Novice OH wants green horse

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Merlod

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My OH wants to buy a horse that is already on my yard (yard is owned by my mother and I run it, I have 4 own horses and 4 liveries). It’s a big cob (prob shire x) but quite sharp/green and owner has lost confidence, OH has ridden it a few times (but I’ve always ridden in the day before to make sure it was quiet for him- he doesn’t know that though) his confidence far outweighs his riding ability and he’s not really a horsey person.

The horse is really sweet on the ground, not nasty to ride but nervous. My yard is my sanctity and quiet time so I’m not sure I want to be living in each others pockets and spending my time babysitting OH with the horse. We already had a bit of a to do last night when he first told me the owner had offered him to buy the cob and I said my above concerns – he proceeded to call me selfish and that my opinion was irrelevant as him purchasing the horse was between him and the owner anyway – I didn’t say anything, but as I run the yard I decide who liveries there or not so I am extremely relevant unless he is planning on moving yards! Does anyone else share their hobby with their oH? What would you do?
 
Firstly I would get him to ride it when you have not so its full of beans and see how he gets on. Maybe the horse needs a confident rider - not all riders will be the best ability wise but how do they learn other than to do it? Are you sure you're not being a little "this is my hobby you can't have it?"
 
I would probably agree with equi and get him to ride it when you haven't ridden it during the day. Does he only school it or has he taken it out anywhere on a hack? How often does he ride now? It sounds like that horse needs riding quite often and if he's not prepared to do that then he might end up losing his confidence too. Does he do any yard duties at the moment? If not, does he understand that he will be needing to consider all these things before buying? And it won't just be a case of hopping on and going.

My OH shares my hobby with horses. He had never been horsey before he met me but I offered him to sit on my horse once and since then he's been hooked. I find it really nice that we can spend the time together. He has learnt alot since we've been together, he comes up to the yard on weekends and the occasional weekday to help out and ride. We only have one horse so we have to share and I enjoy helping him out and 'babysitting' him on hacks. I get if you had other horses to do and stuff then it could be a bit of a pain though. I'd like to think if my OH wanted to buy a horse he would ask me in the buying process as I'm more experienced than him and know what to look for for a beginner.

I think you're in a difficult situation, obviously your OH really likes this horse and it doesn't sound like he is listening to you if you say it is too much for him. can you sit down with him and explain the full responsibility of horse owning and see if he wants to do it all? Could he try loaning the horse for a bit first? Then he could see if he could handle it day to day?
 
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Male pride being what it can be, saying it's too much for him may not be the most effective way of dissuading him. Maybe find some other reason it's not a good buy and if he really does want his own horse and understands what's involved offer to help him find something that will be suitable, fun and looks suitably impressive and manly?
 
My OH loves riding as much as I do. In fact its how we met. Ive always counted myself very lucky I can share my hobbie with my OH. That being said my OH is a very experienced rider. He's broken horses and is used to handling and riding racehorses so I certainly don't feel I have to babysit him. Maybe if I did I would find it a drain on something that is meant to be my "me time".
However if it were me I would rather he keep a horse that is potentially dangerous for on my yard where I can keep an eye on him and help him rather than him moving it elsewhere.
If he's sure he wants a horse maybe offer to help him find a suitable one? That way you can guide him so he can buy something you won't feel so anxious about him riding and can relax a little.
 
Tell him you've thought about it and your initial reaction was wrong. If he wants to buy it it's absolutely his choice but you would be much happier if he had it on trial for a few months first. Then do nothing to assist him (unless you want to and he realises your assistance is helpful!) and see what happens.
 
Trial would be the best way I agree and see how it goes. But be supportive at all times and not too I told you so or he'll hang on in there for grim death even if he's getting absolutely owned by that horse- if my (limited) experience of men is anything to go by lol.
 
FfionWinnie said:
Tell him you've thought about it and your initial reaction was wrong. If he wants to buy it it's absolutely his choice but you would be much happier if he had it on trial for a few months first. Then do nothing to assist him (unless you want to and he realises your assistance is helpful!) and see what happens.
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This. Exactly this.
 
Thanks for all the input. It’s a strange situation. He doesn’t actually want a horse at all, it’s just that he’s fallen for this one because he knows him! When I say novice, I really do mean novice – like if you stuck your unhorsey dad on a horse - balancing on hands up by chin, just about does rising trot, can’t sit the canter – just thuds about.

Last time we rode out he trotted the cob straight into my horses bum – actually collided into us, my horse kicked out (more of a warning than a proper kick so no-one hurt) and then OH proceeded to moan that my horse was bad! I’m experienced, but not an instructor, I don’t have time to babysit and to have to deal with that on rides, I also feel it’s not in the best interest for the horse, it is a sweet thing but needs bringing on, and I don’t have time to do that for him.

I could let him ride it from the field, but I will feel guilty if he gets hurt as previous loaner of this horse ended up in ambulance twice from it spooking, spinning and bolting after she fell. I’ve tried telling him that but he doesn’t understand that riding is ability not strength and he won’t be able to “make” this horse behave as he believes he can :/
 
Merlod said:
Thanks for all the input. It’s a strange situation. He doesn’t actually want a horse at all, it’s just that he’s fallen for this one because he knows him! When I say novice, I really do mean novice – like if you stuck your unhorsey dad on a horse - balancing on hands up by chin, just about does rising trot, can’t sit the canter – just thuds about.

Last time we rode out he trotted the cob straight into my horses bum – actually collided into us, my horse kicked out (more of a warning than a proper kick so no-one hurt) and then OH proceeded to moan that my horse was bad! I’m experienced, but not an instructor, I don’t have time to babysit and to have to deal with that on rides, I also feel it’s not in the best interest for the horse, it is a sweet thing but needs bringing on, and I don’t have time to do that for him.

I could let him ride it from the field, but I will feel guilty if he gets hurt as previous loaner of this horse ended up in ambulance twice from it spooking, spinning and bolting after she fell. I’ve tried telling him that but he doesn’t understand that riding is ability not strength and he won’t be able to “make” this horse behave as he believes he can :/
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While you & I know that maybe he just has to work it out for himself. Get him an air jacket so that when the inevitable happens hopefully no major damage.
Without being bossy about it, gently lay the foundations about how he will need to look after / pay for livery. Also suggest local instructors for lessons etc.
 
Well it's an odd sort of relationship if he pays such little heed to a subject you are far more experienced in that he. Your only option is to let him find out for himself. If he has a trial of it, it will be a lot easier to back out of it with his man pride intact.

He's an adult. If he wants to ignore common sense there is nothing you can do about it.
 
Let him get on with it, tell him you will not be helping him and when he hits the deck not to come crying to you about it! .... Clearly we only want our other halves to get into riding and buy a horse that we want for ourselves when the novelty wears off!
 
FfionWinnie said:
Well it's an odd sort of relationship if he pays such little heed to a subject you are far more experienced in that he.
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Oh, FW. Don't go bringing logic into this! :D I can empathise with OP as my OH is exactly the same. It's more a case of odd bloke than odd relationship. You're absolutely right though - all OP can do is let him find out for himself. The polite thing to do is not laugh when he falls off.
 
LadySam said:
Oh, FW. Don't go bringing logic into this! :D I can empathise with OP as my OH is exactly the same. It's more a case of odd bloke than odd relationship. You're absolutely right though - all OP can do is let him find out for himself. The polite thing to do is not laugh when he falls off.
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I would use the word relationship whether they were in one or not. If you are friends with or related to or in a relationship with someone and you can't take their views and think you know better than them when you absolutely don't, then you are a very odd sort of probably arrogant person.
 
I think you need to get to the heart of the issue.

What is the real problem here. Is it your OH sharing your hobby, or the fact that he is clearly going about it in entirely the wrong way?

I can see what a nightmare this situation is for you and how you are going to end up "holding the baby"

How would you feel if he decided to get some proper riding and stable management lessons and then get a sensible share or part loan? Would your feelings still be the same?
 
DIY or full livery? Can/will he pay his bills? Will he welch on his bills and expect you to do stable duties for him?

If he's hellbent on getting this horse then really let him stand on his own two feet. Don't ride beforehand, let him have the full experience of big fresh green horse. Make sure he wears a hat.
 
MrGS learnt to ride after he and I got together , I taught him to ride and got him hunting .
It can be a minefield men who ride with wives/ partners that are so much better than them .
I have had to learn how to handle it over the years .
OP your partner is in that sort of dream place non horsey people just getting interested get into they just have no idea how much skill you need to do it well .
I could write a book on this subject .
I totally see your concerns .
the truth is you have to school yourself to shut up sometimes , MrGS thinks we are having a lovely romantic hack together I am thinking why the h**l does he always ride on that diagonal and why has he the horse in right flexion the whole time .
I will say conversationally look how that horse does bend evenly in its ribs on the off side , MrGS looks at me as if I have grown a second head .
I ask you do want to teach him , nanny him , deal with all the man stuff when he takes against you telling what to do if the answers no nip it in the bud as quick as you can .
MrGS worked paid for our beautiful horsey home he learnt to love hunting and I trained lovely horses who carry him and look after him .
I have invested a huge amount of time in mrgs's horses .
I have learnt when to keep my mouth shut and let stuff go wrong and when to give advice it's been great fun our horsey life together but it's not without its downsides .
 
Trouble is that whilst it is tempting to let your novice OH be dumped by this unsuitable horse so he gets his come-uppance, it is not fair to allow the horse to be upset and frightened in this way. It may take a very long time to restore its confidence afterwards.
 
Tiddlypom, I presume the horse's owner is quite happy with the situation as they're the person to suggest the purchase. OP cannot swoop in to protect the horse unless she wants to buy it herself, or intervene with the actual owner.

I'm another who would go for the trial option. Be very hands off, including all aspects of livery jobs/tacking up etc. Either they will work (it wouldn't be unheard of), or they won't. If he's making it his problem alone, keep it his problem and not yours!
 
Sounds like the horse is already ruined/put someone in an ambulance so I don't think it's up to the OP to try and save the horse. Her oh isn't interested in her opinion so if she keeps on about it she will only be deemed a nag!
 
Sounds to me like he has taken up residence in LaLa Land. The trouble is that while learning the hard way is effective, it doesn't always benefit the horse - an older sneaky one that can suss out a novice straight away and dispose of them is ideal, but a young one is only going to learn bad things from the situation.
 
I'd love my OH to take an interest! Right now, he is SO uninterested! I'm buying my first now and when I've been showing him the adverts, his response is "it's a horse"!

I've found one now and told him he better get a slight interest as it's going to be part of the family:D

If he ever does get as interested as your OH though, he'd be told he is only getting on a sensible, older horse - been there done that type. It sounds like your OH needs to take this horse on a trial to realise how much hard work a green horse is!
 
He obviously likes this horse...it may be a bit of heart over head and it may be a mistake...but if his heart is set on it I'm not sure you are going to make any difference and throwing him off the yard would just be mean. So...

Some riding lessons,
An air jacket,
Horse on trial,
Tell him that you rode the horse the day before to steady it.

He might surprise you...but he will need your help either way.
 
+1 on the trial thing and be as hands off as possible but without being rude about it. Unfortunately he has a hard lesson to learn. I wonder is it an ego thing rather than a heart thing, as in he wants to do this to prove something rather than he must have this particular cob.. I can understand totally your frustrations.

I'd even sit down with him and say look I can't afford to keep this horse, so what livery option are you looking for and how do you intend to pay for it? In as nice a way as you possibly can. I think he is assuming you will do all the work (but I might be wrong here) End of the day you have a business to run and can't give mates rates either.

Keep us updated and try not to fret too much, the world has a funny way of looking out for us, even if we think its not the best idea in the first place.

It will be ok in the end.
 
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