Oh my, give it a break!

I really do appreciate all these comments by the way. You are opening my eyes to the world that is this forum. I am relatively new, and this is the kind of discussion I like, everything said nicely and explained, rather than a blunt point with no reasoning.

I know this is not my doing :p
But still, it makes me feel like the forum could potentially be easier if everyone did talk and get their points across in this manner xx
 
Kokopelli said:
Hmm I know what you mean I've been sacred to post the odd thing, its come to the point now where I won't even ask for advice on here now as someone had a bit of a go at me the other day for posting about my horses lameness!

I think its good you can voice your opinions, and you are actually trying to make the forum a nicer place :D
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Here here!

And seriously... Having a go at you for posting about your horse's lameness? Ridiculous! Thats the kind of question I fully expect to see on a HORSEY forum! What did they say to you? x
 
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the ponytail pullers of these threads are normally the same people going over their same gripes again and AGAIN :mad:

It makes me feel very uncomfortable at times and I have pushed that button on more than one occassion.

What annoys me is that threads with genuine problems just get pushed off the page and all because someone has to get the last word in :rolleyes:

I have to say tho that I have come across some lovely members on here and enjoy reading the posts.
 
yeeharider said:
this is a public forum and like it or not you will get both sides of opinion you will get the "yes darling" fluffy bunny approach and you will get the straight john bull reply
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Yes i do agree with this not everybody has the same opinion and quite often theres not always a right or wrong answer with horses. And by posting on here you have to accept that people wont nessary agree.
But on several occasione to particuar members there have some very nasty comments quite often nothing to do with the ops question. Quite often just plain old name calling, which isnt acceptable eppeacially from adults to teenagers.
We all know teenages cant have the mature head this lovely op has:D but it isnt members on here resposibilty to tell them off so to speak, and maybe some of them would give catty answers to suggestions if there back wasnt up from nastly people.
This isnt a dig at anybody on here at all but just from what ive seen!!

I have a young daughter and if she was treated like some have been on here i would be seething.
 
yeeharider said:
this is a public forum and like it or not you will get both sides of opinion you will get the "yes darling" fluffy bunny approach and you will get the straight john bull reply
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The straight john bull reply would have more impact with some reasoning given.

When someone posts about a problem horse and someone just says "shoot it" that is not a good response. The poster will ignore it. To say shoot it because... and give a list of reasons, is a good reponse yet it is not fluffy bunny. That is what i would want to hear.
 
Straight talking is one thing, plain rudeness is quite another - but some people seem to get the two confused on a regular basis...:rolleyes:
 
I'm new as well but seem to get to engrossed in reading and forget to dothe replying etc.... not a technophobe just like getting advice from 'real people'.

From past experirnce, this is the modern way of communicating and you just have to learn to ignore the ones that stir and make bad, there's always someone...
 
Yeah I know straight answers are good some of the time. But what I mean is that people would just throw an insult with no reasoning or be sarcastic or disrespectful of someones post, just for the sake of doing it, not because it benefits them - some may say "they need to be taught a lesson" because that have been ungrateful or whatever, but surly the mature way to go about that is just to not answer the thread? Then they will know they have done wrong and will feel bad in themself and realise they were ungrateful rather than feel bad for having someone insult them on something. Then they won't learn, they'll either retaliate or just blame the other poster, not realise it for themselves.
If people can be bothered to find a specific persons post and then just comment nonsense - that is sad and a waste of alot of peoples time, including their own.
 
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yorksG said:
I think part of the problem is the wide spread of age, experience, both of life and horses and ability to express emotion in the written word.
This may well be taken wrongly but having worked with adolescents, I feel it needs to be said, sometimes some of the younger posters are quite rude to older people and then get VERY upset when people respond in a less than concillatory manner. There are often disagreements on the forum, the problem starts when people either take the comments personally,or can't agree to disagree. While this does happen between the older posters, it tends to be felt more by the younger ones. I think it would be the same on a yard with people of disperate ages, although maybe the conversations would not begin in the first place, as people tend to speak to people they perceive as like themselves when they can see each other.
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I have to say that I reply as I see fit at the time, & as a rule shoot from the hip! I'm not going to stop to consider whether or not I may be replying to a 'hormonal 15 yr old' ! I don't tiptoe around people in RL, & I'm not going to on here either !
Maybe people using platforms such as this forum need to develop a slightly thicker skin & take responses that they may find unpleasant with a bigger pinch of salt? I'm not condoning purposeful spite, far from it, but compared with working in any of the service industries, or in social services HHO is a walk in the park !
 
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What gets me is how patronising the nasties can be with curt short answers, assuming some people haven't thought an issue through before posting.
eg, How do I make my horse use the field shelter?
ans: Why do you want to "make them", they'll use it if they're cold.
(not thoughts about hay being in there, horse too stupid and shivering in cold, horse genuinely frightened of enclosed spaces, poaching of land in front of shelter)

eg, My horse is disunited in canter? Any advice?
ans: Have you had it's back, teeth checked? It might be a schooling issue.
(obviously)

My horse is spooky being shod, what can I do?
ans: go without shoes
(no thoughts about the need for corrective farriery orowners restricted to road hacking, crappy Tb feet)

What can I do about mudfever?
ans: use turnout boots
(no thoughts about paddock care, old injuries preventing their use)

My horse is loosing weight
ans: get its teeth checked and feed it more
(:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:)

These types of answers are so patronising and arrogant.:mad:
 
Yes the forum can be bitchy, but then so is real life.
You just take from the posts what you need and ignore the rest.
I have to say i have had nothing but helpful advise on the forum and been really happy with the help i have received.
good op there rach and very mature way for a 15yr ol
 
Thing is, its not only the bitchy replies to the original questions, its the bitchyness between people.
The post last night which I believe has now gone was taken over by 2 or 3 people airing their problems with each other, nothing about the original question.
And while all of those replies are coming up i.e you are nasty to me so I am nasty to you, I know I dont like to reply to the OP and be caught in the cross fire.
 
Raych said:
I'm nervous to publish this, but some things have really gotten to me and its unfair.

Okay after seeing a few posts aimed at specific people in a nasty manner, I really don't see the point of the forum.
Seriously guys, we're all here for the same reason, to learn and maybe make some friends, NOT patronize and ridicule others.

If anything, with people just being nasty or putting pointless posts - conversation type posts instead of answering or discussing the topic of the thread itself, its a waste of people who want to learn's time!
And could even be said to be bullying - yeah maybe a bit OTT but things can spiral very quickly.

I have asked some extremely numpty questions and have been very happy with the calm, kind and respectable replies and i am appreciative that no patronizing comments have been left for me, but for others its a different story.
I know it is only a minority of people who do remark about others nastily, but its those people who ruin it for everyone.

I really do like the forum, along with the vast majority of you. It's a BRILLIANT place for me especially to learn alot and know how to look after not only horses better, but myself.

Come on, people believe that the horsey industry is snobby and bitchy and I'm sure that stereotype wants to be broken, so stop with the horrid comments PLEASE.

That is all :D
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Not that you'll particularly like this reply, but (and quite apart from the infighting and personal mini-spats for which there is often no excuse) there are some posters who honestly and truly become beyond tiresome.

Others, in spite of various shortcomings and lack of expertise or proficiency in the upper echelons of equestrianism, are more than worth the effort of reading their posts and composing replies simply because THEY LISTEN! They are invariably cap-in-hand and at the bottom of their resources and can almost unwittingly get the whole forum behind them - and be surprised at the warmth and genuine concern of fellow forum members.

I don't honestly care too much about people's personal day to day issues as can be found in soapbox, so avoid posting on matters of the heart or fashion! But, when horse welfare is in question, expect me to arrive on the scene (braced for a heated discussion or with my shoulder for crying on) as I would in any RL situation, and give my opinion.

For example - a borderline laminitic being let out to grass too early - I'll declare war. An old horse really needing to be allowed to 'go' - I'll reason gently, do research on the situation if history is there, and offer whatever support I can.

Some people you can try to help and they'll do what they can with your advice. If it is given and ignored and the upshot is further decline of a situation, what do you expect to happen?

If you don't want good advice or have no intentions of heeding it, don't ask the many normally good-natured and often highly qualified people on here to give it.

I have to laugh a those who don't want 'rubbish' answers - as it has sometimes proved they have 'rubbish' attitudes, 'rubbished' better-than-excellent advice and generally been 'rubbish' at following instructions - and sometimes even posting legibly in the first place!

This forum loves a trier. I really don't know of an example where genuine cries for help have been ignored. And I don't think I have EVER seen the forum lose patience with a genuine case of need. Many of these forum darlings are in or just out of their teens, too. We have had many aspiring and inspiring youngsters on here who really are the next generation of horse riders and owners and they have always got the positive support they have asked for. And shared the follow up delight when the offered help has done good. However, this needs the advice given to be followed properly! We also share their sadness when, despite their best efforts and having tried everything humanly possible, nothing could be done. It does get personal and you do get emotionally involved.

There is a very serious side to HHO - concerning the welfare of horses in health and exercise. Don't mess about with it and expect to be allowed 'age' as an excuse. It is easy to sort the snippy remarks from proper advice being delivered in exasperation. Some people are just beyond help. They don't bother me at all - but their horses and ponies do. Sorry but someone needs to speak up for them.
 
this is the main problem with horses! its like with yards, they get cliquey because we all assume we are the same kind of people because we all love horses, but we all clash. i was thinking of posting a thread similar to this and its good to see the different sides of people and their views on this problem alone, though of corse there is the odd one that you can still tell loves a bit of confrontation.

i really think that if you cant be constructive with your criticism and opinions then it makes life hard for others, and if you feel the person is being rude or inflammatory say so and then leave them to either re-phrase their thread or just leave them too it, no point raising to the bait.

there is just a handful of people that enjoy making it go from bad to worse and i hate to say it because i know the response i might get but they do tend to be the younger people; more hormonal and easy to judge. and i dont mean that badly because i was the same, on here a few years ago i'd jump at the chance to make my opinion heard and hate it when i was told i was wrong because i was at the age where i thought i was right most of the time, i know see that the people were actually just trying to give me a more varied view because they had been in the horseworld and the real world longer than i had and actually DID know more than me.

if more people were more open minded and saw it from other peoples perspective this forum would be much easier. and i say that now as more grown up member of the forum than i was a few years back.
 
Brighteyes - i never though of it like that. Someone does need to speak up for the horses.
But this can surely be done in a nice manner to begin with?
 
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Whislt I agree with most of what's said there are a few people on here who consistently post ridulous questions. It's almost like attention seeking. They take no notice of some of the advice, and go onto to reply in a " yeah but, no but " manner.

This forum is good and there are some old hands out there who know their stuff ( Me included) however I do find that SOME people either pretend to be ignorant and make stupid posts like " Help, I think my horse has broken it's leg what should I do?" In an effort to stir things up or genuinely clueless.

Yes, call me un sympathetic by all means but I am not a be-atch. I would rather tell somebody straight that I think they need to get help and offer advice if I feel I can help than get into long drawn out posts with people repeating themselves and ' posters' seemily coming back with stupid answers to fuel the fire.

I know we are not all blessed with a fountain of knowledge and we all have to start somewhere but likewise some people are just out there for mischief.
 
brighteyes said:
There is a very serious side to HHO - concerning the welfare of horses in health and exercise. Don't mess about with it and expect to be allowed 'age' as an excuse. It is easy to sort the snippy remarks from proper advice being delivered in exasperation. Some people are just beyond help. They don't bother me at all - but their horses and ponies do. Sorry but someone needs to speak up for them.
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This. I am of the opinion (and it is only my opinion, but I'm entitled to it) that there is a selection of individuals on here who should not own horses.

Yes, we were all novices once, but we only improved because we were willing to listen and learn, regardless of our age. Those of us who have learned anything so far realise that there's always far more to know. No matter how long you've been around horses, there's always likely to be an area in which you have no direct experience, for example with certain behavioural or veterinary issues. However, there is a huge difference between looking for advice and looking for attention.

Let's say, hypothetically, that a forum member was told by their vet that their pony shouldn't be jumped for nine months, and within the month they were jumping it 3x a week at the 1.20m mark. I couldn't care less WHO the poster was, or which 'clique' they belonged to - I have an issue with this on a welfare basis and yes, I will say so. I would also say so to that person's face. And if that person repeatedly ignored advice to the detriment of the animal, I would come to dislike them on that basis. If some of you insist on calling that bullying then so be it. I just happen to care far more for the unfortunate animals than I do about their ignorant owners.
 
I never said that people werent allowed to defend horses.

i am just asking for the irrelevant bitching to ease down and stop. of course its reasonable to 'have a go' at someone for mistreating their horse. I never said people couldnt.

Once again the main thing im hoping for is the plain nastiness to just stop. I wouldnt mind if someone were to throw a few insults at me for this post, as long as they had reasons behind it, not just calling me a name for no reason.

Defend horses, and tell owners they arent looking after their horses properly, this is a REASON to say something. But please do not just call others pathetic or stupid for wanting to know a basic answer. That's what i'm saying.

I'm not taking anyone's rights to an opinion away, I'm just saying to be civil.
 
Raych said:
Brighteyes - i never though of it like that. Someone does need to speak up for the horses.
But this can surely be done in a nice manner to begin with?
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I think you'll find I always have - to begin with.

There have been some epic 'horrors' unintentionally revealed through 'please help' posts and some equally epic turnarounds. Not everyone on the threads has been as tolerant as the majority but the OP has thanked each for their advice, gone away and implemented it and gained unconditional respect when at considerable 'risk' they have come back with positive and occasionally unexpectedly amazing turnarounds. On occasions I have cringed at the abruptness of replies but nevertheless the message has gone home and fantastic results achieved. I give the benefit of the doubt in mosts cases but quickly lose patience if there is obviously no intention of taking anything I say even slightly into consideration.

munchkin I see we are together on this one!

Leaping to the defence of 'habitual offenders' and those who genuinely helpful forum members are trying desperately to influence for their own good or that of their horse, has become a recent phenomenon. I personally can't understand it as it just gives credence to the person repeatedly making the same or very similar mistakes. They must, I have concluded, have already decided they have no intentions of changing/addressing their shortcomings/actually admitting they might be in part way responsible for adverse comments or lack of progression. They just want the reassurance, via the posts in their defence, and permission to carry on as they are. Kind, friendly and politically correct as this may be, it is of very little help with a recurring problem!

Exasperation is probably the reason behind less than tactful and sugar-coated replies.
 
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I was always told "There is no such thing as a stupid question" and "If you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say it"...there are times when people need to remember that not everyone has swallowed a horse encyclopedia and might ask what you think is a stupid question. Before you roll your eyes and post a bitchy response perhaps you could think back to when perhaps you didn't know everything and be proud of the fact that you can now help others.
This forum is full of experienced horsey people and i love the fact i can come on here and ask for advice, but that's all it is "Advice" and no i don't always rush off to the stables and slap on every lotion and potion recommended by several different posters but that doesn't mean that your advice isn't taken on board it just helps when you need to talk to the professionals like the vets, farriers, back people, dentists etc.
I don't understand why people who i have never met and who don't really know the whole story get so upset when the OP doesn't follow there post to the exact letter.

I received so much support when i lost my horse last year to Laminitis, and i was so grateful for all the comments apart from one which said
"I have no sympathy as in a previous post you moaned your horse was overweight due to the grass and now it's dead because of laminitis"...
thanks for that persons heartfelt wishes, yes it may have been honest but it was also hurtful and no amount of thick skin will ever stop that comment haunting me. So please think about what your going to type before you type it.

I don't want to be called a "Fluffy Bunny" because i don't agree with the harsh and often rude comments. I'm just another horsey person offering advice which does or doesn't need to be taken. Just because i try not to offend the OP or other users doesn't mean i skip to work with flowers in my hair!!!

rant over!!:D
 
I also think it is very difficult reading the typed word and being able to take it as intended.

Many posts are probably written one way and taken another!
 
The thing is there are normally two ways to say things... the 'nice' way and the 'nasty' way.

Now, you can say something to some people, and no matter how kindly or tactfully you phrase it, they're going to ignore it because it's not what they want to hear. It wouldn't matter how you said it.

BUT that isn't the case for everyone. Some people will listen to a tactfully phrased and reasoned reply, but an overly blunt, rude reply will put their backs up, making them much less likely to listen. So in my opinion, it is better to start off with tact, in the hope that you have someone that will listen. You can always step up to blunt later.

By being tactful, you may well have a far greater impact on horse welfare than by being rude - because the person will listen to what you have to offer, rather than walk away.

Writing in this way is what I do for a living. I don't always do so on here, as I'm not at work on here, but I do know how it's done - and I know that it works too.
 
Raych said:
I know this is going to sound like a pathetic attempt at inspirtation. But wouldn't it be nice if HHO was the forum that everyone liked? and people actually wanted to join because of its lovely members? Not worrying about joining and having to step on eggshells with every post
The reason exactly why i was nervous to post this, Why should i be nervous? and have to be nervous about it being up here? I was scared about the reaction i would get from some people and what does that say? i would look at the remarks i got and i would try take it. and if i couldnt; leave. i wouldn't wanna be a part of something that takes pride in making another person feel bad out of spite.


Sorry for being like a complete shrink or whatever, but stuff like this really does upset me :(
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Don't apologise for wanting what the majority of us does! Unfortunately there are a few who's need to make others feel like cr*p must be overwhelming :rolleyes:
You get to know who is out and out rude and who is saying it as they see it. You learn on here that diversity is a good thing and with that you have to take the rough with the smooth. Learning not to let their issues effect you is the best way.

And yes people

:)
 
brighteyes said:
This forum loves a trier. I really don't know of an example where genuine cries for help have been ignored.
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whilst i do think there is a scary amount of scariness on here... i do agree with brighteyes here. i remember two relatively recent cases where there was a vast amount of bitching and a bit of name calling (jadeyandlady and that bloke who put video on youtube with a stable in a garage, what was his name?) but as soon as it became apparent these were genuine people in genuine need and who were taking the majority of advice on board... most of HHO rallied round and gave EXCELLENT advice and support.

this forum is like one giant livery yard... so i think we have to expect an element of bitching! :D
 
Whilst I do think that some recent replies have been a bit bitchy, I can understand people's frustrations at certain posters (although I'm not saying it's right!). As previously mentioned, many of these people's main concern will be the horse and so may not want to ignore these people as they wish to give advice in the hope it will be taken and help the horse. It is when this advice is ignored or they are told their post is "rubbish" they get a bit irritated.

I understand that some forum members are younger than others and that may be a contributing factor to this problem. It is sometimes difficult to tell the age of a poster (although language and sentence structure can sometimes be a giveaway!). I don't think age should be an excuse- those wanting to be in an area where they are treated as teenagers should use the common room or forums more geared at younger members (does Pony magazine have a forum??) This is not intended to be horrible- it wasn't TOO long ago that I was a teenager (i'm only 23)- I am merely saying it shouldn't be one rule for one and one for another.

I also think that SOME teenager's attitudes contribute (I must have been a late bloomer- I was really nice up until I was 19 then got "the kevins" ;)). Some people simply cannot take criticism; have a look at these posts from a user of another forum
http://www.horsenetwork.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12640

http://www.horsenetwork.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12762

http://www.horsenetwork.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12763

Again, not teenage bashing! Promise :D There are some adults on here who behave just as badly and could follow the example of some of the younger posters on here (such as the OP and TG *can't think of any more off the top of my head so sorry if I've missed you out- don't know most peoples' ages*)
 
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