perfectionism ruining your riding - how do you deal

montevxcii

montevxcii

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does anyone else find that when life is a little stressful (making job applications and whatnot), horse riding becomes yet another thing that you must 'succeed' at? I'm a truly neurotic person, and my riding at the moment is atrocious because I am so stiff and unfocused - then you get into that 'oh I'm riding really badly' spiral and it just gets worse- so frustrated with myself last lesson i wanted to give up!

I think I'm going to take a break and just do some hacking to remind myself that I ride because I enjoy it and I love being with horses, its not yet another exam that needs passing :confused:

is anyone else a delicate flower like me? How do you manage to get over it?
 
Your right. Take it back to hacking, or not even riding, just being with and around the animals you love, going walks and waiting for the summer sun! I've been through a spell like that you get so focussed o the "riding" aspect you forget what your actually doing it for!
Take a step back and just enjoy :D
Personal development is good- but not if you beginning to dislike your hobby!
 
Are you confident in riding/yourself? I always found when i was less confident i was more critical of myself. I would video every ride or get someone to take photos, analyse it, declare i was unfit to ride and spiral, then start again. I had to have a photo of each ride cause i was always looking for a great shot that made me feel like i was riding okay.

Now i just ride to enjoy it. I video some times if i am doing something new or just want to see how were looking...but im not as worried about it. Im just enjoying my horse...i dont need to compete or do this or that or look amazing...im just enjoying myself. And you kow what? The best photos i have of us are when we are enjoying ourselves and i was not even aware i had a photo taken.
 
Riding is the thing that spirits me away from all the stress of work and life. Whether it's going for a hack or training in the school, I get in the moment and everything else becomes a distant memory.
I think it helps to see your training as play rather than another task to be ticked off. I never get on with a fixed idea of what we're going to do, rather, do a bit of easy warm up and see what feels right on the day :)
 
Yes yes Yes! Absolutely. It comes out more with my share horse as he's a bit of a schoolmaster and picks up on the tiniest amount of tension going and then we get our knickers in a twist. Hacking if you can, or fun stuff - poles, bending etc, or I find a lesson really can help as it focusses me and gives me a positive boost. I have 2 very good instructors - 1 who is really good for when my head is getting in the way of my riding and 1 who is good at making me just get on with it!
 
I am the same as Milliepops - riding is my escape from the real world. I have to drive over a bridge to get to my grazing, and that is my barrier between life and my horses. Once I am over that bridge, it's all about the horses and nothing else. It isn't really a conscious thing, but something I have learned to do for my sanity and to give my horses the respect they deserve.

Focusing on the just the time I spend there, and the little gains puts a smile on my face and life is good.
 
When I can't get something right and I start to get frustrated I give the horse a pat and get off. I might give him a groom or a bit of feed. I find things often click into place the next time you try them.

You can also think of ways to solve the problem after you get off and have relaxed a bit. A bit of time to think of new things to try is better than plugging away at something if your not getting the results you want.
 
Also your mood can really affect your ability. A couple of months ago I was feeling anxious.
I couldn't think why but when I started schooling my horse I thought to myself 'He won't transition to canter'. I spent a ridiculous amount of time just trying to get my poor horse to canter! The anxiety was preventing me from giving the correct aid.

Anyway I figured out the reason for my anxiety and next time I rode, I did fabulous canter transitions :D
 
Once I got over the absolute thrill of owning newbie and having a lovely straightforward very well trained little mare, I did over focus on her capability versus mine. I needed to get better and train and school so we could go out and compete. I’m quite an objective setting person so did enjoy it in the main but a set back with my leg (I broke my hip 3 years ago) meant in the space of 10 days I went from being able to work her competently to being unable to get her to canter, feeling wonky, left leg sore and fixed. It’s taken 3 months to get back to being 100% again (100% for me!) and it’s balanced that focus a bit. I’m still focussed but it’s now more about how well we work together and I get so much out of us understanding each other again (she must also be very relieved). Every session I have a goal but it’s not must get perfect circles or transitions or exercises it’s improve balance, suppleness or reaction to aids etc.
 
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Go for a long gossipy, moochy hack with a good friend and remind yourself what it's all about. Box to somewhere with great hacking if it's not available straight from your yard.

I had to literally force my friend onto her horse on Sunday to go for a hack, by the end she was properly chilled out and the world had been put to rights :D
 
Lintel said:
Your right. Take it back to hacking, or not even riding, just being with and around the animals you love, going walks and waiting for the summer sun! I've been through a spell like that you get so focussed o the "riding" aspect you forget what your actually doing it for!
Take a step back and just enjoy :D
Personal development is good- but not if you beginning to dislike your hobby!
Click to expand...

^
this, says it all
 
I know how you feel and it is difficult because it is easy to compare oneself with people who ride and compete professionally but at the end of the day, those of us who do it as a hobby why should we expect to be as good as those doing nothing else - I am sure they wouldn't be able to do you job as well as you can. I agree with the go and enjoy hacking, reset the mind and perhaps have a lesson or two to get you back into the correct groove of things.
 
I totally feel your pain. I'm my own harshest critic and a complete perfectionist, which is only amplified by having an extremely capable dressage schoolmaster. My trainer is also a total perfectionist (one of the many reasons we click so well) so there have been times when I've been in danger of falling into the trap of thinking I'm utterly useless, especially when I know what M can do when asked correctly. I've started to overcome this by reminding myself just how far we've come (and taken lots of pics and videos along the way) so that when my pesky inner chimp starts up I can counter him with all the great things we've achieved since I got M. And also remembering that those I aspire to be like spend most of their waking hours in the saddle riding different horses so of course they'll be more accomplished than little ol' me squeezing in a ride after work most nights.

I try to go into each week with a plan, but I keep it flexible and if we're really struggling with something I'll park it until our next lesson as I find overthinking the issue only makes it worse. If things are really bad I've been known to take a week off just to hack so we can "reset" and come back to our schooling work with a clear head. In winter this is harder to do, but I try to work from home one day a week so we can hack out and have got into a routine where we hack with a friend every Sunday which gives us both some down time.

I'm also learning not to force it. Last year I'd beat myself up if I didn't ride X days a week, whereas so far this year I'm being a bit kinder to myself. I find there's a fine line between making excuses and turning it into a chore and knowing when you're simply too tired/ill/busy and likely to take that extra baggage into the schooling session. Essentially it's all about setting yourself up for success whether that be in the form of taking a day off, going for a hack or just having a play around in the school rather than fixating on things you need to improve.
 
My horse forced me to take a step back this winter by developing a cough, as soon as that was better he bruised the sole of his right hind, and as soon as that was on the mend he knocked himself in the field on a fence post giving himself a swollen eye Mike Tyson would be proud of! I'd been overloading myself with goals for the New Year and asking a lot of him and myself until it all seemed totally overwhelming and schooling became something we both dreaded. This time off has been a blessing in disguise (vet and farrier bills aside...)

I would agree and say hacking and doing things you enjoy, find a friend and ride together in a no pressure situation, even if it means going a bit out of your way. Maybe try something totally new, e.g. trick training or even simple stuff like groundwork over poles?

Take a deep breath, horses can be stressful and there can be a lot of pressure to be at your best all the time. Nobody is perfect, and you will struggle with stuff, as will everyone else, do your best to enjoy your time with your horsey companion and go from there!
 
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thank you all so much for your answers!

It is certainly easy to forget that riding is some peoples full time job- instagram is the absolute worst for comparing yourself to others.

I did go on a hack- a challenging one as there was a lot of road riding involved and big scary machines and whatnot. It had entirely the desired effect though, going for a good canter in the rain reminded me why i do this horsey sport in the first place!

I'm going to carry on with the hacking for a little while I think- I feel my confidence being restored! :D
 
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