pts or not-feeling guilty

nicolenlolly

nicolenlolly

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I need some advice please lovely people.

I bought a shetland for my daughter in march for her 2nd birthday as she accompanies us out on out hacks every day and all she wants to do is sit on the horses :)

i was was told she came from a riding school, I saw pictures of the woman's children riding her through the years...all lies :( once I had the passport it transpired she had owned the pony 6 days and staged the pictures. The pony who is 12 has had 5 foals so really has just been a brood mare. I have contacted some previous owners from the passport who say she was never ridden but was lovely natured before.

i shouldn't have bought the pony but when we got there, she was infested with lice, her feet were about 4" overgrown and I just wanted to help make her better! My quandary is she is a kicker, she has kicked the two year old, kicked my 6 year old and both of us. She stands in the stable shaking if you walk up to her and if you pat her she goes potty. So she has obviously had a bad time of it. You also can't catch her from the field, she has to come in of her own accord.

On Thursday last week one of the other ponies kicked her and has punctured the skin in 4 places down to the bone under her chin, it's all very infected and yuk. She is on bute and antibiotic but doesn't seem to be getting better. (We did go to the vet)

so what would you do because I don't want to spend thousands of pounds on a pony that is quite vicious, that I don't want to keep, that I wouldn't want to sell and I was considering having her put to sleep but one of my friends has given me a huge guilt trip saying it is my fault cos the kick happened whilst I owned her so I am responsible to get her fixed :(

i do feel awfully guilty but just want what is best for all of us

thank you xx
 
what a horrible situation to be in. I would contact one of the local horse charities and explain the situation and see if they can take her - your problem is that you cant rehome her due to the kicking. The only other option is to do a lot of work with her to gain her trust but during that time you will need to keep the children strictly away from her - if you think you can build up her trust then it might be worth a go but you also need to make sure that you can treat the wound on her - if she wont let you near her to treat it then pts might be the only (and sadly kindest) option. If the charities cant take her and you don't think you can gain her trust then again pts is probably the only option.

Your number one priority has to be the kids - do what you think is right - don't let anyone guilt trip you.
 
how long have you had her?


she may or may not be capable of being what you want with time but I do feel you have a duty to get her treated if treatable (and sounds like it is).

If she's been used as a broodmare, she might be useful as that again-maybe try the Shetland people (breed society, Facebook groups etc) to see if you can get this poor mare the sort of home she should have. I understand you don't want your kids around her and that you say she was mis sold but thats not her fault and I do think we have some sort of duty to try with the animals we buy. I take it she's not insured?
 
I'll openly admit that I'm a bleeding heart who always goes for the underdogs and can't accept that any of them are irrecoverably ruined, so I'd be inclined to try and repair the damage done by whoever let her get into such a sorry state, and turned her from the sweet mare her old owners remember to a shaking, ill-mannered wreck. But she's not my pony. Only you can decide. It sounds like that little mare has had an incredibly hard time of late, so I'd be inclined to try and fix her. I suppose it comes down to whether or not you think her behavioral issues can be resolved, and whether you're willing to take the time trying. Do you think that she could be fixed, physically and mentally, if you gave her the chance? And if so, do you have the time and resources to reach that stage?
 
Where children are concerned you can not afford to be sentimental, one kick to the head and you could end up with a brain injured child, if not yours someone else's. Ring the local hunt and they will do it very quickly and quietly, tell your friend you've send given it to someone.
I am really sorry that someone has done this to you and gone to such lengths, I always facebook stalk when I am looking to buy to see of the story tallies but I have been fooled before now.
 
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she kicked your child?

that for me is enough to rehome or if unrehomable pts....

a very big shame for the mare but dont feel guilty - there are fates worse than death...
 
It doesn't sound like you have had her long and she has only been at the previous owners for 6 days she maybe a bit confused and upset. (from the sounds of it you don't know what exactly happened there either and it doesn't seem like it was a pleasant experience, poor mite!)

Personally - I would just give her time, and space and try the slow approach for a while to see if she will settle then if that doesn't work i would try and find an alternative (maybe a field companion for someone?)
 
JJS said:
I'll openly admit that I'm a bleeding heart who always goes for the underdogs and can't accept that any of them are irrecoverably ruined, so I'd be inclined to try and repair the damage done by whoever let her get into such a sorry state, and turned her from the sweet mare her old owners remember to a shaking, ill-mannered wreck. But she's not my pony. Only you can decide. It sounds like that little mare has had an incredibly hard time of late, so I'd be inclined to try and fix her. I suppose it comes down to whether or not you think her behavioral issues can be resolved, and whether you're willing to take the time trying. Do you think that she could be fixed, physically and mentally, if you gave her the chance? And if so, do you have the time and resources to reach that stage?
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I am like this too and would try to sort and help her issues. Contacting a welfare organisation may be a good idea as well though to see if they have room.

I 100% would not PTS. She is just an unfortunate victim of circumstance and sounds like she has had a bad time of it. Poor girl.

She is obviously not a kids pony and now that this is know, you will be able to keep your kids out of harms way, and yourself of course :)

PS. I would be getting the vet out again if the kick wound is not improving for further treatment.
 
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Well, you bought her as a childs pony and she certainly isn't that. From everything you've said I wouldn't blame you for having her PTS, not being able to treat her properly I'd worry about the pain she's going to be in if the bone gets infected. I think the last place you should have come for advice on something like this is HHO if I'm honest. Too many bleeding hearts about stuff like this. Maybe the friend who is guilt tripping you, or one of the people on here might want to take the problem off your hands?
 
I assume that you keep horses at home/own yard? If that is the case and you have small kids, the mare has to go, your kids' safety is the most important factor here and a kicking pony is an absolute no go.
It's all very good saying to give her time and work with her etc, but the reality is, whilst she is around, you can't avoid risk to your children.
The ''friend'', if they feel that strong about it, can take her on! Let me guess, friend is berating you but not coming forward with solution, are they?
 
Just a thought but when you spoke to the previous owners did you get the impression they may want her back? You could be honest and explain and say due to the kicking and small children you cant keep her and would they consider taking her. If she has been settled with them before she may settle with them again.
 
Thank you for the advice so far.
I am treating her 3 x a day. I am mixing the trimed and bute with water and squirting it down her throat and cleaning/flushing the wounds. I have to cross tie her though so I don't get kicked. When she kicked the baby, she did get her in the head but thankfully she had a hat on and then with my other daughter it was once she knocked her over...she turned around and aimed for her!! I've already put a call into the hunt but they are waiting for the go ahead which I'm struggling with. I am convinced she has just had it hard at some point but can it be undone and how many bruises must we endure? :(
 
I feel for you, what an awful situation to be in, and poor pony has had it bad and learnt how to defend herself.

You have tried, she is not suitable for a 2year old child, you are right you could only pass on through a rehoming org like Homes4Horses, she might make a companion rather than a ridden pony.

Having said that, pts is not wrong when the pony has been through so much, she does not seem to have a suitable temperament to breed from either.

Ponies have a job to do, but they need to be safe for a child to handle, if they are not then pts is much kinder than passing on to an uncertain future.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, someone else caused the pony to become like this, you have removed her from a bad situation, it is your decision how to resolve it.
 
OP, I think from the sound of it you are doing sterling work. Please don't give up on her just yet. My mini shetti was a quite frankly a complete nightmare when I first got him thanks to poor handling and treatment. He just didn't have a clue how to behave himself, and I certainly didn't trust him around small children. However, we managed to keep him away from them during his 'rehab' and he is now an absolute star, I can take him absolutely everywhere. I think you just need to give this poor little girl some time to get over her wounds and to get around to feeling that she is back in a place where she is loved and secure. Please don't PTS because she's blotted her copy book whilst confused in a new place and injured. Like you say it sounds like she'd had a horrid time at her inbtween home, who knows what might have happened to her while there. That lovely pony that she used to be is still in there somewhere, she just needs a chance to re-appear.
 
meesha said:
what a horrible situation to be in. I would contact one of the local horse charities and explain the situation and see if they can take her - your problem is that you cant rehome her due to the kicking.
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They aren't likely to be able to do anything about her either surely.. most of them are already stretched beyond their limits.. better to pts at home than to make her a big problem for someone else.

OP, if you haven't had her long, I'd be inclined to give her a few weeks and see if she improves, as 3OldPonies outlines above - strictly no children near her - if she doesn't improve, I would pts. It is simply not worth the risk.
 
I don't personally see why you're thinking about having this shetland PTS. Most shetlands are probably used purely as companions anyway, not always kids riding ponies. So couldn't you try to sell her as a companion only? Then she could be useful just hanging about in a field babysitting other horses and not necessarily being handled much (so the kicking wouldn't be an issue). Why bother spending loads of time working on her, when really with young kids you don't want to risk it. She could be more happy elsewhere and you could then just go and buy the pony that does suit and your kids can get out riding straight away.

People saying you cant rehome her because she kicks - why on earth not? Just be totally honest with people and TELL them she kicks and shouldn't be around young kids, pretty simple. It'd be different if it were a big 16.2hh or something where kicking could actually cause an adult a lot of damage, but a shetland? They can only get as high as your knee ;)
 
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MagicMelon said:
I don't personally see why you're thinking about having this shetland PTS. Most shetlands are probably used purely as companions anyway, not always kids riding ponies. So couldn't you try to sell her as a companion only? Then she could be useful just hanging about in a field babysitting other horses and not necessarily being handled much (so the kicking wouldn't be an issue). Why bother spending loads of time working on her, when really with young kids you don't want to risk it. She could be more happy elsewhere and you could then just go and buy the pony that does suit and your kids can get out riding straight away.

People saying you cant rehome her because she kicks - why on earth not? Just be totally honest with people and TELL them she kicks and shouldn't be around young kids, pretty simple. It'd be different if it were a big 16.2hh or something where kicking could actually cause an adult a lot of damage, but a shetland? They can only get as high as your knee ;)
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Actually this is probably the wisest advice on this thread, they aren't known as *****lands for nothing!

I think in my case I was thinking along the lines of rehoming for the same purpose, ie to be a kid's pony, but you're right, she could have a more useful life as a companion pony.
 
MagicMelon said:
It'd be different if it were a big 16.2hh or something where kicking could actually cause an adult a lot of damage, but a shetland? They can only get as high as your knee ;)
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Which is about upper torso/head/face height for a small child.

OP, how is she with other horses/ponies? You say she has been kicked - is that because she was being aggressive/defensive or a pain in the bottom - or was it just one of those things?

If she's fine with other horses and ponies, I'd agree with MagicMelon that you may be able to find a home for her as a companion pony . . . but only if she's fine in a herd and isn't going to be aggressive or defensive towards anyone going in the field to retrieve other horses and ponies . . . and ONLY if you are absolutely sure she will go to a home where she will not be handled by small children and will not be passed around further.

I think you are in a really tough position . . . if I could be absolutely certain that I could keep her away from my young children, I would be tempted to give her some more time and try and rehabilitate her - time, patience and consistent/gentle (but firm) handling may work wonders . . . but I completely understand if that's not something you feel you can take on.

Poor wee mare . . . she's obviously had a very tough time at someone's hands :(.

P
 
It is all well and good saying find her a home as a companion, with no children. However it's not THAT home you have to worry about, but the next, and the next. By their very nature and size, ponies like that end up with smalls around them. There are enough equines with NO problems struggling to find decent homes. To my mind it is a no brainer. I would not take the risk of a child being seriously hurt, and would have it put down. I'd feel more guilt if a child suffered than from having the pony PTS. Yes, I know she has had a bad time, but nothing can change that. By having it put down, it won't have any more bad experiences. Yes,it probably COULD be worked with, but WHY, and at the risk of who's children, exactly?

(Not directed to PS, by the way)
 
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dunkley said:
It is all well and good saying find her a home as a companion, with no children. However it's not THAT home you have to worry about, but the next, and the next. By their very nature and size, ponies like that end up with smalls around them. There are enough equines with NO problems struggling to find decent homes. To my mind it is a no brainer. I would not take the risk of a child being seriously hurt, and would have it put down. I'd feel more guilt if a child suffered than from having the pony PTS. Yes, I know she has had a bad time, but nothing can change that. By having it put down, it won't have any more bad experiences. Yes,it probably COULD be worked with, but WHY, and at the risk of who's children, exactly?
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I think this a bit unfair on the pony.

Not all pones/horses are trustworthy with their back legs and not all shetlands are kids ponies or broken. It would be silly to assume that all shetlands are broken - you wouldn't assume all bigger ponies are so why a Shetland just because they are kiddie sized.

Personally I think it is unfair to PTS just because she is not suitable for that particular home. I have 3 shetlands. Two of which are not kids ponies and the other is 25 and retired so will never have to carry a child again.

The two unbroken shetlands I would not have kids around as they are both rescue and I would not put my expected son or other kids on or around them.

There is little risk with this pony now the OP knows how she is and so the risk of a child being hurt now is minimal. As adults we are more careful and a Shetland will not do any real harm if handled correctly.

Why work with her? Why not?? She doesn't have to be a kids pony or be around kids. Mine aren't.
 
Why are people so quick to consider putting animals to sleep? What has happened to this little mare is not here fault!! Us as humans have to take responsibilty for how we treat animals!! People are quick enough to say dont let the pony around children its dangerous etc....what is the difference from a child being around a pony and potentially having a bad accident to a adult?? We are dealing with animals that we cant talk to etc..we have to build some for of understanding between us. Everytime any of us are with our horses we run the risk of being killed or injured....its called having a horse. Fair enough no parent wants to see their child get kicked or have a accident i understand that but i dont see any reason to have this mare put to sleep :/ you cant just give up on something because its abit naughty!! You have to work with what you've got this mare has had a **** life...you bought her she is your responsibility surely she deserves a chance to be happy instead of findin the easy way out and have her put to sleep!?! I no people will call me harsh for this but so many animals are put to sleep for something that is probably not their fault!! I think every1 and all animals deserve a chance surely?
 
AnnMarie2011 said:
Why are people so quick to consider putting animals to sleep? What has happened to this little mare is not here fault!! Us as humans have to take responsibilty for how we treat animals!! People are quick enough to say dont let the pony around children its dangerous etc....what is the difference from a child being around a pony and potentially having a bad accident to a adult?? We are dealing with animals that we cant talk to etc..we have to build some for of understanding between us. Everytime any of us are with our horses we run the risk of being killed or injured....its called having a horse. Fair enough no parent wants to see their child get kicked or have a accident i understand that but i dont see any reason to have this mare put to sleep :/ you cant just give up on something because its abit naughty!! You have to work with what you've got this mare has had a **** life...you bought her she is your responsibility surely she deserves a chance to be happy instead of findin the easy way out and have her put to sleep!?! I no people will call me harsh for this but so many animals are put to sleep for something that is probably not their fault!! I think every1 and all animals deserve a chance surely?
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Maybe you would like to take this mare on then? I'm sure a deal can be done with the OP. Then you will be able to put your own kids at risk (if you have any), but that's not a problem, because you are willing to, unlike the OP, who wants to protect their children.
 
It's a bit different from making choices as an adult to put yourself in danger, suggesting it's ok for kids to be placed in danger is crackers. Beggars belief. Maybe you should pm the OP and offer to take the pony off her hands, then you can risk your own kids with it.

eta, X posted with martlin
 
If i had space and money i would have no problem taking this mare on...I already pay for 2 horses and i cant pay for a shetland mare that will be no use to me. I dont have kids and its not a case of putting your kids at risk...if that was the case no-1 one would do anything. Its like saying i cant put my kids in the car incase i crash and they die!! She is putting her kids at risk by taking them down the yard to begin with...we all put ourselfs at risk!!! Why are people so quick to put a defenseless animal to sleep???
 
martlin said:
Maybe you would like to take this mare on then? I'm sure a deal can be done with the OP. Then you will be able to put your own kids at risk (if you have any), but that's not a problem, because you are willing to, unlike the OP, who wants to protect their children.
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But they wont be in danger if the pony is kept away from the kids??
 
But,WH, they are YOUR ponies, and it appears they won't be going anywhere. If the OP is not happy to keep a pony she doesn't trust/want around her children, why should someone guilt trip her for not wanting to risk someone else's?

By having it put down the absolute certainties are that it won't have any more bad experiences, and no child will ever be hurt.
 
OP I would PTS for sure. She's not suitable for children and not nice with adults either so its not likely anybody anywhere will want her even if you was giving her away, only people who'd want her is the sort to lie about her and sell her on for a quick profit.

I agree you could give her a little time, to work with her and see if she comes right, if it wasn't for the injury. There's no way I'd spend any more than what you already have on healing that injury. Wounds down to the bone are serious and there's no guarantee you'd end up with a pony you wanted to keep at the end of it all. So I'd PTS without hesitation. The pony has had her chance. It's true its not her fault what's happened and she is a victim of circumstances, but the end result is the same however it happened.

I dont understand why people are saying you should keep trying with her. It's not just behaviour issues (though those are bad enough) she's not even healthy at the moment. There's no shame in taking a chance on a cheap pony, attempting to get it right but PTS if its not quick, easy or cheap to do so. What do people think dealers do? Put thousands in the vets pocket and invest heaps of time in a horse they will sell on for a few hundred? Of course not, they PTS. So why is it deemed to be a bad thing for a private owner to do the same? You do have a responsibility to the ponys welfare OP but PTS covers that.
 
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