Evie91
Well-Known Member
I suffer with anxiety - sometimes it can be crippling. Just feeling a bit of a failure currently, not looking for sympathy but some honest opinions from strangers on the internet. I have lovely, supportive friends who are encouraging but interested to know what the wider population thinks!
Bought a five yr old last August, smaller than I wanted, younger than I wanted and only very recently backed, ridden in the school and one dressage outing. Very sheltered upbringing. Shouldn't have bought a youngster but something about her I really like.
Did a little bit, work was horrendous and anxiety got really bad; in December I couldn't get on the horse without crying and being led round in walk by yard owner - I was so worried I would ruin horse or she would do something (to date the most she has ever done is a small buck when cantering). Ended up taking December off riding, work improved I got better, horse on full livery, still being ridden, just not by me!
For a month or so after I could only walk and trot.The little bucks tend to happen when I ask for canter so avoided that for a while! We are now cantering in the school.
Have one large field to hack around (yard on a main road, will not take horse due to how fast cars and motorbikes speed around the bends! Other folks do, that's just my personal choice), so have been riding round on my own and in company, only trotted so far on my own and in company.Ride around the paddocks when the others are in and around by farm machinery.Started just going with a friend, then five mins riding round the top of the field on my own, progressing to going round in various formations (I can hack for the most 40 mins by going, round and back etc). I am up to 20-30mins on my own, longer in company. I have to set myself a time limit when I go, to stretch my nerves!
Have been transported to local bridle path (in company) and go further each time before losing my nerve - up to forty mins. Been up a quiet road for five mins then back.
Taken horse on hols to beach but only walked on beach and rode in school.
Taken horse to local show just to ride around lorry park. Been to a lesson elsewhere twice. Reliant on lifts as currently saving for transport.
Have a rider jump once a week/fortnight and I recently started on cross poles - prob on 40cm!! Have regular lessons.
Hacked in different company today, grass is v long and track has been cut - went a different way to the field horse was wired, then a duck flew up, spotting a person on the other side of the hedge was the end of the world - horse jig jogging, head up, wired, managed 15 mins and called it a day as horse just looking for trouble (completely unlike her!), walking back past other horses (on other side of electric fence), horse feels like coiled spring, does one little bunny hop fortunately other horses in field remained calm, so we made it home, I wanted to get off but didn't, went in to school just to walk and chill. So basically nothing happened but i did feel anxious- catastrophising.
Anyway question is, am I wasting this horse? Am I making any real kind of progress? Should I just swap for a rocking horse and be done with it? If I can't even ride round one field am I failing at the whole thing?
So frustrating I used to love hacking, bit of low level jumping and dressage and just want to get back to that. I know I need to put the work in but I do miss my old horse that I knew inside out and could hack for hours, she had her quirks but I knew them. I worry about what this horse will do, so far nothing but keep saying to myself that she is young so bound to do something!!!
Any tips or advice would be appreciated!
Bought a five yr old last August, smaller than I wanted, younger than I wanted and only very recently backed, ridden in the school and one dressage outing. Very sheltered upbringing. Shouldn't have bought a youngster but something about her I really like.
Did a little bit, work was horrendous and anxiety got really bad; in December I couldn't get on the horse without crying and being led round in walk by yard owner - I was so worried I would ruin horse or she would do something (to date the most she has ever done is a small buck when cantering). Ended up taking December off riding, work improved I got better, horse on full livery, still being ridden, just not by me!
For a month or so after I could only walk and trot.The little bucks tend to happen when I ask for canter so avoided that for a while! We are now cantering in the school.
Have one large field to hack around (yard on a main road, will not take horse due to how fast cars and motorbikes speed around the bends! Other folks do, that's just my personal choice), so have been riding round on my own and in company, only trotted so far on my own and in company.Ride around the paddocks when the others are in and around by farm machinery.Started just going with a friend, then five mins riding round the top of the field on my own, progressing to going round in various formations (I can hack for the most 40 mins by going, round and back etc). I am up to 20-30mins on my own, longer in company. I have to set myself a time limit when I go, to stretch my nerves!
Have been transported to local bridle path (in company) and go further each time before losing my nerve - up to forty mins. Been up a quiet road for five mins then back.
Taken horse on hols to beach but only walked on beach and rode in school.
Taken horse to local show just to ride around lorry park. Been to a lesson elsewhere twice. Reliant on lifts as currently saving for transport.
Have a rider jump once a week/fortnight and I recently started on cross poles - prob on 40cm!! Have regular lessons.
Hacked in different company today, grass is v long and track has been cut - went a different way to the field horse was wired, then a duck flew up, spotting a person on the other side of the hedge was the end of the world - horse jig jogging, head up, wired, managed 15 mins and called it a day as horse just looking for trouble (completely unlike her!), walking back past other horses (on other side of electric fence), horse feels like coiled spring, does one little bunny hop fortunately other horses in field remained calm, so we made it home, I wanted to get off but didn't, went in to school just to walk and chill. So basically nothing happened but i did feel anxious- catastrophising.
Anyway question is, am I wasting this horse? Am I making any real kind of progress? Should I just swap for a rocking horse and be done with it? If I can't even ride round one field am I failing at the whole thing?
So frustrating I used to love hacking, bit of low level jumping and dressage and just want to get back to that. I know I need to put the work in but I do miss my old horse that I knew inside out and could hack for hours, she had her quirks but I knew them. I worry about what this horse will do, so far nothing but keep saying to myself that she is young so bound to do something!!!
Any tips or advice would be appreciated!