Older dog started bullying younger dog

[Muddy unicorn]

I have two Tollers - one is 10, the other is 14 months. The older one was neutered at 1, the younger is still entire - he nearly died from meningitis a few months ago and is still on steroids and our vet is very keen to keep him entire partly to minimise the risk of relapse. They’ve always got on fine - the older one will sometimes put the puppy in his place but mostly contents himself with barking once to alert us to the fact that the puppy’s doing something he’s not supposed to. The puppy is very happy-go-lucky, a little bit bumptious but not excessively so and doesn’t hump anything.

However in the last couple of weeks the older dog has got increasingly intolerant - he’s resource guarding toys and people and has started going for the younger dog if he thinks he’s getting too close. So far it’s all noise and bluster - no teeth involved - but it’s completely out of character and the younger dog is getting scared.

For context, they have had a huge amount of upheaval recently - my husband collapsed and died at home completely unexpectedly a few weeks ago. We are all still grieving and there are alternately lots of people in the house and then we’re on our own for a while and they have been having less exercise than normal. I’m going to take them to the vet for a check up in case it’s anything physical but does anyone have any ideas as to how to get them back to harmonious living again?

 

[meleeka]

I’m sorry to read about your husband. What an awful thing to happen and my thoughts are with you. With regards to the dog, I think you’ve answered your own question. Everything has turned on its head for them and I think you just need to manage the situation until you can find your new normal. A vet check is an excellent idea and I’d remove all toys that could be a trigger. Feed them in separate rooms and make sure the older one has somewhere he can retreat to, if he wants. It might only be bluster at the moment, but you don’t need it to escalate into proper fighting. Have a look at brain toys for the younger one. Could you put him somewhere else with a puzzle or similar for a bit of time each day?

Eta - You could also use a plug in Adaptil. https://www.adaptil.co.uk/pages/adaptil-calm
I used one when my dog objected to the new arrival and I think it helped (Of course I’ve no way of knowing for sure, but she coped better than I predicted).

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I am so sorry for your loss, what a shock that must have been.
As above, I guess the change at home is what has caused the change in the behaviour. Older dog thinks that he has to 'step up' and look after his pack, in case something else dreadful happens. Your priority has to be to keep both dogs safe, so both dogs need a safe space, maybe a crate if they are crate trained. I think, as well, you have to make it clear that you are in charge and older dog's job is to do as he is told, not as he thinks best.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I cannot offer anymore wisdom than previous posters have already suggested. All ideas I would agree with. I also believe all the recent upheaval, not least the loss of your husband is probably leaving the older dog feeling insecure and anxious and he is directing his confusion and loss of confidence on the younger dog.

I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to read of your loss and offer my condolences to you and your family and friends.

 

[Cortez]

I am so sorry to hear your awful news. No advice to add to that given above, but it took my dogs a long time to settle after my husband died four years ago. In fact one of them still occasionally goes to the door of his study and whines and scratches.

 

[twiggy2]

So sorry to read of your husband.
I would remove anything that may create resource guarding issues and possible put a stair gate up and have no access zones for guests, one for each dog is possible, I would guess tha dogs stress levels are up and maybe if your up to it try doing on lead sniffing walks or ask someone you trust to do it.
Ideally take one dog on a long line and slow things right down to get their nose on the floor, at least if someone else walks them they will be on lead.
Adaptil plug ins or collars can help.
See if you can work out what the triggers are

 

[lizziebell]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Some great advice above. I’d be inclined on seeking a professional behaviourist who could home visit and get this nipped in the bud sooner rather than later and before it escalates to something more serious.

 

[Muddy unicorn]

Thank you everyone - I’ll go and get an adaptil plug-in/collars as a first step and get a vet check once they’re back to normal appointments. Every single toy has now become a trigger as the older dog has decided even previously low-value toys are ‘precious’ - they’re already fed separately but I will make sure the older dog has time put away from the puppy.

 

[Squeak]

I have no additional advice to add, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your husband.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

When I lost my husband, my two dogs were very unsettled, him gone, people in and out, it made them very clingy but thankfully no aggression. My younger one developed an auto immune disease affecting her nails which I strongly suspect was triggered by her being so stressed. As long as you can defuse the situation now and not let it escalate then hopefully they will settle down together again.

 

[Muddy unicorn]

Thank you - it’s been such a shock - he was only 57 and the fittest person I knew - the post mortem showed he died from a ruptured femoral artery aneurysm which is apparently incredibly rare but there were no signs of any underlying disease or possible cause - there’s a small chance he might had had a genetic abnormality but apparently they can sometimes happen spontaneously even in someone with absolutely no risk factors. The dogs were with me when I found him so were aware something was very wrong.

 

[Red-1]

I am very sorry for your loss. My two little dogs are still out of sorts from when I lost my husband in July. They saw him fall so knew something was wrong. I don't have specific dog advice, just wanted to say that I hadn't realised how much it would affect them. X

 

[oldandgold]

No advice but just wanted to say so sorry for your loss -

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I’m so sorry for your loss, that is horrific, no warning is pretty awful, my dad had the abdominal aneurysm, like 2 others in his family. Nothing to be done in most cases.

My trainer would say remove all toys and yes, time away from the youngster for the older dog, we’ve always done the same.

Big hugs to you, I can’t imagine how rubbish this time is for you.

 

[Kunoichi73]

I can't offer any advice, but just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

 

[Clodagh]

I’m so very sorry about your husband.
No more dog advice but I would not have any toys out at all for a while, unless you do one on one time and play with each dog seperately.

 

[Titchy Reindeer]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but wanted to say I'm sorry you lost your husband. I hope your dogs settle soon so that you have one less thing to worry about.

 

[Muddy unicorn]

I’m so very sorry about your husband.
No more dog advice but I would not have any toys out at all for a while, unless you do one on one time and play with each dog seperately.

I’ve tried doing one on one time with the dogs separately but the one who’s left behind howls the entire time

 

[Clodagh]

I’ve tried doing one on one time with the dogs separately but the one who’s left behind howls the entire time

If you are doing, say, retrieve training (or playing) can you take the other and tie it up in sight?

 

[Muddy unicorn]

No - they scream (if you’ve heard a Toller scream you’ll understand)

 

[Clodagh]

No - they scream (if you’ve heard a Toller scream you’ll understand)

Ah! Thankfully I haven’t.

 

[skinnydipper]

I know ball throwing is frowned upon now but mine used to each have their own ball and would wait until I called their name and threw their ball instead of all piling after the one ball, it was fairer that way because some would never have been first to the ball. Could you do something similar. Ask them to wait, throw a ball and then ask one of them to retrieve, then throw a ball for the other.

 

[AmyMay]

I know ball throwing is frowned upon now but mine used to each have their own ball and would wait until I called their name and threw their ball instead of all piling after the one ball, it was fairer that way because some would never have been first to the ball. Could you do something similar. Ask them to wait, throw a ball and then ask one of them to retrieve, then throw a ball for the other.

I do this exact same thing with the dogs I walk. They all have their own individual balls, and wait for their name and ball.

 

[SilverLinings]

Nothing useful to add, but I didn't want to read and run.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband @Muddy unicorn, it sounds as though you and your dogs are going through a very difficult time at the moment. Others have already posted the things I would have suggested, so I hope some of the techniques work for you and that your older dog settles soon.

 

[paddy555]

so sorry about your husband. I hope the dogs settle soon.

 

[Moobli]

I’m so sorry about your husband. That is so shocking and heartbreaking. You’ll all be dealing with the loss, shock and grief. I hope you have some support around you xx

The current situation is bound to have an effect on the dogs too, as they are very quick to pick up on our emotions and the atmosphere in the house. It could be this that’s triggering the behaviour or it could be that with your younger dog going through adolescence and both being males, the older dog is trying to assert himself, especially if he senses the young dog is pushing his luck. If he is resource guarding toys/food/treats then never have them lying around. Play separately, feed separately etc for now. The last thing you probably feel like is training dogs but you can train one dog to wait his turn while you play/train the other. You could also scatter feed them their meals (if kibble fed) for now (one in the garden, one in the kitchen for example) as using their noses will relax them and provide some mental stimulation if they aren’t getting as much exercise. Could you enlist a family member or friend into walking one while you walk the other, so their exercise needs are being met but without eating into your time too much while you are grieving.
A good trainer or behaviourist would also be an idea so they can see what’s happening in person and provide a plan going forward.
Thinking of you x

 

[turkana]

Maybe the death of your OH has effected the dogs, my OH also died at home, they stayed upstairs while the paramedics were there but after the cpr stopped and he died they came downstairs. The husky walked up to him, licked his hand them came to me & licked my cheek, they both then lay down either side of his body & stayed until I called them away & left the house. So they know he is dead & seem to be doing ok, I let them lie next to him for quite a long time as I felt that they needed to mourn him, do your dogs know he is dead? So sorry you are going though this extra stress

 

[Chucho]

I'm so sorry for your loss, what a difficult time for you. Others have said what I might have in terms of managing the environment to put you back in control of the situation. We also do things like make them both sit before we interact with them and then interact with them one at a time while the other patiently watches on to prevent arguments over who gets our attention (our issue is the puppy pushing the older one around). We also teach a hand clap = stop what you're both doing and come to me/sit for attention as a way of interrupting boisterous/escalating behaviour. It's so hard with so much upheaval to deal with at once, I really hope things get easier for you all x

 

[misst]

No advice but just wanted to say how sorry I am for your sudden loss. And for the other members who have lost partners suddenly. It must be so traumatic for everyone x

 

[Ceifer]

I have no dog advice but wanted to say I’m sorry about your husband.