Please help us - first time owners rehomed a rottie

jaffa2311

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Hello everyone,

Please help us. A bit about us first.... we are a couple who own a two bed house with a garden, that backs on to a park. No other pets. I own two horses, one I've had for 9 years and the other I bought as a weanling who is now 3.

We have yearned for a dog for years, we both love them. We agreed we both wanted one together and now we have our house thought now was the perfect time.

He works 5 days 9-5 and I work 4 full days. We arranged a professional dog walker who will walk any potential dog on the days we work, along with us walking them before and after work.

We decided a puppy was too much, so looked at giving an older dog in a sorry situation a home.

We found a poor rottie boy, who is 1, advertised. He ticked all the boxes like able to be left, crate trained, good around dogs and people etc etc. We went to see him and he was lovely, so we went back again two weeks later to see him on a walk.

We agreed to have him.

We brought him home yesterday and I am totally overwhelmed by it. I feel like we've made an awful mistake and can't get over the huge responsibility. My partner feels the same. He is naturally terrified and really clingy to us, won't take his eyes off us. He slept in the kitchen last night and was brilliant, and aside from being a bit boisterous , he hasn't done a lot wrong. We just both feel sick inside that it is too much for us and we miss the peaceful house and life that we had.

Today is day two. Is this normal? How do I stop this feeling?
At the moment, I have no emotional attachment to him, which o also felt my my horses at the start. I haven't eaten since Saturday lunch time and keep trying to be sick because of my anxiety.


Someone help us. I know my partner feels the same.
 

Sarah_K

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It's the puppy blues! It's totally normal. Although your dog isn't a pup, it's still a massive upheaval. Even people who have had dogs all their lives sometimes feel like this when they get a new one. Most important bit to know is that this too will pass.

I think sometimes the planning and thinking about it is a totally different reality to what you end up with. You plan for the day and then when it comes it seems like a downer. Don't dwell on the moment, think of the dog you'd like him to be and work towards that. He slept all night in the kitchen- that's absolutely great. He's clingy- use it to your advantage and start training. Best way to build a bond is through training and play.

If someone had said they'd take Obie (about 2 weeks after I'd got him) I'd have had his bags packed in seconds. Was far better after another 2 weeks and now, 2 years on, I wouldn't be without him. :)

Best of luck!
 

ihatework

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Rotties can be superb family dogs, some of the nicest dogs I have known are Rotties.
But you do have to consider the breed traits and the potential for it to go wrong.

Was this poor dog formally assessed and rehomed by a reputable organisation? Or was it a less formal arrangement?

I’m quite staggered that somebody who must surely be animal savvy to an extent (with 2 horses) has clearly gone into this with so little commitment.

So my advice would be to either send the dog back immediately, with an embarrassed apology, and don’t get another OR be 100% committed in him, change your work hours short term - get some help in to work with him and get him in your routine and a plan of action for the future. Be prepared for it to be more expensive than the horses short term!
 

CorvusCorax

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When I brought my current dog home, having had dogs all my life, and heard him pinging off the sides of his crate at 6am, I lay in bed and cried and asked myself what the hell I had done.
Seven years later and that dog has introduced me to some amazing experiences and people and I wouldn't be without him. He is an arse at times and I did have to modify my life somewhat to accommodate him, but I wouldn't change anything.

It's only been a day. I don't actually think dogs are that much more of a responsibility of horses. He doesn't sound like he has done much wrong. You could get into all sorts of activities with him and have a lot of fun together.
However do be aware if your anxiety is that bad, it will transfer to the dog. You need to build a bond with him. If you don't, it's not enough to pretend that you like him and dogs aren't stupid, they will pick up on it and that will cause further stress for all concerned.
What I would do as a first time dog owner is do a bit of reading and research and remember that this is a dog and not a horse and certainly not a human being. One of the worst things we as humans do is anthropomorphise dogs and put human thoughts and emotions on them. He's not doing anything to deliberately annoy or upset you, he doesn't 'know' what you are saying (he's a dog, they are non verbal and don't speak English) and 'love' and 'feeling sorry for him' is no substitute for stability, leadership and security - please accept a friendly 'Man/Woman Up' :)
 
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PapaverFollis

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Take a deep breath. Take him for a walk. Give him his food. Make sure he has water and a few chew toys. Do some easy training if you fancy it. He's crate trained so use that, give him half an hour in their with a stuffed kong or similar if you need a bit of a break. If he's not done anything wrong yet that's good, but he will possibly make a few mistakes as he settles in. It's a big change for him too.

Taking him back or not depends on why you are feeling so overwhelmed so quickly. Is it just not knowing what to do, not gaving a routine and just needing to get used to the presence of a big dog in the house or do you actually think you have made a mistake and don't want a dog at all? It's not very fair on the dog to let him start to get settled then take him back so as someone said, either commit 100% now and be in for the long haul or take him back cap in hand.

Why is the reality of a dog so different to what you imagined? Why did you want a dog in the first place? How can you shape the reality to meet the expectation? Is it possible?
 

MotherOfChickens

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It's the puppy blues! It's totally normal. Although your dog isn't a pup, it's still a massive upheaval. Even people who have had dogs all their lives sometimes feel like this when they get a new one. Most important bit to know is that this too will pass.

do they? I never have. Even when I took on a rescue that I was initially over my head with I never felt like that. OP if you are not sure you want the dog send him back before any more damage is done-better that than in a week or a months time. With any dog, puppy or not, you need to arrange to have time off work to settle them in.
 

Moobli

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It certainly sounds like a case of the puppy blues albeit a rather extreme one. As Sarah said above, loads of dog owners (even experienced ones who have had dogs for years) can get a feeling of being overwhelmed by a new pup/dog, their routine is thrown out of kilter and the responsibility of 10-14 years of dog ownership can lay heavy on some people. It is not at all uncommon.

I would persevere for a couple of weeks at least and see how you are feeling then. He sounds like he has lots of positives (crate training, a good temperament etc) and is himself feeling rather lost and bewildered at having been removed from his old home. Do you know why they were rehoming him? Did he come through a rescue centre or from a private home?

If it really is just a case of being overwhelmed by the responsibility then keep at it and give him 100% commitment, keep focusing on the dog he will be and the bond you will have further down the line rather than dwelling on the upset routine and change in lifestyle you currently have.

What research did you do before getting a dog and such a large one? Is this the first dog you have ever owned? What is different in reality to how you had imagined it to be?

If keeping him is making you physically sick with anxiety then perhaps it is better that you do return him and never think of getting a dog again.
 

CorvusCorax

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I absolutely have had 'doggy blues'/concerns over whether I have done the right thing. And know others who have as well. And will probably do so again.
My mother had never held a baby before she had me lol.
 

Amye

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I wouldn't jump into a decision to take him back, really really consider it. It sounds like you were prepared to have to dog, so there's no reason you shouldn't be able to manage him.

A lot of people experience 'the puppy blues' when they first take on a dog (be it an adult or puppy!), as the feeling of responsibility can be quite overwhelming. I felt it a bit with my horse, but a dog actually lives with you do there's no escape from the fact you've taken him on!

You've said the dog hasn't done anything wrong. Well that's a good start! Focus on that. The dog might be a bit 'clingy' now, as he's had a massive upheaval to his life, but he'll settle and so will you!

We got our rescue dog 3 months ago. OH and I's first dog together (though I've grown up with dogs). We took time off work to help him settle and I had the first two weeks off. The first few days I felt overwhelmed and a bit like 'what have i done'. I've looked after and helped train my parents dog, I'm not completely inexperienced and knew what taking care of a dog entailed but I just felt a bit 'eeek' :D Our dog has also done nothing wrong so there was no reason for it other than my own anxiety.

Three months on and I adore our rescue dog. He is so sweet, loyal and loving and he's turning into such a good dog. We had a few teething problems but nothing unmanageable and we are on top of them. I have no regrets at all and can't believe I ever felt anxious over getting him!

Our rescue started off a bit clingy, so I started his alone training straight away, but took it slowly. I think this helps as he is completely fine being left now with his kong :)

I also think it might help if you start doing some basic training with him. It helps build your bond and might relieve some anxieties when you see the dog working for you :) You say he won't take his eyes off you - you could also teach him to settle, get him a stuffed kong and give him that to occupy himself, instead of being occupied by you all the time. Take him for a nice little walk to help build your relationship too. I think what helped me was getting into a nice routine and it made me realise, I can do this, we do have time for this (even though before we got the dog I'd already made schedule and knew we would have, but doing it in reality helped!), we can train him and he is a good dog :)
 

Moobli

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do they? I never have. Even when I took on a rescue that I was initially over my head with I never felt like that. OP if you are not sure you want the dog send him back before any more damage is done-better that than in a week or a months time. With any dog, puppy or not, you need to arrange to have time off work to settle them in.

If you ever get over on to pet forums you will see that this is a very common situation with people taking on a new dog/puppy.
 

jaffa2311

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Thanks for the helpful replies.

I should add we went into this with our eyes open, although clearly naive.
We researched the breed slot and took 3 weeks to decide to take him, but him arriving is different to thinking about him.

We are both off for two weeks with him, to help him settle, before returning to what our routine will be. He has been for 3 walks with us and we will take him for a long one in the forest today.

We wanted a dog as we are dog lovers. We felt our lives would fit a dog.

I wish my anxiety would stop.

We have started doing commands with him, he knows some but would like to learn more with him. We want him to start obedience classes.
 

Moobli

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Excellent - long walks and fun bits of training are exactly what you need to help bond with him. I can honestly say if you stick with it in a few weeks times you will not be able to imagine your life without him.
 

jaffa2311

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At the moment, he is downstairs only.

When one of us leaves downstairs to go upstairs then he cries and looks for them, then eventually settles.

I grew up with a nutter boxer dog.

Apparently when I was at the horses, he barked for ages then started barking at my partner whilst he was cooking breakfast as he wanted attention.

He isn't overly keen to go in the crate but went in with some treats last night. We left him in the kitchen with the crate there but it looks like he slept in it.
 

stencilface

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You're doing well. My dog (gsd x rottie) was not crate trained or any trained when we got him aged 4.

The first night (after 8 months in rescie) he spent stressed panting by the side of my bed. By the end of 're week he was outside our door, and by week 2 he slept downstairs and isn't allowed up at all now (except wheb I forget to shut the gate and he goes upstairs to rip up all the dirty nappies - gross)

My dog still gets separation anxiety, but is happily left in the day, with a dog walker coming in when I worked. He gets stressed/angry sometimes at the weekend if we all leave together without him and opens his cupboard to steal food, but doesn't on a normal day. It's a shame he can open doors!

I would say next week start leaving him for incremental periods so you can get him used to what it will be like when you go to work. But now, enjoy him and tire him out on sone bonding walks :)
 

Amye

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You have to imagine this is unsettling for your dog too, he's gone from a rescue(?)/private home into an unknown home with two strangers. Our rescue was the same at first, he was downstairs and if we went up he would whine, this got better as I did more alone training with him. But some of it is he just wants to see what we're up to!

You may need to introduce the crate as a happy place again. He may have been crate trained previously but does that mean he's been in a crate recently? If you have a different crate to the one he's used to then it can be a little strange for him. So feed him in there, play with him in there, give him a yummy chew or something and let him settle in there.

In the first week of owning ours I took him on nice relaxing walks everyday, I didn't march anywhere purposefully just let him sniff where he wanted. I practiced recall in our garden as that was a great way to help with the anxiety, it was nice to see him bounding over to me!
 

blackcob

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I am another who had extreme puppy blues, having had a dog in remarkably similar circumstances. In our case the previous owner had neglected to mention the extreme and destructive separation anxiety too which we were absolutely not equipped to deal with at the time (terraced house, no garden, working and studying full time). I remember my OH and I not speaking for probably the better part of a week and lying in bed churning with anxiety wondering what the hell I had done to my life. I came very close to calling the previous owner to ask if I could send her back.

As others have said upthread, I now cannot imagine life without that dog and it's been an incredible journey, I have done things, gone places and met people I would never have known without that pointy-eared pain in the arse at my side.

I can't deny that it involved a lifestyle and attitude change, with plenty of sacrifices on the way, and I think if that idea utterly terrifies you and is completely incompatible with your work and home life now then maybe it would be kinder to ask to return him sooner rather than later, so he can bond with a new family and not undergo too many changes in a short time. That said, I also agree that he sounds like a good lad and the foundations are there. You could be the making of him, if you're ready. :)
 

CorvusCorax

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As above just start small. I've just started back doing bits and bobs with my own dog after a break and it is literally just ten minutes in the back garden before work doing a downstay (sometimes while I make my breakfast, cheating lol) or sitting calmly in a heel position. You can do training anywhere at any time.
The way I train is that all food comes from me and not a bowl. Even when the food does come from a bowl, I bring it to the bowl in a cup and he must sit quietly on his bed or do 'something', before I pour it out and tell him that it is OK to eat. You can easily use his daily allowance of food to help create a positive association with you or the crate and to shape the behaviours you want or use a Kong or another form of food toy to make him work for his food and occupy him.

If you look on YouTube there are tonnes of short training tutorials and clicker training guides. Short bursts of training are infinitely more interesting than watching a soap opera!
 
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Blanche

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It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and what have I done. I have felt like that when I've got a new puppy as have most people here. What would concern me is that you appear to have got yourself into such a state that you're not eating. Are you like this with your horses when something happens? You need to manage your anxiety, for life as much as dealing with the dog. When things go tits up with the dog you need to deal with it in a calm way otherwise you are both going to make things worse. He appears to be a sweety from what you have said but he is going to make mistakes( as will you, we all do) and you need to take some seriously deep breaths and deal with it calmly. He will not be deliberately annoying you so don't blame him. Try and think what you could have done to avoid the problem. Start doing very basic training, things he knows how to do so things end on a good note, just a few minutes here and there. It will help you all gain confidence in each other. But you and your other half really need to chill the fug out. Like horses dogs feel your energy so lots of slow steady breathing. You do need to think though whether you long term are able to deal with an animal in your home. It is not fair on an animal to have to deal with someone who is so wound up at having a calm, seemingly well behaved dog in their home, what are you both going to be like when he does make mistakes. I am not trying to be negative but long term can you cope. He could be the best thing that happened to you both though and the love and joy you get is amazing. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 

Clodagh

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Every time we get another dog I have an attack of puppy blues, and no 4 comes on Wednesday.
Op you do sound like you have got a bit extreme over this. Go and get some rescue remedy and some kalms. Give the dog a proper chance. Set him up to succeed.
 

GinaB

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When I rehomed my youngest girl, I had a few weeks of what the hell have I done?! Although nowhere near as extreme as yours. I just needed to give her time and to build up a bond. She is still a massive pain in the arse (4 years on) and I have no doubt she will continue to be until the day she dies but I love her and couldn't imagine life without her.

I started with taking her to training classes, just me and her (I've another dog too) and building up our bond there. Once her and the older dog started to get on then it became a lot easier.

It's a huge upheaval for the pup (and at a year old and a rottie, very much a pup as they do take time to mature) so please give him time.
 

YorksG

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This may sound like mad advice, but get another, compatible dog! We have two four year old Rottie bitches (litter sisters) and while they are not happy when anyone goes to work, they do not make a huge fuss :) Having two means they are never alone (except when one or other has had to stay at the vets forthe day, when one of us stayed at home with the "well" one ) The amount of exercise they give each other is fantastic, two very sleek well muscled girls. Ours do not have off lead walks, as we have too much stock and too many deer around to have loose Rotters. The breed can be fear aggressive and need to know that people are in charge, one of ours would guard if allowed to (we did warn the vets when she had to stay, but actually she didn't do it there, although our previous rescue Rottie did)
The biggest issue we had when we got them, was that they were the first two pups we had got in years who were not coming to a home with older dogs and it was clear that they didn't understand english and had no-one to interpret for them :D.
There is no need to be aggressive with them, but please do be assertive, they are much happier dogs if someone else is in charge.
 

Chiffy

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How extraordinary, I am with Mother of Chickens, never heard of puppy blues, or Rescue Dog blues either!
You either want a dog or you don’t!
OK they are not always easy at first but you don’t give up on a baby the first time it cries. Ofcourse they are unsettled at first, you are there to give them love and confidence. Send the poor Dog back.
 

HeyMich

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It might help just being with him. Not training, fussing, or even talking. Just sit and relax with a book or magazine, listen to music or whatever you do to relax.

He will settle near you, your heart rate will come down and your anxiety will reduce, and you will both feel better for it. It's the thing I love most about having a dog at home - the two of us just being.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on!
 

ester

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Maybe there is something in the scottish air?

I fretted acquiring two guinea pigs :p, I would absolutely totally love to have a dog one day but I know I will be very anxious at the outset, it isn't about wanting a dog or not.

I fret about the horse too if anything is awry. Several times I have wondered whether I would be better with nothing as there wouldn't be any animals to worry about then. But having these animals over all is actually great for my anxiety levels, if I am not worrying about them I am soon worrying about something else.

If this were me right now I would be trying very hard to keep my anxiety levels down (it doesn't help that partner is feeling it too) so that the dog is not too affected. But I would also be knowing that after a couple of weeks it will likely all feel fine again.
 

MotherOfChickens

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Maybe there is something in the scottish air?

.

what, making us grumpy or laid back?

I fret when they are poorly but I don't fret about having them-if I did, I just wouldn't have them.

I apologise to you OP if I came over a bit harsh but it did sound to me as though you were wanting an out. And there's nothing wrong with admitting your mistake now rather than later on-for the dog's sake.

I have honestly never heard of puppy/new dog blues-find the whole idea bizarre but obviously us baggages in the North are in a minority ;) . I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
 

BBP

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This is pretty timely as my partner and I are looking to get a dog and whilst he thinks all will be sunshine and roses I am the voice of captain sensible and keep thinking of all the practicalities, the house training, the standing in the rain waiting for it to do its business, the chewing, barking, yapping, teething nightmare that puppies can be (I had a border collie as a child who used me as a chew toy when she was teething), plus as an older dog, how will I ever go on holiday, or can I give it enough exercise or will I be a good enough trainer for the dog.

It’s stressful stuff but I think going into it with my eyes open about the challenges is helpful, I won’t have a rose tinted version to shatter. It also helps me to think, whilst I ponder on the gigantic lifelong responsibility of having a dog, that I know loads of people my age who have multiple kids already and they all seem to manage to get up in the morning, they manage to leave the kids at nursery, go to work, get them to doctors appointment and football games, and do all that grown up stuff. If they can do that then I can certainly take on a dog!

It’s ok to be a bit stressed but this dog needs you to take a deep breath and pull yourself together. Enjoy it!
 

ester

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laid back :D.

I know mine is change initiated with regards to animals, as well as knowing they aren't really settled either which means I worry about them. I take the pigs home when I visit mum and they are great travel companions, but it will take them a couple of days to settle and I worry about them for the duration ;) and we are all pleased when we get home again.
 

Clodagh

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This may sound like mad advice, but get another, compatible dog! We have two four year old Rottie bitches (litter sisters) and while they are not happy when anyone goes to work, they do not make a huge fuss :) Having two means they are never alone (except when one or other has had to stay at the vets forthe day, when one of us stayed at home with the "well" one ) The amount of exercise they give each other is fantastic, two very sleek well muscled girls. Ours do not have off lead walks, as we have too much stock and too many deer around to have loose Rotters. The breed can be fear aggressive and need to know that people are in charge, one of ours would guard if allowed to (we did warn the vets when she had to stay, but actually she didn't do it there, although our previous rescue Rottie did)
The biggest issue we had when we got them, was that they were the first two pups we had got in years who were not coming to a home with older dogs and it was clear that they didn't understand english and had no-one to interpret for them :D.
There is no need to be aggressive with them, but please do be assertive, they are much happier dogs if someone else is in charge.

Terrible advice, sorry. I imagine having two is why you ca not teach recall, same as pearlsasinger (unless you are the same person, as I don't know know many people with multiple dogs that cannot go off lead)
 

YorksG

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Terrible advice, sorry. I imagine having two is why you ca not teach recall, same as pearlsasinger (unless you are the same person, as I don't know know many people with multiple dogs that cannot go off lead)
Pearlsasinger is my sister. Having always had multiple dogs, recall has never been a problem, the main reason we do not walk the Rotters off lead is that we have no desire for others to decide that damaged stock are down to the "two big Rottweillers". One of the girls recalls perfectly, her sister less so and will bog off and leave her sister, she has the lower prey drive of the two.
 
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