Non horsey people - lets have a giggle

Another version of the pony-foal confusion, young girl was sharing one of the section a ponies and her non-horsey mum was up with her. I was trying to explain that a welsh cob mare also at the yard had a (5 year-old) welsh cob son that had just been backed and that both were palomino while the pony was a flaxen... Something got lost in translation and she asked "oh so this one is her baby?". At which point I just said no with absolutely no surprise because this sort of thing happens ALL the time but in the back of my mind I was thinking "yeah sure, let's put your daughter on a horse that's just been backed and see how that goes".

My other favourite was when my non-horsey mum asked why the horse my friend was practicing trot-halt transitions on kept stopping... That one's got to be a good sign though - clearly the horse was responding to light aids, right?!

I've also come across many versions of the "don't you just sit on it" thing but, gloriously, mostly from people who are about to get on themselves for the first time. Oh how I love watching their faces when the horse starts walking...
 
Out hacking with a friend, both of us on cobs, absolutely no chance of mistaking either horse for anything remotely fleet of foot. A passer-by asked if they were racehorses.

I always buy the cheapy hoof picks as they have a habit of migrating out of my possession. OH found one and asked if I knew how the weird-looking screwdriver in the toolbox had gotten so bent.

And the eternal... "Lessons? But surely you know what you're doing by now?" (MIL) and "so, you just keep going round and round the arena? How do you know when to get off?" (OH)

I once met someone while out hacking who had never seen a horse in the flesh before. She asked if she could touch B and was surprised by how soft he was. Made the half hour I'd spent chiselling the mud off him worth it!
 
I forgot a really good one!!
My (now ex) boyfriend bought me a pony calendar for Christmas as one of my stocking fillers. When I opened it he said "There was a horse one or a pony one but I got the pony one because I know you love them when they're babies!"
Bless him. I had to explain what a pony was!
 
My hubby's mum bought him a ****** brown felt waistcoat with bright green, lifesize felt horseshoes stitched all over it. It had great big buttons down the front too. Hubby was about 40 at the time... and funnily enough he never wore it.

What wasn't quite so funny was when hubby bought me a pair of size 18 jods for my 40th - I was a petite size 10 back then. When I went back to the tack shop, the sales girl (who we knew) burst out laughing and said "I told him they'd be too big, but he was adamant that they looked about your size". Was I cross with him about that!
 
Used to get the "Is that one their baby?" question so often when the gang lived next to a village road. 11.1hh chestnut sec a mare in with a 16.2 chestnut gelding and a 14hh tobiano gelding... As well as the "why are you feeding it?", "why are you giving them hay?" and "can it eat crisps?". Also had a very worried lady tell me she'd seen them trying to bite each other's necks earlier in the day with some vigor, did I know they fought while I was away, and she was quite relieved to find out that they were grooming and not trying to eat each other. Have to say, neither of them are particularly gentle groomers, so I can see her point. It's like a contest between them.

Oh, and Obie always used to bring people over to tell me that my horse was eating his way through the fence, there must be something wrong with the field because he was clearly trying to get out. Trying to explain cribbing to them was always a challenge - don't think any of them ever believed me.
 
Kitei said:
As well as the "why are you feeding it?", "why are you giving them hay?"
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On the other side of the coin I know conservation sites where they get the opposite problem - people (oft "horsey or near horsey people") who question why they are not feeding the koniks - followed by why the poor thing is up to its belly in mud and surely that's abusive/not healthy/a very unhappy horse.

*thusly then flees the thread before he's accused of probably half or more of the various non-horsey people comments that have thus far been made*
 
Out for a steady trot down the lane and the amount of times you get 'oh, you're out for a gallop today' or, even better, as the mother drags the whole family to the side of the (very wide) lane, 'aaah it's galloping towards me!'
 
My mum is non-horsey but after 30 years of two horsey daughters she knows that horses aren't brown, ginger or white they have proper names for the colours. So when her friend's daughter showed her a photo of her new horse mum said how pretty he is and asked what colour he is. She was horrified when the owner said he was fleabitten grey and exclaimed "oh the poor thing, that's awful, can't you do something about that!?". Poor girl had to explain that the horse hadn't actually got fleas.
 
Frantic knock at front door- 'there is something wrong with one of your horses'- me leg it down to field to find either one flat out snoring or asleep resting a leg ( 'its leg all at a funny angle and its been like it for ages' ).

I do always thank well-wisher profusely and have explained to my neighbour that if they look dead they are probably fine !
 
Velvet82 said:
Quite often I get "why do you need lessons?! You know how to sit on a horse don't you?!".
I also once had someone having a go at me and a friend for hacking on a road. Apparently it was "cruel".
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dibbin said:
I usually get "why do you have lessons? I thought you knew how to ride." and "how can it be sore when you just sit there?"
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I had this just the other day! Last minute meeting was organised at work and I was asked if I had time to join - I had to decline as I had to leave promptly to make it in time for my lesson that evening. I was then met with lots of the above comments and had to explain why riders often continue to have lessons!

Brilliant one from my OH a while ago. I was musing about one day buying my own lorry or trailer so that I have the freedom to go wherever, whenever. OH then tells me what a waste of money that would be and can't understand why us riders are so lazy when we can just ride to the places we want to go! That's why we have horses, isn't it? To ride them?

Took him a little while to realise what a twit he is!
 
Kat said:
My mum is non-horsey but after 30 years of two horsey daughters she knows that horses aren't brown, ginger or white they have proper names for the colours.
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You do get true white horses and brown is a real colour too. :p You'll have to retrain your Mum. :D :D :D
 
My OH, after 20 years still insists on calling rugs "coats" (and bemoaning the number I have. :rolleyes:). He also pretends he can't put a headcollar on even though I've seen him do it plenty when he thinks I'm not watching.

My favourite non-horsey story though is one I've mentioned on here a few times so apologies to those who have read it before!

A friend brought her little boy to see my old horse. He was about 4 at the time. He gave him a groom, had a sit on him and gave him some treats and we then put him back in the field. As usual, as soon as he went back into the field, Eb had a wee. Daniel was mesmerised by this and then said excitedly "Mummy, the horse has a fold away willy, can I have one?" We were laughing too much to explain why he couldn't!
 
C1airey said:
Out hacking with a friend, both of us on cobs, absolutely no chance of mistaking either horse for anything remotely fleet of foot. A passer-by asked if they were racehorses.
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I've had this from a chap while riding my mare. I explained that no, she was a Gelderlander and the breed is more used for pulling carriages. He said "Oh, is that why it walks like this" and demonstrated a lengthy military march! He then wandered off chuckling and still marching.
 
My Mum has never been horsey. And EVERY single year, when discussing Christmas arrangements, I say I will be over after I've been to the yard.

Mums response, every year, is "so you have to go to the yard? Even on Christmas day?!"

Yes Mum. Unfortunately, as much as I would like him too, dear neddy will not feed, muck out and turn himself out!!

Frustrates the life out of me!

Another one as well who has had the 'why do you still need lessons? Don't you know how to ride by now?' - This often comes from my football mad colleague, so to make him understand, I ask if the footballers need to continue to train if they know how to play?! The penny seemed to drop then!
 
My best non horsey quote was when a work friend asked me seriously if horses ate meat. To which I replied would I be riding a horse that was 16'2 if there was any chance of it eating me!!
 
Faracat said:
I've had the typical 'what twice a day, even on Christmas day?!' response when I've been asked how often I have to check my horses.

Also the people who find out that you have a horse and then expect you to supply free riding for them, their family and all their mates. I even had very, very minor acquaintance (I met him once) once turn up with his girlfriend wanting her to ride one of my horses. If I'd had my wits about me, I'd have said in a sarcastic tone of voice 'yes of course and in exchange I'll take your very expensive and fancy sports car for a spin' but instead I referred them to the local riding school.
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I recently had a young man from a market research company doing a door to door survey, one section was on leisure activities, and when he heard I had horses said he liked horses and could he come and ride mine! Errr....................Don't think so!!!
 
Embo said:
Brilliant one from my OH a while ago. I was musing about one day buying my own lorry or trailer so that I have the freedom to go wherever, whenever. OH then tells me what a waste of money that would be and can't understand why us riders are so lazy when we can just ride to the places we want to go! That's why we have horses, isn't it? To ride them?
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When I was little, I decided I would never drive, just ride everywhere. I still wish I could do that! A tiny bit impractical maybe!

Lauren_abigail said:
Another one as well who has had the 'why do you still need lessons? Don't you know how to ride by now?' - This often comes from my football mad colleague, so to make him understand, I ask if the footballers need to continue to train if they know how to play?! The penny seemed to drop then!
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I think I need to try that one!

Nessa4 said:
I recently had a young man from a market research company doing a door to door survey, one section was on leisure activities, and when he heard I had horses said he liked horses and could he come and ride mine! Errr....................Don't think so!!!
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That is always my dread! When friends with children say "oh we'll come and visit your horse and the children can have a ride!" . Noooooo!!
 
Another who gets the 'why do you have lessons? You should know how to ride by now!'
And my non horsey brother finds any girth talk hilarious, and always ends up reffering to stud girth as a studs girth. Yeah, shows are real fun when hes around.
 
My gelding is kept on a farm, he is the only livery alongside the YO's horses. Various friends and family have been up over the years to visit and give him a pat etc.. The issue is they often say the first things that come into their heads, ' God, look at all that mud' ' Why is there no grass ?' and about the YO's mare 'God what an ugly horse' - this is all within earshot of the farmhouse !!!!cringe..
 
Out hacking a couple of days ago on our chestnut mares...small child in the village points and says 'Look Mummy...it's black beauty'!
 
I have had a few classics:

"DO you feed your horse milk?"


"How often do you see your horse?" "Every day" "Every day?! I thought maybe once a month" How long do you ride for" "It depends...maybe an hour up to 4 or 5 for a long ride" "Wow they can run for all that time" "No, we walk too....." "Oh I thought you would make it run round a track like on tv"

So in his head, I see my horse once a month, and then gallop round a track, and then get back off...

it's actually quite scary how little people know!
 
I've given up calling lessons, lessons with non horsey friends. I call them training sessions to avoid that question.

I've also given up trying to explain riding club camp. I described it as intensive training to prepare for the competitions over the summer (we always go in April) and said it was a sort of 'horsey boot camp'. One of my football playing colleagues decided it was therefore a "pre-season tour" so in work every April I'm now off on my "pre season tour to hoof camp"
 
annagain said:
I've also given up trying to explain riding club camp. I described it as intensive training to prepare for the competitions over the summer (we always go in April) and said it was a sort of 'horsey boot camp'. One of my football playing colleagues decided it was therefore a "pre-season tour" so in work every April I'm now off on my "pre season tour to hoof camp"
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I think that's quite sweet actually :).

I've got nothing to add really, apart from OH's incredulous reaction when he saw how much matchy sets sold for!
 
southerncomfort said:
Out hacking a couple of days ago on our chestnut mares...small child in the village points and says 'Look Mummy...it's black beauty'!
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Reminds me of a little boy I passed out hacking. His mum pointed at Billy and said "ooh, look at the lovely horsey!" to which the little boy (maybe about 3 years old?) responded very loudly and disdainfully: "That's not a horsey, mummy, it's ORANGE!"
 
Friend of one of our liveries once said, 'well, of course (livery's horse) is very good in traffic because there's a motorway near the place that she bought him from'.
My friend and I had a simultaneous image of the horse hacking down the central reservation...
 
Bogmonster said:
I bought my then 4 year old grandson (who has an OCD mother - don't even get me started....) a mini mucking out kit and gave him a 12x12 box to muck out. After TWO HOURS of fiffing and faffing about, I was presented with a trug of perfectly shavings-free poo. "Nana - do we just throw these pooeys away or have I got to put them back up XXXXXXX's bummy?"

I'm not often speechless, but.....
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You can send him to muck out for me any day!

My OH is convinced that numnahs are num-nums, rugs are pyjamas and I am reading bedtime stories and tucking him in when I go to finish off.
 
cinnamontoast said:
You can send him to muck out for me any day!

My OH is convinced that numnahs are num-nums, rugs are pyjamas and I am reading bedtime stories and tucking him in when I go to finish off.
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I'm with your OH on that lot LOL - my boy used to have his jim jams on at night and he couldn't sleep without his big boy's butty at half 11 (a bread crust with lemon curd on it) :-)
 
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