Ok... Try this situation!

[Goldenstar]

Millipops is right feeling entitled is want drives this ridiculous type of behaviour .
Personally I don’t think Welsh D should even try to handle family 2 ,these ponies are her enjoyment and enjoy them she should with out dealing with toxic people .

 

[ester]

This!

Bin family 2, before their attitude and entitlement affects your relationship with family 1!

Because I would be worried about this, and it sounds like having Mum 1 stick around is important.

put mum 1 under huge pressure [/QUOTE

 

[Moon River]

This is just bringing up flashbacks of when I had small ponies that needed riders and the stress some of the parents created, and the feelings of guilt as the kids were always perfectly nice. Bin them and don't look back. enjoy the summer with your friends.

 

[Leandy]

I agree that the only solution in these circumstances is to send family 2 on their way. You should do so with a cheery thank you and a wave. Ignore any bad behaviour on their part, clearly explain that you see they need more for their child now and as you are not able to provide it, the arrangement has run its course. Wish them luck in finding what they are looking for. I feel for both families in this situation. I do think you have to a degree run yourself into problems in actively treating the children so differently. A situation is never likely to end well if it involves preferring one child over another, however innocent your intentions. Are you a mother yourself? I suspect not as otherwise I think you might understand a bit more the position you have put family 2 in, despite your best intentions. I'm sure the arrangement did suit them well and was understood when the arrangement started. Their child has grown however and wants to do more, they see child 1 doing more and getting the best opportunities and you are very friendly with family 1. How would you expect them to feel? 2 is company, 3 is a crowd.

 

[Pippity]

As with others, I feel sorry for Child 2, but you've given the family more than enough opportunities to improve their behaviour and they aren't taking it. Bin them.

 

[cobgoblin]

It sounds like family 2 is the pushy family from hell.

Cut 'em off at the knees before you lose family 1.

 

[9tails]

I tend to agree with Leandy on this one. Child 2's parents probably have no idea that their kid isn't as good a rider as Child 1. They see Child 1 getting the opportunities while their kid sits on the sidelines, they've tried paying you for more and I'm not sure they really know why their kid isn't as important to you.

I don't think you can change their opinion of the situation, I couldn't forgive them badmouthing you. Family 2 are behaving petulantly by not doing chores anymore, but they're hurt and probably (wrongly) feel like they're being taken advantage of. It's a shame for Child 2 but the arrangement does need to be terminated. I'd be inclined to tell them exactly why, in writing, so there's no room for misunderstanding.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I wouldn't give a letter or a lengthy explanation, just a simple 'I'm sorry but the arrangement is no longer working and so it will end on X date.'

 

[WelshD]

I can see where it looks like I may have alienated family 2 but the access to the ponies is the same. They could come more often they could ride more often there are no restrictions on riding or caring for the ponies at home, if they were coming a lot and really getting involved I would be happy to step up a notch in return

They may not get to go to many shows but I've had no horsebox for two months so no one has left the field at all and the message to say they aren't getting opportunities has been sent during that time - I have to add that during this time child 1 has effectively been grounded as we need to box to our instructor and during this time child 2 has been going to her normal riding school totally unaffected so if anyone has the right thing feel hard done by its child 1

Due to their complex family life family 2 are not able to offer the commitment needed for showing. I don't mind the odd show but I am struggling to see how it will ever be a level playing field

 

[Jill's Gym Karma]

This sounds like a dream set-up for horsey kids; what a shame for Child 2 that their mum goes and ruins it.

If Family 2 have a problem with the arrangement, they discuss it with you privately and calmly like adults. Whingeing behind people's backs is the action of teenagers in playgrounds.

It doesn't sound like it's sustainable, but if you could have a quick word with Child 2 and reassure them that they've done nothing wrong that might save them some heartache.

 

[milliepops]

The fact that they say they feel like they aren't getting opportunities speaks volumes about how they think about the arrangement you have had IMO.
That suggests they think you are duty bound to put out rather that they were fortunate to have the opportunity given to them.

Presumably if they were desperate they could have approached you with the offer of hiring a vehicle? regardless, I think you're squeaky clean (obv) and therefore you may do as you choose to keep your ponies and family 1 happy because that's a long standing relationship that it would be a shame to damage.

 

[Goldenstar]

I can see where it looks like I may have alienated family 2 but the access to the ponies is the same. They could come more often they could ride more often there are no restrictions on riding or caring for the ponies at home, if they were coming a lot and really getting involved I would be happy to step up a notch in return

They may not get to go to many shows but I've had no horsebox for two months so no one has left the field at all and the message to say they aren't getting opportunities has been sent during that time - I have to add that during this time child 1 has effectively been grounded as we need to box to our instructor and during this time child 2 has been going to her normal riding school totally unaffected so if anyone has the right thing feel hard done by its child 1

Due to their complex family life family 2 are not able to offer the commitment needed for showing. I don't mind the odd show but I am struggling to see how it will ever be a level playing field

Honestly WelshD don’t agonise about this ,just take control and say no this is not enhancing my life and these ponies are about me having fun not walking a tight rope

 

[Red-1]

I would explain to the family of child 2 that the arrangement is over. I would also explain why - that you only wanted a companion rider and they obviously need more than that now to fulfil child 2's needs. The mis-match of needs is affecting your enjoyment of your ponies, which is the whole reason you have them.

I bet the family of child 1 will be relieved as it must be an awful atmosphere. Child 1 will also have been affected by that.

If you want another rider then by all means advertise again for what you would like. But I would get the 2nd family gone first and clear the decks.

 

[Ambers Echo]

I don't think family 2 have any right whatsoever to feel miffed that their child is not getting the same opportunities as Child 1. Why on earth should she? Child 1 had a long-standing, pre-existing relationship with you and has put in an enormous amount of hard graft. You and family 1 have become very close friends. You advertised for a rider to keep your main show-rider company. All the opportunities are 100% down to your generosity and kindness. They seem to be treating you like a service provider not a willing and generous benefactor! If they can't see that (and they clearly can't) I'd end the relationship. I would explain why though. I think people sometimes need to wake up to themselves. The totally inflated sense of entitlement has meant that child 2 will lose a valuable and enjoyable opportunity and the parents should be aware of the consequences of their behaviour before they screw up other opportunities by being far too pushy on her behalf.

 

[scruffyponies]

I would also add that family 2 sound like the kind of entitled snowflakes who will kick off and blame you the first time the child gets kicked, thrown or stomped on... another reason to get rid.

 

[ycbm]

I don't know what you should do but I do know that you sound like a very nice person 👏

 

[paddy555]

They may not get to go to many shows but I've had no horsebox for two months so no one has left the field at all and the message to say they aren't getting opportunities has been sent during that time - I have to add that during this time child 1 has effectively been grounded as we need to box to our instructor and during this time child 2 has been going to her normal riding school totally unaffected so if anyone has the right thing feel hard done by its child 1

if I had been parent 2 and had been getting everything free for my kid I would have stepped in and hired a box for a few occasions so that both kids could have been taken to shows.
I would let parent 2 go and buy their own pony if their kid is so keen. They will soon learn what it costs.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

Agree with everyone about ending the relationship with family 2 but would add that you have a conversation with mum 1 in case of any fallout in her direction.