Off to see a new horse - mixed feelings

C

Cobbytype

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 December 2014
Messages
914
Visit site
It's nearly a year since I lost my horse of a lifetime. He was only at the halfway mark, so I'd envisaged he'd be my last horse, as I'd have been in my early 60's if he'd had lived out his life expectancy.

I still miss him as much today as I did last August when I lost him. He'd been retired since 2010 due to a neurological disorder, so I've not ridden a 'proper horse' (I've had a few mechanical horse lessons this year) for 5 years.

My husband was dead against me getting another horse, but has recently changed his tune. He says I've lost my sparkle and just look so ill, sad and lost all the time. So, I'm off to look at a new horse, but have gotten myself into such a tizz. I'm not worried about the riding bit; it's the whole shebang that I'm finding daunting. I knew my horse so well that I didn't have to think about anything - he trusted me and vice versa - the relationship was effortless because we'd been together since he was a foal.

Has anyone been in a similar situation... and how did things work out? Can you offer any advice? I'm trying not to look for horses that look like my boy, but would like another cob (but lightweight this time).
 
It is a bit daunting when you've had one special horse for such a long time. I looked for a different kind of horse to avoid comparisons, but then that made it even more of a change from what I was used to.

My advice would be don't over think it. Go and see as many horses as it takes. You will know when you find the right one, something will click even if you don't know them inside out there will be a connection.

Let it take as long as it takes, don't push yourself to buy unless you are sure and most of all good luck.
 
I am in my 60's and bought myself a new 4 year old horse a little while ago and things have gone really well. (I bought him as a laid back/bomb proof/spook proof 4 year old and things have gone very well). I asked to see him ridden on a busy main road to make sure that he was safe in heavy traffic.
 
I feel for you it was 4 years ago that OH lost his Charlie Horse. It is this last couple of months that he has been looking for another.

What annoys him is when people tell us that we will never find the horse we want, that it is too hard. We know that it is possible, as we already had one like it! We have a good budget, would like 16.3-17.1 in height, and 5-8 years old, so that part of it is flexible. It is the sane and sound bit that we won't compromise on (although green would be OK)!

Only seen 2 so far, both very different and although fine on paper not fine when we saw in the flesh. I just think we will know it when we see it. We are not avoiding Charlie Lookalikes, but there again not looking for a look-a-like-e.

Good luck!
 
Only another horse will remind you how much happiness you are missing, in my experience. Yes, it is daunting, but ultimately worth it - so go for it! : )
Remember you are not looking for a replacement - just a horse that you want to spend time with. It may not be the first one you view..

Good luck from me , too.
 
Oh thank you everyone. It's amazing how cool, collected and sensible I can be when advising others, yet resemble a neurotic jelly fish when it comes to my own equestrian issues! :-)

I did phone up about a little standardbred a few weeks back, but bottled it because it just felt too soon.

I remember when we were looking for a horse for my hubby all those years ago - we looked at quite a lot of horses and it got a bit depressing at times. One bolted with me on board in a field and I couldn't stop it for love nor money... we headed off towards a massive hedge and there was no way I was staying on board to jump that, so managed to do the ever decreasing circles thing... and the one we eventually bought, my hubby fell off at the first viewing:-) So I'm under no illusions, but please not a bolter again!

Yours sounds lovely Peter. I hope you have many years of happiness and fun together.

I think the one I'm going to see may feel a bit too small, he's borderline pony, but we'll see.

Depressingly, I can't get in my old jods, so have bought a cheap pair with a stretchy waistband and lurid logo on the side. I'm convincing myself that the pounds will drop off once I'm more active again.
 
MuddyTB said:
It is a bit daunting when you've had one special horse for such a long time. I looked for a different kind of horse to avoid comparisons, but then that made it even more of a change from what I was used to.

My advice would be don't over think it. Go and see as many horses as it takes. You will know when you find the right one, something will click even if you don't know them inside out there will be a connection.

Let it take as long as it takes, don't push yourself to buy unless you are sure and most of all good luck.
Click to expand...

This, good luck
 
Well I've only viewed one horse so far and he was very lame from being unfit, then exercised hard before my viewing.

I'm off to look at another today, but this is a part loan horse. It might be a good way to ease myself back into things, but it'll be really odd, as I'm used to owning my own horse and doing my own thing. And a completely new one on me - the horse is a mare. I'm trying not to look for a replica of my boy, so maybe a mare will be fine. We'll see?
 
I feel for you. I lost my boy beginning of June and I'd only had him 7 months but loved him more than any other horse in the last 15 years. I have a new mare arriving today and couldn't work out why I have struggled not to be bawling the whole day since I woke up and I think it's just emotion about "replacing" him especially so soon.

I hope the next horse is just what your after and whilst he will never replace your boy he will give you new and happy memories xxx
 
It's very hard to replace a horse of a lifetime. When I lost my mare I initially thought I wouldn't get another but heard about her half sister for sale soon after. I left it a few months and ended up buying her, an unbroken 4 year old OMG what was I thinking! LOL Although another grey mare she is very different from her sister but I loved the fact they were related. She didn't quite fill the gap and I ended up buying another grey arab, this time a gelding who is actually more like my original mare. However seven years on and the bond I have with my mare is probably even stronger than with her sister but it did take a long long time. I think if you remember that it is a new relationship that will take time to develop it will still give you that zest back in your life. Good luck with the viewing hope you find your next friend very soon.
 
Thanks Michen. I too was very tearful last night... yes moving on is very hard.

I hope your mare is robust and healthy and brings you happiness and a lot less worry than poor Torres.
 
Cobbytype said:
Thanks Michen. I too was very tearful last night... yes moving on is very hard.

I hope your mare is robust and healthy and brings you happiness and a lot less worry than poor Torres.
Click to expand...

Thank you :) bless torres, there will never be another like him for me but that's probably a good thing!
 
JoannaC said:
It's very hard to replace a horse of a lifetime. When I lost my mare I initially thought I wouldn't get another but heard about her half sister for sale soon after. I left it a few months and ended up buying her, an unbroken 4 year old OMG what was I thinking! LOL Although another grey mare she is very different from her sister but I loved the fact they were related. She didn't quite fill the gap and I ended up buying another grey arab, this time a gelding who is actually more like my original mare. However seven years on and the bond I have with my mare is probably even stronger than with her sister but it did take a long long time. I think if you remember that it is a new relationship that will take time to develop it will still give you that zest back in your life. Good luck with the viewing hope you find your next friend very soon.
Click to expand...

Thank you... although not off to a good start... trying to get in touch to confirm viewing ... voicemail...
 
I lost my horse five years ago after 16 years. I wasn't in a position to buy straight away as we were moving but shared my friend's for a while. Once moved, I started looking and found it really hard. I also found I had lost my bottle a bit so the whole process left me unsettled.

I didn't want a carbon copy but have ended up with similar - a hand higher and not such a heavy build but still a coloured, which is more or less what I didn't want. I tried quite a few, ranging from a largish hunter to a four-year-old black cob, but, in the end, the one I bought was the one I couldn't bear to think of someone else buying.

However, I was not at all sure on first viewing - he is much more forward-going than I was comfortable with and a bit eyes on stalks at everything. It was after leaving that I decided I didn't want anyone else to have him - not that I had to have him myself but that no-one else could!

He isn't perfect by any stretch and it took us a while to build some mutual trust (I'm pretty sure he had been through the mill to some extent) but he is mine forever.

No, he hasn't replaced my old horse. He does get called the same name as my old horse occasionally - usually when he's being awkward - but they are very different horses, although with some similar traits. Both noise reactive, both "mouthy" and both really very enthusiastic about life and the outside world. He has, however, been the most rewarding horse I have ever worked with. His behaviour has improved so much without him losing any "spark" and we are going to continue to have lots of fun.

They are out there but you do have to kiss some frogs on the way. Good luck!!
 
moleskinsmum said:
I lost my horse five years ago after 16 years. I wasn't in a position to buy straight away as we were moving but shared my friend's for a while. Once moved, I started looking and found it really hard. I also found I had lost my bottle a bit so the whole process left me unsettled.

I didn't want a carbon copy but have ended up with similar - a hand higher and not such a heavy build but still a coloured, which is more or less what I didn't want. I tried quite a few, ranging from a largish hunter to a four-year-old black cob, but, in the end, the one I bought was the one I couldn't bear to think of someone else buying.

However, I was not at all sure on first viewing - he is much more forward-going than I was comfortable with and a bit eyes on stalks at everything. It was after leaving that I decided I didn't want anyone else to have him - not that I had to have him myself but that no-one else could!

He isn't perfect by any stretch and it took us a while to build some mutual trust (I'm pretty sure he had been through the mill to some extent) but he is mine forever.

No, he hasn't replaced my old horse. He does get called the same name as my old horse occasionally - usually when he's being awkward - but they are very different horses, although with some similar traits. Both noise reactive, both "mouthy" and both really very enthusiastic about life and the outside world. He has, however, been the most rewarding horse I have ever worked with. His behaviour has improved so much without him losing any "spark" and we are going to continue to have lots of fun.

They are out there but you do have to kiss some frogs on the way. Good luck!!
Click to expand...

It's awful isn't it, when you've had a horse so long and know them so well.

I have tried the mare today and she is as described and the owner is very nice. My heart didn't flutter, but then perhaps that's a good thing with a share horse. I rode in the school and felt very rusty and awkward and self conscious, then took her for a mini-hack. She felt just a tad nappy, but it soon went away and I think it was more to do with me not knowing where I was going. We both relaxed after a few minutes and it was fine.

My riding's not up to much these days; I last rode in 2010 and haven't ridden any other horse than my own for 12 years, so I guess it's hardly surprising. I'll sleep on it, but I think it's a good way to get back into things, even if it doesn't work out in the long term.

Right now I'm absolutely starving and my bum aches... just like the good old days in some ways then:-)
 
Hi Michen,

Yes the owner got back to me and I went to view/ride today.

She's a nice little mare with no huge hangups. She's 14 and has been used in a riding school a while back. She's responsive off the leg, a bit stiff on corners and in canter and is aloof:-) I think I'll give it a whirl - I don't feel 'it', but then I didn't expect to... and this is only a share, so best not to fall in love eh.

My riding left a lot to be desired. I was pleased not to get upset until I got home; it's a big step after 17 years.

The owner is young and nice, seems genuine - and just looking for some extra money to help keep her horse, who she clearly dotes on.

How's your day been?
 
Cobbytype said:
Hi Michen,

Yes the owner got back to me and I went to view/ride today.

She's a nice little mare with no huge hangups. She's 14 and has been used in a riding school a while back. She's responsive off the leg, a bit stiff on corners and in canter and is aloof:-) I think I'll give it a whirl - I don't feel 'it', but then I didn't expect to... and this is only a share, so best not to fall in love eh.

My riding left a lot to be desired. I was pleased not to get upset until I got home; it's a big step after 17 years.

The owner is young and nice, seems genuine - and just looking for some extra money to help keep her horse, who she clearly dotes on.

How's your day been?
Click to expand...

That sounds very sensible and she sounds like a perfect stepping stone even if you then keep an eye out for something to buy that is exactly what you want. As many people said in my other thread, you learn to love something that gives you an easy ride and a happy time!

All good, I'll post some pics in a bit. Totally in love with the mare and very glad that she is the polar opposite of Torres as I won't compare. Took her for a hack as soon as she arrived and she was lovely, she then started rearing in her stable in protest of being left in (48 hours quarantine) but only when people were watching....monkey. All good :)
 
I thought I would never love anything more than my old mare. Even though she was living out her retirement with someone else I kept regularly in touch & when me & the lady made the decision to have her PTS rather than bringing her back down the length of the country to me (even though this is what I wanted to do in my heart my head said its not fair on her) it was the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. I didn't think that anything would match up to her, even thought she was the grumpiest mare with everyone we had an amazing relationship & I didn't think that anything could match up to her riding wise. She taught me so much & gave me so much fun I jumped things I never thought I would, she was 1 of those horses you could point at the scariest, biggest, boldest fence & she would just go. She was only 15.2 but she was a machine. She was 1/2 sister to classic moet & it reminds me so much of her!

I bought my mare unbroken & broke her myself to produce then sell on as I didn't think I could have another good relationship with a horse but honestly now I can say that I love her just as much. She may not be as talented but she worships the ground I walk on & the feeling is mutual. She is the kindest hearted & most genuine mare. She is the polar opposite to my old mare, beautiful natured but not crazily talented, she is a good quality low level eventer but I love her & appreciate how easy things are with her. She is pretty talented on the flat too which is lovely :) & I will be heartbroken to sell her!

Michen glad you have found something you have fallen for ! looking forward to seeing pics

You will find something that might not measure up at first but you will find something that you will learn to love & appreciate because of how genuine and fabulous it is ! :)
 
Just a little update. The share thing was a bit stoppy starty and I'd all but given up on going any further with it. I got the feeling that the horse's owner had second thoughts - I'd asked about trying the horse again and a couple of dates got cancelled, so I didn't get in touch again (I think I was side-lined in favour of another prospective sharer). Then the owner got in touch with me and asked if I still wanted to go ahead, so I went and tried the horse again today.

The mare was uncooperative and a quite rude to ride, then decided to have a bit of a strop in the spooky corner of the school, but tbh it wasn't a big deal and I don't think anyone other than a raw novice would have been concerned. I'm quite glad she was a bit of a madam today as I didn't at any point feel I couldn't cope and I'd rather get the quirks and foibles out in the open now, rather than when I'm 3 miles from the livery yard, hacking alone.

The mare has had quite a few changes in circumstances recently and she's back with her owner after a full loan didn't work out, so I'm guessing a new rider on board (me) has unsettled her again and she made her opinions known.

My husband took a video of me as he said my leg position was poor last time I rode her. I had a look at it this evening and was:

a) quite chuffed that I remained well balanced and calm whilst riding a horse that was being rude and uncooperative,
b) appalled at how chubby I looked - I've really lost my fitness and look decidedly 'middle aged'.

So, if the contract looks sensible, the part loan is going ahead.

I've still got my heart set on a horse of my own, but for now I'm happy to be riding a couple of times a week and husband said I looked really well this evening and had regained some sparkle. Now I just need to lose some weight!
 
Sounds perfect and it will enable you to take your time finding the right horse to buy for yourself, and get yourself back to riding strength in case you end up buying something that needs it! Best of luck



Cobbytype said:
Just a little update. The share thing was a bit stoppy starty and I'd all but given up on going any further with it. I got the feeling that the horse's owner had second thoughts - I'd asked about trying the horse again and a couple of dates got cancelled, so I didn't get in touch again (I think I was side-lined in favour of another prospective sharer). Then the owner got in touch with me and asked if I still wanted to go ahead, so I went and tried the horse again today.

The mare was uncooperative and a quite rude to ride, then decided to have a bit of a strop in the spooky corner of the school, but tbh it wasn't a big deal and I don't think anyone other than a raw novice would have been concerned. I'm quite glad she was a bit of a madam today as I didn't at any point feel I couldn't cope and I'd rather get the quirks and foibles out in the open now, rather than when I'm 3 miles from the livery yard, hacking alone.

The mare has had quite a few changes in circumstances recently and she's back with her owner after a full loan didn't work out, so I'm guessing a new rider on board (me) has unsettled her again and she made her opinions known.

My husband took a video of me as he said my leg position was poor last time I rode her. I had a look at it this evening and was:

a) quite chuffed that I remained well balanced and calm whilst riding a horse that was being rude and uncooperative,
b) appalled at how chubby I looked - I've really lost my fitness and look decidedly 'middle aged'.

So, if the contract looks sensible, the part loan is going ahead.

I've still got my heart set on a horse of my own, but for now I'm happy to be riding a couple of times a week and husband said I looked really well this evening and had regained some sparkle. Now I just need to lose some weight!
Click to expand...
 
Sounds like a plan! And having lost a fair bit of weight this year, I can say my riding is much improved for it so that's a great incentive for you! Good luck :)
 
Thanks for the good wishes. I'm not entirely sure that the loan will work out long term, but we'll see. The owner wants some help financially and I miss riding, so it suits us both for the present time. The little mare is good to handle and I'll enjoy spending a bit of time grooming her etc.
 
Oh best of luck with the sharing - it sounds like a good way to ease yourself back in. I lost a very much loved horse suddenly having been through so much together. He was getting older so I was already sort of looking for something younger but after his death I lost heart totally. He had been so special and meant so much to me I couldn't envisage ever having a 'special' relationship with another horse. I bought a cheap disaster who I very sadly had to have pts and then kept looking. I found a horse with the right sort of breeding, good conformation, lovely temperament and from a 'safe' source. He was the wrong colour, backed but nothing else and poor, weak and weedy! I definitely did not love him. He was sharp, extremely bold and opinionated when we started riding and I had lost all my confidence and sense of purpose too. He had to learn his job at my pace (a lot slower than his!!) but his temperament helped a lot.

He has become an amazing riding, competing, hunting horse and a true friend and partner. I never imagined that I would make a new relationship that would not compete with the old one but would be extraordinary in it's own right and bring so much happiness. You will find a new partner and I hope that will bring back the sparkle for you: it is absolutely possible. Very best of luck.
 
Cobbytype said:
Thanks for the good wishes. I'm not entirely sure that the loan will work out long term, but we'll see. The owner wants some help financially and I miss riding, so it suits us both for the present time. The little mare is good to handle and I'll enjoy spending a bit of time grooming her etc.
Click to expand...

When I read your original post, I did wonder whether a share or loan arrangement might be a good way to ease yourself back in as it can be daunting getting to know a new horse and taking on responsibility for a horse completely. I hope it works out even short term to get you back into the swing of things, put a bit of space between your old horse and any new one, and give you that bug back again ! Good luck.
 
Cobbytype said:
It's nearly a year since I lost my horse of a lifetime. He was only at the halfway mark, so I'd envisaged he'd be my last horse, as I'd have been in my early 60's if he'd had lived out his life expectancy.

I still miss him as much today as I did last August when I lost him. He'd been retired since 2010 due to a neurological disorder, so I've not ridden a 'proper horse' (I've had a few mechanical horse lessons this year) for 5 years.

My husband was dead against me getting another horse, but has recently changed his tune. He says I've lost my sparkle and just look so ill, sad and lost all the time. So, I'm off to look at a new horse, but have gotten myself into such a tizz. I'm not worried about the riding bit; it's the whole shebang that I'm finding daunting. I knew my horse so well that I didn't have to think about anything - he trusted me and vice versa - the relationship was effortless because we'd been together since he was a foal.

Has anyone been in a similar situation... and how did things work out? Can you offer any advice? I'm trying not to look for horses that look like my boy, but would like another cob (but lightweight this time).
Click to expand...

been in your situation four times and I know how you feel. Its not the same shopping for a first horse, or a horse that you have sold or loaned. Its a totally different feeling, and although its an exciting time, its still a time tinged with sadness. I just took my horse out the first weekend I had him to a show to watch and the second weekend we were competing. I'd rather just get on with it than spend time at home. I feel you can get to know a horse better when its just you and your horse in a unfamilar environment and its the 'start as you mean to go on' thing.

I didn't gel with Bailey when I first had him and it took me a good three or four years until I really cared about him. Now eleven years on he is my total life, I would be totally bereft, gutted, distraught and broken hearted without him in my life. I love the bones of him, and look forward to my cuddle every day over the stable door.

If you are not careful you can resent your new horse as it doesn't do the things your old horse does, but you have to remember each horse has its own personality and whilst you may have had some fantastic and brilliant times with your previous horse, there is nothing to stop you having the same with your new horse.

I miss Rommy even now eleven plus years later and because he was the only horse out of the four I lost that I was with to the end of his life it made it so much harder to 'get over him'. Sounds like he had a condition similar to your horse - Rommy had late onset wobblers at the age of 10, totally devastating to see a horse so uncoordinated and depressed with life as a result. Of course you never do 'get over them' but you learn to get on with things.
 
Well, today was the first day of the part-share proper. The horse's owner wasn't there, so it was just me, hubby and horse. I'd no idea about the hacking, so my husband came along to walk alongside me whilst we had a steady mooch around. That was the plan, which changed slightly part way around when madam decided that grass track = canter = a strop if we didn't go the direction she wanted. I guess that's a mare for you??? They're all new to me, having only owned geldings previously.

There was no bucking or broncing or rearing, so I struck a deal, heaved my unfit, generous bum out the saddle and had a fair few blasts along the tracks, followed by jogging for 5 mins whilst she calmed herself down, followed by a relaxed amble for the last few hundred yards back to the yard. It probably wasn't pretty, but it was fun.

Now my silly old bones ache and I feel quite chuffed with myself and my jods don't feel quite so tight.
 
Crikey, it August last year when I took the loan on, which promptly fell apart due to my doubts about the horse's welfare. How time flies.

I've faffed about and spent the winter half chuffed that I wasn't a horse owner (due to the rain, rain, rain) and half p'd off that I wasn't a horse owner because I miss it so much.

So, I went to view a little cob last year who was very lame on arrival, so that was a non-starter. He was too small anyway. Since then I've looked at loads of ads, messaged a few sellers and haven't taken things further for one reason or another. Then I was taken with a little black cob video last weekend - he had wonderful paces and a very sweet way about him, but when I asked after him, he'd just sold.

Spotted one tonight that's only just come up for sale, messaged the seller this evening and set up a viewing within 5 minutes, before someone else jumped in before me, or I bottled it again. So Thursday morning I'm trying a new horse. I'm told she's an excellent hack, but very lazy in the school. Her build is right, she's Irish (which our 3 previous horses were), she's the right sort of age and height, the gender is an unknown as I've not owned a mare before? We'll see?
 
Good luck for Thursday! In my own personal horses, I've had two geldings and two mares and great relationships with each. They've all been gentle, kind souls. I've honestly never met a 'mareish mare', even back when I worked with horses and handled and rode many. Focus on the individual :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top