Please help, plotting revenge...

scatty_mare

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I would like some help getting revenge on my arch nemesis.
He is a 65 year old scraggy old hunchback with a face like a scrotum and I hold him personally responsible for directly causing career-ending injuries to both my horses. In both cases he knew exactly what he was doing but somehow it didn’t matter.
My horses have long since moved off his yard but his presence is still inflicted upon me out hunting, where he invariable gallops past way out of control, and cuts you up 3 strides out from a fence, then stops at it. He often lands in it which gives me small consolation :D

He has 3 main topics of conversation. They are:

1. When am I going to have my worthless horses shot.
2. Stupid namby pamby thoroughbreds should never have been born. Should be shot.
3. Don’t I look dashing on my prancing uncontrollable black horse.

Actually it is completely irrelevant whether there are too many thoroughbreds bred each year (of course there are) and whether my horses should be shot (not while they are healthy and happy and I have a home for them) but it really gets on my wick. So I have made it my business to cut him down with witty remarks. My aim is to get him to understand:

1. Horses need to be looked after all the time, not just when you are in the mood. Looking at my horses every day is not mollycoddling them.
2. Riding at big hedges and rails at a flat out gallop, and with his horse’s head pinned onto its chest because he is hanging onto its myler combination bit to keep his balance is not safe. Nor is it fair on his unfit horse.
3. I do not care what he thinks about my horses and their monetary worth and he does not need to give his opinion every single time we meet.
4. Women do not, and never will, find him attractive. Unless *perhaps* they are blind, deaf, and do not have a sense of smell. But it’s a long shot.

The problem is that whatever I say to him, however witty and disparaging my remarks, however cutting my put downs, he just laughs it off. I’ve delivered some killer lines, honestly, I’ve spewed wit at him, and it just rolls off his slimy little hunchback.

Even more aggravating is that he usually blames my cutting comments on ‘hormones’. And THEN he makes some seedy and nauseating comment about how feisty women really twiddle his knobs.
For the record I would rather poke out my eyes with a hoof pick than twiddle his knobs.

So now I need a new and clever way to get through to him. Please please please help inspire me!

Thank you :D
 
Also, I think physical violence is best avoided, tempting as it might be. Clearly I would kick his bony grey a*** in any kind of fight, but I wish to avoid direct contact at all costs. Having said that I would not discount physical violence altogether if protective equipment was in place.
The only other proviso is that we leave the horse alone. His poor horse suffers enough. Not his fault his owner is a clueless kamikaze potato.

NB I am not really as weird as I come across... really I'm not. And I've never had an arch nemesis before :D
 
two words..... scalpel....balls :D no more twiddling nobs for him...dirty old beggar!
You are quite welcome to borrow Ayla. she can shift across the field and put in a dirty stop before a jump rather well :) get payback :)
 
Can't think of anything really clever at the moment, but as he obviously gets a thrill from your exchanges, however acidic, can I suggest completely ignoring him for the timebeing while you come up with something?
 
Spudlet's answer is of course perfect. We'll all send you nice things in jail. ;) ;)
Or,
just tell him, deadpan, that he's a despicable excuse for a human being, an embarrassment to the horse world, and an oxygen thief, and you're not joking.
End of conversation, don't stay to banter, twiddle his disgustingly pervy knobs etc.
I knew someone vaguely similar back in Northants. He used to ride his obviously LAME horse around and when I told him it was lame, he said "I know" and kicked it into a (stumbling) trot.
I was overjoyed to hear that he's terminally ill.
Your ultimate revenge is that, all going well, you'll outlive this old git by yonks.
 
play a different game, next time burst out crying and say that youve had enough of his bullying and tormenting and that its been making you life hell- make sure theres an audience with a few people who will shake their heads in disapproval at him ;)
 
Ask him in a tone of concern whether he is unwell every time you see him. When he asks why you ask, or when he says he feels fine, say he looks really 'tired and a bit grey-faced' and that you are really worried about him.

I reckon you can have him transformed into a major hyperchondriac by the end of the season, possibly also saving his poor horse a few outings.
 
There is an easy way of dealing with people like him...

Don't.

Don't respond, just ignore him. He is looking for a response of some sort and you are giving it to him. Your responses no matter how witty and cutting are fuel on his fire and they aren't working are they??

Blank him, turn your back, look through him, talk to other people and ignore and avoid him. Just don't rise to him. He will eventually get bored and leave you alone. Take the moral high ground and don't descend to his level, he is not worth your wasted breath.

OR.... are you enjoying the repartee as much as he is????

If not, then ignoring is the best tack!! People like him live for the pure reason of getting a response from others, it's pure neediness.
 
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I like Spudlet's idea! :D

Failing that, don't say anything to him and act like he's not there. If he does say anything to you, turn to your nearest friend and start a convo about the weather or something. Men with those sort of egos cant stand being ignored. If he wants to act like a piece of dirt, treat him like one.
 
I like to give myself a sly little smile to myself, whilst averting my gaze for a second or 2. He might say nothing, but it will annoy him at some point and if you are lucky, start making him slightly paranoid!

What a dirty little man, ugh!
 
Freeze him out!

Only speak when you see him riding in a way that is detrimental to his horse, Perhaps you could ask " is that how you caused the career-ending injuries you inflicted on my two". Say it loudly so others can hear.

He sounds gross. Good luck with putting him in his place.
 
if he says something defamatory about your character sock him in the bracket and claim it was an act of passion to the judge, but seriously the best route is to detach yourself, you are feeding a sad situation for your self that spoiling your quality of life, say hello turn away occupy yourself with other people, don't start a conversation, don't obsess, refuse to think about him find strategies to distract your thoughts, and you will feel so much better in about 1 week.
 
Hmm... have you tried acerbic comments about his repulsive appearance/personal hygiene/poor horsemanship? If even these do nothing, then how about simply sneering condescendingly and riding off whenever he approaches (before he has a chance to open his repugnant gob)??
 
As Hels Bells says. Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold, so I'd say ignore him and don't let him get to you. Easier said than done I know as we all get fired up by things but if he's taking this much of your thoughts and time then he's really not worth another thought. It's something I've learnt is the best response to those sort of things, you can't change him, you don't want to give him other opportunities to annoy you even further so make like he's invisible and you're deaf.
 
Thank you for your replies, lovelies, and yes you are all right - either I must shoot him, or I must just ignore him.
I hadn't given him a second thought since June when my horses left his yard, but since hunting has started I can't avoid him and he seems to seek me out to wind me up. Everyone else says he's harmless if a little pervy, but I do think that you are right and he is getting some kind of disgusting old man kicks out of our exchanges. That disgusts me more so I will not give him the benefit of my acerbic wit! I will go for the little private smiles when I see him :D and I LOVE the turn him into a hyperchondriac idea! You are wonderfully devious!
I am aware that it is a complete waste of my energy to loathe him so much and really I just need to shut up and move on but he is SUCH a grotesque piece of humanity. Eugh.
 
The nicer you are to people like that the more it winds hem up. He is doing it to get at you (probably for taking the horses away) and your responses tell him its working. If you are ott nice to him - like really slimy nice- it'll drive him MAD!! also the hyperchondriac idea is great and fits in well with the nicy nicy. Did this out hunting the other day - someone who really hates me was having problems (her own fault) with her horse and i was really encouraging to her and helped her out with big smiles and loveliness, p***ed her of NO END!!
a065.gif
 
The nicer you are to people like that the more it winds hem up. He is doing it to get at you (probably for taking the horses away) and your responses tell him its working. If you are ott nice to him - like really slimy nice- it'll drive him MAD!! also the hyperchondriac idea is great and fits in well with the nicy nicy. Did this out hunting the other day - someone who really hates me was having problems (her own fault) with her horse and i was really encouraging to her and helped her out with big smiles and loveliness, p***ed her of NO END!!
a065.gif

I'm not sure I can do slimy nice... but I can give it a damn good go!

Now I'm worried when people are nice to me it's because they hate me! People are so confusing!
 
Revenge -
Go to local chemist and get some VERY FAST acting laxatives, at the next meet get someone to hold your horse and offer to take stirrup cup round, slip laxatives in glass of port and hand to him, hopefully they should come into effect as he takes the first jump - just don't be behind him :D
Failing taking round stirrup cup take large hip flask (or saddle flask) and put laxatives in there, just smile sweetly and keep offering him a drink from flask - just don't be tempted to take a sip yourself :eek:
 
Show Girl

You beat me to it with the 'spiked' hip flask. Only I'd put something a bit less savoury than a laxative in it
c033.gif
and then do the sly smile just after he partakes...
c032.gif


Ask him what he thinks of your *Southern 'Comfort'* Mwahahahahaha
 
I would like some help getting revenge on my arch nemesis.
He is a 65 year old scraggy old hunchback with a face like a scrotum and I hold him personally responsible for directly causing career-ending injuries to both my horses. In both cases he knew exactly what he was doing but somehow it didn’t matter.
My horses have long since moved off his yard but his presence is still inflicted upon me out hunting, where he invariable gallops past way out of control, and cuts you up 3 strides out from a fence, then stops at it. He often lands in it which gives me small consolation :D

He has 3 main topics of conversation. They are:

1. When am I going to have my worthless horses shot.
2. Stupid namby pamby thoroughbreds should never have been born. Should be shot.
3. Don’t I look dashing on my prancing uncontrollable black horse.

Actually it is completely irrelevant whether there are too many thoroughbreds bred each year (of course there are) and whether my horses should be shot (not while they are healthy and happy and I have a home for them) but it really gets on my wick. So I have made it my business to cut him down with witty remarks. My aim is to get him to understand:

1. Horses need to be looked after all the time, not just when you are in the mood. Looking at my horses every day is not mollycoddling them.
2. Riding at big hedges and rails at a flat out gallop, and with his horse’s head pinned onto its chest because he is hanging onto its myler combination bit to keep his balance is not safe. Nor is it fair on his unfit horse.
3. I do not care what he thinks about my horses and their monetary worth and he does not need to give his opinion every single time we meet.
4. Women do not, and never will, find him attractive. Unless *perhaps* they are blind, deaf, and do not have a sense of smell. But it’s a long shot.

The problem is that whatever I say to him, however witty and disparaging my remarks, however cutting my put downs, he just laughs it off. I’ve delivered some killer lines, honestly, I’ve spewed wit at him, and it just rolls off his slimy little hunchback.

Even more aggravating is that he usually blames my cutting comments on ‘hormones’. And THEN he makes some seedy and nauseating comment about how feisty women really twiddle his knobs.
For the record I would rather poke out my eyes with a hoof pick than twiddle his knobs.

So now I need a new and clever way to get through to him. Please please please help inspire me!

Thank you :D

ha ha ha, this really made me chuckle :D
Oh there is a web site that has a 1000 ideas to really pee of your ex and get revenge.........could be some good stuff on there?
Some of them are hilarious, I'll see if I can find the link :D
 
I can't shake the feeling that there may be an element of sexual attraction going on here - on both sides :D Like in those old black and white movies with lothario pushing the buttons of beautiful ice queen who eventually melts....I smell romance!;)
 
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