Post Lesson thoughts & further advice!

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Charmer91

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Afternoon all, thank you to those who gave me reassurance and private messaged me on another post following my mare being very off with me after coming back from loan.

I've had a few lessons with a well known UKCC level 3 coach & rider who has given me my confidence back already. We have really worked on bits she gave me as homework as my mare has improved a lot already but whilst she's working well she's still not the cuddly and affectionate mare she used to be. She has seen vet twice for vaccinations and MOT, chiro, ongoing physio, dentist and saddle reflocked/refitted and bridle fit check.

Does anyone have anything that worked for your and your horse for bonding or getting them more settle and relaxed around you?
 
Awww.... I bet she's just feeling a bit confused and maybe is feeling emotional. Mares are emotional anyway (having dealt with a fair few over the years!) and I think people underestimate that with them. I don't think people give horses enough credit where emotions are concerned...

Here's a funny story.... a handsome gelding moved to the yard and into the herd and the "best friends" mares who were inseperable, had proper fisticuffs about him! One of them decided to pair off with the gelding and the other mare was visibly hurt for weeks. She became rude and mean to her owner and the other horses. Everyone kept wondering what was wrong, did she have ulcers, was she laminitic etc. Anyway, the gelding went off with another gelding friend and this mare also became horrible! Anyway, the two mares are now friends again and they both now hate the gelding and are perfectly fine! :D:D:D:D

Another one... my mare became a biting wench years ago and I could not work out why... all the usual checks done. Then this funny chap said to me "your mare's angry at you".... here's me thinking what a looney. So I thought about it for days, maybe weeks. While she was away on training, an old mare friend had died in the field. I remember thinking that she behaved oddly after she came back, standing alone, not coming to the gate, just nasty. Then when she bit me in the stable I turned around and said rather loudly "I don't know why you're biting me, but Im sorry she's not here anymore, she died of a heart attack but I know she loved you very much and missed you when you were gone" and I gave her a big hug. The next day she was completely fine. No biting, no horribleness... I thought someone had spiked her food.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really but... just give it time and make her feel loved I guess.
 
tallyho! said:
Awww.... I bet she's just feeling a bit confused and maybe is feeling emotional. Mares are emotional anyway (having dealt with a fair few over the years!) and I think people underestimate that with them. I don't think people give horses enough credit where emotions are concerned...

Here's a funny story.... a handsome gelding moved to the yard and into the herd and the "best friends" mares who were inseperable, had proper fisticuffs about him! One of them decided to pair off with the gelding and the other mare was visibly hurt for weeks. She became rude and mean to her owner and the other horses. Everyone kept wondering what was wrong, did she have ulcers, was she laminitic etc. Anyway, the gelding went off with another gelding friend and this mare also became horrible! Anyway, the two mares are now friends again and they both now hate the gelding and are perfectly fine! :D:D:D:D

Another one... my mare became a biting wench years ago and I could not work out why... all the usual checks done. Then this funny chap said to me "your mare's angry at you".... here's me thinking what a looney. So I thought about it for days, maybe weeks. While she was away on training, an old mare friend had died in the field. I remember thinking that she behaved oddly after she came back, standing alone, not coming to the gate, just nasty. Then when she bit me in the stable I turned around and said rather loudly "I don't know why you're biting me, but Im sorry she's not here anymore, she died of a heart attack but I know she loved you very much and missed you when you were gone" and I gave her a big hug. The next day she was completely fine. No biting, no horribleness... I thought someone had spiked her food.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really but... just give it time and make her feel loved I guess.
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That's so interesting to hear!! I think some mares are really effected by losing someone in their herd or changes to the herd.

You know it's made me think, my mare went on loan not long after my elderly pony who was her best friend had to be put down, they'd been good friends for 15 odd years. She wasn't quiet the same after that. Also when we cam back off loan she had made friends with a similar looking pony and hasn't seen her since. She's only been back nearly 4 months, so maybe it's something similar. Who knows!
 
Awww... it makes you wonder doesn't it what they must think when us hoomans just mess with their lives like that :D. Probably no laughing matter when you think about it.

It might be my age but I do talk to my horses and ponies - people must think I'm a loon - the one I recently bought I kind of asked him if he would like to come home with me and told him about the yard and the horses. He walked up the ramp (nothing odd there) but the owner then said... I was nervous when I saw your trailer, he normally doesn't like them!
 
i`m going out to ride now, so will talk to the horse whilst grooming, then stroke his eyes, he loves that, just generally try to connect with him and become calm myself, slow down to relaxed horse speed then a slow warm up, if i think he`s going along on the right lines, i`ll whisper `polos` so he knows i am pleased, after riding i shall kiss on nose and dispense apples and carrotts

i have one that would get very grumpy about not being ridden, but was fine with lots of work
 
I am sure they do have emotions. When my old TB was PTS, I kept Mr B in until his body was collected and a friend lent me one of her ponies so that he wasn't on his own. He totally ignored the new pony and just stood at the gate looking so sad. He'd pick at the grass and then go back to the gate. He was like this for a fortnight, very quiet in the stable and to ride he just seemed depressed. I managed to find a permanent companion for him, so friend's pony was returned and Little Fatty arrived who didn't respect electric fencing. Within five minutes he was through to Mr B's bit of the field and wanting to say hallo which just seemed to snap him out of his sadness and they became firm friends. I wish they could talk!
 
I've used clicker training very successfully in the past with a shut down horse. I've not yet met a horse that doesn't really enjoy it, and it gets them thinking and offering behaviours and interacting with you.
 
Leo Walker said:
I've used clicker training very successfully in the past with a shut down horse. I've not yet met a horse that doesn't really enjoy it, and it gets them thinking and offering behaviours and interacting with you.
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That's interesting, I've never really looked into clicker training but I will do now!
 
I think time and patience will see her come round. I've had the newest project since June and in the last month he's really turned a corner in terms of being more engaged with me and coming out of himself. He's an ex racer who was turned away when injured, and then came to me, so it was quite a mountain for him to climb as he was a bit institutionalised and quite withdrawn. Therefore I doubt you will be waiting that long! Just keep on with what you are doing and she will unwind in her own time.
 
milliepops said:
I think time and patience will see her come round. I've had the newest project since June and in the last month he's really turned a corner in terms of being more engaged with me and coming out of himself. He's an ex racer who was turned away when injured, and then came to me, so it was quite a mountain for him to climb as he was a bit institutionalised and quite withdrawn. Therefore I doubt you will be waiting that long! Just keep on with what you are doing and she will unwind in her own time.
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Thank you that's reassuring, I did wonder if she felt that I had 'left' her as she went on loan when I was expecting and sadly I lost the pregnancy a few months into her loan and I felt awful to ask for her back. Also my mare was very close to my mum, she handled her a lot when she was a 6yo when I was at University and my mum sadly passed away before she came back from home so maybe not seeing her has effected her too? I'm starting to think I'm expecting too much from a horse who has had a lot of change in 3 years.
 
It amazes me that often people don’t see horses as individuals with similar feelings to any other mammal. They feel loss terribly, they get jealous, angry, sad, they miss their friends and like/dislike humans and horses. I think many shut down from management, frequent changes of owner or herd companions etc, so people don’t get to see their true personalities.

Love her. Take time to groom her or to sit with her and read, just spending time together. Hold her bowl while she eats, take her for little walks to find the nicest grass, fuss over her and love her. You sent her away, as she was still grieving the loss of her friend. Then you took her new friend away too, so she had to feel that loss all over again. Right now she does not like you! You can change that, show you can be trusted again, that you can comfort her in her sadness.
 
maya2008 said:
It amazes me that often people don’t see horses as individuals with similar feelings to any other mammal. They feel loss terribly, they get jealous, angry, sad, they miss their friends and like/dislike humans and horses. I think many shut down from management, frequent changes of owner or herd companions etc, so people don’t get to see their true personalities.

Love her. Take time to groom her or to sit with her and read, just spending time together. Hold her bowl while she eats, take her for little walks to find the nicest grass, fuss over her and love her. You sent her away, as she was still grieving the loss of her friend. Then you took her new friend away too, so she had to feel that loss all over again. Right now she does not like you! You can change that, show you can be trusted again, that you can comfort her in her sadness.
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You might want to read my last comment as to why she went away on loan and as to why she isn't feeling her usual self. It's why I asked for some advice or help, not to be told my horse hates me. I feel awful enough.
 
I don't think she hates you, I think she's had a period of change and it will just take time to settle down again and find her feet.

I like just hanging around with my closed off chap, he sometimes initiates something like he will noseboop me while I'm skipping out and then he lets me know he would like a bit of fuss. He has recently started to enjoy a bit of scratches on his mane, for instance, but only gently and only sometimes ;) Going at his pace has been the key.
 
She doesn’t know why you sent her away or why you got her back. She only sees things from her perspective. I gave you advice - love her, spend time with her, show her you can again be the person she loved before. Don’t stand there full of regret, she will sense that. Just start from now and show you love her in every way you can. It will work, I promise!
 
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