Not horsey but would like an honest opinion...

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ajn1610

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Right tell me please if I'm being unreasonable.

Last weekend was my birthday (30th so quite a big one), I am having a joint party with another friend at the end of the month for various reasons, but did also go for a night out on my actual birthday.

Now here's the bit I want so feed back on, birthday night out was arranged for about 2 weeks, was supposed to be going out with three girlfriends. Two of us went into town together and the other two were supposed to be meeting us after going for a meal with one of the girls sister and some of the sisters work friends (so randoms basically). This is all arranged for ages and confirmed with phone calls on the day etc. At about midnight I got a text saying "sorry were aren't coming bit difficult but can't leave the group we are with. Sorry". They were in town about a 10 min walk from where we are, with people they barely know and I've been very close with these girls since school. Neither of them rang to apologise the next day, I've spoken to one of them since but she didn't make any mention of the night or seem to feel she'd done anything out of order and the other one I haven't heard from since.

At first I was really hurt and then miffed and now I'm wondering if I'm just over reacting since they seem unaware that they might have done anything wrong. At the same time I know what the reaction would be if it had been the other way round and I hadn't made the effort for them. I feel a bit taken for granted, I'm very laid back and usually would go along with anything for an easy life so I feel as if they've gone 'Can't be arsed moving oh she won't mind' but I am also aware that we are having an official birthday do later so maybe they didn't feel the actual day was important. It's really bothering me, I'm sure they haven't hurt me on purpose but ought I point out that I feel they've been a bit, well shity?

I can't run this by mutual friends as I don't want to appear to be talking behind anyone's back or putting other people in an awkward situation. People who are just my friends are telling me it was out of order but they probably would say that anyway! So I'd like an honest anonymous opinion please. Am I over reacting and being a bit spoiled or was it bad form for them to bail on me on my birthday for no apparent reason? So would appreciate your thoughts and this may not be in the right place but doesn't appear to be a soap box section anymore. Reading this back it all seems terribly teenage, I feel like an idiot for asking on here but I don't know what to do.

Thanks
 
O dear. This happens to me all the time. I think it is what you get for being the laid back friend. It always makes me a bit upset/cross at the time but I usually get over it pretty quickly. I'm not very good at holding a grudge. I've certainly never said anything!

I don't think it's strange that it has ruffled your feathers if that helps. If you say something you're braver than me :)
 
Thanks Jesstickle. Yes I think I've maybe made a rod for my own back by being too accommodating and under normal circumstances I wouldn't mind but it's the fact it was my birthday that has upset me. I've recently spent significant amounts of time at all hours of the day and night looking after one of these girls when her long term relationship broke down and I was happy to do that because that is what friends are for but right now it feels like a bit of a one way street and I'm at the bottom of the list of priorities. I've left it a week but TBH I haven't calmed down or changed how I feel so I might have to have a quiet word.
 
Well i think they should be more grateful of a good girlfriend i have recently moved back up north to my home town form the south and find it impossible none of the freinds i went to school with are still here i am 38 aqnd all the rest seem to stay at home i would love a good female friend always seem to end up with male friends but this can be problematic for obvious reasons. Dont know what to advise really move north :p
 
Happy birthday :)

I am also usually laid back about this sort of thing, because I don't see it as worth creating drama over. However, I recently nearly lost touch with a dear friend when she interpreted my 'laid back' attitude as 'couldn't care less'. I am so, so glad I spoke up. Basically she had completely mistaken my reaction to a cancelled meet-up, and it would have been such a silly thing to lose a friend over.

I would definitely say something. Firstly, if you feel your friends are taking advantage then they need to know that they are giving that impression. Secondly, you might have fallen into the same trap as me. Maybe from your friends' point of view you have all sorts of exciting plans for your birthday, were out with another group, and didn't seem to much care whether they joined you or not.

You are not being unreasonable and I would be upset too! But it's worth making sure that it's not all a misunderstanding, if that makes sense.
 
I think you need to let them know that you were upset by them letting you down. If you cant manage a face to face conversation - write them a letter/card, much more personal than a text & shows how much their behavoiur has affected your feelings. I have a good friend who is forever saying she will visit & then not appearing - I forgive her (but still feel a little let down) because she has health problems & finds driving difficult.
 
You've every right to feel pi***d off! Ive had 'friends ' like that in the past who take take take and demand your time for them but will never give even the slightest bit back. It hurts! I found it really hard to realise that they were just using me and weren't friends at all. I stoppped running around after them and ive never heard from them again! Who needs enemies eh?! You need to say something to them just to get it off your chest - it may or may not sort anything out but it will help to stop it eating away at you! Best of luck, i really hope it was just a misunderstanding! :)
 
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