Partner not happy about horse costs

[Libby_x]

Yes, he still thinks horses are a stupid hobby but I've made it clear that my plan is to start my own savings, budget myself and progress at work.

I think most of the men in my family frown upon the horses but they just put up and shut up.

I guess it is never totally fair but then if he had an expensive hobby, I would promote it and try to support him as although I don't mind the pub, I think I'd prefer him to have a healthier hobby 😂

 

[rachk89]

Yes, he still thinks horses are a stupid hobby but I've made it clear that my plan is to start my own savings, budget myself and progress at work.

I think most of the men in my family frown upon the horses but they just put up and shut up.

I guess it is never totally fair but then if he had an expensive hobby, I would promote it and try to support him as although I don't mind the pub, I think I'd prefer him to have a healthier hobby ��

Tell him he's stupid and see how he likes it.

My boyfriend has only been with me for 2 months, but he was helping me train my horse to load at the weekend and he has never even worked with horses. He was actually really helpful too and got the horse loaded several times.

I know which guy I would rather have.

 

[TheOldTrout]

He thinks an important part of your life is 'a stupid hobby'? That doesn't sound like the two of you are terribly compatible, to be honest. Maybe he has some sterling qualities that you haven't mentioned here.

 

[SO1]

You are very lucky to have the opportunity to live at home, as this allows you to enjoy your horse as well as building up your career. I would stay there as long as possible to make the most of it while you can. The more money you can save the better or if you are not saving money then enjoy having the horse and take all opportunities you have whilst you have the chance. If you do decide to sell your horse at a later date to prioritise your relationship or house purchase then you may look back and wish you had used the time you did have with your horse to do as much as possible whilst you have the chance.

Most people have to make sacrifices in their life at sometime, and some people will chose horses first as they feel the pleasure of owning a horse outweighs other options, or perhaps their horse has helped them though a difficult time and they feel they owe to the horse try and secure its future, and some people will decide to give up horses for a while to concentrate on a career, relationship or to purchase a house. There is no right answer as not everyone is the same, you have to work out what the right path is for you.

 

[Moomin1]

Tell him he's stupid and see how he likes it.

My boyfriend has only been with me for 2 months, but he was helping me train my horse to load at the weekend and he has never even worked with horses. He was actually really helpful too and got the horse loaded several times.

I know which guy I would rather have.

And personally insulting him would be ok would it? He hasn't called her stupid, he's said he thinks horses as a hobby are stupid. And? Big deal!

As for your guy helping out...well after only 2 mths together of course he will. He's trying to impress you and it's all lovely and shiny and new. Come back to us in 4 yrs and see if he is still as helpful..because that will be the real test of reality.

 

[rachk89]

And personally insulting him would be ok would it? He hasn't called her stupid, he's said he thinks horses as a hobby are stupid. And? Big deal!

As for your guy helping out...well after only 2 mths together of course he will. He's trying to impress you and it's all lovely and shiny and new. Come back to us in 4 yrs and see if he is still as helpful..because that will be the real test of reality.

Because he's not insulting her by calling HER hobby stupid? Yes he is. He doesnt have to be calling her stupid, he is still insulting her.

And I would still rather have the helpful one than the one who insults me and my hobby. Its a better basis for a relationship than a guy who insults you.

 

[sjp1]

Honestly - I think that unless you are loaded or have nothing else in your life that you have to spend money on then going on part of full livery is a luxury.

I haven't read all the replies but have had horses for years on DIY which has meant I am up at 5.30 am to do them the first part of the day and then back at night to finish it all off - during that time I have either paid YO £1 to get mine in or done favours for someone else so they get them in.

To be honest its your hobby and your cost and I absolutely don't blame your partner for not being happy about you deciding you can't now look after them and are paying yet more money for full livery. I would guess he is looking to the future and I certainly wouldn't want a long term future with someone who was wasting money by putting their horses on full livery when they were strapped for cash and living at home when they could potentially just get up earlier and put in a few more hours.

Just my opinion, but if you are still living at home and relying on your parents to support you and your horse than maybe having a proper relationship is not really going to be possible with someone who is not horsey.

 

[Moomin1]

Because he's not insulting her by calling HER hobby stupid? Yes he is. He doesnt have to be calling her stupid, he is still insulting her.

And I would still rather have the helpful one than the one who insults me and my hobby. Its a better basis for a relationship than a guy who insults you.

Erm, no, I don't think that is personally insulting. I think my OH having flutters on racing is stupid. I also tell him I can't stick formula one when he watches that. He can't understand why I like having a horse. He says it's a stupid hobby. You know what, we are both mature enough to realise we are not one and the same person, and that it's perfectly ok to have separate interests. Crikey, we even (shock horror) manage to have a good old laugh at each other over it...

7 years on and 2 kids we are going perfectly strong...

 

[Libby_x]

Honestly - I think that unless you are loaded or have nothing else in your life that you have to spend money on then going on part of full livery is a luxury.

I haven't read all the replies but have had horses for years on DIY which has meant I am up at 5.30 am to do them the first part of the day and then back at night to finish it all off - during that time I have either paid YO £1 to get mine in or done favours for someone else so they get them in.

To be honest its your hobby and your cost and I absolutely don't blame your partner for not being happy about you deciding you can't now look after them and are paying yet more money for full livery. I would guess he is looking to the future and I certainly wouldn't want a long term future with someone who was wasting money by putting their horses on full livery when they were strapped for cash and living at home when they could potentially just get up earlier and put in a few more hours.

Just my opinion, but if you are still living at home and relying on your parents to support you and your horse than maybe having a proper relationship is not really going to be possible with someone who is not horsey.

Don't know if you've read the thread? It's £10-15 extra a week for part livery (Monday to Friday) and I'll probabaly save that on petrol as I end up going twice a day in the winter. You make it sound like I can't be bothered when that's not the case. The other benefit is I get to spend more time progressing at work and allows me to do more overtime also.

 

[DabDab]

The relevance being that not everyone can have everything they want without working up to it in life. Not necessarily talking about OP here but the general attitude of some posts on this thread.

OK, yes...I see your point

 

[Cecile]

Life has changed since I was young (I'm wondering if I should invest in a mobility scooter for putting out hay in the winter)

Parents and their offspring often share the family home for so much longer now and really get on with each other and B/F's and G/F's seem to stay over quite happily (My Dad would of skinned anyone trying to sleep in my bedroom when I lived at home lol)

I couldn't wait to leave home as it meant freedom, independence and a chance to do anything I wanted to, I needed to explore the world (I was living in the Middle East by the time I was 20 and enjoying every minute) now people can do all that whilst living at home

I know people living at home with their parents well into their 30's with no hassle at all and with no pressure whatsoever to leave, they have all the freedom they want, good jobs, save money, go on great holidays, have terrific hobbies, pay into the household and have a very healthy relationship with their parents. Why not stay longer with that setup in place, it must work well otherwise either the parents would be suggesting they leave or they would be desperate to move out

This isn't a rehearsal for life, this is your life so enjoy every minute if possible, planning for the future should be exciting, hard work but oh so rewarding......

My husband often jokes that couldn't we just stuff £50 notes down the horses throats to cut out the middle man of constantly waiting for someone to turn up at the stables. His hobby is deep sea diving, the cost of my hobby is a drop in the ocean compared to his hobby ~ pun intended

 

[rachk89]

Erm, no, I don't think that is personally insulting. I think my OH having flutters on racing is stupid. I also tell him I can't stick formula one when he watches that. He can't understand why I like having a horse. He says it's a stupid hobby. You know what, we are both mature enough to realise we are not one and the same person, and that it's perfectly ok to have separate interests. Crikey, we even (shock horror) manage to have a good old laugh at each other over it...

7 years on and 2 kids we are going perfectly strong...

But thats your relationship. Thats not whats happening here is it? He's calling her hobby stupid and it sounds like she doesnt like that. They had an argument over the finances of something that he doesnt contribute to, its not his business. What works in your relationship doesnt work in others, because not everyone is the same. In your relationship, you're saying it in jest. In this relationship, the OP states at the beginning that he has a big grudge against her horse and it makes her feel rubbish and like she wants to quit. In what way is that a good healthy relationship, to make your partner feel like crap over something they enjoy?

 

[Moomin1]

But thats your relationship. Thats not whats happening here is it? He's calling her hobby stupid and it sounds like she doesnt like that. They had an argument over the finances of something that he doesnt contribute to, its not his business. What works in your relationship doesnt work in others, because not everyone is the same. In your relationship, you're saying it in jest. In this relationship, the OP states at the beginning that he has a big grudge against her horse and it makes her feel rubbish and like she wants to quit. In what way is that a good healthy relationship, to make your partner feel like crap over something they enjoy?

Err, no I definitely don't say it in jest. I genuinely can't stand formula one lol. I leave the room when he watches it and likewise he does if I put anything horsey on TV. Couples don't glide through life long relationships making each other happy all the time. Rows happen. Things get said. They have differences. It's real life, not a fairy tale. The real test of love is whether that couple make it through those issues without having to agree on every single thing. Anyone who believes couples live in blissful harmony and equilibrium all the time have a big shock ahead of them.

 

[ycbm]

Err, no I definitely don't say it in jest. I genuinely can't stand formula one lol. I leave the room when he watches it and likewise he does if I put anything horsey on TV. Couples don't glide through life long relationships making each other happy all the time. Rows happen. Things get said. They have differences. It's real life, not a fairy tale. The real test of love is whether that couple make it through those issues without having to agree on every single thing. Anyone who believes couples live in blissful harmony and equilibrium all the time have a big shock ahead of them.

Don't they just !!!

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I am 21, I live with my mum. We get along well, both have our own money and both live essentially completely separate lives. I did have a horse on a part-ish livery that I could afford but I didn't save much at that time. And the thought process was that I had always been desperate for one, I fell in love with him and I have the rest of my life to have a house/mortgage/nice cars etc. I wanted a few years where I could just have fun and indulge in what I love.

As it happens it didn't last nearly as long as I would have loved it to as he was sadly PTS, and I won't get another now for several reasons, one being that I would like to save money. But to be honest, I will move out before I am 30, and I will save as much as I can, but I am in no desperate rush to move out and mum isn't either. She agrees that rent is dead money. It might be that I move out in two years or seven years, who really cares. What is this mad rush about?

Different things work for different people, me and mum live together but it isn't like living at home really with a whole family, we have independent lives and I am happy. I don't see a huge issue with that?

 

[Sussexbythesea]

"He hasn't saved a penny and I wish he did have a hobby as most of the money for him goes on the pub. However... His parents can give him a helping hand more than mine so I may be a couple of years behind without the help he might soon get."

Regardless of what he thinks about horses, how dare he have a go at the OP about her spending when he saves nothing and is spending it all in the pub while he awaits a hand out from his mummy and daddy. This is not the kind of behaviour which bodes well or personally I could ever respect. Nothing wrong with a parental helping hand but not whilst peeing your money away - talk about hypocritical!

 

[tankgirl1]

Hi all,

Partner has gone mad as I want to go on full livery (5 days a week).

I've added up DIY costs and it's about £60-70 a week once I include bedding, feed, hay so on.

Full livery is £85 and means I get to go back on a livery yard, have better facilities and more help around a full time job.

Both 25 and still at home. When he realised how much DIY totals up to he has gone mad before even entertaining the idea of going on 5 day livery.

What do you all do when your partner has a big grudge about you having a horse? It makes me feel rubbish and like I should sell and give up but I've always had horses and can't imagine life without?!

Bye bye! My life, my ponies, get knotted you snot face! Is what I would do/say


I'd do a Rik Mayall sneer too!

 

[LadyGascoyne]

Anyone who believes couples live in blissful harmony and equilibrium all the time have a big shock ahead of them.

Don't they just !!!

A thought that has occurred to me so many times throughout this thread.

I am not sure I can agree with the "don't compromise" and "tell him to like it or lump it" rhetoric. Not for me, but I do understand that how everyone runs their relationship is differently.

I'm also not keen on the whole "if you give up something for him, you'll resent him." To me, resentment is something you allow yourself to create. If you give up something, you do it graciously and you understand that it is your choice, regardless of the outcome.

I've given up a lot more than horses for my husband, but I think if you really love someone, you do anything to make it work. It's never been a question for me, my relationship comes first.

P.S ycbm, I might need to borrow that walking stick from you- I think we've got quite similar views on relationships 😂

 

[Auslander]

I'm a little cautious about men who don't support my horsey hobby (even more so, now that they are my main income!). My ex husband was always a bit anti, but I put up with it. When he divorced me, one of the points he made (in a very lengthy document that picked up 1001 awful things I did that made his life a misery) was that I prioritised feeding/caring for the horses, over feeding/caring for him.

His dislike of my main passion was funny while it was just him having a whinge, but not quite so amusing when it was brought up in court! It makes me laugh now, but it was a bit of a shocker at the time - even though the judge sad that most people understood that animals were more likely to die if they weren't fed, than husbands.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that, if the horse is already a bit of an issue, it's only going to get worse. Only you can decide where your priorities lie.

 

[ManBearPig]

The only advice I have currently is do NOT jump straight into buying a house together, even if it means "wasting" money renting for a while. Living together WILL make or break the relationship, and if it breaks it (I'm not by any means saying it will, but you just don't know with these things as it adds a very different dynamic to the relationship), both of you will be much better off if you can just sever the tenancy and get on with your lives.

 

[ycbm]

P.S ycbm, I might need to borrow that walking stick from you- I think we've got quite similar views on relationships 😂

You'll have to buy your own, I'm afraid. I need it to bat my husband with next time he drags me to another bloody steam fair!

 

[DabDab]

You'll have to buy your own, I'm afraid. I need it to bat my husband with next time he drags me to another bloody steam fair!

Whoa there!
First there's moomin dissing formula 1 and now you don't like steam fairs :O :O .....I'm sorry but the pair of you are quite clearly not of the right mind to comment on hobbies, interests or life in general....

 

[ycbm]

Whoa there!
First there's moomin dissing formula 1 and now you don't like steam fairs :O :O .....I'm sorry but the pair of you are quite clearly not of the right mind to comment on hobbies, interests or life in general....

But you like getting your hands dirty rolling aluminium for a living. I hardly think you are in a position to judge two paragons of virtue like Moomin and me! Get a real job in a office, then you can comment

 

[DabDab]

But you like getting your hands dirty rolling aluminium for a living. I hardly think you are in a position to judge two paragons of virtue like Moomin and me! Get a real job in a office, then you can comment

Hey! Too far
(Anyway, I do have an office - that's where I go to look at all my pretty data that the mills spit out....mmm...I do love data)
Ah well, next time I see a steamroller holding up traffic with a man on the back being beaten I'll be sure to say hi