PTSD after a series of traumatic falls from a young horse

[Gloi]

There is no real need to get on that horse again. Confidence can be too fragile to destroy. Look for something that you know you can trust and will look after you instead and let someone young and fearless deal with your horse.
You need to get back to enjoying riding again even if it means underhorsing yourself for a while until you get your confidence back.

 

[Flame_]

There is no real need to get on that horse again. Confidence can be too fragile to destroy. Look for something that you know you can trust and will look after you instead and let someone young and fearless deal with your horse.
You need to get back to enjoying riding again even if it means underhorsing yourself for a while until you get your confidence back.

This, absolutely. At your mare's age she has the potential to turn around and learn to behave better, but you know she isn't safe and she won't necessarily ever will be. It's in your subconscious - it really is your ingrained survival and self-preservation instinct kicking in - your brain and body protecting you. Get a different horse that won't trigger your "feel fear, you shouldn't do this" response. You don't need counselling, you're working as people should in response to danger, you need a horse that isn't likely to hurt you.

 

[paddy555]

This, absolutely. At your mare's age she has the potential to turn around and learn to behave better, but you know she isn't safe and she won't necessarily ever will be. It's in your subconscious - it really is your ingrained survival and self-preservation instinct kicking in - your brain and body protecting you. Get a different horse that won't trigger your "feel fear, you shouldn't do this" response. You don't need counselling, you're working as people should in response to danger, you need a horse that isn't likely to hurt you.

this. Keep your Connie if you are happy to do so and see how it all goes but tell yourself you are not riding her for a year. Take all the pressure off. Not even something you have to think about.
I would suggest you need a horse now to train your mind. I'm sure your body is quite capable of trail rides and everything else you used to do but your mind is back at square one. It is protecting you and you have to teach it to ride again. Only you can do that on your own. See if you can find a nice safe horse to ride for a while. Set a challenge, say to ride out for an hour at a walk and trot on your own (or whatever is a slightly testing but realistic challenge for the stage you are at) break it down into pieces and then risk assess it. Make sure your mind knows you have the right kit on, someone knows where you are, you have your mobile etc etc. that the horse is well trained, will stand, stop, not spook, you will feel safe just walking/trotting, (no pressure to do anything more) or whatever could worry you. That the route is perfectly safe to do. Make sure you have plenty of time and no audience.

Then set yourself a tiny bit to do and when you have successfully done it get off and congratulate yourself. Next day a slightly longer challenge. Go through the steps to build your confidence each time. You will be frustrated you have to stop and get off after your successful step but you did so well and can't wait for the next time. It is a slow and pedantic way of doing it but your mind will learn and will catch up with your physical riding ability then you can set the next challenge. I don't think there are shortcuts, your mind has to go through each stage of learning. Once it is happy then things like cantering will feel relaxed and safe.

If you go through it in tiny steps then if (or in fact when) something goes wrong you only have to go back a step. If you try to do everything at once and it goes wrong then it simply tells your mind it is a failure/ can't do it and it was quite right to think it wasn't safe.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I'm going to let the pro train her for now, because if I sold her in this state god knows where she would end up. She is so sweet and lovely on the ground and we have all really bonded with her. The jury's out as to what will happen long-term though.

I was in the same situation . I bought a 5 yo cob who was green and nervous and didn't realise just how nervous he was until a few weeks in he bolted with me. My air jacket had been deployed at high speeds about 3 times so far! Because of how sensitive he is I couldn't bare to try and sell him on because he's just so sweet and there is just no malice in him , just fear.
So I've had him 8 months, my pro yard owner has been mainly working with him and I've had the odd little walk on him, shaking with fear at times , which of course then makes him nervous!
I've really had to dig deep and really challenge myself to not "think of the frog " (Karl's followers will know what this means !). And little by little as my horse has got more settled thanks to his training, I've had more positive experiences with him and once I've been able to sort my brain out and have seen how it positively affects him , this gives me so much confidence!
I'm now hacking on my own , in walk and trot , and only doing the routes my horse knows, and I'm really enjoying riding again and I'm enjoying MY horse !
Today I trotted in an arena on my own for 5 minutes- that is a huge achievement for me!

If you and your coach think that with correct training your horse can be trained into something you can handle, then I would persevere with it and focus on getting your thoughts sorted out. Hopefully you will soon have a situation where something spooks the horse or the horse does something unexpected and you manage to stay in your intellectual brain (again Karl's words- I should be on commission!) and stay calm and react correctly , that will give you such a boost.

I was in a state where if it was windy and the horse lifted his head , I had a flash back of what happened when I broke my back. It has been SO hard to get to even this stage but I want to encourage you to keep at it and seek help- it CAN and it WILL get better because you absolutely can sort your head out. Karl may not be the answer for you so if you don't think that just his book alone is enough , do seek more practical help. And keep us updated and celebrate all the small victories along the way!

 

[Sossigpoker]

I bet you will be scared even on an old school master. I cried out of fear the first time I got back on a steady riding school horse i knew well! The problem is in the way you think , how your brain doesn't stay in the intellectual but reverts to the primitive brain that only knows fight or flight. So it won't matter what horse you ride unless you can get control of your thoughts. And once you get your thoughts sorted out, then it probably won't matter if you're riding a steady school master or a youngster.

 

[numptynovice]

Just coming on to also recommend EMDR therapy for trauma. How I understand it is that your brain shuts off during the traumatic event and fails to process the experience as a memory, so when you think about that incident, your brain thinks it’s still happening in the present and your emotions flood through accordingly. EMDR triggers the part of your brain associated with storing memories - so encourages your brain to “file” the incident effectively as a memory. This reduces the intensity of emotion around the memory - at the moment your brain is reacting as though the negative experience is happening in the present.

I have no experience of this with riding fear but I have been doing EMDR to help with trauma/complex grief related to my mother’s death 25 years ago when I was 19 and it’s been very effective so far.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Look up what PTSD actually is - unless a psychiatrist has actually diagnosed it you'll find it very difficult to get treatment on the NHS for EMDR. Frankly I think you should give up riding if you truly find it that scary.

1 - let's not diagnose or un-diagnose anyone over the internet. Trauma does not always lead to a PTSD diagnosis, this doesn't mean people aren't struggling and it doesn't stop people accessing support (granted the waits can be long and provision patchy).
2 - OP already sounds like they are already doing a pretty banging job of taking steps to overcome their fear - people who have experienced traumatic things do find ways through! Saying 'give up' is really unhelpful and I'm not sure why you felt compelled to share that particular pearl of wisdom with the class.

That said OP, I definitely agree that you need to be taking action to make sure you are actually as safe as can reasonably be expected while riding - although your brain's 'alarm bells' might be a bit oversensitive because of what has happened, they are there for a reason and some horses really are just not safe to be ridden at all. And actually if giving up is riding what you truly want to do, then that's fine too - as long as it's your decision.

I'm a nervous rider and that's without having had any serious falls/injuries. I find my confidence takes leaps when I let go of 'making progress' and focus on having fun. Sometimes the enjoyment involves pushing myself a little further and the sense of achievement, but other times it's just swimming around in my comfort zone and just enjoying riding for the sake of enjoyment. If I find my comfort zone start to get boring then I know that's a good time to push myself on again, and sometimes it just feels like a good day to 'go for it!'.