PTS Tomorrow and Frightened That I will regret It!?

[Elsbells]

My beautiful horse of a lifetime whom I've had for over 8 years, who was a quirky and difficult project back then is booked in to be PTS very early tomorrow morning. I'm still swinging from yes I'm absolutely doing the right thing to No, there has got to be another way other than this!?

She'd suffered a catastrophic injury in the stable and the major tendon that runs over the hock was stretched and eventually it snapped completely, this was a mare who was super careful and had never had a days lameness or was ever sick or sorry in the 8 years, so it was a major shock for me. I pleaded with the vets for help and so she had 3 MRIs but ultimately there isn't a cure but maybe she would be field sound. This I was ok with because as I say, I was in shock. I then sunk everything into her that I could at the detriment of my health but I didn't want to give up on her as I love her so much and we had such a powerful bond.

Move on 16 plus months and she now stands in a field looking super lame and although the vets said she would be mechanically lame and not in pain, she does seem to feel something. She looks well even though she's lost the muscle tone as expected she's still essentially a healthy horse, but of course she no longer has a job or even leaves the field unless there's a requirement. This she's not happy with as she loved to work, work, work.

She's 14 years old and quite well bred although that breeding includes some quirks, one of those is becoming very stressed and highly strung when upset. We did send her to stud in the late spring with the intention of breeding something from her for me, but then at my age how wise was that, I don't know? Anyway, it didn't work as she wasn't intrested in the stallion but I guess I could of gone for AI, but then again, stress and circumstances didn't allow.

Part of me wants to keep her, move her to my new yard with my pony so this is where I struggle.

Today I went up with a friend to say our goodbyes and cut some tail, both our girls will go together tomorrow and our OHs will hold them which offers some comfort.

My reason to post is ...I don't really know? I soppose I wonder if what I'm feeling is normal and does anyone have a story like ours and if so, are there regrets?

 

[Sprout]

I am so sorry you are having to face this awful situation.
I have been there quute a few times, and always had panic and doubt the day before, but in my heart I knew it was the right decision, and never regretted it afterwards.

If your horse is still uncomfortable and miserable without work, then I have to say I think you are doing the right thing.
My thoughts are with you. Xx

 

[EllenJay]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think that you have made a very sensible decision, she sounds unhappy.

Will be thinking of you and your friend tomorrow. Xx

 

[PorkChop]

Completely normal to feel this way, its so hard to make this decision, but for what its worth I think you are doing the right thing.

She won't know whats happening, sending you a massive hug x

 

[Slightlyconfused]

In August I had my mare pts.

She had been retired with ks for the past five years and in the last five months been on and off lame right hind.

I had it xrayed, well the bit she objected to being touched., and we found stifle arthritis.
Now I could have given her pain killers to keep her comfortable for a bit longer but the stifle is not a joint you can let fuse as it needs to move.
She was in pain and we were getting closer to winter when it's in at night and the fields sometimes shut if it's been wet.

So the day after the xrays the vet came back out and we said goodbye to her in the sun with her best friend watching over her.

I have no regrets because she went looking her best. Not struggling to get up from the floor when the pain got to much or her stifle gave out.

That is the gift I gave her, to go looking fluffy, shiny happy and healthly.
That is the gift you are giving your mare.

 

[L&M]

You are doing the right thing for the horse......

I had to put down my sons old pony in the summer due to recurrent cushings related laminitis - yes I could have kept him going, got him sound again, but for what life? His management would have been so strict he would no longer be a 'horse', and to have a life of grass free confinement would just not have been fair.

He was the most amazing pony - you could put anyone on him, jumped like a stag and kept my son safe for all the years he rode him. But you have to draw a line somewhere.....like yours he loved being ridden and lived to hunt, and would have been miserable not being able to do this anymore.

He went to our local hunt kennels - I left him with them, munching grass with the sun on his back, and the sound of hounds in his ears, and looking back am so glad I did it whilst he was relatively sound and happy, and am a great believer in 'it is a better a day too early than a day too late'.

Take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing, and that you have given your mare 8 wonderful years, and you may even feel a sense relief once it is done.

Thoughts with you tomorrow xx

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

She's miserable without work, so a life of retirement won't suit her. If she's "only" mechanically lame then theoretically she could work anyway? But you say the lameness is bad and this means even if the original lameness is mechanical, the way her body is moving now due to this severe lameness will cause additional problems elsewhere. Muscle tension, pain, compensation injuries etc. Realistically she'd probably need painkillers and physio every week just to return to light work, or even just to stand in the field pain free. It's not a feasable option for most horses and their owners, you've already made yourself ill getting this far. It's hard to say goodbye, especially when you've put so much effort in to saving her, but sometimes it really is for the best. Neither of you are happy at the moment and PTS is the only way to bring that situation to a close. You'll miss her, but that's no reason to keep her going. When she's gone, only one of you will be unhappy and in time even that will ease. I hope things go smoothly tomorrow.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Such a horrible time for you. I think k your absolutely doing the right thing. Horses are flight animals and being lame in a field I think is time.
She sounds like a very lucky loved horse and ultimately you are doing the kindest but toughest thing for her.
I had to make this call last winter and struggled with it but felt relief once he was gone and out of pain.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

 

[paddi22]

It sounds like a decision you didn't come to easily and you are very brave to take it. If her quality life isn't good then you are doing the best for her, I had a similarish one pts a few weeks ago and while i was sad, there was also an overwhelming sense of relief.

 

[Frumpoon]

I think one of the best things about this forum is the support and advice you get about difficult things like this

I wish I'd canvassed some support before making my difficult decision several months ago

 

[ycbm]

You won't regret it, because it's the right thing to do for her.

Tomorrow evening you will probably feel little guilt but a huge sense of relief.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

 

[alainax]

I waited too long to have my horse put to sleep. I was young and still regret not having done something sooner. He was very very old. They say it's better a day too soon than a moment too late.

Would you regret not having done it sooner like I have if you decide not to go ahead?

 

[Mule]

I'm going to be the odd one out here. If you are having second thoughts I wouldn't do it. I would cancel the appointment and give yourself more time to come to terms with the decision. It definitely isn't something I'd do without being certain.

 

[Frumpoon]

I'm going to be the odd one out here. If you are having second thoughts I wouldn't do it. I would cancel the appointment and give yourself more time to come to terms with the decision. It definitely isn't something I'd do without being certain.

100% understand your position and I was the same which is why I didn't book it, I just made a snap decision one weekend and yes I've regretted it madly

But the horse is badly injured with no hope of recovery

 

[Elsbells]

I'm going to be the odd one out here. If you are having second thoughts I wouldn't do it. I would cancel the appointment and give yourself more time to come to terms with the decision. It definitely isn't something I'd do without being certain.

We booked it 2 weeks ago and previous to that I'd thought of all sorts of options, some of which I dismissed even though they were a posability because I didn't think they would be right for my girl. The foal idea too was to bring something positive into a negative situation and maybe give us that extra time to come up with something else that would save her.
Ultimately though whichever road I look down, that horrible decision has to be made, wether it's today, in 2 years or 10, it is the only end I feel and all the time you agonise as to when.

Thankyou for being honest as it helps just as much if not more than the other posts, to which I'm thankful also as it all helps me untangle my heart from my brain and see clearly. Today is just a haze, tomorrow I'm hoping the fog will clear although it will leave me broken hearted.

 

[Mule]

I'm sorry this is happening. I wish you the best. I can only imagine how difficult it must be xx

We booked it 2 weeks ago and previous to that I'd thought of all sorts of options, some of which I dismissed even though they were a posability because I didn't think they would be right for my girl. The foal idea too was to bring something positive into a negative situation and maybe give us that extra time to come up with something else that would save her.
Ultimately though whichever road I look down, that horrible decision has to be made, wether it's today, in 2 years or 10, it is the only end I feel and all the time you agonise as to when.

Thankyou for being honest as it helps just as much if not more than the other posts, to which I'm thankful also as it all helps me untangle my heart from my brain and see clearly. Today is just a haze, tomorrow I'm hoping the fog will clear although it will leave me broken hearted.

 

[SpringArising]

You are 100% doing the right thing for the horse and FWIW I don't think the foal was a good idea - if she's already in pain with the leg injury then adding even more weight to it would only bring her more suffering.

It sounds like she's miserable and you would be doing her a favour.

 

[Mule]

That must have been so hard. I hope things are better now

100% understand your position and I was the same which is why I didn't book it, I just made a snap decision one weekend and yes I've regretted it madly

But the horse is badly injured with no hope of recovery

 

[Hoof_Prints]

There is nothing terrible about death, it is just a part of life, and a life in pain is not worth living for any animal. You know the horse and that you are making the right decision , I have got to have my 13yo mare PTS after a Shetland stallion attacked her and fractured her hocks, she has arthritis in the large joints which is not troubling her at the moment, but will cripple her before long. I know it is the right choice and am taking comfort in that she will not be in pain, I don't want her to get to that stage where she is crippled. Try to feel happy that you have been a loving and caring owner, doing the best by her x

 

[paddi22]

You are going to have doubts, I was the same, but then i worked out that they weren't doubts, they were vain hopes in the back of my head that something there out there might work. But when i analsyed them they weren't realistic and I had examined every avenue I could. All you have to do is look out at the horse and ask 'is it happy; and will it be less happy as time goes on. That helped me realise I was doing the right thing. Quality of life is so important, and if it's not there then you aren't doing them a favour.

 

[GirlFriday]

If vet advises that horse is not in pain and you are worried it is bored then, personally, I'd be looking to try horse agility/trick training/etc in order to fix the issue you know about.

But then I have a preference for life over a specific kind of working life (and let's face it most horses are VERY happy turned out with company in general, and yes, that includes even the times healthy ones look a little glum - their desire to work isn't *that* strong).

Of course you may end up having the horse PTS later, but then most leisure horses are PTS at some point and we don't do it at birth for all of them simply becasue we might need to later.

Fortunately, in terms of regrets, you will never know if your horse could have been happily retired/doing something non-/lightly-ridden and kept out with your pony. And the human brain is very good at finding ways of rationalising whatever decision you make so you're not as likely to regret it as it is to be not the optimal decision for your horse if you see what I mean. I.e. if you don't think it is definitely the best option for your horse at this exact time then that is a great reason to not do it tomorrow but I wouldn't worry too much about regretting it becasue even if it is the wrong decision you probably won't regret it.

 

[dizzyneddy]

l didn't want to read your post & run.

Hugs for tomorrow it's not nice having to make this difficult decision but it has to be made you're doing a selfless act. It's 14 years since l had to make that decision & remember it like yesterday as it was on grand national day. You are a loving caring owner who is putting her beloved horse's welfare first. Good luck & l hope things go ok.

 

[Naturalhorse]

I can't offer advice just wanted to say how sorry I am my thoughts are with you.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

It's such a difficult decision to make and your mind will go through all sorts of scenarios. FWIW I think you are making the right decision for your horse. You know her better than anyone and what you have been through with her. If she's unhappy then she could have years being unsound and unhappy in a field. Would that make you feel happy?

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

 

[Elsbells]

Its gone 1am and I cannot sleep but I guess thats to be expected. This thread has really helped me and I thank every one of you who took the trouble to post, I really appreciate it.
Around and around my mind continues to go filled with failing hope that its all just a nightmare and that tomorrow I will wake up and it'll all be ok again.

 

[ozpoz]

It is so hard to make these decisions and natural to question yourself, hoping that there is another way.

Some horses do not retire happily, no matter how much we wish them to. I know, having had one. I would not have considered agility /trick training a sensible thing to ask a damaged horse to perform, not for a minute.

You know her, better than anyone, and clearly have her best interests to the fore. She will know nothing about it and you will know you haven't let her down. I feel for you, it is horrible for a caring owner to make this call, but sadly, sometimes it is the only right one. x

 

[Jnhuk]

Big hugs. It is so hard but I always think on it as the final kindness and love we can show our horses.

It is harder on the humans left behind and we always self doubt ourselves but you are doing the right thing and you have given her a good life. Just keep busy and will be thinking of you today.

 

[frostyfingers]

Thinking of you today, it's so very hard and only natural to doubt yourself. I had a similar decision last year, technically my horse could have stayed in the field on x2 bute daily (with which he was still lame but "ok") which is what the insurance company were pushing for or PTS which I felt was best for him. I gave myself 48 hours to think about it but went ahead and PTS, it was awful for me but I kept saying "he doesn't know" and actually he didn't - lovely bucket of apples and carrots and then he was gone. I wept for days, and still do occasionally but am satisfied that the decision was the right one. I'm sure you'll feel the same - I found a long walk after the event helped, be kind to yourself.

 

[paddi22]

I'm another who wouldn't consider agility/tricks on a mechanically lame horse. With my lad he could have retired but would never have been 100%, and struggled living out, couldn't live in and was bored rigid. You have to think of yourself as well - a retired horse still costs a lot of money in farrier, worming, rugs, feed, vet bills, time, worry. You have done everything you could.

Mine hadn't a clue what was happening, it was so quick and painless. I was sad, but I knew I had tried everything I could have tried and had given him a good life. The overwhelming feeling was relief, and when the bad weather came in I was happy that he wasn't out looking miserable in the field.

 

[Annagain]

I'm so sorry you're facing this. Of course you'll regret it, we all regret having to make this decision. That doesn't mean it's the wrong one. If we didn't have doubts we'd be super human, it's because we love them and don't want them to go that we do have these doubts. It's horrible when the best thing for them is the worst thing for us. Hope today goes as peacefully and quickly as it can. Hugs.