of perfectly shavings-free poo. "Nana - do we just throw these pooeys away or have I got to put them back up XXXXXXX's bummy?"

I'm not often speechless, but.....
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This is hilarious!!!!!!
 
Not strictly horsey, but I was once asked by a friend (who considered me something of a countryside expert after I picked an apple from a tree in a hedgerow - witchcraft)... if we got milk from both boy and girl cows.
 
Then there's the old favourite...when telling a work colleague recently that I had to lose a bit of weight and get properly fit to start riding my friend's dressage mare.."Im not being funny but don't you just sit there?". Hmmm, no, I actually wobble a bit too :-)
 
Cobbytype said:
Well it (horsey speak) is a whole new world, with its own special language. When I got my first horse, I could never remember the name of the shaped thing that went under the saddle, so I bought saddle cloths instead. I'd walk into the tack shop, try to remember the word, but 'numnah' just wasn't in my vocabulary. 'Noonah, neenu, nana... any amount of words would spring to mind, but numnah wasn't one of them.

And I thought there was something wrong with my horse when someone said he'd got ergots. If looks could kill when I asked what they were and they said 'Oh a sign of common breeding'.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of when my numpty OH pronounced it 'noom-ah-nah" - i nearly fell off my chair laughing, bless him!
 
A few months ago I told me loaners to watch what my pony was drinking as I thought she was drinking more than normal. Loaners mum said 'Shes probably got diabetes' What?!
 
I don't know why but it always kills me when people call the horses mane "hair". I know it is basically just hair, but it tickles me when I hear "Oh you're brushing/washing her hair?"
 
Quite often I get "why do you need lessons?! You know how to sit on a horse don't you?!".
I also once had someone having a go at me and a friend for hacking on a road. Apparently it was "cruel".
 
I usually get "why do you have lessons? I thought you knew how to ride." and "how can it be sore when you just sit there?"
 
Action rather than words but when I was a teenager I had a hoof oil brush go missing from my grooming kit that sat in the hallway. Found it a few days later in a kitchen drawer. Turns out my non horsey father had used it to brush egg wash on the steak pie for family Sunday dinner that weekend!
 
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